Beta: T.J. Wise

Dear Lou,

I know exactly what you mean about the books; they lack a certain something that I write in. Elena is portrayed as this perfect person and I don't feel it's at all realistic (says the lady writing about vampires). I adored your lengthy review!

This one's for you.

Dear Diary,

Stefan and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment.

I went back to school today for the first time since I got sick and everyone was acting really strange.

I go to kiss my boyfriend like I do normally and he pulls away.

Bonnie is so mad that it's a good thing she has had some training with her powers otherwise I'd be worried and, strangest of all, Caroline has been avoiding my eyes all day today; she hasn't acted this strange since she kissed Matt when we were still together.

Like I said Diary… strange.

Anyways, after picking up the massive pile of homework I missed - I don't know how long it will take for me to catch up - I noticed that I was being stared at by about half the school, which is fantastic. It made me feel like the odd man out who doesn't know there's a serial killer behind her.

I mean I got sick on a Thursday night, how much could I have missed? Did someone actually do something sordid and memorable here in four days? Here is to hoping. Anything would be good if it made the staring stop.

People keep apologizing to me as well. Not the 'I'm sorry' I got constantly after my mom and dad died, but an 'I know something you don't, but don't have the balls to be the one who tells you' look.

Well, it turns out I missed a lot in history, tons and now I have to figure this out…lame!

Rick…, I mean, Mr. Saltzman assigned a report on Wednesday that its due in three days, on the subject of the Civil War no less! I don't even get special privileges because Alaric is dating Jenna, which is really lame because, after seeing him in only his boxers two weeks ago, I could really use something to balance out that trauma. Don't get me wrong, it's sweet in a sneaking around in the middle of the week and waking up at 5 am just so you can go back to your place and change so no one knows you are sneaking out of your girlfriends house where young and impressionable teenager's sleep.

I don't think I could ever want to be a teacher, I love kids, don't get me wrong, and everyone says I'm great with them, but I can't imagine getting up at such an ungodly hour as 5:30am just for school; nobody pays THAT well, especially since class doesn't start until 7:30. Which brings me back to my point, I have a report due in three days and I have no idea what to write about. Damn it!

Anyone who willingly gets up that early, just so he can stay at his girlfriend's house and then rush home to dress in different clothes and pretend he wasn't in one of his student's houses all night, with her slightly older aunt (doing things I prefer not to contemplate) MUST love her deeply.

I have to admit he has a nice chest. God I hope nobody EVER reads this, I'd DIE of embarrassment.

Anyway…

The more I think about the way Damon took care of me this weekend, the more I can't help my heart as it starts to beat ever faster; especially as I remember the things he said to me when he thought I was asleep. I guess when my heart sped up; he thought it was just because I was sick, because I couldn't think of anything that would distract him that much from hearing the pounding of my heart as I thrilled at the feeling of his arms around me.

Even as I think that, as I write that Diary, I feel guilt.

Once again I forgot about Stefan; which reminds me, my "oh so aged boyfriend" who is supposed to know me so well, has set up a meeting with the woman who abandoned me after giving birth to me, only to end up sleeping with and then being turned by the man that I lo…like. I'm still not really ready for what that means. I know I admitted it to myself, but even if I think it is treacherous to Stefan, even if I'm absolutely furious with him; he only wants what's best for me, even if he has NO idea of what that is. He still tries…

That's got to count for something, right?

I have to go.

Damon is practicing his breaking and entering skills on my window…yet again.

"Damon, it's 5:30 in the afternoon, you don't need to come in through the window." Odd, that I find that almost funny.

"I know I don't HAVE to, but it is fun and it keeps you, on your toes." I hope that smirk on his face gets paid overtime. After the day I've had, I'm not in the mood for funny.

"Soooo I heard you and little brother are fighting, what did he do now?"

"Oh, I'm sure you had no idea!" He must have at least heard.

"Oh, I have plenty of ideas, what's the topic?" He replies sardonically. He begins to walk casually around my room stopping at my desk to riffle through the pile of papers that have accumulated from my session of the flu. "Lookie lookie, what's this, I see? An essay, on history, the Civil war no less?"

I snatch it out of his hand. "Damon, what do you want?"

"Why nothing, dear Elena, what do YOU want?" *sigh* there's that eyebrow again.

"I want my homework done; I have a civil war paper due in three days, and I don't even know where to start." And now I remember why I'm stressed. Great…

"So it's a good thing that you happen to have a stud muffin that happens to have actually been IN the Civil War right?" I gape at him as he once again he drapes himself across my bed and steals face time with Teddy. (What? I was three!)

"Come on, I dare you, pick my brain"

This is another time that the self-proclaimed evil vampire psychopath Damon Salvatore once again saves my ass.

The saddest part Diary is that I'm beginning to care less and less whether or not Stefan actually comes back around.

The part that does scare me Diary, I feel something coming; call it intuition, or knowing just how much danger there is in being an evil bitch's doppelganger. Something's coming and it's going to be big.

I don't like that thought…not one bit.