Kurt didn't sleep much that night. He was kept awake by the thoughts haunting his mind into a blissful ignorance to the TV blaring up the stairs.. The questions that provoked him were ones that no boy in all of Lima should be asking himself. Would he have kissed me again? Should I have let him? Would I have kissed him back? Is he gay? Or just confused? Kurt found it amusing that only a couple of weeks ago he was lying awake asking himself the same questions. That day of course he had actually been kissed by Karof- David. Today however he hadn't been. And for reasons unknown to him, he was actually a little dissapointed. Was that strange? Probably, it's not like Kurt liked him (although he was starting to have strong feelings toward his arms) and he never even gave any indication of wanting to kiss Kurt.

Well, that's a lie, he was staring at my lips. For, like, two seconds. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating. He wasn't really staring at them, he was just kind of looking at them. Sort of.

Kurt thought his head would explode if he thought about it any longer. Why was it keeping him up, anyways? Stupid David Karofsky and his stupid nice arms and stupid quiff. Kurt hauled himself up and looked at the clock before grabbing his phone.

22:12. Blaine won't mind me texting will he?

hi x what're you up 2? k SEND

Kurt waited anxiously for a reply. Blaine was really good at soothing him in meltdown situations. Not that Kurt was going to tell Blaine about David and how he kind of wished he kissed him.

No Kurt, you don't want to kiss him. He wants to kiss you. Yes. yes, that's right.

Bzz

hello there ;) i'm here with tony! he's actually talking to me! i'm so happy! u? xx

Tony... ? OH. I forgot about Tony.

Tony was the supposed hunk of man that Blaine had his eye on. And although he was good at hiding it, it sort of tore Kurt up inside. Well that was a lie, it really tore Kurt up inside. Knowing Blaine was mooning over some guy three times the size of Kurt and has blonde hair just made him feel sick. Hadn't Blaine been giving Kurt signals? Didn't Blaine see the way Kurt's eyes lit up when he walked in the room? Until this whole ordeal Kurt was pretty sure Blaine was the only boy who had ever shown interest in him. Oh well. Guess not.

Well Karofsky must- NO. Karofsky mustn't! He probably doesn't anyway. Why would he want me?

No one really knew this but Kurt's self esteem wasn't nearly as grigarious and high as many people thought. Kurt wore desiner labels and big brands to cover up the fact that he really wasn't as appealing as most thought he was (and they were fabulous but that wasn't really the point). At least this was what Kurt believed anyway. In Kurt's own eyes he had pear hips, pasty skin, weird shaped lips and a hair line he wasn't going to get into at the moment. His insecurities drowned him like any other teenager. Mercedes, for example, was comfortable with her weight and she was sure that she was smokin' but Kurt knew she hated her thighs and that she had stretch marks on her hips she would never let anyone see. Other than that, Mercedes was comfortable.

Kurt was far from comfortable.

He was self conscious about the tiny little things that people probably didn't even notice. He hated that his hands and fingertips were tiny. They weren't like a man's were meant to be. He hated that his eyelashes were really long and that he didn't have abs or muscely arms like a real man.

He hated that he looked like a girl.

He hated that he fit every single gay stereotype under the sun.

He hated it.

Bzz.

r u ok? goin 2 bed bb? xx

yeh. i'm fine. just fine xx

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o

"So, what happened?" Paul Karofsky had sat down with David after his mother had went to bed to talk about what happened. David didn't have the heart to tell him that he didn't put out because the thought of being physically intimate with her made him physically sick. "Because apparently you're a fag now."

David knew his dad was joking and he didn't miss the smirk at the end of his talking but the word fag irked him to no end. He didn't know why. He used to throw it around a lot but now it seemed... personal. He wasn't gay though. Sure, he'd slipped up and thought about Dominic Purcell before but hey, it wasn't his fault. And maybe, once or twice, his mind had wandered over to a certain sixteen year old fashionista who roamed the halls in his school but he would never do it intentionally.

"Yeah, I didn't put out so she sort of dumped me." David mumbled. Not out of an awkward conversation with his dad (they could talk like this, it was cool) but because of the real reasons he wasn't up for it. One: Tanya never really did it for him. She was pretty and had bright blue eyes but she never really got him going. He went out with her to stop people thinking things about him not having a girlfriend. He might have sort of used her, but in the end she was doing the same, so he couldn't care less. Two: David had pretty much nearly, almost, sorta, kinda had an almost wet dream about Hummel. For the second time. He couldn't help it. The boy was just... beautiful.

NO HE FUCKING ISN'T. "Yeah, so that's that relationship over."

Paul ave David a stern look. "Are you sure there isn't anything else bothering you, Dave? I thought we told eachother everything."

David almost snorted a bit at the audacity of what a lie that was (on his half anyway). "Naw, I'm good. I swear. Goodnight, Dad."

"'Night son."