Disclaimer: Stephenie, you deserve all that money. Her characters. My wonderful ideas of 2nd and 3rd base.
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Okay. Okay. Okay. I know it took me 2 and 1/2 months to finish this chapter. It just wasn't coming out. There are several factors to blame for its delay. But I do thank you all for being patient and encouraging me to keep going.
I credit Anne Rice and J.R. Ward for giving me my Edward mojo back. Their tales of the erotic helped me focus the true nature of Edward's frustration in the right direction.
This chapter is for 4theluvofmary, my angelface. Girl, you just plain rock. I'm glad you begged for this chapter pretty much everyday. I dont know what else to say. Em, The Future Mrs. Marc Cuban, Rosana, Tigg, PB, Yos, Nina... thank you.
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EDWARD
There was something terribly wrong. I wanted to do things with Bella, to Bella, sexual things, normal things considering what she was to me, considering she was soon to be my wife. I had followed logic and reason, I had followed Emmett's advice. However the problem I faced now was one of a different kind. I no longer wanted to take precautions. I cared nothing for logic and reason.
The voice in the back of my head no longer sounded like Emmett. It was me. Worse yet, it was the loathsome part of me, the monster, the hunter. He was speaking to me, yelling at me. He had cravings, some of them familiar, but too many of them new and dangerous. He had desires and he was using all his brute strength to push my logic and reason aside to make room in my mind for the awful things he wanted to do.
I knew better, after what had happened this afternoon and this morning and last night. I knew I had reached my limit. Bella and I had made a lot of progress. I was proud of her and myself. But the hunter now was working on its own accord. He set our sights on something we both wanted. Something we both needed. Something dangerous.
As my lips brushed against hers, images of Bella's beautiful naked body flashed before my eyes. The smell of her, the smell of her sweet arousal, the scent of the fresh leather made the pictures in my mind all that more complete.
I knew Bella would accept the car. Even if she hated it, the truck would never run again. I also knew that she would accept this. I knew she would agree to me taking her right here and right now. She would let me rip her jeans from her body, while I reclined the seat. She would climb into my lap and let me thrust myself deep inside her. She would rock her hips against my eager pelvis. And she would want me to, beg me to come inside her.
But that was when I would lose my control. Slipping --- no crumbling in my fingers.
For some reason though, my control was only part of the problem now. The hunter, he didn't care what Bella wanted. He couldn't be bothered with her pleasure. He had needs, desires. Selfish and deadly.
Take her, the hunter growled.
My tongue swept across her lips, the hunters doing, and her soft moan reverberated in my ears. My hands would act next. I could feel them aching to move around her body. I had to stop myself now. I had to stop the hunter before it was too late, before I hurt us both.
I pulled back, with a frustrated, selfish groan, my head hanging between my shoulders. "I'm sorry Bella."
I could see the pain written on her face when I pulled away, but I had to. The hunter was so close to the surface. His intentions were clouding my thoughts and blocking my rational judgment. Leaning over Bella like that, caressing her arm, her stomach, kissing her sweet lips only added fuel to the enormous fire the menacing side of me was building in the pit of my frozen loins.
"Why?" Bella begged. Tears of dejection shimmered in her gorgeous, brown eyes.
I scrambled to explain, but the words weren't coming out right. I was afraid to give a full confession. I was terrified for her to see what I had truly become, someone who she could no longer fully trust.
But finally I was able to make things clear. I said the words so she would understand. I was putting all of our plans for our wedding night, my plans for her life and safety in jeopardy.
"I don't want to stop." The words tumbled from my lips and in that moment she understood.
I should have been grateful for her clear thinking and level head. I didn't often give Bella enough credit. She had saved my life on more than one occasion. She was smart and swift and resourceful. Her raging hormones aside, at the precise moment she already knew exactly what to do. But that fact just made me loathe myself all the more. I did not deserve her and now I wondered if I would be able to trust myself with her physically ever again.
We drove for an hour in silence. Her hands stayed on the wheel and mine, I struggled to keep myself. Although the ride was long and quiet there was nothing peaceful about it. I was afraid to look at Bella because she would see the terror in my eyes, but keeping to myself wasn't any better, for me at least.
The hunter was playing tricks on me, painting wonderfully horrible pictures in my head. My body struggled along with my mind. I begged to keep my erections at bay.
It didn't work.
The thoughts were just too strong and too much of me wanted her in those ways, so badly.
I wanted her perfect, pink nipples between my teeth, her wetness gliding swiftly back and forth over my erection.
