Cause and Effect

Chapter 10

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Gaara was extremely annoyed. Neji seemed to have expected him to stake out his classes. That, or he had spotted him outside his morning class and decided that he would have to outmaneuver him. Neji only had two classes on Tuesday, and the first one he escaped any confrontation by leaving from an alternate exit. By the time Gaara ran around to try and catch up with him, he was long gone. And for the second one, he left with the professor, deep in discussion about something Gaara was pretty sure was contrived as a way to avoid him.

He had called out to Neji then, saying they needed to talk, and Neji had looked affronted, shaking him off and saying he was busy.

Did I go too far?

He had considered skipping his classes the next day, but it seemed idiotic to let his own studies suffer on the off chance that Neji would suddenly change his mind and talk to him. He had left his classes in a rush, trying to intercept his lover, but it was like chasing a shadow.

At the house, things had calmed down a bit from the initial sensation caused by the notorious videos. Temari had called a house meeting, explained that everyone should just delete the email and if they had any information, bring it to her. She had forwarded her theory that the videos were being posted without Sasuke or Naruto's consent. Naruto had been visibly absent from the meeting, but Temari had decided to leave him alone about it, considering how upset he must be. Gaara had considered telling her about Sasuke's brother, but had reconsidered, deciding that was not really any of her business, and it was up to Naruto or Sasuke to decide who they might explain the situation to.

Hinata had been concerned about Neji, but at least he was still attending class. No one had any idea where Sasuke had gone, although Gaara had a vague suspicion he had either slunk away in shame, or gone to confront his brother. He liked to think it was the first one, but he kept trying to remind himself that Sasuke wasn't really that bad, tried to remember the way Neji had explained that he was at least as bad as Sasuke, and if that was the case, who was Gaara to judge?

Then on Thursday, Gaara got back from his lab to find that his entire room had been cleaned out of Neji's belongings, or at least the greater portion of them. This had frustrated him more than anything else, knowing that Neji had been here, knowing that he had missed such a chance because he was selfishly looking after himself, and knowing that Neji must really consider their relationship to be over.

Gaara recalled that there was a fencing tournament that weekend, and determined that he would attend it, and that he would finally get a chance to speak with Neji alone. Naruto was still spending nearly all his time outside of classes in Gaara's room, and it made it easier to distract himself from the ache he felt for the other man. He understood why Naruto didn't want to be in his own room, didn't want the constant reminder of Sasuke, but they hadn't really spoken about Sasuke ever since the night when Naruto had come to his room, crying inconsolably. Gaara was not sure if they were fighting, or if Sasuke had left of his own accord, but Naruto's face became closed off whenever the name was brought up, so he just avoided it.

It was nice, having someone warm and safe beside him at night, but it was hard for Gaara to sleep at all. He couldn't stop thinking of Neji, wondering where he was sleeping, wondering if Neji was thinking of him at all, wondering what he could do to show that he was sorry, that he didn't mean those things, and that he wasn't angry with Neji, that he trusted him. Naruto slept fitfully, and once he woke up in a panic from some nightmare which Gaara had a shrewd suspicion featured Sasuke's brother rather heavily. Then there was the night he'd pressed against Gaara, kissing his throat, kissing his face, and as Gaara lay still, frozen and unsure of what he should do, had woken up a bit, recognized that this wasn't Sasuke, had muttered an apology, and gone back to sleep. The most disturbing bit had been that Gaara had immediately felt turned on by Naruto's advances. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. He already knew that he found Naruto to be attractive, and going so long without any sexual attention was frustrating. Naruto either didn't remember that, or felt better not mentioning it, because he never said anything to acknowledge he remembered at all doing something like that. Gaara supposed he probably thought it must have been a dream, considering Gaara himself said nothing about it.

He just really needed Neji back, and then everything could go back to making sense again.

