Remuré Memorium

Chapter 9

Ziggy woke up with a start, breathing heavily. The dream he'd been having echoed around his head, all fleeting shadows and dark corners. He couldn't remember what it had been about but that was probably a good thing. He sat up slowly, rubbing one hand across his forehead then through his hair, trying to calm himself down. It took a while but eventually he was able to bring both his heartbeat and breathing under control. It wasn't until he did that that he realized the feeling of pain and horror slipping down the link and into his mind. It was probably what had disturbed his dream in the first place.

He closed his eyes, sending a mental call down the link. He didn't get any reply. Despite the emotions he was sending, Dillon's mind was quiet. He was probably still asleep. Immediately, Ziggy got up, running out of his room and towards Dillon's. He wasn't going to let Dillon suffer through another nightmare alone if he could help it. He tried the door but found it locked. Biting his lip, he called out to Dillon again, hoping he could wake the man up. Still nothing. He sighed heavily, contemplating the door in front of him.

He was about to turn around and get one of the other Rangers to try to bust the lock when the pain washing down through the bond suddenly increased. He collapsed to his knees, gasping and trying to keep tears at bay. ;Dillon, please! Wake up!; he called. Dillon remained asleep. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself to his feet again, grabbing the doorknob once more. He was under strict orders not to use the Series Green powers outside of morph ever again. The more he did it, the more he ran the risk of permanently damaging his body from the power drain. Screw it. He grabbed the energy and pulled it forward before rather painfully forcing it out through the center of his palm. The metal of the doorknob indented and cracked in several places and he heard the lock snap. Cradling his now aching hand to his chest, he pushed into the room.

The power of the emotions Dillon was sending doubled with the close proximity, making him wince. The emotions seemed to seep through his mind, pulling up any and every bad memory he had.

"You can't stay here anymore."

"This wedding will happen, no matter you're feelings on it!"

"What are we doing Dillon?"

"You worthless piece of trash! Do you know how embarrassed I am? Having you as a son right now?"

"Goodbye Ziggy."

He forced his feet to take him closer to the man on the bed, pushing the memories as far back in his mind as he could. Dillon was sweating heavily, the sheets tangled and twisted around him. Ziggy approached him slowly, not sure how the man would react to him waking him up when he was in this state. He sat down on the bed next to him, reaching out to shake him awake while he whispered reassurances down the bond. Dillon jerked awake, grabbing the hands shaking him and using the grip to pull Ziggy down. There was a sudden mess of movement and when it stopped, Ziggy found himself trapped beneath Dillon's warm body, both his hands pinned above his chest.

"Dillon…" he whispered, fighting for the breath that had been knocked out of him. "Dillon it's me."

Dillon looked down at him with dark eyes, breathing heavily. "Zig...gy?" he muttered. Dillon stared down at him for a minute, as if he couldn't figure out what was going on. Then Dillon dropped down onto him, his hands moving from around his wrists to clutch at his shirt. Ziggy stiffened for a minute, unused to such a display of outright emotion, and then wrapped his arms around Dillon, whispering softly. "It's alright. It's just a nightmare." He ran his hands slowly over Dillon back and through his thick hair, trying to send as many good emotions as he could. It wasn't easy. He could feel Dillon's own turmoil beating against him, slipping through into his own mind again. Ziggy felt his heartbeat pick up in response to the new emotions.

He closed his eyes, trying to center himself so he could help Dillon. Memories kept trying to slip through his hold though, playing in front of his eyes before he could drag them back under control. He frowned tightly, trying to make Dillon calm down so he could get both of them under control. Before he could do very much, another memory slipped past his grasp, flashing across his eyes.

Ziggy chased after Dillon, breathing heavily but smiling widely. Dillon had given him the watch nearly a month ago and ever since then Ziggy had been having the time of his life. The two found time to steal kisses away from the rest of the world and were almost always together now. He loved it.

"Where are we going?" He called to the much faster boy ahead of him. Dillon turned briefly to give him a wide grin before facing forwards again. Ziggy shook his head briefly. The Kanes house had a massive amount of unused ground and Dillon knew every inch of it. And he was quite eager to show it to him. Ziggy didn't mind; it got them away from everything else and he'd go for that any time. Slowly they came to a stop, Dillon pulling him next to him. Ziggy leaned against him and smiled at his… his what? His boyfriend? He honestly didn't know what to call Dillon. "This is it?" he asked, looking around. There wasn't anything around, although the Kane house was visible in the distance, along with the small woods that hid it from the site of the road.

"I just thought… we'd get away for a while. Not go anywhere, just get away from everyone." Dillon told him, smiling warmly.

Ziggy returned the small smile, liking the idea very much. Dillon stepped closer, sliding both his arms around his waist to hold him against his chest. Ziggy sighed softly in contentment, resting his head against Dillon's chest. "Ziggy," Dillon breathed against his ear. "My Ziggy."

