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Chapter 10: A huge mistake

BPOV

As April rolled around, we started doing more interesting and informative things in Sex Ed class. Soon I was the one wanting to quit. Edward was paying far too much attention to everything the teacher said and even attempting to practice once we went to my house.

For instance, he was determined to prove me that what happened a month ago in his bathroom was an accident. I knew we'd get there eventually. The tension had been building and he was a teenage boy, after all.

His wet, insistent kisses covered my throat as I worked on his shirt. We kept getting more physical since the bathroom incident and I wasn't complaining. This type of contact required that I had fed recently, which he seemed only too eager to offer himself to me. I still couldn't wrap my head around how selfless he could be.

"Ahh," I moaned quietly when his traced my hard nipple with his thumb. I was rewarded with his huge smile and another hungry kiss. "Be careful," I murmured, not wanting him to hurt himself accidentally.

I took his shirt off carefully, and after slowly getting his skin used to my cold hands, I started exploring. He always moaned and bucked his hips in mine when I got too close to his pants. I knew that today something was going to change; he seemed like a man on a mission as he sucked at my bottom lip and groped my breasts.

"Edward!" I shouted, surprised when he ripped my shirt and lowered his head to lick my chest. He only moaned and pressed his body further into mine. "You don't want this," I warned him, knowing he wasn't going to stop this time.

"Of course I want this! I've waited so damn long!" he hissed at me and kissed the swell of my right breast. "You're so beautiful."

"Edward, we're on my couch!" I tried to make him see sense.

"I'm not a girl! I don't freaking need balloons and roses!" His green eyes were slightly dilated as they bore in mine. "I just need you, Bella. I want this. Please."

"Edward…"

"Don't back out. Not now, Bella. Please, love," he begged, putting his hands over my cheeks. "I love you. You won't hurt me. I'll let you drink if it makes you feel better, but please."

Why could I never say no when he begged? I felt drunk with his tantalizing scent as it became more and more potent with his arousal. It was going to be the most difficult thing I'd done so far, but I wanted this as much as he did.

Edward unzipped my jeans and pulled them down, sucking in a breath when the panties caught in them and left me bare. I had seen him naked my fair share of times, but he hadn't had the privilege of seeing me naked in return – just my chest, a few times.

"Edward, breathe," I whispered, touching his cheek.

He took his eyes from my lower half and met my eyes. His green ones were shining with happiness. "You're gorgeous." I smiled and was happy I couldn't blush. "Can I try…"

"NO!" I shouted, catching his wrist. "I don't know what happens…if you touch me there."

"I hate to break it to you, but I will eventually touch you…there. A lot," he whispered, grinning, his face glowing like Rudolph's nose.

"Not skin on skin. Never. I use a condom," I told him, realizing then that we didn't have one.

He rolled his eyes. "Are you for real? The only girl that can't get pregnant and she wants a condom?"

"Edward! I have no idea what my venom can do to your skin!"

We were killing the mood, but maybe it was for the best.

"It doesn't do anything! You lick me all the time!"

Thought I doubted he could have made it anymore bluntly.

"Let me try please. If something happens, I swear to take my hand away," he whispered, drawing small circles on my tummy. When I didn't answer, he took it as a yes and moved his hand lower.

"Argh!" I couldn't help it. Edward shot up and folded his hands on his lap, watching me wearily. When he realized I was laughing at him, he slapped the cushion at my head.

"You scared the crap out of me." His heart was beating out of his chest as he glared at me.

"You were concentrating so hard, I couldn't help it," I giggled and moved to undo his pants.

"Argh!" he mocked me, flailing his arms over his head. "If I thought you would feel it, I'd hurt you, Bella," he muttered jokingly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I thought it was funny," I whispered, helping him out of his pants and boxers, following his lead.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed, scooting back and staying on my knees. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Like I do!" I told him, amused.

"You know more."

"I never loved my partners, so I never cared if they ended up hurt in the process." I knew I had crushed bones, bruised bodies or done who knows what else to those poor humans that ended up as my prey.