I wanted her head, buried in my lap. Her lips wrapped me, sucking to the speed of my direction.
I wanted Bella bent and panting over the edge of my bed as I thrust into her over and over again.
I wanted my hand fisted painful into her hair. I wanted to hear her beg for more.
I wanted to take her now and I didn't want to stop until I was finished. Til my body was spent.
My stomach lurched. My erection instantly disappeared. I was repulsive.
After rejecting a trip to a nearby restaurant, Bella pulled in the parking lot of the local CVS. We sat in silence, but just for a moment.
"Bella. I don't know what to do---"
"Before you say anything else. You need to know that I want you to be honest with me. I want you to tell me exactly what's on your mind. Tell me how you really feel about all of this so we can handle it together," she said. I flinched hearing the sincerity in her words. I was still, after all this time, having trouble comprehending this level of patience she had with me. I looked at her for a moment just trying to understand before I spoke again.
I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I also didn't want her to think I was babying her or keeping these important things from her to spare her feelings. It was my own crude thoughts I was ashamed of.
"I am – afraid. I want you so bad and I feel awful every time I stop in the middle of things. I hate making you feel rejected. I hate that there's even the possibility that I might hurt you, that I might lose control. Isabella, you have no idea how badly I want to make love to you," I confessed.
"Edward, I know," she said quietly. I took another deep breath. I had to work through this. I needed her in my life. There had to be some way.
"You are about to be my wife and I can't even touch you the way I want to. I wanted to keep pleasuring you, but I don't – I don't know if I can. I don't --" I didn't know whether or not the hunter would let me keep her safe.
I struggled again. My confidence faltering, again. How could I bring myself to say the words – tell her the whole truth? I loved her more than I have ever loved anything or anyone in my entire life, more than I ever would. How could I look Bella in the face and I tell her these awful things I was thinking?
How could I tell her the way I wanted to hold her, the way I want to feel her body against mine, which in her fragile human form, all these things I wanted would surely kill her. Would tear her limb from limb, leaving my bride-to-be lifeless in my arms. I was a despicable, a wretched, deplorable monster. Nothing, but a shell of a man. I could never, would never touch her like that.
Her eyes searched mine, trying to understand. The words were about to bubble over, but she didn't let me finish. "Edward let me ask you something. What was your goal for this weekend?"
"To make you feel good physically and for the both of us to be more comfortable with each other, in that way," I answered honestly.
"Well part one was definitely taken care of and I've never been more comfortable with you than I am right now. Are you uncomfortable with me touching you, being close to you?"
I paused for a moment, maybe not the best idea. Bella's heart took off. I needed to be completely sure of the next words I said.
"Before, when I didn't know what it was like to be with you this way, when I didn't know how much joy it would bring me seeing your body react in certain ways, it was easy for me to refrain. It was easy for me to stop whatever you thought was going to happen in its tracks, but now I'm finding that I want more. And I don't like the way that makes me feel. It's not that I'm not in control of my strength, Bella. I'm not in control of my desires."
I paused again, breathing deep. The focus, the careful concentration was making my head hurt. My senses pulsed in my brain. "I mean there are things I want to do with you, to you…"
Bella touched my cheek. My skin warmed, glowed under her fingertips. I loved her, so much.
"Were you planning on executing another part of your plan? I mean before we left the house, did you have some of the 'plan -o- pleasure' in place for me tonight?" An adorably cute smirk spread across her lips. My body reacted, my smile mirroring hers. The hunter cowered in the corner. He was no match for her perfection. She had the control now. She owned me. Her beauty, her giving spirit would help me stay in control. I would do it – for her.
"Yes, love. I had hoped to—". She didn't let me finish, instead shifting the car into reverse. We only got a few feet before she stopped, put it in PARK and turned to me again.
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but can you drive? We'll get home faster." I agreed, glad again that Bella still trusted me, with her heart and her life. She was mine to love and protect. I would not let her down.
I got out of the car slowly and walked to meet Bella half way. My arms automatically went around her soft frame, pulling her gently to my chest. My hands roamed across the small of her back. Her scent enveloped me. The thoughts running through my head shifted again. I saw Bella, my bride-to-be, dressed all in white, walking down the aisle to me to meet and stay with me forever.
"Do you understand how much I love you? Do you have any idea?" she asked.
"I think I just might," I replied as I brought my lips in contact with the graceful warmth of hers.
"I do like the car, by the way," she admitted, albeit against her will. I was glad for it though. It wasn't as if I would take the car back.
