Chapter 10: Pushing out the Thoughts

Josh's only conversation on the ride home from the bakery was the one Josh had with himself in his mind.

Josh had always thought parents were to be held in esteem. But for the first time since meeting Audrey Nichols, Josh had lost a little of his respect for her. How could she not know that Drake had always blamed himself, at least in part, for Jared's apparent rejection of him. And knowing that, how could Audrey have not, at the very least, told Drake of Jared's suspicion?

Was Audrey just being selfish? Was she still hiding other secrets? Josh did not know what to think. Would Drake be better off not knowing? Why tell Drake just to find out that Jared really is his father? But if Jared isn't really Drake's father, then Drake must be told, shouldn't he? Maybe they could somehow determine whether Jared was really Drake's father without Drake knowing. But wouldn't that mean involving Jared, wherever he might be, and potentially re-opening old wounds?

Josh really wanted to talk about this with someone. But there was no one he felt he could consult. Upon arriving back home, Josh decided to push his thoughts out of his head. And upon seeing Drake, Megan and Walter, Josh put on a happy face.

Josh and Drake quickly finished their dinners and announced that they'd take their dessert upstairs with them. Drake wanted to "exchange notes" about their chats with Walter and Audrey. Josh just wanted to be alone with Drake.

"So, what did Mom need to say to you that she couldn't say in front of me," Drake asked.

Josh half-honestly told Drake, "She's worried what might happen should the day come that we break up."

Drake immediately knew this was code, responding, "Yeah, she thinks you're just a toy to me … that I'm just looking to hit it and quit it … wow … nice … two birds with one stone."

"Huh," Josh grunted.

"She put us both down … well, she's wrong both ways … I could never do that to you … she just can't or doesn't want to see that I really love you … and that you're so awesome … that bitch … if she can't see that no one … no one who really knew you … could treat you … would want to treat you like that … well, fuck her," Drake yelled.

"Drake, I know you're mad, but don't talk about Mom like that," Josh replied.

"You're lucky … she's not really your mom," Drake said in disgust.

"Come on Drake, you don't mean that … she's not going to interfere … she's coming around … slowly," Josh said, trying to console Drake.

"Sure … at least your Dad seems cool with us," Drake responded.

"I've told you that he's awesome … and you know, he's your Dad, too … besides making him happy, I think you'd also benefit if you and Dad became a little closer," Josh said hopefully. Drake told Josh that he would make an effort to become closer to Walter, and Drake meant it.

Drake then suggested they resume playing the new gamesphere game Josh had brought home earlier. Josh agreed that was a good idea.

After playing for a couple of hours, Drake announced, "Shit, it's only about nine o'clock and I'm tired … I guess this crap with Mom has worn me out … how about starting snuggle time right now … and then just bed, if that's okay." Josh then nodded his head up and down. "'Cause I got to rehearse with the band tomorrow … you see, we got a gig Friday night … filling in for some group that suddenly broke up," Drake explained.

"Sure," Josh answered. It had been an exhausting day for both of them … and despite how incredible the sex was the night before, maybe it would be nice not having sex for a change, Josh thought.

As the boys changed for bed, Josh noticed a pair of bruises on the sides of Drake's torso. "Drake, what happened, you got a couple of nasty looking bruises there," Josh said as he gently placed his fingers on the bruised areas.

"It's nothing," Drake replied. However, looking at Josh, Drake instinctively knew that would not be a sufficient answer. So, Drake explained, "Okay … it happened last night … when we were … when I was on top of you … you were really getting into it … and you grabbed me a little hard, I guess."

"I'm sorry," Josh said sadly.

"Don't be … it was the hottest sex I've ever had … well worth a couple of bruises that will go away in a couple of days." Josh believed Drake, but that didn't make him feel a whole lot better.

Drake then told Josh all about gig he had just gotten for Friday night.

"I want to be there … I haven't seen you perform since … this started … unless you count that one-song concert for Mom and Dad," Josh said.

"But you gotta work, right," Drake asked.

"I think I get Crazy Steve to cover for me. He owes me," Josh responded.

"Cool … it always pumps me up knowing you're out there rooting for me to win over the audience," Drake answered.

"Well, it pumps me up knowing you want me there," Josh said warmly before turning off the lamp. With his arm wrapped around Drake's torso, both boys quickly fell asleep.

XxXxXxXxXx

Josh was just lying around the house catching up on recorded episodes of Oprah while Drake was rehearsing with his band. Josh was actually enjoying a little alone time, just him and Oprah. Josh then paused the DVR when his cell phone rang. It was Eric, who acted a bit surprised that Josh answered.

"Is that really you Josh, or just one of those dumb messages to make someone feel stupid when they discover it's a recording," Eric asked.

"No, it's me … live and in person," Josh answered.

"I wasn't sure because except for when you're working at the Premier it's like you have fallen off the face of the planet lately … haven't seen Drake around either … is something wrong," Eric asked, genuinely concerned.

"No … everything is … right," Josh replied, grinning to himself.

Eric then asked Josh if he was working that afternoon. Josh told him that he was not, prompting Eric to say, "Well, if you don't have plans with Drake, maybe you could join me and Craig this afternoon … we're going to 'Galapagos' at the Science Center … in the IMAX dome."

"Sounds fun," Josh said enthusiastically.

"And Craig and I can pick you up early, so we can get some tacos or something before the movie," Eric suggested.

"Food sounds good, but lately I've been digging burritos more than tacos," Josh said, smiling to himself, proving that Megan wasn't the only one capable of referencing food in a sexually suggestive manner.

"Okay," Eric responded, not understanding why Josh felt the need to inform him about his newfound preference for burritos.

At lunch, Josh wanted to ask the question that many people had wanted to ask Eric and Craig over the years: are you two a couple or what? But Josh dared not ask that question for fear they would inquire about him and Drake. Although Josh wanted to tell them, he would not do so without first discussing it with Drake. Anyway, Josh was pretty sure he already knew the answer, and that made Josh think.

Were he and Drake just as obvious as Eric and Craig? Or was Mindy right? Were he and Drake, in some ways, so obvious that they were hiding in plain sight. If it wasn't for Drake's career, Josh would tell everyone, he believed. Josh then pushed those thoughts out of his head. Josh was getting good at pushing thoughts out of his head.

Josh enjoyed the movie, but when it was over, he was ready to go home. Even though Josh truly enjoyed his "away time," he was now missing Drake. However, once he was home, Josh discovered that Drake was not there. So, Josh called Drake. Happily, Drake answered. "Hey Josh … good timing, we were just taking a break."

"Are you going to be rehearsing much longer," Josh asked.

"Probably … we need it," Drake answered.

"Well, make sure you eat something … I don't want you getting run down … you need to be at your best Friday night … and tonight, too … if you know what I mean," Josh said suggestively.

"Yeah, I do … I'll eat something right now and I'll be home in a couple of hours," Drake promised.