Edward smiled and leaned to kiss me, his hand going back to the bundle of nerves between my thighs, spurring new feelings inside me. I had never been touched like this, so caring and loving and gentle. I tried to be equally gentle as I wound my fingers in his hair, keeping his head close to mine to kissing him more deeply and adventuring to licking his bottom lip. He responded enthusiastically, bringing his own tongue out, making me gasp for air I didn't need. His middle finger probed around my folds, toying at my entrance before going in slowly. He quickly added another finger and curled them, scratching my walls, making me want to let myself enjoy this without thinking of anything else, but I had to be very careful of any change.

"Edward!" I moaned as I felt my orgasm approaching. I always panicked, aware I could hurt him in those few seconds I was on cloud nine. He didn't even blink, moving his lips down to my chest, to my stomach. I had to stop him, at the same time knowing that couldn't be right – from doing what he wanted, but I was coming and there was no way I could stop him now. I felt his lips there and my eyes rolled in the back of my head.

Don't hurt him, Bella. Look at him. Don't hurt him. I kept chanting in my head.

"Oh…Ah…Ow..."

The last moan made me open my eyes. My legs were wrapped around his neck as he looked at me sheepishly. His hair was sticking in every direction and his eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"You're going to get yourself killed one day, Edward!" I scolded him and let my legs fall to either side of him, hugging him to my chest. "Did I hurt you badly?"

"Nope, I'm good. But what a way to go," he mused, turning his head to peck my lips.

"Insane," I confirmed.

He shrugged and squirmed. "Can I…?"

"Do you really have a death wish?" I asked amused.

"Oh, you can be all cheery after coming, but I'm still suffering." He pouted and widened his eyes.

I kissed him, lifting my leg and then gently guiding him inside me. His eyes grew wider, if possible, and his breath came in short pants. Edward caught my shoulders and watched me, a little scared as he inched deeper.

"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" I asked anxiously.

He nodded wildly then shook his head, biting his lip. His breath washed over my face as I tried to figure out what was going on since he wasn't talking. He was so hot, making me feel like I was burning from the inside - reminding me of my transformation - but this was a thousand times more pleasant. He moved out, then back in, slowly, repeating the process a few times. I started building for another release. Edward's hands cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks as he looked at me so lovingly I thought my heart would split in two. I could feel his love as he moved in me gently, as if it was possible for him to hurt me.

I was afraid to actually touch him anywhere so I kept my hands locked loosely around his waist. When I knew I was seconds away from my release, I turned my head to my side, but that resulted in more burning at my throat since his wrist was right here.

"Edward," I breathed. "I need you to move your hands away."

"No," he panted. "You need this."

"Edwaaarrd," I moaned, arching my back. My vision clouded, I clenched my jaw, stopped breathing in a vain attempt to keep him safe. I felt his hips slapping against mine as he moaned my name loudly, a few times.

I opened my eyes and saw his exposed neck, not even an inch away. NO! I shouted at the monster. I put my hand over his neck, blocking the view. His eyes snapped open and looked down at me. I had no idea what he was seeing, but for the first time, he looked scared.

"Bella…it's me," he said shakily. "Umm you don't want to do that."

I felt my nails pushing into his thin skin and all too soon, I inhaled his amazing blood as it oozed out and had to taste it.

"BELLA!" Edward yelled. "Bella, please! I love you."

My eyes met his and in that second, I saw everything clearly. The raw panic in his green eyes was enough to make me push him off me. His heart never beat as fast as now.

"Leave. Now," I said urgently. My voice sounded dangerous even to my ears.

"Uhhh…"

"NOW, Edward! Leave!" I shouted, panicked.

I had never seen him move so fast. In less than a minute, he was dressed and out of my house. A part of me wanted to make sure he got out of the forest safely, but another part wanted to follow him for a much darker reason.

I wrapped my shredded shirt around me and curled on the couch. How could I hurt him?

I wanted to hurt myself for the danger I had put him in. I had known this could happen and I encouraged him to continue. I knew how frenzied the monster could get in the throes of passion and I still told Edward yes. Why?