"I thought you might," I said, winking at her. It may have been a stressful evening and a lot of things had changed in the last several hours, but the way I loved to tease her had not. I loved her cute little, defiant smiled. I loved her.
I slid behind the wheel and we were back at home, pulling into the driveway in a fraction of the time it took as to reach the Port Angeles city limits. When we got inside she declined dinner again, instead asking me for directions to our blankets on reserve. She politely asked me to light a fire before disappearing up the stairs.
I shook my head at her, my silly girl. I ran to the garage and grabbed several pieces wood from the pile out back. I had the fire lit and was back by the doorway before Bella came ambling down the stairs, her arms filled with blanket and sheets. She tossed them on the couch and continued with her little project.
I watched her curiously as she carried one of the larger armchairs to the center of the room. She was going to hurt her back, but she refused my help. I'd move it back for her after she fell asleep.
When the chair was in place some eight feet back from the fire, she spread the blankets and sheets out on the floor.
"Okay, come here," she said, her hand stretched out. I came forward, standing between Bella and the chair. She was a little out of breath and her heart was racing. I couldn't wait to see what adorable things she was up to.
"I'm intrigued. I must say, Bella. You are going to some lengths right now," I poked fun at her gently.
"Yes, moving a chair and putting some linens on the floor is really something. Why don't you have a seat," she snickered in reply. I did as she asked, sliding down into the chair. All the while I watched as she walked into the corner and toed off her shoes and socks. Truly I did not know what to expect.
She took a few deep breaths, but it did nothing to slow her racing heartbeat and although it would have escaped human eyes, I could see her face flushing a slight pink in the firelight.
"So I was wondering if I asked you to tell me something, something explicit or maybe something embarrassing, would you really tell me the truth?" she asked, walking back in front of me. The fire cast her skin in this soft orange and pink glow. She was a vision.
"Of course I would, love," I replied with a small smirk. Lying my ass off.
"I see," she replied. Suddenly Bella's hand went up the buttons on her shirt. She released the first two.
What the hell is she doing? I thought to myself.
Giving us exactly what we want, the hunter replied. I gulped lightly, forcing the monster back down. My throat moved too subtly for Bella's eyes to see.
"So if I asked you how often you fantasized about me would you answer me, honestly?" As she said the words, she undid the rest of the buttons on her shirt slowly.
Bella was insane, flirting with disaster, throwing caution and possibly her virginity to the wind. I could see it then, though, her true intention. I knew what she's planned to do as she slowly undressed herself. She wouldn't touch me. She would keep her distance pleasure herself --- for me.
"Hmmm?" she prodded.
"I would say I think about you fairly often," I admitted, in a way. But it wasn't enough. Of course.
"I know you think about me, but how often do you fantasize about me Edward? Sexually."
I turned the question over in my mind. Would I answer? Truthfully?
Bella kept her shirt on, but open, her breasts and her bare stomach exposed. Her hands gracefully released her body from her jeans, sliding them down her legs and off, over her adorable little feet. They flew into the corner, joining her shoes and socks. Her white, cotton panties shown in the fire light, tempting me, goading me on, begging to be touched.
With your teeth. Rip them off with your teeth, the hunter growled. I took a deep breath, holding myself steady in the chair. He would not take over. I would control myself.
"I fantasize about you a great deal," she said slowly. I wasn't sure I believed her. But did it matter what I believed as I watched her slide her shirt off her arms and throw it atop her growing pile of clothes?
"Edward, do you feel bad when you fantasize about me?" She gazed at me. I had to answer. It would only get worse if I didn't.
"I wouldn't say I feel bad. I just feel there is more to you than your physical appeal," I tried to answer as honestly as possible. She had to know that my lust for her hadn't taken over. I still loved my Bella, wholly and completely.
"That is true," she agreed, calmly. I questioned how this was all so easy for her. Bella had no reservation, no fear. Maybe still, a little insane.
I continued to debate her sanity, while I watched her fingers ghost over her soft skin, around to her back.
To the clasp of her bra.
I could her the quiet release of the metal, 1… 2 … 3, just before she shrugged her shoulders forward, freeing her perfect breasts from the fabric.
It was added to the pile.
Then --- Bella's hands began to massage her breasts. I was in hell. My own personal hell.
"Would you believe that I fantasize about you a lot?" A slight shift in her weight, from one foot to the other, sent the breath of her arousal in my direction. Bella was wet, growing more so by the moment. My mouth began to water. I wanted to touch her, to taster her. I wanted to be inside her. I remembered, then that she had just said something. "Is that so?" I replied.