The fencing tournament was long, and it might have seemed boring to someone else, but Gaara's eyes were trained on the figure he recognized as Neji, his long hair spilling out of the back of the fencing mask. He felt restless when he first sat down, and by the end of the tournament, he felt achingly hard. Neji was so graceful, so dangerous, so beautiful, even with his face covered up…even if his hair hadn't been visible, Gaara felt sure he would have recognized his lover's form. He was definitely ready for this fight to be over. He was entertaining a brief fantasy of taking Neji in the locker room shower, or on the bench by the lockers…or maybe back behind these bleachers…

"Neji!" he called out, and he saw the mask twitch slightly as he surged past the crowd of friends and admirers, ready to seriously hurt anyone who got between him and his goal. "Neji, we need to talk!"

"Go away," the voice was subdued, pained, and Gaara wanted desperately to see the face below that mask. There were other fencers around them, moving towards the locker rooms, and Neji was letting himself be swept along by that crowd, out of Gaara's reach. "Nothing to talk about."

"Dammit," Gaara reached out, pulling Neji toward him, snapping his arm so their bodies were flush, so Neji could feel the heat of his body, the force of his need. He wanted to see his face so badly…he reached up, fumbling with the mask, and was pulled back by a couple of other fencers.

"Back off, buddy!" one of them commanded, as another fencer ushered Neji towards the locker rooms. "Tournament's over, you need to go home."

"I need to talk to him!" Gaara raged, struggling against the pair that were pulling him back and away. "He's my boyfriend, I just need to talk to him!" He felt himself flushing at his public show of emotion, at the declaration made to people he didn't even know, but this was getting to be a desperate situation. He thought he saw Neji turn back a bit as he disappeared into the locker room.

"If that's true, he'll be happy to talk to you once he's cleaned up." They were pulling him back towards the exit of the room, and Gaara redoubled his struggles, but now there was a third person helping out, some older man who was probably the coach or something like that. Gaara got a hand loose and punched one of them, but instead of escaping, he felt himself restrained more tightly than ever as his victim recovered and they all three pulled him out of the gymnasium.

"You need to calm down." The older man admonished him as Gaara continued to wriggle and look for an avenue of escape. "Hey! Hey, security! Help me out over here!" Gaara felt his stomach plummet as a member of campus security rushed over, cuffed him, and led him away.

"What's the big deal? You're a student, right? No reason to get so worked up. Let's go sit down a while and calm down, okay?" the security man was seriously pissing Gaara off, and he weighed his options. Sure, he was cuffed, but he was still pretty sure he could take this guy, and the other three people had gone back into the gym. He clenched his jaw, preparing to twist away from him, smash his fists into the man's stomach and make a break for it. He could run for the locker room, beat down anyone who got in his way, and then…

He could already see the look on Temari's face, could imagine the disappointment in Neji's eyes.

"Sorry." He decided being contrite might be more effective than being aggressive in this situation. Maybe if he behaved, they would just let him go, and then he wouldn't have to sit through a lecture later. "I don't know what got into me."

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"Dammit," Neji made a sharp right turn as he caught sight of a familiar blonde standing outside the locker rooms, her face set in a deceptively casual expression.

"Not so fast." She caught up with him faster than should have been humanly possible. "We need to talk."

"We don't, now go away, and tell Gaara to stop following me around." Neji told her sharply.

"You're hilarious. In here." She pushed him through a pair of doors as easily as though their sizes were reversed. "Now shut up and listen to me, or I swear to god, I will hire men to follow you around and break all your bones."

"You wouldn't—"

"Neji, I think you're making a mistake." Temari gave him a humorless smile. "I am not Gaara, nor do I feel anything like Gaara feels about you. You and I had an understanding, and now…now I'm a little confused. My brother's upset, you're nowhere to be found, there's some rampant Sasuke sex tape trafficking going on in my house. I know you have something to do with it…I would hate to have to tell Hinata all about my suspicions, considering the last time the subject came up, she passed out cold, but I think—"

"What do you want?" Neji could tell there wasn't much hope of stopping her once she got going, and Temari smiled sweetly at him, as though he had just offered her tea and politely asked her how her day was.

"That's more like it." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "What do I want? I think I want to know why you're avoiding my brother. Remember the one? About this tall, red hair, pretty green eyes, permanent scowl. The one you professed to love?"

"I'm just staying out of his way." Neji told her, annoyed. "He's the one who was angry…I fucked up, and I know I can't go back, so I'm just…why does he have to come rub my nose in it? Does he really think I don't care about him anymore?"