I pulled at my hair and pushed the heels of my palms in my eyes wishing the stupid tears would fall, but nothing alleviated the pain. Never had I wanted the tears to fall as much as I did now. Never had I wanted to be human as much as I did now.

I was sure I had lost Edward after what just happened. No human in their right mind would come back, not even him. It hit me like an EF5 tornado.

I had lost my life. My reason to exist. My everything. He was gone.

Everything seemed so unimportant, meaningless. I couldn't live without him, without my heart, my life. He had brightened my days and nights since I'd met him. I couldn't just give up, but I had to. I had to resign myself because of my actions. There was only one option: to leave. Fast. Very fast. Before the wolves caught wind of what happened, but on second thought, letting them have a piece of me might not be a bad idea. I deserved to be a little shaken up.

I couldn't leave. I couldn't move. My feet wouldn't cooperate. I couldn't stir from the couch. It still smelled like Edward, like us.

I was vaguely aware of light coming and going from the windows, but didn't care how many days passed or what day it was. Eventually, I had to admit to myself what had happened and to leave. He wasn't coming back. He would have if he wanted. His vivid green eyes kept haunting me behind my closed lids.

Sometime later, my door was shattered and I jumped up, alert and ready to attack if that was the case. A wolf was here. The stench gave him away. When I saw the person in the doorway, I froze and realized this was the end. She was here to kill me.

"How could you hurt him?" Leah yelled, every fiber of her body convulsing.

I didn't answer, but bowed my head in shame. I'd allow her to do whatever she wanted.

"Answer me! I thought you loved him! I understood and stepped aside!" she kept yelling.

"Of course I love him, you idiot! But…I understand why he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore," I finished in a whisper.

"Are you insane, bloodsucker? He hasn't left his room in a fucking month! A MONTH! I don't know what you've done in all that time, but you better get your stinking ass over there before I rip it off! He is not the same person anymore!"

I blinked, trying to comprehend what she was telling me. A month? But when? Had I sat on my couch for a month? And why hadn't Edward gone to school? What had happened? What did I miss? Could he still feel something for me? I could see my subconscious scowling at my foolish thought.

"Do you have problems understanding? Should I use small words? You nearly killed him when you told him to leave! When you didn't return! When you didn't answer the phone!"

My head snapped up and I watched her terrified. What had I done?

I was on autopilot as I put a dress on, and after another glance at Leah, I was out the door – or what had once been a door. I didn't care this was one of the five sunny days Forks got in a year, I didn't care about anything but seeing Edward, making it better.

I arrived at his front door, staying just inside the shadow and knocked. He was there, I knew it, and for the first time, I couldn't use his window. He was alone and probably sleeping despite for being so early, but I kept knocking. I heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs and his heart hammering in his chest. The closer he came, the stronger his scent became, and I nearly forgot how difficult it was to be around him. I had ruined everything in every sense of that word. I had to get used to him again, that was if he allowed me near him again. In either case, I would need to feed soon.

My knuckles seemed unstoppable as they kept rapping on the door.

"Hold on!" Edward yelled. "Who the fuck comes over so early, anyway?" he grumbled and unlocked the door.

My hand wouldn't cooperate as he opened the door and I knocked on his head. I willed my arm to go down as Edward gaped at me, breathing in big pants.

I almost didn't recognize him. He had lost weight, a lot of weight. His hair was longer, nearly shoulder length as his green eyes were hollow, set deep in his head. Huge dark shadows under them showed everyone how little sleep he got. I could see the scars on his neck and they made me sick.

After the initial shock wore off, he slammed the door in my face. I stared at the closed door, unable to comprehend what he'd done.

"Edward," I whispered and pressed my forehead to the door. "Please…I have some explanations."

"I don't need anything from you," his voice was bleak and husky.

"Edward, sweetheart, I'm begging you, please," I pleaded him.

The door snatched open and he glared at me, shoving his finger in front of my face. I eyed it dubiously.

"Don't you fucking dare call me 'sweetheart'! You lost that right a long time ago!"

And the door closed again.

"I understand. I am… sorry." I didn't manage to finish the word when the door opened again. This was ridiculous, he'd destroy the door.