Bella, again tested me. Her fingers tips traveled to the lips where she licked them and brought them back down to her nipple. She teased her the pink bud, bringing it to life.
"Yep. Would you like to know what I think about?" she breathed.
"Yes, Bella, I would." My hands came up in front of my face, where I could keep my eye on them. I would need them to focus on in my periphery.
And then...
I watched as Bella's fingers slid into her panties.
I watched as her finger grazed her clit.
I listened to her breath as she shivered.
I watched the goosebumbs spread.
My mouth continued to water, the venom running down the back of my throat.
Bella slid her panties off and walked toward me, the wet undergarment balled in her hand.
"Would you like to keep these?" she whispered. My hand responded, turning palm up, opening. She handed them to me, knowing all too well that I would want to keep them.
"Thank you," I said quietly. I rubbed the fabric around, spreading her warm wetness on my fingertips, soaking up the smell of her.
Bella sunk back to the floor and continued with her line of questioning. She touched her body, her nipples, her stomach, her soaking wet divide, trying to get me to react. Her chest rose and fell. Her lips moistened as her tongue swept over the surface. I fought with all my might, struggling against my desire to join her on the floor, to bury myself between her legs.
Finally as if she could sense I was at the edge, she pushed me, my senses. I knew better than to answer her questions. I knew MUCH better than to play along with this part of the game. Bella had learned how to use me, to use my desire against me.
"What else to you think about, angel?" I asked, foolishly backing myself further into this corner.
"Well, Edward sometimes I think about you touching yourself," she said, tilting her head back against her shoulder. Her fingers probing wet her insides.
"It would be so sexy to see you touch yourself. It would just make my pussy throb, just watching you stroke your dick." I felt my face contort at the admission. Surely she was joking. She had to be. I knew what she was capable of. I knew what she had wanted me to do to her, but I could not for one moment imagine that she truly found the idea of my hand on my own body arousing.
She teased me mercilessly, licking her coated fingers then sliding them back in to her pussy. "Will you do that for me Edward? Will you stroke your cock for me?" her breathy tone shattered my control. I channeled my strength to my fingertips, shredding the wet, white cotton. If it had to the power to, my heart would have beat out of my chest.
I took deep breaths through my nose, my teeth clenched. She watched me carefully as she shifted to her knees, like she was afraid to make any sudden moves.
With the gracefulness of a jungle cat, Bella approached me on all fours. My eyes shifted from her nipples to her lips to her eyes, repeating the cycle four times before she reached me. She brought herself back up to her knees and slowly reached for her panties.
"Give them to me," she whispered softly. Again she knew exactly what to do. She knew exactly how to approach me, how to speak to me. The ringmaster to my lion in its cage. My eyes held hers as I followed the gentle command, dropping the panties to her open palm.
"You can have these back after class," she smirked, dropping them on the floor. She was amazing.
Her hands came up to my knees and I let her gently part my legs. With two more slow movements, she walked to herself into my lap, her breasts level with my throbbing erection. I wanted to move her back, but every move she had made in the last few hours had been very precise and calculated. I trusted her.
Bella slid her hands, slowly, up and down my thighs as she spoke. The heat from her body poured through the fabric of my pants, making my whole body tingle.
"Don't you want to please me, Edward?" she pouted. So low. "You can do anything. Can't you just do this one thing for me?"
"Bella, I –" I choked on the words. My voice was not my own. The husky tone of the hunter was aching to finish that sentence. Instead I reached for her fingers, the ones that had just been inside of her. She watched me as I brought them up to my mouth and licked them clean. The sweet taste lingered on my tongue. Her heart stuttered, stopped, then picked up again. She struggled for a moment, but regained her composure. She had plans for me.
"Let me help you, then," she purred, pressing her body closer still. I could have stopped her, but I didn't. I wanted her hands on my body. I wanted her to help me. I saw where her hands were headed and my body sunk down further in the chair, making things a little easier for her. Her hands found my top button, then my zipper. I lifted my hips as she pulled my pants down just enough to expose the slit in my boxers. My erection was straining against the fabric.
I could see it in her eyes then. She was losing focus. She wanted to taste me. I willed myself to stay still. My body was telling me to thrust my hips forwards, offer myself up to her perfect lips, her sinful tongue, but I kept myself in place, letting Bella go through with her plan.
She swallowed her desire and let her hands moved toward the two small buttons, separating her from the most desperate part of me. She released my length, but instead of kissing it, licking it or even stroking it, she stood and walked behind my chair. My eyes closed and I shuddered as I felt Bella's nipples graze my shoulders. Her hands slowly ran down my arms. With her left hand, she slowly drew soothing circles across my knuckles then back down to my wrist. But the mastery of it all was what she did with her right hand.