A blush spread across his cheeks at the term used to describe him but he smiled all the same. He pulled back, catching Dillon's mouth with his own. Warmth and belonging sparked, making him press closer. Something very fitted fell into place, like it had all clicked together in his head. He had never felt as right as he did in the circle of Dillon's arms. The thought of pulling away and returning to the house, of having to pretend he felt nothing for Dillon was painful. He wanted to stay here forever. He didn't want to have to go back to acting like Dillon was nothing more than the man who would one day become his brother-in-law.

And that was dangerous. The closer they got, the harder it was to draw away. One day, they wouldn't be able to. They'd screw up and then everything would be ruined.

He forced himself to pull away and then jerked himself out of Dillon's embrace. Dillon blinked at him dazedly, not understanding why he had pulled away. "What are we doing, Dillon?" he asked quietly. "I'm getting married soon. To your sister."

Dillon closed his eyes, his expression pained. It was obvious Dillon had known this would happen eventually but had hoped it would happen a lot later. "Ziggy…" He whispered, his tone making tears pool into his eyes.

"We can't keep doing this Dillon. It's not right." He whispered, his voice breaking. Dillon nodded slowly. "I know." He whispered. He stepped closer and gently grasped his chin, placing a soft kiss against his forehead. He pulled back slowly, his breath coming out shaky. "Goodbye Ziggy Grover." Dillon whispered, his tone tight and layered with tears. Dillon turned around and walked away.

Ziggy let him, feeling his heart break a bit more with every step the older man took away from him. Everything in him cried out against letting Dillon walk away; everything told him to bed Dillon to come back, to forgive him for pushing him away. But he couldn't. They had to stay away from each other. He could do it. He was strong enough. He wrapped his arms around himself, tilting his head to the sky and letting tears trail slowly down his face. No part of him seemed to believe that.

Ziggy pushed the memory away and buried his head in Dillon's hair, hoping it hid the tears that had started to form. "It's alright." He whispered softly, his voice cracking. "It's going to be alright." He told Dillon, wishing he believed it himself. Dillon just held tighter.

-0-0-

Dillon paced the whole length of his room, trying to calm his roiling emotions. For some reason, the virus growing in him had consumed all his thoughts lately. He rarely had any time to think about his sister or, more importantly for now, the whole mess with Ziggy. He could feel the damn thing growing in the back of his head, gaining more and more ground in his body and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It was a terrifying feeling and what was worse was he was sure Ziggy could feel it as well. He could see it in the younger man's eyes sometimes. A desperate sort of helplessness that was slowly growing every day.

It had been nearly a week since Ziggy had first tried to wake to him from a nightmare and had to reassure him after. The same thing had happened every night since then. He had talked to K earlier. It was growing faster. If it kept growing at this rate, he had, at best, another week left. If it wasn't at best, he'd have less than days. She was working on a cure as fast as she could, trying to beat the clock. He knew, with a grim certainty, that she wouldn't win.

Ziggy slipped into the room suddenly, making him look at the younger man. Ziggy watched him with cautious eyes, like he wasn't sure what to expect. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Does it look like I'm okay?" he snapped. Ziggy flinched slightly. He sighed and forced himself to calm down. He'd sworn he wouldn't get angry with Ziggy unless the younger man really deserved it. "What?" he asked, softer this time.

"I'm worried about you." Ziggy whispered, stepping closer to him. He sighed and lifted one shoulder in a tired shrug. "You were right. Everything's happening so fast. I can't handle it. None of it." he said.

Ziggy watched him for a long moment then looked away. "Should I leave you alone then?" he asked. "I don't make things exactly easy for you, I know." Dillon watched the younger man for a moment then nodded. "That's probably a good idea." He replied. Ziggy winced slightly but turned to leave the room. "If you need anything, I'm always right here." Ziggy told him quietly. He nodded in acknowledgment. Ziggy left, looking back at him uncertainly. He obviously wanted to stay and help him but he knew it wouldn't work.

Dillon sighed and moved to lean against the standard desk that was in each room, sighing heavily. He couldn't do this. At all. It was too much. He couldn't handle it. He had to leave before he hurt someone. He could already see what would happen if he lost control; could already see the others twisted and bleeding heavily from his attack. He could, with sickening clarity, see Ziggy's limp form on the ground at his feet, blank, lifeless brown eyes gazing ahead of him, a bright red pool of blood slowly seeping around him. And it would his hands coated in the younger man's blood.

No!

He shook the thought angrily from his head, trying not to think about it. He had to get out of here. Before that little nightmare could become a reality. He straightened and moved to his dresser, grabbing the bag he'd shoved under the desk along the way. Before he could so much as think about throwing any of the multiple clothes he had gained into the bag, his door burst back open and Ziggy ran in. He jerked his head towards him in surprise, blinking rapidly. "Ziggy?" he whispered in surprise as Ziggy slammed the door and approached him quickly. Before he could wonder why Ziggy had come back, the younger man reached out and slapped him. His head jerked to the side at the hit.

