Chapter 10

The next morning Liz wakes up and walks downstairs. She notices Jason is asleep on the couch. She walks over and crouches down beside the couch. She runs her fingers through his hair.

"Man if I could just tell you that I love you to your face, then things would be so much easier. I just don't know if I am strong enough anymore. I am tired of fighting to get what I want." She stands up and walks into the kitchen. Jason opens his eyes. "I love you too Liz and I am so sorry that I hurt you. Man, I wish I could tell that to her. Life would be so much easier." He stands up and walks into the kitchen. He goes to the cabinet and gets a coffee cup down. "Hey Liz, what you got going on today?"

"Nothing big, I have a shift at Kelly's later today but other than that nothing. Why?"

" I thought that we could get in our conversation that you and I both know we got to have." Liz looks at Jason. Just then there is a knock on the penthouse door. Jason walks out of the kitchen and goes to answer the door. There stands Sonny.

"What can I do for you Sonny?"

"I was just wondering if Liz was up yet and how she is doing. We have some stuff to discuss."

"Yeah she's in the kitchen let me go get her." Jason turns and walks into the kitchen.

"Sonny's here to see you."

"What does he want with me?"

"I don't know. Why don't you go find out?" Liz gets up from the kitchen table and walks into the living room. Sonny is sitting on the couch.

"What can I do for you Sonny?" Liz asks.

"I came to see how the first night went and if you needed anything."

"Yeah," She thinks to herself. "I need it to end." Out loud though she says," Nope just fine. Jason has taken good care of me. I have everything I need. We stopped by the studio yesterday after work and picked up stuff from there. The only thing I don't have is a place to do any art but I can go to the studio and work there."

"No you can't. We will figure out a place for you to do your art until Tom is taken care of. I don't want you out of mine or Jason's sight until Tom is dealt with once and for all."

"But Sonny, I have a job and a life. I can't be under yours or Jason's watch 24/7."

"Yes you can." Came an answer from behind Liz. She turns around and there stands Jason. "Sonny or I will be with you all times unless one of us tells you otherwise. That is how it is and that is final." He walks back into the kitchen.

"Man I wish he would quit ordering me around. I am able to make my own decisions. I just wish he understood that." Liz says to Sonny.

"He just cares so much about you that he don't know what else to do. Just give him time. I am right across the hall if you need to talk. I hope that you know that."

"Yeah, you and Carly. I really don't want to deal with her right now. There is so much else going on I really can't deal with her attitude against me whatever that may be. I swear Sonny; I don't know what I did to her. She just despises me."

"Carly is very protective of those that care about her. She thinks that someone needs to look out for Jason and it's not just you that she doesn't like. It's anyone that is involved in Jason's life that isn't her. It's something she has to work through. Jason and I have both told her that she needs to let Jason lead her own life but she doesn't listen. Anyway, I have to get going. Call me if you need anything at all. I care about you."

"Sonny, the thing I don't understand though is why didn't she have the problem with Courtney?"

"That one is easy to explain. Courtney let her be involved in hers and Jason's relationship. I think that is part of what went wrong there to begin with the other being that he is totally in love with you. He just doesn't know how to admit it." Sonny turns to leave.

"Thank you Sonny."  Liz says. Sonny leaves the penthouse. Jason comes out of the kitchen.

"Did you get everything straitened out with Sonny?" Jason asked.

"There wasn't anything to straiten out. He just wanted to check on me and see how I was doing. I told him that you were taking good care of me and that he didn't have to worry about me. He does though. He seems to genuinely care about me. At least someone does." She mumbles the last part.