"Sorry?" he thundered. "Do you expect me to believe that?"

"YES! I was the stupid one!"

"Oh, I get it," he drawled. "The 'it's not you' speech."

"Edward," I growled. "I should have never have allowed you to go further than…the fingers…thing," I mumbled embarrassed.

"We both agreed to try!"

"And look how that worked out!" I snapped.

"What do you want, Bella?" he asked, sighing and leaning against the doorframe. I felt a soft warm buzzing inside me as he said my name.

I caught myself leaning closer, and closing my eyes as I inhaled his overwhelming scent.

Edward jumped on the worst conclusion possible. "Oh, I get it. You're thirsty."

"Wh…" I frowned, unable to finish the word at how shocked I was.

"I can see it. Dark circles under your eyes, black eyes, eyeing me as if I'm a piece of meat."

"That's not true!" I retorted loudly although he hadn't raised his voice. He had just stated those things.

"Which one isn't true?" he asked, sarcastically.

"Edward, I hadn't moved until a few minutes ago. I haven't moved from my couch in a month."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I suffered and I wished I was the only one suffering."

"News flash! I loved you more than the air I breathed, Bella! I felt like suffocating when I realized you weren't coming back to me, when…you didn't come to school, when…I called with no answer, when-" His voice cracked as big tears rolled from his eyes.

"Edward," I breathed and took a step closer.

"Don't come any closer!"

I bit my lip and remained with my foot suspended in the air. "I had no idea a month had passed, not until Leah came to me."

"Leah?" he asked surprised, meeting my eyes.

"Yes, she came to me and…"

"I told her to stop meddling! I thought…everyone was happy now."

I didn't understand him right away, but I saw his ears turning red. It was my turn to feel like suffocating. Had Leah lied to me? Actually, she had, because she told me he hadn't left his room when he went to school. He had tried living his life, unlike me. I had lost all notion of time when I thought I'd lost him.

"Leah? Leah, Edward? Why would you do that to me?" I cried out, my throat raw with that sensation you have before crying.

"I thought…I was sure you left! And she…we…" He gulped and averted his eyes. "I thought at least someone should be happy."

My selfless boy. "I never left my couch!" I told him again. "Then…why did she come to me?" That was the mysterious part.

"Probably because she got tired of being with the living dead – no pun intended." He shot me a weak half smile.

"Oh, Edward!" I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck. He stiffened a little before wrapping his long arms around my waist.

He chuckled in my hair. "I wish I could lift you and twirl you around. God, how I missed you, Bella!"

"I wish you could, too," I found myself whispering in his ear.

There were applause from behind us and I decided it was time to visit a vampire doctor if something like that existed. I always got lost in Edward and wasn't aware of my surroundings.

We turned around and saw Jacob, Leah and another young boy, probably Seth, clapping, smiling, and in Jacob's case, whistling loudly.

Edward's face turned red as if on command and I couldn't hide my giggles. I was buoyant. When I felt his hand on the small of my back, urging me outside, I shook my head violently.

"I'd rather not," I whispered.

"Oh please, I want to know what the elders were talking about when they said you could sparkle!" the one I thought was Seth whined.

However, I didn't pay him much attention. Leah was watching me intently and I nodded almost imperceptibly. She cocked her head, looking between Edward and me then sighing loudly and turning around, about to leave.

"No, you don't!" Edward shouted. "Was this some plot to get me back to Bella?" he asked, annoyed.

She turned around, glancing at Jacob then looking at Edward. "Not really. I honestly thought I could change your mind. It proved harder than I thought. It was like…I was trying to prove you…" she stopped talking, frowning. "Okay, I'll make a stupid comparison, but it's the only thing I can think of. It was like I was telling you all the flowers are the same without knowing you had edelweiss."

I felt my mouth opening in surprise. This was her way of saying that she gave up and that she understood how much we loved each other. She had tried and failed and, in the process, she realized what I meant to Edward.

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay but as we all know ff didn't really work lately.

For those of you that didn't understand the Eldelweiss analogy it's the rarest flower ever.

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