He stayed like that for a few seconds before looking back at Ziggy in surprise. Ziggy merely stared back with wide eyes, hand still outstretched from slapping him. "Don't you dare." Ziggy whispered, breathing shakily. He looked unsettled and terrified. "Don't you dare run again."

"I can't stay." He whispered.

"And I can't lose you again!" Ziggy shouted, a single tear falling down his cheek. Dillon stared down at him with slightly wider eyes than normal. "I barely managed last time." Ziggy told him, sounding wrecked. "I won't be able to handle it again. I'm not that strong."

Dillon doubted that. Ziggy was the strongest person he'd ever met. Despite everything he'd been through Ziggy was somehow still able to pull himself back up day after day. He honestly thought Ziggy was able to handle anything. "You can do this without me." He whispered.

"No I can't!" Ziggy shouted again. "I never could. I was lost without you, Dillon. I can't do it again."

Dillon watched him for another minute then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Ziggy. He leaned his head down to rest it against Ziggy's shoulder. He sighed heavily. "Tell me it's going to be alright." He pleaded.

Ziggy reached up to cup his hands around Dillon's neck. "I can't." He whispered. Dillon really hated Ziggy's promise to him right now. He wanted Ziggy to tell him everything was going to be okay, even if it was a lie. He didn't want to have this weighing on him anymore. He didn't want to deal with any of this anymore. But he couldn't leave Ziggy alone to fall apart, not until he absolutely had to.

"We'll make it through this." Ziggy told him quietly. Dillon could tell he meant it. It was one of the great things about having the bond this strong was that they could tell if one another was lying in any way. Ziggy wasn't sure if they were going to come out of this in one piece but they were going to come out of it. That would have to be enough.

Dillon sighed again, reaching up to gently grab one of Ziggy's hands with his, curling their fingers together. He needed the warmth of the bond right now if he was going to get through this. The soft white light lit up the room immediately, making him sigh in contentment. He leaned further against Ziggy, knowing Ziggy would tell him if he couldn't handle his weight. He could slowly feel the fear and panic that had been growing slowly inside him ease away. "Dillon…" Ziggy whispered.

Dillon pulled away slowly, pausing enough to press a soft kiss to the corner of Ziggy's mouth. When he went to pull away, Ziggy turned his head and caught his lips in a full kiss. Dillon gave into the kiss when the feeling of contentment increased, letting it wash across his mind. Something that felt very fitted fell into place. Ziggy sighed softly against his lips in pleasure, using the hand still on his neck to pull him closer. Dillon let himself be dragged closer, tightening his arm around Ziggy's waist to hold him against him.

The light of their intertwined hands brightened suddenly but he barely noticed it. He merely pressed closer, slipping his tongue between Ziggy's lips. Ziggy moaned softly and gripped the back of his neck tightly. Ziggy twined their tongues together. Dillon couldn't stop the groan that escaped him as Ziggy teased him easily. Despite their time apart, Ziggy hadn't forgotten just how to kiss him. He could make it one of the most pleasurable things Dillon could remember feeling. It was a knowledge Dillon had, unfortunately, lost with the rest of his memories. Right now though, He thought he'd like to relearn everything he'd forgotten.

His eyes snapped open and he pulled away abruptly, staring down at Ziggy. Ziggy didn't open his eyes immediately, just stood there for a few seconds as if he was waiting for more. The look on his face, flush dusted across his cheeks, lips plumb and bruised and still open, and his eyes closed in pleasure, drove him crazy sometimes. It would be easy, Dillon mused, to just continue this. In fact, one of the walls was only a few steps behind Ziggy. It wouldn't be that hard to back Ziggy against it, to relearn everything he'd forgotten about the younger man's body. And if the way Ziggy was now looking up at him said anything, he wouldn't object at all. He stepped closer before he could stop himself, leaning down again.

Then he forced himself to stop, stepping back fully as that any contact between them was lost. The minute their hands slid apart, the urge to slam Ziggy's against the wall and ravage him faded. It didn't disappear but it did get easier to control. He backed away even further, watching as the dazed look in Ziggy's eyes cleared a little. Ziggy coughed slightly to break the sudden silence, his blush deepening. "You're not going to run?" Ziggy asked.

He shook his head. "No. I'll stay for as long as possible." He answered. Ziggy looked at him like he wasn't sure what to think about it then smiled weakly, shifting slightly. Things were starting to become awkward. "I guess I'll see you in the morning." He whispered. Dillon nodded again. Ziggy stepped forward suddenly, laying a gentle hand on Dillon's shoulder. "We'll get through this." Ziggy told him again before he left.

Ziggy walked slowly out of the room, trying to push down his emotions. He didn't like walking away when he wasn't sure Dillon was going to stay with them. Everything in him cried out against doing so but he forced himself to do it. Dillon needed space. And he needed to be away from Dillon for a few minutes. He had been right. The bond wanted to be completed. And it didn't care about what they were going through.