Author's Note: Edward is a little scared by his desire for Bella, afraid to hurt her, were he to lose control. He seeks Carlisle's advice. Bella reads the paper, and realizes that the situation in Seattle is escalating. Edward finds her, frozen in fear, and they decide to ditch school to seek Jasper's perspective.

As before, I don't own the characters or the rights to them. Stephenie Meyer I'm not. I just play in her sandbox. Thanks for reading.

10. Epiphany

Night.

Despite my best intentions, my self-imposed discipline nearly went up in smoke about half-way through the night.

Bella's head was resting against the crook of my shoulder, and her beautiful face was turned up to me. Her full lips were slightly parted. She was fast asleep.

I yearned to touch her face. The longing was so strong, that my thumb, out of its own volition, gently brushed across her lower lip. My hand slowly curled around her jaw. Bella sighed softly. "Edward."

I instantly froze. Was she awake? Her eyes were still closed.

No. She was talking in her sleep. Dreaming, perhaps. I smiled and remembered the first time I had listened to her sleeptalking, in this very bedroom. She'd said my name, then, too, and with her next breath, asked me to stay with her, there in her dream.

That had been the precise moment when I'd fallen in love with her. The waves of emotions for her that had previously only lapped at me, when I had been fighting them so desperately, had in that instant pulled me completely under. When I finally surfaced, my life, my whole existence, had been irrevocably changed. She was my life now. She was everything. I would never love anyone else the way I loved Bella. I was bound to her for eternity. Always. Forever.

I took a deep breath, and inhaled her exquisite scent. The fire blazed in my throat, but I felt no temptation for her blood. Not anymore. The excruciating pain, intense guilt and and utter anguish I'd lived through, when I'd thought she was forever lost to me, was so deeply, so eternally branded into every cell of my body, every nerve ending in my infallible mind, that I was certain not even her freely flowing blood would ever tempt me again.

There hadn't been a time, since our return from Italy, when Bella's scent had ever been too much to ignore. There was no venom pooling in my mouth. No thirst for her blood. Not even when I'd been almost unbearably thirsty. And this alteration was so wondrous, so liberating, that I had yet to fully wrap my head around it.

My hand slid off her face and buried itself in her hair at the nape of her neck. Skimming my nose along her skin, breathing evenly, I slowly leaned down to kiss her forehead, then down her cheek to her jawbone. She was exquisite. And, miraculously, she was mine.

"Edward, please," Bella mumbled. "Please, Edward, please don't stop." I checked her face again. Still asleep. What was she dreaming about? The sounds were so... erotic, almost. Like she was having a... special dream.

I dismissed that idea. Of course, she wasn't. I shook my head. No. I was just projecting my own selfish desires onto her, trying to convince myself that she wanted me to, in that way. How could she want that?

She moved herself closer against me.

"Mmm, Edward," she whispered. The sound of the low moan was titillating. I wondered again what was happening in her dream.

I gently stroked the back of her head as I carefully, like I was touching a soap bubble, whispered a kiss against her soft lips. In that instant, Bella moaned into my mouth. The unexpected sound, accompanied by the vibrations of her mouth against my lips, was my undoing.

Unthinkingly, I pressed my lips harder against hers, and she whimpered. I froze again, thinking she had woken up, embarrassed to be caught in the act.

She was still sleeping.

Her hand, which had been lying across my stomach, gripped my shirt. Her leg kicked off the quilt and wedged itself between mine. Bella's knee brushed against my groin, and my manhood instantly reacted to the touch. She moaned again, and I was thrown off course by the onslaught of the monster who was gleefully licking its lips. My arm tightened around her and pulled her closer against me.

She'd woken up.

No, she hadn't.

I felt like a villain, kissing her while she was sleeping. I started to pull back.

I could feel the heat from her womanly center pressing against my leg. I could smell the intoxicating scent of her arousal. Holy hell! What was she dreaming about?

"Are you kidding me?" sneered the beast. "Please tell me you are not that stupid. Take her – she's ready for you."

For one long moment, as my lips stayed on hers, the selfish part of me contemplated giving in to the seduction of that voice.

I imagined in my head how I would carefully, slowly remove the quilt, unbutton her top and expose the soft flesh of her chest. The beauty of her bare skin. How the firm mounds would fit into my cupped hands, how silky, how warm, how flushed the skin would feel against my fingers.

