A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing.:)
Thanks to CieloFede for beta-ing:)
johnpatgillespie-Thank you!:)
BellaCullen931-I think Gerda is kinda like a mother to both girls, especially Elsa.:) Lol, honestly that "my normal" phrase is something I personally think myself...I mean, who says what's normal and what isn't?:P
Fatten Saad-Thank you! Anna's surprise for Elsa is in this chapter.:)
Protoestrella1-The surprise is in this chapter.:) Yep, Elsa held it together this time. She should get lots of hugs, which I'm quite sure Anna will give her.:) I think they're the girls' surrogate parents in a way. Especially Elsa. I mean, she never even saw anyone else.:/
princessdianaofparadiseisland-Elsa's just being...Elsa.:P She really does need to stop that, though.:/ Elsa didn't hurt her shoulder really badly; she'll be fine.:) I knew you were going to say that about Sven!:P
On to the story!:)
Elsa stood in the center of the dark cellar a few minutes later, waiting for Anna to tell her she could open her eyes. I wonder what Anna's surprise is! I'm actually excited right now, she thought, still smiling. She could hear rustling-that sounded like wrapping paper; maybe Anna was going to give her a present?-and then Anna's voice saying "Olaf, don't touch that! No, not my dumb ankle either. Go stand next to Elsa, 'kay?" Elsa stifled a giggle, still keeping her eyes closed. "May I open my eyes now?" Elsa asked. I didn't stutter when I said that at all. That's good!
"Wait a second…all right, you can look now!" Anna announced.
Elsa blinked a few times, trying to get used to the brightness in the cellar. Anna must have taken over a dozen kerosene lamps down here! Wait…this looks like a…a party?! A party for me? Elsa's blue eyes flitted from one corner of the cellar to the other, still not quite believing what she was seeing. Elsa spotted a small table against one wall and slowly walked over to it. "A cake for me?" she whispered. "Me?" 'Happy (belated) 21st Birthday, Elsa!', she read off that cake. "Snowflakes…and flowers…" Elsa said to herself. I love it so much. Why did Anna set this up for me? Elsa finally just burst into tears and collapsed to the floor.
"You hate it?" Anna said, sounding disappointed.
Elsa shook her head. "No…I…I love it, Anna," she managed to say, trying to wipe her tears. "I'm just…overwhelmed…and really surprised… Why would you want t-to celebrate my birthday?" Elsa asked. Neither of us have had a real birthday since we were eight and five. I'll have to do something extra, extra special for Anna's next birthday.
"Because your coronation party was supposed to kind of be your birthday party too, and it got messed up," Anna said matter-of-factly. "I was gonna plan a big huge party and invite lots of people, but Gerda told me you wouldn't like that. So you get a little party in here instead. Come here, Elsa. I want to give you a hug."
Elsa ran over to Anna and let her little sister just hold her. "It was the perfect surprise," she whispered. Elsa hid her face in Anna's shoulder, feeling perfectly content, even if she didn't really like being the center of attention. Anna did everything perfectly. She kept everything secret and she didn't make me socialize with a ton of people. Well, okay, that part is thanks to Gerda, since she knows I don't like socializing like Anna does, powers or no.
"Elsa, blow out the candles!" Olaf said excitedly. "Make a wish, too!"
"Yeah, go do it, Elsa!" Anna added.
Elsa tiptoed back over to the cake, mesmerized by the flickering flames on the candles. She held her sensitive fingertips just over the flames, loving the sensation of actual heat against her cool skin. Elsa moved her hand a bit closer; then jerked it back with a yelp. That was too much heat! Too hot! Elsa looked down at her stinging fingers and promptly made the coldest ice cube she could, just clutching it in her hand.
"Miss Elsa, I told you not to touch things that are very hot," Gerda scolded. "You burned yourself, didn't you?"
"Maybe?" Elsa honestly wasn't sure; all she knew was that whatever stinging sensation in her fingers was not pleasant, and that she still liked warmth but that touching fire was far too much of a good thing. She let her ice cube dissolve as Gerda looked at her hand. Elsa's fingers were all reddish-pink, but it was no worse than a minor sunburn.
