Chapter Ten

"I need to get control of myself."

Salen sighed heavily and wrapped his arms tighter around his sour stomach. He knew this particular pain, it was the stress of anxiety. It didn't just turn his stomach, it prickled his skin and made his blood feel like ice in his veins. These kind of panic attacks were part of everyday life when he was still caged up in Wilson's basement, however it had been years since he'd had one this severe.

It was the middle of the night, but Salen couldn't sleep. He couldn't even hold still. He had been pacing back and forth for an hour. He was shivering with a bone cutting chill that nothing could seem to fix. Having already taken several showers he knew that running through the hot water again wasn't going to make him feel any better the way it usually did. When he started having difficulty breathing he decided it was time to go for a walk.

Already in a casual uniform Salen stalked the hallways until he came to the observation deck. The floor to ceiling windows gave him a view of the vastness of space which always helped him feel a little less confined. Tonight however looking out into the stars just make him feel sicker as the sourceless fear continued to gnaw at him.

"Stop this!" Salen hissed at himself. "Control your emotions or they will control you."

Salen repeated the advice given to him by Spock, not realizing that Spock had heard that same lecture from his father many times before. He took a deep breath and leaned his shoulder against the thick glass. Despite being insulated the glass was cold from the icy darkness of the void just beyond and he began to shiver. With his arms still around his stomach he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Not you too." Razor sighed as he stepped into the room wearing a sweater.

"Razor? Are you okay? You do not look very well."

"Neither do you, neither does more than half this ship." Razor growled as he pressed his hand against his stomach. "We must have managed to pick up a stomach virus on our last mission. As a Vulcan I'd hoped you'd be immune to it."

"I do not have a stomach virus."

"You could have fooled me, you look like hell."

"I...I am having a panic attack." Salen admitted.

"Damn it, Salen, you're not giving it to the rest of us are you?" Razor demanded.

"I do not know. Maybe. Step closer, see if it affects you more."

Razor cocked his head to the side and eyed Salen warily: not in a 'I'm afraid of you' kind of way, but in a 'I think you're nuts' kind of way. Salen waited for a moment and when Razor didn't step closer he raised an eye brow at him. Razor rolled his eyes and took a purposefully step closer. Salen held his breath as he waited for a reaction.

"I feel fine, Salen."

"Really?"

"No, I feel like shit...but I haven't felt good for the past two or three hours."

"But you do not feel any worse when you come closer?"

"No."

"Touch me." Salen held his hand out.

"What is it with you and the 'touching' lately?"

"Please, Razor, just try."

"The things I do for you." Razor sighed.

Salen kept his hand out and Razor came closer. Under the best of circumstances Salen didn't like his hands being touched but he felt this was the best way to determine if there was any transference. Razor forced a smile as he closed in and took Salen's hand. Salen was surprised when Razor gasped violently and jerked away. Razor doubled over and dry heaved a few times. Salen tried to help but Razor reared back to get away from him.

"Damn it, Salen!" Razor roared. "You are making us sick!"

"Razor, I am sorry...I do not even know how I am doing it."

"Salen, what am I going to do with you?" Razor sighed as he calmed.

"I do not know." Salen backed away until he bumped into the glass. "The Vulcans will not help me, Spock will not help me, I have no one to turn to."

"You have me."

Salen looked up at Razor and smiled sadly. Razor tried to step closer but the look on Salen's face made him keep his distance. Not knowing what to do Salen started pacing back and forth. Razor watched helplessly, feeling like he was going to be sick again. Eventually Salen stopped and banged his head softly against the glass.

"Take it easy, Salen. We'll find a way to fix this."

"How?"

"We can start with talking about this whole panic thing. What are you panicking about?"

"Nothing."

"It can't be nothing."

"Honestly, Razor, I do not know why I feel like this. I just woke up in a panic."

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Darkness, cold, the feeling of being...trapped." Salen shrugged. "Nothing new. Except..."