How her eyes would become heavy-lidded under my touch, how her nipples would harden. I imagined lowering my mouth to her chest, and gently, oh so gently, pressing my lips to one of the dark and puckered buds. Feeling it in my mouth. Flicking my tongue over it. My nose skimming across her skin, drinking in her fragrant scent.

Desire curled in the pit of my stomach. The muscles in my groin tightened. The monster cheered. "Yes! Make it so."

My eyes closed. I imagined my fingers slowly stroking down her flat stomach, hooking underneath the waistband of her pajama pants, pulling them down. Inhaling the scent of her arousal. Tasting the smooth skin over her hip bones, wrapping my hands around her waist, sliding them around her back, down to her firm derriere, that was always so enticing clad in the simple blue jeans she preferred to wear. Raising her up to me.

My body reacted to the conjured images, and my own arousal became very prominent, bulging in my pants. Ah – it was too much. Too much to bear. The desire became unbearable, nearly unmanageable. Savage need expanded through me. Need to bury myself within her, have her envelope my throbbing member in the heat I could feel against my leg. I was getting dizzy.

"Yes!" the beast rejoiced. "Give yourself to your senses. She's yours. She's yours. Take her. Now! What are you waiting for?"

No. No! I fought the voice, fought the urges that suddenly threatened to overwhelm me. Step by step the monster advanced, step by step I wrestled it back. No. Damn it, no!

Panicking, I snapped my head back and broke the connection between our lips. The monster growled in defeat.

The phone buzzed in my pocket. Grateful for the distraction, I flipped it open and, without checking, pressed the send button and raised it to my ear.

"Edward!" Alice yelled. "Stop it right now, Edward!"

Mortified, I snapped the phone shut.

Bella moaned softly, her eyes tightly shut, her body tensing for a moment. "Edward." I felt a small shudder ripple through her, then her hand relaxed against my chest. I didn't know what that meant.

"But you can guess," the carnal voice sneered. I supposed that might be possible. But I couldn't be sure, because, damn it, I couldn't even hear her dreams. And I couldn't really reconcile my image of Bella, pure, innocent, with the monster's suggestion.

Very carefully, touching her only with my fingertips, I pushed her leg back, and tucked the quilt around her as a safety barrier.

Then I quickly extricated myself from underneath Bella's still sleeping form, careful not to jostle her, and leaped out of the open window. I landed noiselessly on the ground, and sat down. Sinking into the wet grass, I pressed my head against my knees. A light breeze from the trees, bringing with it the scent of wet leaves, moss and damp forest floor, cleared my nose and my mind. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. What had I been thinking? Had I been thinking at all?

I knew the answer to that. Apparently not.

The phone buzzed in my hand. This time I looked at the screen. Alice again.

With a deep sigh, I answered the phone. "Alice."

"What the hell were you doing, Edward?" she snapped at me.

"Nothing," I mumbled, feeling completely embarrassed and utterly repulsive at the same time.

"You had better watch it, do you understand? I do not like it when her future disappears. And to see my own brother being the cause... while she is sleeping? For heaven's sake, can't you behave yourself?" she snarled through the phone.

"Yes," I said, appropriately chastised. She hung up. "Thank you, Alice," I murmured to myself.

I obviously needed to work much harder on my discipline. I needed help. Or, very soon, I would be beyond help. I hung my head, ashamed, confused, dizzy.

How could I do this to the girl I loved with every fiber of my being? Ravish her, if only in my imagination. Degrade her like that? I truly didn't deserve her. I was a fiend, a monster. The pent-up needs of my frozen seventeen year old self, denied existence in nearly ninety years, had finally caught up with me. I was utterly despicable.

I sat below her window until the first light of the new day began to color the sky to the east, before climbing back into her room, and lying back down beside her. I didn't want her to think I'd left her during the night. That might upset her, and possibly provoke questions for which I had no answers. I certainly couldn't tell her of my shameful actions.

Charlie got up and the water started running in the bathroom sink.

"Edward, it's time," I heard Emmett's thought behind the house. I gently shook Bella awake. Her eyes opened slowly.

"Good morning, my love," I whispered, forcing my voice to sound cheerful. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm," she mumbled. "Yes, I did."

I smiled at her. I loved her so much. The monster must be banished. Chained. Locked up. Conquered.

"I'll be back soon," I told her, kissing her forehead. "Emmett will be watching over you while I'm gone."

"Hurry back," she smiled, as I jumped out of her window for the second time that morning.