"Ok Liz that's enough. It is time that we sit and talk about us. I am tired of the little under the breath comments and the closed up attitude towards me. I don't know how to apologize to you for what happened in the past between us but I would like us to at least be friends again." Jason takes a breath, then continues on," I understand that you have been hurt, but it's time to let go of the past and look towards the future. You could have a wonderful future if you let yourself. You could have a family and children and a career if you let go of what your parents always beat into your head. If the didn't show you the absolute respect you deserve then they didn't deserve to have a daughter as wonderful and caring as you. I made the mistake of not realizing how wonderful you actually are once and the day you walked out I was destroyed. I never want to go through that again." Jason stops and looks at Liz. She has tears running down her face.

"Jason, everything that happened in my past I deserved. I was a wild child and instead of becoming a good daughter like I should have been I rebelled and my parents just didn't know how to handle it so they sent me here. With Lucky I was trying to be the good and respectful person everyone thinks I should be and I got treated like crap. I should have just walked away from Lucky. I should have just kept my mouth shut back then and let you do what you needed to do. I messed it up and you don't deserve me. I am damaged goods and no one will want me ever again." She starts crying.

"Liz, who told you all this? Was that Ric, if it was I will deal with him. Liz you are a wonderful person anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives. I know I am. I am glad that you are in my life. I was miserable when you weren't. As for everything else you said, your parents were idiots for not showing you that they did care. Lucky was an idiot for how he treated you and the only reason he is still here is because of Sonny. He didn't want me to kill him back then due to his friendship with Luke. I messed up our chance. I should have insisted on telling you that Sonny was still alive and what was happening. I should have called you. I should have done more. Liz you are not damaged. The rape wasn't your fault your parents not loving you wasn't your fault. Lucky being an ass wasn't your fault." He kneels down in front of Liz. "Liz, look at me. I am so sorry that you had to deal with all of this. I am sorry you feel so unloved. Why didn't you talk about this before with me? I would have tried to help you through that." Liz closes her eyes.

"Jason, you don't understand."

"Then make me understand Liz. Make me understand how you could feel so much pain and not try and find someone to help. Make me understand what you need to make you happy." Liz looks up at Jason.

"What would make me happy is to go back and never have any of this happen. To be able to walk in to a loving husband and children every night after working at the Gallery all day or after painting that masterpiece all day. I just don't see it happening. Instead I see me living alone and suffering more and more inside." She turns her head away from Jason now officially crying. Jason gets up and sits next to her on the couch he wraps his arms around her.

"Liz, you can have that. You have me. I love you. Tell me that you know that. Tell me that you know that I love you with all my heart." Liz nods her head.

"Yeah I know that. I love you too but I don't deserve you. You deserve someone like Courtney. Someone that isn't damaged that doesn't have as many ghosts in their pasts as I do."

"Liz, Courtney was a mistake. I went to her because she was safe. She wasn't the one that I loved with my whole heart. I tried to make it work but it didn't. That is why I ended it with her. I realized that I didn't love her like I should and I never would. I knew that if I stayed with her it would make it worse. I fought for her because deep in my heart it felt like I was fighting for you. I tried with her because I didn't want to fail again. I failed with you and I didn't want another girl walking out on me. I just wish I had realized when I could still fight for you that it was you that I wanted not her. I am so sorry I hurt you." Jason sinks his head. Liz looks at Jason.

"Jason, tell me what do you want out of life? What do you want from me? What do you want to do? I am going to go call into Kelly's and tell them I won't be in today. I'll be right back." She stands up and walks to the phone on the desk. She calls in. She gets off the phone and comes back to the couch and sits down. "First thing we are going to do is turn this back into your penthouse. Lets get this back to the way it should be for you." Jason grabs her hand.

"Liz that can wait. Lets hop on my bike and go for a ride. We need to finish this and I think we need to go to our bridge to finish it."

"Don't you have to work today though?" Liz asks.

"Nope, I don't. Sonny told me I wasn't to report back into work until I was happier and to get happier I need you in my life." Liz looks at Jason. She starts to lean in to him. Just as their lips are about to touch, there is a knock at the door.

"Damn" Jason mutters. "Whoever is there better have a good excuse for interrupting. Jason walks to the door and opens it. There stands Courtney.