"You're lucky, Miss Elsa. You either have quick reflexes or your powers helped you cool off automatically right as you touched the flames. Please don't do that again," Gerda said.
Elsa looked in fascination at her fingers. I'm definitely not immune to heat, and I can feel temperatures, but my powers must have done something to protect me. I touched fire and I barely got burned at all… She turned back to the flickering candles and closed her eyes. "I wish…" I wish that I'll never be locked away from Anna again and that I won't become dangerous and out of control again. Elsa realized she wished a few other things: that she would be able to talk consistently without stuttering and that she would never have another panic attack or flashback, among other things. But she stuck to the two most important things to her. Elsa opened her eyes, took a deep breath, and blew out all of her birthday candles in one go. "I did it!" she exclaimed happily.
Elsa went back to sit next to Anna, not sure what she was supposed to be doing. "Anna, where am I supposed t-to be?" she asked quietly.
"Right there," Anna replied. "You can open your presents while Gerda cuts the cake." She reached down under the cot she was sitting on and pulled out two boxes. "Here. Open this one first," she said, handing the smaller box to her sister. "I'm saving the best one for last!"
Elsa slowly ripped the wrapping paper off and opened the small box; then frowned in confusion. "What are they?" she asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous for asking.
Anna giggled. "I'll show you. Give me one of your hands, you silly," she told her sister.
Elsa held out her hand, but then recoiled and held her hand against her chest, suddenly feeling quite certain she knew what Anna wanted to do. "How could y-you?" she asked, her voice trembling. "I…I'm…I…" Elsa felt like she just wanted to hide. What on earth had made Anna want to give her that? Elsa's fragile heart broke in two at the whole thing. What did I do? Maybe I messed up one too many times; I don't know. Elsa shrank away from her sister and sat down on the floor with her knees to her chest, unable to hold back her sobs. "Whatever I d-did…I'm…I'm sorry! Please d-don't…don't…" Please don't hate me. I can't live like that again. "Please don't…m-make me…make me…put…p-put…" All the progress Elsa had made with her speech disappeared, and she felt like she couldn't fix that or whatever other things she had done wrong recently. What did I do? I thought everything was okay and it's not…I'm just stupid-I must have done something wrong…I don't know…I don't know!
Anna was horrified. What have I done?! "Elsa, I swear it's not what you think! It's not! I would never do that to you, not in a million years! Never, ever!" She quickly reached for her sister, but Elsa didn't budge. "Elsa, please…please listen!" Elsa's…shaking. She's hurt and scared…what did I do to her?!
Elsa just lay curled on the floor in tears, now collapsed on her side, not caring that there were four people and a snowman watching her. She could vaguely hear Anna's voice, but Elsa's distraught mind had convinced her that she had done something horrible to make her sister not like her anymore. I did something wrong. I know I did. I just don't know what.
Why are you so upset, Elsa? a nasty voice in her head taunted. Didn't you know nobody could deal with you for but so long? You don't deserve anyone to love and accept you the way you are. You're nothing but a-
A scared little girl? Well, that might be true, but I'm still a person! I just need…help.
The gloves will help. See? Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show. Elsa shook her head, trying to picture herself as something besides that scared little eight-year-old but not succeeding. Elsa's chest hurt so much, as if something really had shattered inside her. It's happening again! she thought frantically. I'm going to explode! I can't! It's happening anyway…No, I can't let it! Don't mess up again, Elsa! You can't!
I have to! It hurts too much-I'm going to explode!
Do something, Elsa! Anything but explode ice everywhere! Now!
Elsa managed to redirect her inner pain into harmless snow, but she still left at least six inches of snow all over the entire cellar floor. At least I…didn't hurt…anyone… Whatever immense effort it had taken from Elsa to not literally explode ice everywhere left her feeling weak and half-conscious. Elsa tried to open her eyes and sit up, but her body didn't seem to be listening to her and she fell back in the snow.
The last thing Elsa's mind registered before she passed out was Gerda bending over her asking her…something, Elsa wasn't sure what.