The run through the woods was short. Alice was waiting for me on the front steps when I reached the house, her look reproachful.

"What were you thinking, Edward?" she spat through clenched teeth, belligerently, scowling at me. I had no answer. Clearly, I hadn't been thinking.

"I don't know, Alice," I croaked. "I guess I wasn't."

"Right," she hissed, her eyes aflame. "You know, Edward, I don't really want to have these particular pictures in my head. But since I'm supposed to be looking out for anything that might put Bella in danger, I can't avoid them."

I hung my head. I could only imagine what she had seen, since she was blocking me from accessing the vision. That actually made it worse. On top of the shame and embarrassment, I was suddenly horrified at what my actions had forced Alice to see.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I didn't know what else to say.

"Sure you are," she muttered, turned on her heels and walked into the house. I followed behind her. Jasper caught my emotional state and looked up from the couch, glaring. I averted my eyes.

"Interesting mix of emotions there, Edward," he snarled in his mind."I was with Alice when she called you earlier this morning. You know, I can feel your desires, and I can understand them, too, but I would appreciate it, if you could at least attempt to control yourself. Alice was terrified. Please do refrain from a repeat performance. She's stressed enough as it is. She doesn't need this worry, too."

Unable to look at him, I nodded once before I fled to my room. Nothing was secret. Not even my shame.

I quickly changed clothes, and then went to Carlisle's office.

"Come in," he thought as I paused in front of the closed door. He was sitting behind his desk when I stuck in my head.

"Edward," he smiled. "It's good to see you. Did you need something?" I moved into his office and stood behind the chair in front of his desk.

"Er, yes," I said, and then faltered. Was this really something I wanted to discuss with Carlisle? But who else could I possibly go to?

"What is it, son?" he said, his brow furrowing in concern when he registered the shamed look on my face.

"Well... it's about Bella. So, uhm... I'm... it's... I'm experiencing a small problem with my self-control, my restraint," I finally forced out.

"You mean her blood? But I thought..." The look on his face, as his thought, was one of surprise. "I don't understand, Edward. I thought you were beyond the temptation? You told me so yourself."

"No, no, it's not that," I assured him. "Her scent is nothing compared to this."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, you see... ," how was I going to phrase this, "there are other, er, needs that have made themselves known. Needs I have always either repressed or ignored. And I am having a difficult time controlling those."

Carlisle understood instantly. A smile slowly lifted his face. "Finally," he thought. "How wonderful that it's finally happening for him... I'd wondered if he'd ever get to this point."

"I see," he said, unable to hide the joy that was filling him. "But she's so fragile. He'll need to exert an extraordinary amount of care and control... "

Exactly. My point exactly. "Yes – and that's where the difficulty lies. Carlisle, I've never really dealt with these... desires, and when we are, er... I get so close to losing it each time. I'm scared, I'm worried that I will hurt her, break her. I am fighting so hard against these needs, but each time I get close to her in that way, a part of me wants to just keep going. I fantasize about it, while we kiss. My body reacts to those fantasies. Two nights ago, I experienced my first, uh, erection – ever. Thankfully, Bella didn't notice. I feel so deplorable, but I can't seem to help myself." If I'd been still human, I'd been blushing furiously with my mortification.

He took a deep breath. "No, Edward. I don't think it's deplorable, to employ your choice of words. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, actually. You should know that, Edward. You've heard it around you plenty of times, I'm sure. Even if you have never truly experienced it until now. I can imagine it frightening you, since having the actual feelings is very different than just reading about them, or hearing them in another's mind. But, Edward, expressing your love for one another does include being physical. You cannot possibly understand how wondrous, how absolutely perfect that can make the relationship, unless you experience it yourself. Perhaps not necessarily as blatantly as Emmett and Rosalie," he and I both grimaced for a moment at the memories of those ten years, "but I know that you know that physical love is part of loving your mate. How does Bella feel about this?"

"Considering she is a fairly normal teenager with perfectly normal hormones, I suppose I can guess."

"We haven't actually discussed it in depth," I answered his question, ignoring the thought. "She knows how strong our kind are, how easily I could unintentionally hurt her, kill her if I weren't careful, but she trusts me implicitly to keep her safe, and of course, I've never given her any indication that her trust is misplaced. I've never physically hurt her. Never. I've told her that I can never lose control with her, not while she's human, but the voices in my head... my own body yearning for her... and her reactions... none of it is making this any easier."

"Her reactions?"