"Well, I don't know," Temari shrugged. "Maybe if you two would talk, this wouldn't be such a fucking mystery! Seriously, I don't understand why everyone in that house seems to feel that there needs to be psychic communication only. He's worried about you, he's following you. Does it need to be malicious? Can't he just care about you? Gaara's mysterious at first, I know, but he's a very simple man when it comes to his motivations. If he wants something, he tries to grab it. If he doesn't want something, he throws it away and doesn't go looking for it. See? Now, see if you can guess which one of these thinly veiled analogies applies to you."

"You're such a bitch." Neji grumbled, turning towards the door. "How do I even know you're serious, that you aren't just doing this to see me suffer."

"Have you ever seen me help my brothers do something petty?" she arched an eyebrow. "You may not know me that well, but I would have hoped by now that you understood that I don't just blindly do whatever they ask. I do what I think is right, and honestly…as much as I hate to say it, I don't want Gaara to have to do without you. I don't want him to return to the way he was, and I don't want to see him hurting. I just want you two to be happy."

"Thanks." He stared at the ground, not sure he could handle looking at her in that moment.

"You better not be secretly sleeping with Sasuke or some shit, or I will have you fucking killed." She gave him a dismissive gesture and stormed out.

Neji couldn't help smiling.

In some ways, Temari was a lot like Gaara. But in some ways…she was distinctly Temari.

And she was a good sister to Gaara. He could respect that.

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Gaara was extremely frustrated, and extremely exhausted. Neji had not been anywhere he could see when he was finally let off with a warning by campus security. Fat lot of good it had done him to be reasonable. It seemed like he would endlessly have to chase after Neji and be evaded, and it was very…very discouraging. He wanted so badly to be acknowledged, to see that look in Neji's eyes, the one that was always aimed only at him, the one that told him sincerely and without question that he was loved. He knew it was a selfish need…but there it was.

He returned home slowly, not caring about the rain pouring down, wetting his hair, sliding over his skin, soaking his clothes, making his shoes slosh slightly with each step. It was appropriate for it to rain at a time like this. He held a secret wish that when he walked into his room, Neji would be there.

There was no one.

He collapsed, shivering, on the floor, thinking it might be smart for him to change his clothes, might be a good idea to dry off and climb into the bed. But he found he had no energy for anything. He just wanted Neji to come in, to sense his need and come back and smile at him that way he would when Gaara had done something foolish, and kiss him and tell him it didn't matter, anyway.

What if he's never coming back?

It was the first time he let such a treacherous thought take shape in his mind, but it made him want to cry. He was too frozen even for that, so he stared at his fingertips, splayed on the floor in front of him, seeing how the pink of his hands blended into the white of his icy, numb fingers, trying to move them, and blinking at the way they would twitch with only the shadow of sensation reaching his brain.

"Gaara!" he blinked at the concerned voice, and sighed when he realized it was Naruto, not Neji. Naruto, of course, who spent every night with Gaara, who cuddled close and smelled very clean and almost like sunshine. Naruto, who probably liked to think that Gaara was Sasuke as he lay there thinking lonely thoughts deep in the night. Naruto, who was looking at him with such concern, who was making him stand, ushering him to the bathroom, and turning on the shower, stripping him down and fretting about stupid people who gave themselves hypothermia.

Naruto was nice. Naruto cared about him, he could see that. He let Naruto put him in the shower, and then felt as his body nearly went into shock from the sudden heat, and if he had the ability, he would have laughed at how Naruto panicked, jumping into the shower with all his clothes on, turning the heat down, rubbing Gaara's limbs, apologizing.

It was a good thing, really, that Naruto was here to care for him, since Neji hadn't been, and Temari would be very angry when he died of exposure or something. Not that he would. He'd probably just get a cold. He closed his eyes, and let himself enjoy the feeling of having his flesh kneaded, and he didn't really mind that he was naked, because it was just Naruto trying to help him, and he really did think it was good of him, since at the moment, he could barely think of caring for himself.

Finally, when the water was hot and steaming, and Naruto seemed satisfied that he wasn't going to die, he climbed out of the shower, dripping wet and pulling his own clothes off to toss in the laundry. "Take as much time as you need to warm up." He advised Gaara, who felt he was plenty warm and exited the shower, standing on the rug and blinking at Naruto as though to ask what he should do next. Naruto blushed slightly, seeming only now to realize that they were both naked.