"Gerda, what happened to Elsa? Why did she get so upset? I tried to talk to her, but I don't think she even heard me," Anna said, feeling guilty for what had happened even though she was still slightly confused.
Gerda laid Elsa's limp body on another cot next to Anna's; then put a warm blanket over Elsa and carefully laid a cold cloth on her black eye. "Miss Anna, your sister realized they were gloves and thought you wanted her to hide her powers again. She's never associated the item with anything but concealing part of who she is. She doesn't know you bought her frivolous ones specifically to fashionably match her clothes, including her ice-dress."
Anna scowled. "I should've told her what they were before she opened the box. I picked those out on purpose 'cause they're fingerless lace ones and Elsa can still use her powers! I wanted Elsa to have something positive to do with something that's been rotten for her…" What a horrible mix-up. I caused Elsa to have an especially awful panic attack on top of making her upset… "Is Elsa going to be all right?"
"She'll be fine," Gerda assured her. "Just let her rest."
Anna pulled Elsa's cot closer to her own and gave her sister's hand a squeeze. "I'm so sorry, Elsa," she whispered. "I'll tell you what's what the second you wake up."
Elsa began shaking her head from side to side in her sleep, tears dripping down her cheeks. "No gloves…please," she whimpered softly. "Anna…why? What…I d-do? I…mess up? S-sorry…"
Anna couldn't help crying herself as she listened to Elsa's heartbroken voice. Elsa's hurting and it's my fault. She sounds so…little. More like ten than twenty-one. And she's stuttering in her sleep. I wish I could help her, but I just made her upset instead. She gently replaced the cold cloth on her sister's face, not sure what she could do to help otherwise. What did I do to her? I hurt her something awful… What if I messed up everything that really had healed inside for Elsa? "Oh, Elsa…please wake up soon. You didn't mess up anything. Not one thing…" Anna held her sister's limp hand tightly and didn't say anything more.
Elsa woke up slowly a short while later. "A-Anna…?" she questioned. "Anna…" Elsa's shaky voice trailed off, and she didn't say anything else. Anna didn't abandon me…I'm confused…what happened? "If I messed up, I'm s-sorry…please forgive…me…" Elsa seemed to suddenly grow more awake, and she asked, "Why can't I see? What's on my head?"
Anna quickly moved the cold cloth away from her sister's face and smiled at her. Then she began talking as fast as she could. "Elsa, just lemme say something super quick. You didn't mess up anything. I love you just the way you are. Those gloves are frivolous ones to match your dresses, including your ice-dress. I wanted you to have something positive to do with something that's always been bad for you. They're fingerless lace ones, see? I picked 'em out on purpose so's you could still use your powers," she finished.
Elsa felt so, so relieved. I didn't even know there was such a thing! "A big misunderstanding?" she asked, a lopsided smile quickly spreading across her face. She gave a rueful giggle before adding, "In other words, I freaked out for n-nothing!" Elsa tried to sit up, but she still felt so tired. And besides, her blanket felt warm and comforting to her. What Elsa really wanted was for Anna to hold her, but she didn't want to ask for that in front of everyone. Then again, everyone down here just saw me have a full-out panic attack…maybe it doesn't matter. "Will you…will you hold me?" Elsa asked softly.
"I'd love to, but I can't pick you up from here. I'm sorry, Elsa," Anna apologized. She frowned when Elsa's hopeful face fell in disappointment.
"Well, that's easily fixed," Kristoff said now from across the cellar. He quickly tromped over to the two girls, carefully scooped up Elsa, and deposited her in Anna's arms. Kristoff remembered seeing two little girls with their parents at the trolls so long ago. Present-day Elsa makes the same expressions as her younger self…her and Anna's parents must not have taken care of her properly after that. Because a barely grown-up person like Elsa doesn't get like that for no reason. I bet nobody took care of her since she was a kid. "Queen Elsa, you've got another friend over here," Kristoff said awkwardly. "I'm thinking you were pretty much abandoned when you were a kid. Or abused or something. I know what that's like. Not the amazing ice powers part, obviously, but…yeah. If you ever want to…talk or whatever, I'll listen. And I won't say a word to anyone except maybe Sven."