"Yes, well, she responds... invitingly. Willingly. Feeding the monster in my head. She pouts when I release her, when I stop, like she wants me to continue whenever things have gone... too far, when I'm close to losing control, and... Carlisle, the scent of her when she is in that state of arousal, it's driving me mad. It's simply intoxicating. I want to make love to her, I want it so badly I can almost taste it. I can barely think in those moments. I've never, uh, well... you know, I've never been with anyone that way, and the novelty, and the suddenness is making this all so much more difficult. The absence of the temptation of her blood has unleashed another monster in me. And it's been escalating. I love her so desperately, Carlisle, and I don't want to hurt her." I choked back a dry sob.

"I see," he said again. "So she wants him, too. Of course she does. How could she not? She loves him just as deeply. What can I say to him? How can I make this easier?"

There was something that felt a little off about his thoughts, but I ignored the feeling. "Yes," by now I was babbling, relieved to get this off my chest, "and I obviously need some help, finding that level of control, exercising the restraint I need, to keep her alive. I've let things go too far, and I don't seem to have the... strength to deny her, when she seemingly wants this as much as I do."

"Well," Carlisle said, and broke off, "I truly wish we could change Bella sooner rather than later. I want this for Edward, he so greatly deserves it. But she must have a choice. Now is not the time." I agreed wholeheartedly with the last part of those thoughts, and definitely not the first.

"It's certainly inadvisable to proceed to the realization of your desires at this point, and it seems that so far you've been able to stop yourself. How did you manage that, in those moments?"

I nearly smiled as his innate curiosity colored his words. My whole relationship with Bella was a source of unabashed interest to him. He had a good reason. I reflected on the explanation he had once given me.

Our kind truly mated but once – for life. For eternity. For all of us, love sprung instantaneously, involuntarily and irrevocably. I would have seen my own love for Bella much sooner, if I hadn't been so ferociously, so desperately fighting her scent. The temptation of her blood, my deplorable thirst, and my inexperience in matters of the heart, had made me blind to my instant love for her. From the moment I had seen her, that first day in the school cafeteria, I'd wanted to defend her. Protect her. But I hadn't understood the feelings.

Until the accident. Until I fought for her life, against Jasper and Rosalie. Until Alice had pointed it out to me. It had left me reeling. The visions of Bella's future had been horrifying.

After Alice's revelation, I had continued to fight the feelings, fight against either one of the dual futures Alice had seen, painfully taking great lengths to avoid Bella like a plague, until I couldn't fight no more.

I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts. Couldn't know for sure how she truly felt. Self-doubt had been mocking me. I was a monster, unlovable, undeserving. My vast experience with the human mind had dismissed the possibility that she loved me just as much.

Then, I had left her, thinking she'd forget about me. Had arrogantly decided that I knew what was best for her. That she had to stay human.

For almost seven months we both had lived through unnecessary pain and misery, and in the process, I had nearly broken her heart. Put her in danger. Miraculously, undeservingly, I had received her forgiveness. Still, I had doubts. And I was still worried about dooming her soul. Being unable to give her what she needed.

When one of us fell in love with a human, like Carlisle had, and Rosalie, we usually didn't keep our mates human for long. And Bella had stayed human for longer than even Carlisle had anticipated. Because I had made it so.

And I was asking myself now why I had been so adamant that she remain human.

"I honestly don't know how I stopped," I admitted. "Whenever I felt too close to the edge, it was the picture of Bella, broken underneath me, the excruciating pain at the thought of losing her, of killing her myself, my deep love for her, all of those combined."

"Exactly," Carlisle said with a smile, "perhaps you should keep those thoughts at the forefront of your mind, in those moments. Focus on them. And perhaps, in the beginning, seek your own release another way. Perhaps you would be less tempted if you do. Physical desire can be very powerful and overwhelming, Edward, but I have faith in you."

"And, I promised myself that we would wait for the actual, er, consummation until after her conversion," I told him. "I was hoping that we would both experience the... uh... release for the first time together."

And I wanted to wait after she married me, but I didn't say that out loud. Of course, Carlisle knew about the wedding dress Alice had purchased. They all knew, though they hadn't actually seen it. They'd nearly dismissed it as one of her more fleeting visions, though Esme was still hopeful. And I wasn't going to make any kind of official announcement of my intentions until Bella had actually agreed to marry me.

