Chapter 10: Day Nine

Jennifer Shepard left the chess set alone. She was too confused to think about something as mundane as a game.

He had kissed her. Admittedly it had only been a kiss to her forehead, but it had sent her thoughts into turmoil. She had no idea what he meant by it.

Had it been a friendly gesture? After all, he had advised her to get some sleep when the evil doctors with their implements of torture had finally left her alone. She had been so tense and nervous that a nap had been the best option. He had been looking out for her since they had ended up in this room, trying to find little ways to keep her happy. The kiss could have simply meant that he was wishing for her to have sweet dreams.

Or had it meant something else? When they had been in Europe, he had often placed a soft kiss to her head as she fell asleep. It had been his way of saying that he would be there when she woke up. She had always fallen asleep feeling safe and protected.

She wanted for it to mean something else but she was afraid to hope. He was her best friend, the friend who knew exactly what to do in every situation. He knew how to soothe her when she was worried and how to cheer her up when she'd had a long day. He knew what she liked and disliked, and was willing to put up with something that he wasn't fond of to make her happy. The last thing she wanted to do was push him away.

Asking him what it had meant was out of the question. There was nowhere for her to run if he said it was a friendly gesture. If he broke her heart, she would have to sit in the same tiny room as him for the next five days and pretend that everything was okay. It wasn't as if she could retreat to her own house and find solace in bourbon and work.

She couldn't ask him and she couldn't figure it out. Her head was spinning with thoughts, hopes and fears. She needed someone else to talk to. Anyone would do, even one of the doctors in a pinch. If she had been at the Navy Yard, Ducky would have lent her an ear and some friendly advice, Ziva would have threatened to torture the information out of Gibbs and Abby would have smothered her in a hug.

Thus she was left to sit in silence with the man she loved and her thoughts for company. Gibbs too was silent, as though he knew what he had reduced her to. He wasn't looking at her for once, his eyes focusing on the chess pieces as though he was playing a game in his head.

She wanted to shout at him, to demand that he told her the truth. She wanted to shake him until he admitted everything. And yet she knew she wouldn't be able to take it if he turned her down. If they had been anywhere else, she would at least have the option of being alone for a while.

Here, she was left to suffer.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. Why had he allowed himself to give in to his thoughts and kiss her?

She meant the world to him, but he was confident that she didn't feel the same way about him. She had left him behind to further her career and she had never looked back. He had nursed a broken heart for a long time, and he only really begun to get over her when she had waltzed back in his life as though nothing had changed.

Except it had. She was now his boss, the person that chewed him out every time he did something that he wasn't supposed to but would save lives or bring a killer to justice. He knew it wasn't personal – no matter who his boss was, they would have to yell at him – but their arguments had a tendency of turning petty. They knew which buttons to push and when to push them.

Try as he might to get her out of his head and heart, he knew that it was impossible. She had burrowed her way in a long time ago and he wasn't sure he wanted her to leave. In one sense, she was the perfect woman for him – she was as stubborn as he was, she kept him on his toes and she amused the hell out of him.

He did not believe in soulmates. It was a fluffy romantic concept that women liked to believe in. When he had lost Shannon and Kelly, he had lost his faith in the world. He had firmly held for years that Shannon had been his soulmate.

Until Jenny had come along.

He had struggled with his feelings for her at first. They had crept up on him and blindsided him one day. He had felt he was betraying Shannon, until he had decided that she would have wanted him to be happy. Soulmates did not exist, for how could a man have two of them?

He had spoilt everything between them now. She had looked so adorable as she was drifting off that he couldn't resist pressing his lips to her forehead. It had reminded him of a time long ago when they had nothing but each other, a time when he would have done anything for her.

If she ever knew that he was still in love with her, he knew it would destroy their friendship. He definitely couldn't accept that. She was the one who kept him sane, the one who knew when to push him to open up and when to leave him alone, the one who knew how to heal the hurt even when she seemed unsure.

He wanted to talk to her again, but he wasn't sure he could do so without blurting out his feelings for her. Judging by the way she was refusing to look at him, he suspected she was not happy with his actions. The chess pieces were the only thing he could focus on for the moment.

He wasn't sure how much longer the standoff would last, but he had a horrible feeling it could be for days.