A/n: I'm so sorry it's been so long guys. I've been dealing with a death of a friend, a really intense cold, and a big change coming my way. For all of those who are still reading this, thank you so much for your patience. I hope this is at an alright chapter.
This chapter takes place in season 2 "Born Under a Bad sign." Also WARNING SPOILER ALERT for "Croatian," "Hunted," and generally the main storyline for season 2.
CH 10: Invasion of a Demonic Son of a Bitch, A Vow From My Brother the Protector
Since the day I turned six months old, my brother has been doing everything in his power to make sure I'm safe. From fires to bullies to monsters, Dean always saw himself as my protector. But with the whole "watch out for Sammy" bit, came secrets. I know he had them because he thought he was keeping me safe, and honestly, I know I should just accept that that is how it will always be as long as we both are alive, but there are just some things that I can't just shrug off. Such as the big secret that Dad left Dean with when he died. I knew something more had to have been wrong with my brother. I mean yes ok, he idolized the man, but he had been so snappy towards me and so stand off-ish and evasive. Like his lack of being able to actually look me straight in the eye afterwards. I thought maybe he blamed me or something. Come to find out, Dad told Dean in his final minutes the he needed to save me and if he couldn't, he would have to kill me.
As you can imagine, it started a bit of a disagreement between us and I had taken it upon myself to go in search of more "children" like me and some answers as to what it all means for me. In the process, Dean had come after me, not surprising, and had been taken hostage by none other than Gordon Walker. That dick got what he deserved in the end and Dean and I had made amends.
But of all the times my brother has saved me, there's one time in particular that I still to this day couldn't believe. A time where my brother proved to me just how serious he took keeping me safe. It was a time I found myself on a mission to kill other hunters.
Everyone's had those days where they don't quite feel like themselves, but you don't know how that really feels, until you are locked away in your own body and committing crimes that you yourself can't stop from happening. You don't know the feeling until you are forced to watch the light go out in another man's eyes and you're covered with their blood.
I don't actually remember how it happened. I mean I know how it happens, I wasn't protected at the time. I was really stressed out about the whole possibility of me going evil thing, which is basically like rolling out the welcome mat for the fowl monsters. Anyways, I may not remember how it happened, but I remember the fight I tried to put up to regain control of my body. It was an exhausting struggle mentally to do so, but for all my effort, I was overpowered and forced to sit shotgun and watch the demon take the reins over my actions and my words. I remember praying that Dean would find me before I could do anything too bad to an innocent person. Then I remember the pure horror I felt when what I dreaded would happen, happened and a fellow hunter fell prey to the monster that was now me. I was a puppet in a murder and I had no way to cut the strings and free myself.
I had been missing from Dean for quite some time, and it was no surprise to me when the demon called him, how fast he answered. He sounded so worried, which wasn't a shock, but while my cry for help drew my brother in like a moth to a flame, I wanted to beg him not to come. I couldn't stand the thought of the demon hurting my brother, or worse. Within minutes of the call, there had been a knock on my door and Dean appeared. I tried everything to get him to realize that the man he was worrying over, was not actually his brother. But the demon was stronger than me, and I had to sit idly by while it convinced him that I didn't remember what happened. My body led us like some rat through a maze, stopping now and then as though I had just "remembered" something. It took him to a car it had stolen where a bloody knife had been laying in the back on the floor along with blood on the steering wheel, and a gas receipt. We followed that until we stopped inside to see if the clerk recognized me. Unfortunately, he did, threatening to call the cops the moment I stepped inside. Dean got it sorted out and we took off in the direction the man had said I had gone earlier. I remember watching as the demon continued to play "bad feeling vibe" with my brother, until we reached the house of the dead hunter. It had hurt to see Dean's eyes stare at the video of "me" killing the guy in disbelief that his little brother had been capable of such a heinous act. The whole time the demon led him around, my brother had fought to find a reason why I would be acting so strange. He came up with multiple reasons as to what could have happened. Anything but me actually being evil.
Back at the motel, after Dean had destroyed all the evidence and we had wiped down our prints, the demon decided to push my brother further. Somehow it had known about Dad's words to him too and was using that as a means to my end. I don't know what upset me more, the fact that the demon was trying to get my brother to off me and was using my mouth to say those words, or the look in his eyes. It was like he had been hoping it wasn't real. That his little brother hadn't really murdered a man for no apparent reason other than just because he could. I wanted it to stop. I wanted Dean to know that it wasn't me he was talking to and that I was trying so hard to get back to him. But instead all I could do was listen to myself egg him on.
"Dean you promised him. You promised me." Something in my brother changed in that moment. He had been looking at me as though I were a bomb that needed to be diffused since he had first come to me after the phone call at the motel, but suddenly, I had seen hope shine in his green eyes. What he said, he genuinely believed and he wanted me to believe it too.
