The Post-Apocalyptic Family Captain

A Series of Drabbles

Dark Lady Devinity

A/n: So this one is because Freelancer Riley wanted to see something come of Captain's suggestion of a "romantic weekend getaway" in the Sibling Rivalry story.

After this, I have only three suggestions to work with and then maybe I'll retire this series. I might come up with another story to finish with so that these stories and "Of Cotton Candy and Ballet" make an unofficial trilogy of family love.

A Weekend Away

One day Captain declared it was high time for private adult time. Pilot had been confused but Snippy and Engie were both hopeful that it meant they could have some time to do their own things. No such luck.

"This is Susie. She'll be your babysitter." Captain told Pilot and Engie as he brought out a skeleton in a tattered pink tutu. "You'll do everything she tells you too, ja?"

"Yes sir!" saluted Pilot.

"Why do we need a babysitter?" Engie asked, perturbed.

"Ah, mein engineer, this is because mamas and papas need time for just each other. But Mama will worry if you're left on your own." Captain explained.

"I don't like where this is going." Snippy said. The sniper was not subtle in his search for an escape route.

"Oh my Snippity-sniper, you'll like this very much. You get to spend the weekend with me, doing the romantic things that zee parents do." Captain sounded very pleased with himself.

"So sex and sleep." Engie said in an extremely flat voice. "Ew."

Snippy elbowed him. "Don't be gross!"

"What's sex?" Pilot asked.

"Don't answer that." Snippy told Engie in a high voice.

Zee Captain watched his minions argue. This was why his sniper needed a quiet getaway.

XxX

Snippy sighed as he dropped his bag on the bed in the "romantic bed and breakfast" Captain booked for them. The old house did look like it had been nice about a hundred years ago but there was no indication that it had been a bed and breakfast. Snippy certainly wasn't expecting breakfast but the bed seemed solid.

Then Captain dropped a bag on the bed as well.

"I thought this was going to be my room. What did you pack anyway?" Snippy asked.

"Silly sniper, we vill share the bed. You don't know much about zee romantic getaways do you? Which is why I packed the essentials."

"What, exactly, are the essentials?" Snippy asked warily. He wondered if today would be the day he finally snapped and killed Captain.

"Let me worry about that. You just have fun. It is time for our first activity anyway." Captain said.

The first activity turned out to be a nature hike along the shores of a polluted pond. Surprisingly- for Captain, not Snippy- none of the other guests from the b&b showed up for the scheduled hike. Captain told Snippy that they had gotten the last room available so there should have been quite a few couples there. Snippy said something to the line that skeletons don't get much exercise. Or they were having sex before sleeping. Snippy decided he was going to punch Engie in the face the next time he saw him.

The hike wasn't all that bad though. Nothing exciting happened except for when a mutated land fish tried to attach itself to Snippy's ankle. But Captain poured tea on it and Snippy kicked the thing into the pond.

As with most bed and breakfasts, the guests had to get their own supper. Snippy had brought some cans of beans with him so after the hike, the sniper and Captain settled down to eat in the recreation room. They spend dinner and the rest of the evening playing poker against two of the skeletal guests. Most of the victories went to Captain but Snippy somehow won one hand. Then Captain flipped the table over in the last game because "Steve" was cheating. "Gerta" was not all that impressed with her husband either.

Then it was time for bed.

XxX

"Where did you find fuzzy bathrobes!?" Snippy cried as Captain revealed his "essentials."

Somehow, Captain had managed to procure his and her bathrobes and pajamas. Snippy was pretending that Captain had not brought a pretty blue lace nightgown for the sniper but he didn't care that he had been given a woman's bathrobe. It was warm and fuzzy. Now all he needed was a good pair of slippers, some crumpets and a cup of strong tea- a good bathrobe always brought out Snippy's British heritage.

"I have mein ways." Captain said grandly.

As it hadn't been that bad a day, Snippy let Captain kiss him goodnight and then they shared the bed. That was rather nice too as the combination of shared body heat and fuzzy bathrobes meant it was finally warm in the nuclear winter world.

Although Snippy would change his mind about his nice weekend getaway in the morning when Captain was yelling at their hosts because they hadn't gotten any breakfast.

XxXxXxX

XxXxX

XxX

A/n: I can't figure out if Pilot really does not have any memory of sex or if he's just being a troll. I fell like it could really be either or.