Anna grinned at Kristoff, happy that someone else had accepted her sister and actually told Elsa so. She cradled Elsa close in her arms and just held her tightly. You're safe, Elsa. Nobody's going to treat you like that again. Ever. And I'm sorry I made you get so upset.
Elsa picked her head up off her sister's shoulder and just stared at Kristoff in surprise. "I'm not much for talking, but…but that means a l-lot. Thank you," she replied finally. Kristoff thinks my powers are 'amazing'?! Well…maybe that's because he's an ice harvester and likes anything that has to do with ice. Elsa felt Anna slip something light and soft on her hand and then turn it palm up.
"Now make your snowflake, sis," Anna said quietly, making sure to hold Elsa securely to keep her feeling safe. I can't let her feel all hurt like that inside again…
Elsa obliged, and a second later her signature snowflake hovered within a blue glow over her hand. You know, Elsa, you shouldn't have freaked out like that anyway. Someone that sacrificed herself for you wouldn't randomly hate you all of a sudden. There had to have been an explanation in the first place. Elsa dissolved her snowflake and then examined whatever Anna had put on her hand. Creamy white lace with snowflakes worked in. Tiny ice-blue sequins in the center of each snowflake. Elsa had never seen such a thing before. It was like someone had crafted those gloves especially for her, but for the complete opposite reason of every pair she'd had in the past. She promptly held out her other hand, making sure not to move her sore shoulder.
Anna smiled at Elsa's reaction and slipped the other one on her sister's offered hand. Well, once Elsa knew the truth, she liked them anyways. She's a stinker!
Elsa glanced at her hands, a happy smile gracing her face. Then she started giggling. "Anna, what on earth is the point of these?! They're perfect for m-me, but so downright stupid for anyone else! I mean, gloves are s-supposed to keep your hands warm if you're n-not immune to cold like me. Best and most inane present ever," she finished, still giggling.
"It's an accessory for your outfits, like hair ribbons or a necklace or something, you stinker!" Anna replied, stifling her own giggles. "There is no actual point. Mostly I just wanted you to have something nice to associate with something that's always been icky for you, that's all. Which I think worked! I believe in you. That you're perfect as just plain you, including your powers. That's why there's snowflakes on 'em. I want you to remember that every time you look at them. Y'know, so's you can think of that instead of whatever rotten things gloves usually make you think of."
"No constrained sense of touch," Elsa whispered. "No restraining…me…" All her life she had associated anything on her hands as something to conceal her powers, to bind her abilities inside her because they were something bad and abnormal that made the rest of her bad and abnormal too. She would never be that good or perfect girl her parents wanted her to be unless she became something that wasn't...herself. Now Anna had given her something that was the complete opposite of that. …And I'll rise like the break of dawn…let it go…let it go…that perfect girl is gone… She wasn't gone then; I was still in isolation…but she's gone now. I'm a different perfect. Here at home in Arendelle with Anna. Elsa clasped her hands together over her heart. She suddenly felt something very different and foreign to her inside. Elsa didn't just feel loved; she felt…strong? With Anna with her, she somehow knew deep inside that it didn't matter if she wasn't 'perfect'. Nobody was perfect anyway. It didn't matter if she stuttered when she spoke; that she had those awful…episodes sometimes; that nobody in the world was anything like her. If people don't like me because of my powers, that isn't my problem. It's theirs for being prejudiced and not giving me a chance. If I were someone else, I like to think I'd give someone like stupid me a chance before rejecting her entirely because she's 'different'.