"Except what?"

"I woke up cold and worried about Joanna."

"Maybe we should check on her."

"Do not be ridiculous." Salen shook his head. "She is fine, the Intrepid is safe, it is just a research vessel."

"Technically the Enterprise is a 'research vessel', they get into trouble all the time." Razor pointed out.

"I am not waking Joanna up in the middle of the night because of my silly dreams, she will kill me."

"We won't wake her up, we'll just make a quick call to the Captain pretending to be Starfleet looking for an update."

"That is insane."

"So are you. I'm doing it."

"Razor..."

"I want you to feel better so I get my crew out of Sick Bay and back to bed."

"I must admit that it would make me feel better."

"I thought so." Razor chuckled.

Even though his stomach was still twisting Salen chuckled as well. They both headed off to the bridge. Unlike other ships the Diamond was often just left on auto pilot since it had a full array of automatic sensors and collision avoiders that Starfleet just couldn't afford to put on every Starship. Razor sat down at the communications panel and put on a cheesy smile.

"What is wrong with you?" Salen asked.

"I have to get into character to make a call as Starfleet."

"Razor, they will not be able to see you."

"That's not the point. Now hush." Razor tapped on the panel.

"You are crazy."

"Intrepid," Razor said in a gravely voice "this is Starfleet Command."

Silence.

"Intrepid, this is Starfleet Command, please respond." Razor repeated.

Static.

"Why are they not answering?"

"Intrepid," Razor said in his voice that he reserved for orders "Intrepid, this is Starfleet Command, respond."

"Razor, what is going on?"

"I don't know." Razor tapped on the screen again. "Base, this is Diamond, emergency, respond."

"Razor," Salen said worried "what are you thinking?"

"I just want to know where the Intrepid is, maybe she is out of our range."

"They dropped me off just over a week ago, both our ships would have to have been traveling at maximum warp in opposite directions the whole time to be out of subspace range."

"I know that..." Razor admitted. "I'm calling because...because..."

"Because you think something is wrong."

"Diamond, this is Base, what is the nature of your emergency?" A male voice requested.

"When and where was the last communication between Starfleet and the Intrepid, or the Intrepid and anyone for that matter."

"Intrepid checked in on schedule two days ago, she's due to check in again tomorrow."

"Where is she now?"

"On a heading of 274.7 between Nevlin System and Yansu System, they should be 4.3 light years from Yansu."

"What was their Warp?"

"No Warp, on Impulse, researching a dust formation. Hang on...there is a communication here that hasn't been processed."

"Has not been processed? What does that mean?" Salen demanded.

"It means that someone over at Starfleet Command is asleep at the switch." Razor growled. "Eddie, what does it say?"

"The Intrepid sent message at 23:48 informing Starfleet that they had received a distress call from a near by transport vessel and that a report was to follow."

"That was nearly five hours ago." Salen said worried. "Have they reported since?"

"No, that was the last that was heard from them, but you know sometimes Captains get lazy and leave that sort of thing to the morning particularly if it's routine and uneventful."

"No...no...something is wrong." Salen said as he backed away.

"Salen?"

Salen turned around and rushed down the hallway at top speed. He could hear Razor calling after him, but he couldn't stop for him. The fear in his stomach had now spread up into his heart which was pounding in his chest. Salen tore into his room and grabbed his communication tablet off his nightstand. He tapped his code into the tablet and it began to ring, a few rings later the screen lit up with a request that he leave a message. Salen clicked on 'yes' in hopes that she was just sleeping and he could wake her.

"Joanna, Joanna, please answer...Joanna!"

Razor finally caught up and stood in Salen's doorway looking worried. Salen tried calling Joanna again, but once more there was no answer. Salen looked up at Razor with a stricken look on his face.

"Razor, it was not a dream."

"Salen..."

"Joanna is in trouble, the Intrepid is in trouble..."