Chapter 10: The Hawk and the Well
After having spent nearly the entire day with Hanji, it was a relief to have an excuse to leave. Although she agreed with many of Hanji's theories and lines of reasoning, as well as her belief – personal vendettas aside – that gaining more knowledge of the Titans was the only way they will be defeated, the older woman's enthusiasm wore down even Mercedes' mental stamina. There was a lot of information to take in and though she'd done her best to do as much as possible before her transfer, not enough had been declassified prior to then for her to get a good handle on the bulk of it. The last ten hours spent pouring over diagrams, unbroken page-long paragraphs of notes and scribbled marginalia made Mercedes feel as though her brain had compressed with the effort and hunkered down in the base of her skull until it was safe to come out.
Which was unfortunate, because the reason she was leaving was that Captain Levi had summoned her. She knew of him and his temperament, and like most could spot him in a crowd, but they'd yet to interact. The foreboding Mercedes couldn't help but feel was tempered only a little by the fact that she hadn't been here long enough to do anything to rub him the wrong way.
Mercedes emerged from the small, abandoned stone chalet in which the Survey Corps had made their latest base of operations. It had its back against a large, weathered outcropping of bedrock and was set inside the fringes of a Forest of Giant Trees; the remains of smaller wooden dwellings were scattered nearby while the stables had been renovated enough for the Corps' use. It was her understanding that this was the closest to Wall Maria they'd ever been – less than twenty kilometers – and were incredibly lucky to find such a defensible outpost.
She headed down the slope toward the one well that'd served the small settlement where the Captain waited, his cloaked back to her. No one else was around. The day was surprisingly bright despite the cloud-cover and the hour, which she estimated to be late afternoon, but did little to alleviate the bite of the chill in the air. A breeze skimmed by her bare arms; having always been warm-natured Mercedes found it refreshing, but slung her uniform jacket on anyway – one less thing for the Captain to pick at. However, the walk wasn't going to be long enough to rejuvenate her brain in time. She would simply have to keep it calm and hope for the best.
Mercedes stopped beside the well, but Captain Levi did not turn around. "Sir," she said, though she knew he didn't need prompting to know she was there.
"Carello, is it?" he checked, and she couldn't decide if there was a barely-disguised sneer in his voice.
"It is, Sir." She placed her hands behind her back and clasped her wrists.
Finally he turned, and she was met with the piercing gaze of those stone-colored eyes that so many had spoken of. She remained unmoved and apparently so did he.
"You transferred to us yesterday."
"Yes, Sir, I did." Mercedes thought about elaborating to the tune of being grateful, but assessed that it wouldn't be the best approach to take with this man. He was shorter than her by maybe an inch at best and had a youthful face, but it was still difficult for her to figure out his age. In the absence of information other than fanaticism, hearsay and rumor, she knew that this conversation would be all she had to go on when forming her opinion of him. It did not seem as though others' opinions of him, once formed, were ever given cause to change.
"Why is it that was possible?" he demanded.
"I only made the application, Sir. I do not know the minds of those that approved it; perhaps Commander Erwin can elab–"
"I am not asking him. I'm asking you."
Mercedes leveled her gaze at him and moistened her lips. She tried to pick through the rudeness that so many found enraging, determined not to be outdone. "If you are asking for my opinion, Sir, then I'd speculate that they felt I would be of more use out here."
"Or they were trying to get rid of you," he countered, and there was no humor in his voice. "Why might that be?"
A colder, stronger wind swept up the road from the woods, as though it had barreled all the way from the plains, and tossed their hair about their faces. Overhead, a hawk sang to it.
Mercedes rapidly try to figure out how to answer – not because she wanted to impress him, but because she wanted him to know she wouldn't be intimidated.
"I've seen your type before," Levi continued before she could. He strolled the few steps to the well, his arms remaining folded. He peered down into it over its plain, moss-painted stone rim.
Why everyone here felt the need to judge and assess her at every turn without simply seeing what she could do was beyond her, but he was her superior. She'd give him a few more attempts before giving back as good as she got. "What type is that, Sir?" she asked quietly, firmly.
"The kind that sees only their own path and little else, as though it's the only thing light falls on." He plucked a loose piece of crude mortar from between the stacked stones of the well, turned it over in his fingers.
Mercedes watched him carefully. She couldn't figure out if she had just been insulted or complimented. Why was she even here? He hadn't told her anything she didn't know about herself, or hadn't thought. The smell of the evening meal wafting over to them reminded her of all she'd rather be doing than verbally sparring with Captain Levi. However, she forced her eyes to remain on his, her breathing to remain level and her brain to at least attempt to find some merit in what he was saying.
"I do not approve of late transfers," he stated next. "You should not have been allowed to do so. Taking on new recruits annually as we do is enough of an upset to the finely-tuned ecosystem the Scouting Legion has developed over the years; to have yet another at a time we are not prepared to receive is even worse."
Mercedes couldn't help but frown slightly. "I do not see how my arrival is a hindrance much less 'an upset'. Did anyone need to be prepared for my transfer other than myself? If you doubt my skills –"
"I find the reports of them laughable, as a matter of fact. Your complacency shouldn't be confused for confidence. Killing Titans with a Wall to watch your back is far different than being out here in the wild." His expression didn't change and Mercedes struggled to copy it.
"Yet here we are in a base with its back to a wall," she pointed out. "And even if we were on the plains I am as capable of defending whatever you ask me to defend as I was with the Stationary Troops. That is what I'm here for, as I'm sure my application reflects and our Commander knows."
Levi paused before answering. The piece of mortar was swallowed in his hand and he raised it to his chin thoughtfully, his other hand clasping his elbow. "That's not the only reason you're here, though."
Mercedes watched him release the stone over the well, and it mimicked the weight she felt had been dropped in her stomach, no matter how hard she'd tried to remain detached. She didn't hear it hit the water; she was too consumed with a sudden, paralyzing fear. Does he really know? she thought for an irrational second.
He took a few steps closer to her, glaring up into her face. "Do you want to know what I think? Unlike most of these yokels we dredged up from the 104th, the freak Eren admittedly included, I think that you're not exclusively interested in saving humanity." The sneer was definitely there now as he continued in a hiss, "I think that whatever other purpose you have, it's arisen from some dark part of you that you're never going to escape. It will cripple and consume you, and as it does, it will poison this legion and everything you touch just as a corpse will poison a well. I think that is the only talent you truly possess and that no matter how much you try to portray otherwise, that is your only worth. "
Levi's face fell back into dispassion and he walked around her and away, back to the chalet.
"It was a mistake to allow you here," he called. "Watch your back, Carello – no one else is going to."
Mercedes stood in silence, her mouth parted but unable to retort. Her hands finally unclasped her wrists and it was only then that she realized how tightly she'd held them; the red marks around them reminded her of that night in the basement of the warehouse, when they'd tied her down and through their own questioning, had made her question even herself. As she had done then, she focused on her bangle as if it was the last thing that kept her steady while the world overturned.
Levi had been too close to the truth, and now it was as though she was standing over the well that terrible night had hollowed out for itself in her mind. She had covered it for a long time, ignored it, using it only as a reminder of her purpose, but here it was – the fear and the despair back again to drag her down into the depths. She didn't want to be affected by the Captain's words. Yet she was. Even attempts to rationalize what he was doing – he was trying to shake her up, just make her miserable, test her – weren't working.
'You're never going to escape.''It will poison everything you touch.''It is the only talent you truly possess.''You're never going to escape.'The wind picked up again and streaked her hair across her face, but the hawk had fallen silent.