Anna just knew that something was different within her sister. A good different. Elsa's big blue eyes had lost that frightened look that almost always lingered somewhere inside, even when she was happy and smiling. She looked almost…confident now. Anna didn't know what her big sister was thinking about exactly, but whatever it was had to be a breakthrough for her. I know Elsa won't snap back instantly to her confident eight-year-old self now, but I have a feeling she won't be freaking out and having awful panic attacks anymore. I bet she'll still get those flashbacks and need hugs, but it won't be nearly as frequent or anything. I'm so proud of her. Poor Elsa never had anyone to help her when she was little…I think she's amazing just like she is. It crossed Anna's mind that Elsa was actually far less traumatized than she could have been. She must have nerves of steel inside…
Elsa had passive strength; where Anna's was more active. Anna thought if she had been in Elsa's place all those years, she'd either be angry and bitter, or crazy. Elsa was sensitive and became upset very easily, but she was still Elsa. She could endure all those years in isolation much better than her little sister would have; she hadn't liked being around a ton of people even before the accident. Being isolated in her room was awful because she didn't have Anna with her and because she couldn't control her powers, not because she was itching to go out and socialize with people.
Elsa wondered what kind of girl she would have been if she had grown up with parents who loved and cared for her and the accident had never happened. She'd probably be much more confident; she wouldn't stutter or make mistakes with her powers. Maybe she would have turned out as a spoiled and demanding brat. Elsa shook her head in horror at that thought. A spoiled Elsa was something she never wanted to think of again. That person might be an unfeeling villain or something. Elsa thought she preferred her real self far more over that prospect, even if she did still have a lot of personal problems.
Elsa looked up at Anna now and just whispered, "I think you fixed me."
Anna said nothing for a minute, but she hugged Elsa tighter and handed her the larger box. "You didn't need fixing, Elsa, but I'm glad you're happy," she informed her sister.
Elsa quickly ripped the paper off her present and paused with her hand on the lid. "Let's see if this present is going t-to make me freak out for n-no reason, too," she quipped. Elsa needn't have worried at all, even in jest. Inside lay two dolls that looked similar to the ones she and Anna had had when they were little. Elsa had left her doll with her sister when she'd moved to her new room in the hopes that Anna wouldn't forget her. These dolls look almost exactly like our old ones, except…except they're us. Our 'grown-up' selves. Me in my ice-dress. Anna in her winter outfit she was wearing during the Great Thaw. Elsa hesitantly touched the Elsa doll's dress. Smooth and shiny ice-blue satin. Then she touched the Anna doll's cobalt blue skirt. Soft and textured velvet. Elsa first felt embarrassed that she was twenty-one years old and her little sister had given her dolls for her birthday; but then she decided she didn't care one bit and that she loved those dolls to death. She held the Anna doll close and kept stroking the velvet.
Anna frowned when she noticed Elsa had left the doll version of herself in the box and only held the Anna one, but she wasn't surprised. Oh well. I should have known Elsa would do that. At least she likes them. "Elsa, you forgot half your present," she said lightly.
"She's not as good as Anna," Elsa replied nonchalantly, although she reached for the Elsa doll and held the two side by side. "Anniken," she said to the Anna doll. "Elisabet," she said to the Elsa one. Elsa's blue eyes filled with happy tears as she hugged both dolls close. They reminded her of the fun times she'd had playing with Anna when she was little. Now she had her sister back and maybe they could do that again, even if they weren't little girls anymore.
"Look in the box again," Anna said softly. "There's one more thing inside."
Elsa pulled out a note carefully sealed with a wax seal. Where did that come from?! A snowflake seal?! She carefully opened the note and began reading. 'Dear Elsa, I know you're practically a grown-up now, but I don't think it's possible to get too old for dolls. So I asked Gerda to make you ones like the ones we had when we were little. If there's ever something bugging you inside that you don't want to tell me, maybe you can tell the doll version. She won't mind. I want you to look at the doll version of yourself and see her happy smile and then maybe she'll make you happy too. If you have an icky dream at night and you don't want to talk about it, you can just hug our doll selves and they'll make you feel better. I love you. Your little sister, Anna.' "Anna…they're so pretty. I love them…thank you," Elsa said finally.
Anna smiled broadly. "I told you she would like them!" she told Gerda.
"Thank you for making them, Gerda," Elsa said happily. "They're absolutely perfect. Even the one of m-me." She hopped up, ran over to Gerda, and gave her a hug.