"Yes," he agreed, "I think, for her, waiting until after she has gone through the transformation might be best, under the circumstances. For you, I'm not sure, but that is your decision. Either way, find the strength, Edward. I know you can. If you can resist her blood, you can resist this. You found the strength in Phoenix to stop yourself. You exerted an enormous amount of control, considering the appeal her blood holds for you. You stopped. She's your mate, Edward. Find strength in that. You can do this."

He walked around the desk and stood beside me, his hand pressing into my shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "I have faith in you, my son. Have faith in yourself."

His assurance, his kind words helped tremendously. I took a deep breath. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"Isn't it time for school?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eyes.

I checked the clock. It certainly was. "Yes. Thanks again," I threw over my shoulder as I ran out of his office.

"Any time, son." The exultant smile had yet to leave his face.

"Alice," I called as I was dashing down the stairs, "are you ready to go?"

"I'm ditching, Edward," she replied from her bedroom. "I don't have it in me today."

I heard Jasper laugh seductively. "You will have something in you, all right." The thought hit my frazzled brain and I was in no mood to witness the images that accompanied it.

Way too much information. I grimaced. "Okay." Three seconds later, I was tearing out of the garage. I wanted to see Bella sooner rather than later. I drove the whole way with a huge smile on my face.

Charlie was already gone by the time I got to Bella's house. I called Emmett on his cell phone.

"Hey, you're back," he answered. "Nothing new. Right, then. I'll see you later."

"Thanks, Emmett," I said.

"Don't mention it."

I was walking up the steps to her house, when I realized I could only hear Bella's heartbeat. There was no other noise. I wondered what she was doing. I knocked on the door, my usual three raps, and ranged my ears further.

No answer. No movement from within. No sounds. Just her heart, beating rapidly. And the faint jostling of paper.

Instant anxiety.

I wasn't going to knock again, and carefully opened the door, flaring nostrils sniffing the air that blew out of the house. It was perfectly normal, just Bella's strong scent, mixed with her father's, and the regular scents of her house. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I followed the sound of her heart, and her scent to the kitchen doorway. She was leaning against the table, reading the newspaper. It was shaking in her hands. I could smell the perspiration of her fear.

"Bella?" I said quietly, my brows furrowed. What was the matter?

She exhaled sharply and spun to face me. Her face was white. The paper dropped to the table. I rushed to her side, and clasped her hand in mine.

"Did I startle you? I'm sorry. I did knock..." "What kind of stupid question is that?" I thought to myself. "Of course you startled her, you idiot."

"No, no," Bella said, pointing to the newspaper. "Have you seen this?"

I frowned when I saw the headline. 'Seattle Terrorized By Slayings.'

I quickly scanned the report. The body count stood at thirty-nine; twenty-two of the killings had occurred in the last ten days. The problem was accelerating too quickly. I needed to talk to Jasper. Get his perspective on this.

He had a long history of dealing with newborns, and I wanted to discuss a battle plan. We had to do something. Maybe if we actually went to Seattle, Alice would be able to finally get a vision of what was going on. Ignoring the escalation of the slaughter was no longer an option. The Volturi would get involved, and then it would be too late.

"I haven't seen today's news yet," I answered her question. "But I knew it was getting worse. We're going to have to do something... quickly."

"What does Alice say?"

My frown deepened, my face was hard. I didn't like telling her this, but honesty was the best policy at this point. "That's the problem," I explained. "She can't see anything... though we've made up our minds half a dozen times to check it out. She's starting to lose confidence. She feels like she's missing too much these days, that something's wrong. That maybe her vision is slipping away."

Bella looked at me with wide eyes. "Can that happen?"

If so, I'd never heard of it. "Who knows? No one's ever done a study... but I really doubt it. These things tend to intensify over time. Look at Aro and Jane."

"Then what's wrong?"

What, indeed. I had a good guess, but wasn't really sure. "Self-fulfilling prophecy, I think. We keep waiting for Alice to see something so we can go... and she doesn't see anything because we won't really go until she does. So she can't see us there. Maybe we'll have to do it blind."

Bella shuddered. "No." I agreed. I didn't much like that option, either.

Well, after reading the report, I needed to go back to the house, and since Alice wasn't going, I didn't want Bella in school alone. It was so close to finals, ditching would likely not make any difference at this point. But it had to be her choice.

"Did you have a strong desire to attend class today?" I asked her. "We're only a couple of days from finals; they won't be giving us anything new."

"I think I can live without school for a day. What are we doing?"