She wove her fingers through mine, gently. At the same time she brought her lips to my ear. Her tongue slid across the curves of my skin before she spoke. "Just let me help you," she whispered. I didn't even think to respond. I felt our hands move. I didn't need to open my eyes. Our fingers, laced together, wrapped around my shaft. I let Bella guide us for a few long strokes. She knew exactly what I wanted, exactly how to make me feel good.
"Show me," she breathe, starting to loosen her grip a little. I swallowed, my nostrils flaring. I kept my eyes closed, basking in the sensation of her lips gliding up and down the edge of my jaw, using my own tricks against me. I couldn't stop myself. My hand took over, gripping her fingers a little tighter.
Her breathing grew deeper as my strokes intensified. My eyes flickered open and I turned my head slightly until my eyes met hers. She was panting, mouth closed as my fingers kept up the pace.
"Let me, go," she purred. "I want a better view. I want to touch myself." My hand released slightly, but then tightened around her fingers and my length again. I twisted my head further as my left arm shot up, behind my head. My fingers tangled in her hair and pressed her lips to mine. A forceful moan met my deep growl as her lips molded to my will. I liked this kind of control. I liked hearing her whimper under my grasp. My erection throbbed in my hand.
After a few moments, I let her go, her hair, her lips then her hand. She broke away, blinking, lost in a lust filled haze. She stumbled once, but then peered at me as she walked slowly back to her position in front of the fire. My eyes gazed over the curve of her breast, her perfect bottom. I wanted her. I wanted her so bad.
And I wanted to come.
She lay back down for brief moment, but then jumped up and grabbed a large cushion from the couch. She brought it back to the floor and slid it up under the sheet. It worked as the perfect backrest, giving her the perfect amount support while she watched me, watching her. I kept up my stroking pace, all the while, watching every single movement of her perfect muscles under her silky skin.
Once she was seated again, Bella wasted no time spreading her legs for me. Her fingers slid back over her folds, coating themselves again in all her sweetness. I would have to lick her fingers again when it was all over.
Or maybe I would just have to taste her again, first hand.
I looked at her beautiful eyes, the orange and yellow from the fire making the brown flecks sparkle and move. A peculiar smile touched her pinks lips.
"Race ya," she giggled. I chuckled darkly back in response. Only Bella could keep a moment like this light, even of only for a moment. She knew I couldn't resist a challenge.
Just as Bella's fingers dipped back into her dripping center, I gripped myself harder. An eerie calm took over me in that second. The fantasies, the cravings, the hunter, all gone. There was no trace of anything evil or shameful. I didn't need to dig for forbidden pleasures, nor did I have to beat them back because an ultimate fantasy was unfolding right before my eyes. Bella touching herself was the most wonderful, most satisfying thing I had ever seen.
I watched the love of my existence, her head roll to her shoulders, her eyes fighting to stay open as she focused on my hand on my erection. I felt my hips shift forward slightly, showing their desire for her. I stroked myself, hard.
Bella's moans and pants came harder and faster. Soon she withdrew her fingers all together and pressed her cupped fingers over her clit. She rubbed herself vigorously. Her nipples twitched of their own accord as her breast bounced to the rhythm of the motion of her hand. The muscles of her legs and her backside worked to bring her body in perfect contact with her hand. Her tongue and her teeth attacked her bottom lip. The fierce beating of her heart thumped in my ears.
Bella was getting off – by watching me.
"Edward," she screamed. My body tensed as my name came from her lips over and over again, her sweet nectar seeping between her fingers. I couldn't focus my eyes any longer. My head fell back, my eyelids slamming shut, images of Bella's body burned into them. The fingers of my free hand gripped the arm of the chair as my seed spilled forward over the back of my hand.
Her name tore from my throat, a declaration of my love, a sincere thank you for all she was willing to give of herself.
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I know there's a typo or two in there. Sorry.
This chapter was a little shorter than the other ones, but I think it ended at just the right stop. Bella's next chapter will capture more of what Edward touching himself really looks like and of course what he does when he's finished. Theres a picture of what I think Bella and Edward's time in the tub looked like on page 5 of the forum. The link to the forum thread is on my FF profile. PM me if you cant find it.
I really hope you all enjoyed it.
I vowed I would not add a single chapter to another story until this one was updated. I will probably do a sweep now and update all of my stories.
Bella's up next, of course.