"We're gonna figure this out, okay? I mean, there's gotta be a way, right?"
He had been looking for my confirmation, my support that whatever was happening with me, it was fixable and it wasn't me having crossed over to the dark side. I wanted to agree with him and tell him everything was going to be ok, but the demon had had other plans.
"Yeah, there is." It had handed my brother his gun. "I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you." Well I'll give the demon one thing, it certainly knew me well enough to put on a show. It used my eyes to draw in sentiment and choked up my voice when I spoke. And it fooled Dean too. I had seen him still fighting to keep things positive.
"You won't. Whatever this is, you can fight it," he had encouraged me. The demon shook my head and laughed sadly.
"No. I can't. Not forever. Here, you gotta do it." My hand practically crammed the gun at my brother. He looked from me, to the firearm in his hand.
"You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe."
"I know." If I had been in control of my heart, it would have been pounding. For the slightest of seconds, I had thought the demon had won. That my brother was actually going to listen to it. But that was short lived as I saw his eyes grow remorseful.
"I can't. I would rather die." I knew he meant it too. It always seemed obvious that if it ever came down to it, Dean would just as soon take a bullet for me as he would a knife, a fall, or any other way of death. I suppose it should make me feel good to know that, but it doesn't. Little does Dean know, still to this day, how hard it is to be ok with it. I'm not ok with I'll never be ok with it, and I've voiced that to my brother a few times now.
I wanted to cry tears of gratitude, admiration, appreciation, but the demon had other ideas. It took the gun from my brother and smacked him in the face with the butt of it.
The demon hadn't gotten what it had wanted, so it carried me out of the motel room and continued on with its murder-spree. To my horror, it had chosen none other than Jo Harvelle, a fellow hunter and friend. Luckily for her and unlike the first hunter, the demon used her as bait. Once again it tried to provoke Dean into shooting me, and once again my brother refused, no matter what I said. But then he had done something else neither the demon nor myself saw coming. He spun around and threw holy water at me. Of course it hadn't hurt me, but the demon inside flared up and I lost consciousness. The last thing I remember, was feeling so grateful that my big brother was no idiot and that somewhere from the time he was knocked out in the motel room, and at the bar Jo was working at, he had figured out that I was possessed.
When I woke up again, my arm was burning like I had had a run in with a hot stove, I had been sitting on the floor of what was clearly Bobby's house, and my big brother was sitting on the floor next to me looking like he was seconds away from passing out. His nose had been a bloody mess and he had been cradling his arm holding himself at his shoulder. Bobby had been standing looking down at us.
"Did I miss something?" I had asked. I had been answered by Dean's fist to the side of my face. I looked at him and then Bobby with a look that was both pain and confusion.
Once we had been cleaned up and iced, Bobby came to us with news that a hunter by the name of Steve Wandell was found dead and that his friends were looking for a little payback. I had immediately tensed, knowing it had been my fault. Dean put on his best poker face and told Bobby we hadn't heard of him. I knew that he was just as informed as I was that Bobby wasn't stupid and that he had already put the pieces together. If he had, who knew who else could do the same. We thanked Bobby and made our way out, but before we left, he supplied us with some charms and told us it should prevent another invasion of the body snatchers.
Back in the car, I had confessed to my brother about having been awake through some of my time trapped in my body and what I had seen and done. But more than that, I had questioned, in a way, why no matter what I did, he didn't shoot.
"It was the right move, Sam. It wasn't you," had been his response. It hadn't been what I was looking for.
"Yeah, this time. What about next time?" I countered. I hated saying this, but maybe the demon, Meg it turned out to be, had had a point while she had been running around wearing me. What if I did end up killing someone because the Yellow Eyed Demon made me? Dean flashed me an angry panicked look.
"Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you...that was only if I couldn't save you. Now if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you." I was met with those same hopeful eyes that I had seen back when I had been possessed at the motel room right before I knocked him out. He kept my gaze a few seconds more, something he tends to do when he wants me to understand how sincere and serious he was with what he said. It didn't matter what I thought or that I knew he was just as scared about the whole thing as I was, what mattered was that I knew and believed that what my brother had said, was the truth. And I did. It was then that I knew, Dean would never follow through with Dad's final order. I could be the biggest criminal on the face of the earth, kill however many people, but no matter how bad it got, Dean would always choose to protect me. Even if it was from myself.
A/n Special note for LilyBolt: SUPRISE! I wanted to make sure I posted something today and I figure what better than a chapter of the story you say is you're favorite of mine? This day last year, I posted my first review ever on your story Remeberance which was my first story I had read of yours. It was a fantastic story, a mediocre review, and the beginning of a phenomenal friendship. It feels like I've known you so much longer than only one year, but it turns out, today marks it. HAPPY FIRST FULL YEAR OF FRIENDSHIP! It's a bad title, but it's what it is. Thank you for an amazing year and here's to more to come.