"I want to talk to Jasper," I simply said. I didn't want to explain why, because that would involve telling her Jasper's history, and giving her that information should be up to him. Bella didn't ask the question I anticipated.

"Okay," she replied, grasping my arm. "Let's go." I quickly grabbed the paper, and let her pull me out of the kitchen. I was a little surprised at her enthusiasm.

I picked up her backpack on the way out, just in case Charlie decided to come home early, and threw it in the backseat of my car, before helping Bella into the seat. A second later, the car sprung to life, and I drove us home.

I didn't bother with the garage, stopping the car in front of the house. I flashed around the car to open Bella's door for her, then clasped her hand firmly in mine. We walked up the steps and into the house together.

Carlisle, Esme and Jasper were focused on the TV, intently watching the news. The sound was probably too low for Bella to hear. The newscaster was relaying information similar to what I'd read in the paper earlier.

Alice sat on the bottom step of the staircase, her hands pressed to either side of her face. I didn't need to read her thoughts to understand the utter discouragement of her expression. "Why am I not seeing anything? This is all useless. I feel useless. There's just nothing, nothing."

Rosalie was upstairs, sulking in her room, waiting for Emmett. "Finally!"

Two seconds later, Emmett walked in from the kitchen. "That little detour sure was worth it." I suppressed a smile. In his typical fashion, he'd been unable to resist the small bear whose fresh trail he'd come across on his way home. I was surprised his shirt was still clean and in one piece, seeing how he'd taken his time, savagely playing with the bear before killing the animal.

"Hey, Edward. Ditching, Bella?" he said with a grin. "You are corrupting her, Edward. Skipping school. Tsk, tsk."

"We both are," I reminded him.

He laughed. "Yeah, but it's her first time through high school. She might miss something."

I just rolled my eyes.

I lobbed the newspaper at Carlisle. "Did you see that they're considering a serial killer now?"

"Yes, it's all over the news this morning." He sighed. "They've had two specialists debating that possibility on CNN all morning."

"Emmett wants to go now. Jasper and I had a hard time convincing him to stay here. We shouldn't get involved in this."

"We can't let this go on," I said in disagreement.

"Let's go now," Emmett said with his natural enthusiasm. "I'm dead bored.

Rosalie's ferocious hiss nearly shook the foundations of the house, and her fury spilled over into her unspoken words. "Over my pile of ashes, you idiot. Are you insane?You want to jump off the cliff without any advance knowledge of what you'll find below? Dumbass!"

"She's such a pessimist," Emmett muttered.

I didn't like the blind approach any more than Rosalie, but I didn't see any other choice. "We'll have to go sometime."

Rosalie had chosen this particular moment to make an appearance. In line with her promise from Saturday, she made it a point to keep her face smooth, collected. Her thoughts were another matter.

I tuned her out – her anger was such a regular occurrence that none of us really paid much attention to it anymore.

Carlisle shook his head. "It's not our responsibility, Edward." "I'm concerned," he said, primarily for Bella's benefit. "We've never involved ourselves in this kind of thing before. It's not our business. We aren't the Volturi."

"I don't want the Volturi to have to come here," I disagreed. "It gives us so much less reaction time."

"Of course not," he conceded.

Esme was only thinking of the unfortunate victims of the fiends that had been set loose in Seattle. Her compassion for all people always drove her decisions. "And all those innocent humans in Seattle," she murmured. "It's not right to let them die this way."

"Who cares. I'm all for ignoring this whole mess." Rosalie did not share Esme's feelings.

At the precise moment Carlisle said, "I know," and sighed, I picked up an errant thought from Jasper, who was still watching CNN.

"This whole thing reminds me of the southern wars. It's like someone is building an army. There must be more than 10 newborns loose by now."

My head snapped around, and I locked eyes with him. "Oh," I said sharply, "I didn't think of that. I see. You're right, that has to be it. Well, that changes everything."

I was already running through the repercussions of this new insight, when my family turned to me, their minds slightly annoyed. Except for Jasper.

"You agree? I can't think of any other explanation. Nothing else makes sense. This is far too reminiscent of what I've experienced."

"I think you'd better explain to the others," I told him. I dropped Bella's hand and started pacing the room. My eyes followed the lines of the floorboards. If Jasper was correct, and there was a heedless vampire, or perhaps two, building an army of newborns right under our nose, the Volturi would be here sooner rather than later. The situation was garnering too much human attention, and our inconspicuousness was severely threatened. I'd have to take Bella and run, until the situation was back under control, until the Volturi had cleaned up this mess and gone back home.