"This one isn't wrapped, but here's one more present," Kai told her. "Here's where that snowflake seal came from. Idea courtesy of the princess as well."
Elsa smiled and slipped the ring on her left pinkie finger. "A signet ring of my own. With a s-snowflake. Very fitting," she commented. I can use that whenever I sign any documents or send letters. I love it! That's like a subtle note that my country is not to be trifled with, even if I'm nowhere near invincible. Arendelle has something no other country on the planet has. Thanks, Anna.
"The Arendelle crocus is in the middle," Anna told her sister. "I tried to make the snowflake look like your signature one, but I dunno if it worked. Anyhow, I thought a snowflake with the crocus would be a really good announcement on any of your boring old political documents. You know, like, 'Hey, I'm the Snow Queen; I'm a valuable and friendly ally but if you want war don't mess with Arendelle' type thing."
"It's perfect," Elsa replied, still smiling. Anna is no idiot. She may not have paid much attention to her lessons, but she has good instincts. That's exactly the type of image I'd like to portray as Arendelle's reigning monarch. Elsa shivered as she more felt than heard a loud crash of thunder. "The wind has picked up s-significantly," she added.
Anna just looked at her sister in fascination. "Elsa, how exactly do you know that? Can you, like, talk to the hurricane or something?" she asked.
"Talk to it?! I should say not! It's like…like…" Elsa struggled to find words to describe her connection to the storm. "I don't know how t-to explain it. It's like I have a c-connection to it. If I concentrate really hard, more precise information about it f-floods into my head. Like right now-" she paused and closed her eyes for a moment, "-the wind gusts are reaching 102 miles per hour."
"Cake for you, Miss Elsa," Gerda said, handing her a plate and spoon.
Elsa said thank you and went back to sit next to Anna. Chocolate cake with vanilla frosting…so tasty. "I love my party," she whispered to her sister. "I'm sorry I m-messed up part of it earlier."
"You didn't know, Elsa. It was an honest mistake. Don't worry about it. But still don't do that again! You scared me when you passed out like that," Anna scolded. "And I'm super glad you like the party. I was sooo tempted to tell you about it, but I didn't!"
Elsa's gaze dropped to her lap. "I'm sorry; I…I just got scared, a-and…and I freaked out for nothing," Elsa said softly. She scooted closer to Anna and just ate her cake.
Anna quickly popped her last bite of cake in her mouth before hugging her sister close, making sure not to squeeze Elsa's sore shoulder. "Oh, Elsa…don't apologize for things that aren't your fault. I wish I could take away everything inside that hurts you still. You're my sweet big sister, and nobody and nothing is going to change that. Ever." She pulled away from Elsa and gently touched Elsa's bruised face. "And I hate seeing you hurt, inside or out."
"You are taking away everything that hurts m-me inside…it's just that there's so much of i-it," Elsa replied, giving her sister a lopsided smile. "I'll be all right. I promise." And I mean it. I'm always going to be okay, because I have Anna with me.
Anna frowned at Elsa's comment. 'It's just that there's so much of it…' Oh, I wish I could go back in time and tell off Mom and Dad before they hurt her inside for years on end. Elsa needs help. I just hope I'm enough to help her feel better. I don't mind the way she talks, or holding her after or during one of those awful panic attack things; but Elsa shouldn't have those issues in the first place. She's been traumatized something awful…not as badly as she could have been, but awful all the same. Anna wouldn't mind taking care of Elsa for the rest of her life if she needed to, but she dearly wanted to make Elsa truly happy and confident like she'd been as a carefree little girl. There was no way her poor sister had ever deserved any of that in the first place. "Well, let me just say that I don't care how long it takes; I'm going to help you be confident like you were when you were little," Anna said fervently, holding Elsa tightly. "'Cause I love you!"
Elsa didn't seem to be listening. She just buried her face in her sister's shoulder. "Anna…I just decided something," she said quietly.
"What?"
Elsa pulled away from Anna and hopped to her feet. "I want to give my speech when my shiner is g-gone. That's my goal. To be able to say it p-properly by then."
A/N: Next chapter coming soon!:)