"Can I have a towel?" Gaara asked, and Naruto dug through the closet, handing him the largest towel he could find, and grabbing one for himself as well.

"I don't know what you were thinking," Naruto was suddenly nervous, concentrating on drying himself off and not glancing over unnecessarily at Gaara, who did a rather lazy job of drying off before wrapping the towel around his waist and walking out the door, as though nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. "Hey!" Naruto gathered himself and chased after the redhead, wrapping his own towel around him and bursting into the room right in time to see Gaara toss the towel aside. "Do you…want tea or something?"

"No." Gaara scrubbed a hand through swiftly drying hair and climbed into the bed, still stark naked. "I'm tired."

"Why…would you stand out in the rain like that and then just lay there and get so…" Naruto frowned at him sullenly. "You could make yourself really sick, doing stupid things like that. So…so you shouldn't do that again."

"Okay." Gaara yawned and lazily patted the area next to him. "I'm still cold. Come to bed."

"Well…you wouldn't be if you'd just put some pajamas on." Naruto pulled on a shirt that he refused to think of as Sasuke's, and a pair of boxer briefs, climbing into the bed as well. "Are you going to sleep?"

"Maybe." Gaara snuggled against Naruto, and the blonde stiffened slightly. It was funny how something that seemed so warm and innocent with all those clothes on seemed suddenly very sexual when just Gaara was naked.

"Are you…drunk or something?" Naruto didn't know what to think of how Gaara was acting, and it was making him more than a little nervous.

"Remember that time you asked me what if I hadn't met Neji first…if we could've gotten together?" Gaara asked, nuzzling his neck.

"Um…yes." Naruto refused to acknowledge his heartbeat speeding up. And he was not getting hard. Definitely not.

"Well, it seems like he's gone for good. And Sasuke's gone." Gaara sighed. "You miss him?"

"I…I don't know." Naruto lied.

"It's okay, I know how it feels." Gaara pressed a kiss to his lips, very softly, very briefly, and very pointedly. "It's okay if you think of him."

"I…I shouldn't…I mean, I still have feelings for him, and I can't just…" he shuddered when Gaara ground against him. "It wouldn't be like it was. We're both…not in good places to make choices like this, and can you honestly say that if…if Neji came back you wouldn't just forget me?"

"I never forgot you when he was still here." Gaara blinked at him slowly. "Neji is Neji, and Naruto is Naruto. They're different things, and they're different feelings. I just…thought you might like it. It might make us feel better."

"I don't think you should do that just to feel better." Naruto frowned slightly, and Gaara ground against him again. This time he moaned out loud.

"You seem to feel better already." Gaara arched an eyebrow, and Naruto had a moment of hesitation.

He still loved Sasuke.

But that was over.

And Gaara was here.

He did care about Gaara, and Gaara cared about him.

And he could feel…feel that Gaara wanted this.

Was it really that wrong?

He leaned in this time, kissing Gaara deeply, and while it felt great, it wasn't like kissing Sasuke. He didn't feel like he was going to catch fire from the heat of it. He felt more like there was a gentle warmth circling him and holding him safely in its range. He had been afraid Gaara would consume him, but this was easy, this was nice. There was nothing wrong with this.

The blanket shifted as they continued to kiss and grind against each other slowly, and Naruto let Gaara take his shirt off, eased his underwear off on his own, and panted slowly as Gaara circled their lengths with his hand and began to move. This wasn't like with Sasuke. It was not something that felt like he couldn't possibly control it, and it wasn't terrifying at all. There were no words exchanged, but there was an honesty and a need in Gaara's eyes that meant more to him than any words the redhead might have said. He knew that Gaara wanted Neji. Gaara knew he wanted Sasuke. But they both had found that if they just let themselves, they could redirect those feelings toward each other.

He was getting close, he knew, and the noises that Gaara was making told him that they would probably finish together. And before he knew it, white light burst in his vision, and Gaara let out a shuddering moan.

That was when the door flew open.

"What the hell?"

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To be Continued…