"What could be the purpose of this?" I asked Jasper.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. This is not the South. There's nothing to claim, nothing to fight over. No territories to defend."

Alice had gotten up and stood beside Bella, who was looking from me to Jasper and back to me. I could clearly see the confusion on her face, before I heard the confirmation of her feelings in Jasper's mind.

"What is he rambling about?" Alice turned to Jasper. "What are you thinking?"

Jasper hesitated, reaching out to check the emotions emanating from all of us. He looked at each of our faces, before his gaze settled on Bella.

"You're confused," he addressed her directly. With the exception of the occasional chess game, he still kept his distance as a precaution, and their interaction were kept at a minimum.

But he had in the previous spring, during the episode with James, fully accepted her and considered her part of the family. He'd watched over her in Phoenix, and had, with Emmett's help, destroyed James in the ballet studio. That was before he'd tried to kill her on her eighteenth birthday. I had forgiven him for that. He had not.

"We're all confused," Emmett grumbled. "Come on, give me some details here. The suspense is killing me."

Jasper glanced at him. "You can afford the time to be patient." His eyes returned to Bella. "Bella should understand this, too. She's one of us now."

I saw the surprise flash in Bella's eyes when the words registered. I wasn't sure why she was surprised, but I supposed it was primarily because of the distance Jasper had put between them. We'd never talked about Jasper, not much. She knew his talent, and that he and Alice were together, but that was all.

"How much do you know about me, Bella?"

I suppressed a sigh, and hoped fervently this wouldn't end with Bella screaming and running from the room. Part of me was still waiting for the moment when something, some new information, would be too much. She had assured me, that wouldn't ever be the case.

I glued my eyes to her face, watching for any minute reactions to guess at the thoughts in her silent mind.

I heard Emmett drop himself into the couch, sighing melodramatically. "Are you kidding me? Seriously? Do we have to listen to this again? Come on, I want to rip a few newborns apart."

"Not much," she replied.

Jasper's eyes flashed over to me. "You haven't told her? She doesn't know?"

I raised my eyes to him. "No," I said slowly, "I'm sure you can understand why I haven't told her that story. But I suppose she needs to hear it now."

"Okay, then. I promise to leave out as many of the scarier details as possible, Edward. I don't want to frighten her."

I appreciated that very much and nodded at him.

"Very well," he nodded in return. He rolled up one sleeve of his sweater.

Rosalie's thoughts were less comforting. "It's about time she fully realizes that our world isn't as poetic as she's imagined." I glared at her for a second, and she glared back at me. "What, Edward? You have a problem with that? Give her more credit. She can take it. She's stronger than you think."

I'd heard that before and the memory rose up in my mind before I shoved it back into a deep corner of my brain.

Jasper held his wrist under the light of the table lamp beside him, illuminating the crescent scars on his arm, tracing a finger over one of the puckered bite marks near the bottom of his arm. I suddenly realized that Bella's weaker, human eyes may not have seen the extent of the physical damages that Jasper had endured in his first nearly one hundred years as a vampire. The emotional scars were visible only to Alice, and me.

"Oh," she breathed, "Jasper, you have a scar exactly like mine." She held out her hand beside his wrist. My breath hitched in my throat when the sight of the double-crescent on her hand hit the light. Pain rippled through me when the memory of how I had nearly lost her then sprung up to the surface like a geyser.

"She lived, Edward, she lived," I reminded myself.

Jasper glanced at me momentarily. "You okay?"

I felt a wave of calm emanate from him, as I nodded.

Jasper's smile was faint. "I have a lot of scars like you, Bella." He pushed the sleeve further up his arm, while he ran through the memories in his mind.

Alice, knowing what revisiting that horrible time in his life was doing to Jasper, concentrated on the love she felt for him, and let the feelings radiate through her, to help him out. She knew he'd pick them up instinctively. Then she threw a thought at me.

"By the way, Edward – congratulations. It was about time you figured it out."

"Thank you, Alice," I mouthed. She smiled at me in her mind before concentrating on Jasper again.

It took Bella a minute to understand the pattern on his arm, but then she gasped. "Jasper, what happened to you?"

What, indeed. I again glued my eyes to Bella's face as Jasper started to tell her his story.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

A/N: Thanks for reading... won't you click that green button and leave a review for me?