My apologies to Dickens, Steinbeck, Bronte, Orwell and Montgomery for bringing you into my crazy. What can I say? It was for effect.

No malintent intended.

"B" is not for Bill. "B" is for…Butterfly.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…" Hmm, maybe. "Maybe everybody in the whole damn world is scared of each other." Too dramatic. Maybe, "Terror made me cruel." No, no…"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." Nah. "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet." Too Vegas.

Fuck it.

This is just the journey of a man with strange hair-growth, excessively long sideburns, poor pronunciation skills and zero muscle definition. A man lost in the world and confused by the third nipple he saw every day in the mirror.

Why would the universe thrust this upon him?

Was there a purpose for the third nipple?

Perhaps it was insight into the theory of the universe.

Should there be that much hair-growth circling it?

Should he shave around it?

Shave or wax?

Shave or wax?

That is the question.

And why does he grow so much hair out of his ears and nose?

Is that normal?

That can't be right.

Perhaps WebMD.

Maybe laser hair removal.

Would Aetna cover it?

Did he meet his deductible?

Groupon?

The amount of hair-growth on his buttocks was becoming a distraction.

He was running out of detangler and hair mousse.

Why was the universe so cruel?

Yes, WebMD.

Lost and confused, this lonely and awkward man seeks direction and enlightenment. He wants to be a better man, a stronger man and little less hairy. Maybe even beautiful.

Perhaps today would be the day for a new beginning. For tomorrow he was busy, it was a bingo night. He was destined for finally achieve four corners.

As he walks down the block to his car following his laser hair removal consultation, he notices a peculiar establishment. Its bright lights and colorful display window were all-consuming. He felt like a moth to a flame. He was draw to its splendor and vitality.

He must investigate.

Opening the door, he gasped.

Shocked by the beauty.

Perhaps he was home.

He was pulled from his euphoria by a voice.

"Welcome to Jiggles Hair and Beauty Salon. I'm Eileen Dover. How are you, sweetheart?" Said the very tall, wispy man with pink tipped hair and purple sparkle eye-shadow.

"I'm not sure. I think I might be lost."

"What is that you seek, caterpillar?"

"Beauty. I want to be beautiful."

"And you shall find. Let me retrieve our owner, Miss Construe. He will show you the way."

"I am Miss Construe. I understand your seek enlightenment and beauty, my little fuzzy ewok."

"Yes, sir. Ma'am?"

"You can call me Miss Construe, my stage name. But some call me Mr. Happy. I answer to both. And what is your name, sugar?"

"I am called Bill. Bill Compton."

"Interesting accent. Very unique. Where are you from?"

"Louisiana. I did not realize I had an accent."

"Really?"

"Yes. Eileen Dover said you would be able to help me find my beauty. Could you really? I desperately seek it. My hair is flat. It's in need of life. I think I need a trim all over. I want to be beautiful."

"Sweetness, you have come to the right place. We have won The Queen Pageant four years in a row. We are the premiere location for all beauty matters. With a large amount of wax and my talented staff, we can help you find, what we call, Your Butterfly." Miss Construe declares as Bill releases a whimper.

"Let me call over all my staff."

"Thank you, Miss Construe. I appreciate your passion."

"Mr. Jizz, Blanche Davidian, Tasha Salad, Pat Dry and Hedda Lettuce…I need you over here. Boys and girls, we're making a Butterfly!"

"Honey, let me introduce Mr. Jizz, hair extraordinaire. He can make anyone's hair dreams come true."

"I'm already seeing the wings. Yes, there will be wings." Much to Bill's joy.

"Blanche Davidian is our hair color specialist. She can bring the shine and color of a goddess to all."

"I'm seeing chocolate. It will be delicious!" Bill was getting a little too excited. Calm down, little Bill. Palmela will handle you later.

"Sugar lips, these group of girls can bring the baby soft back from the dead. My estheticians…Tasha Salad, Pat Dry and Hedda Lettuce. Ladies you have your work cut out for you but I know you can do it. I know you fear nothing."

"We will bring the soft back. We've warmed up the margarita machine. I think you might need a few special cocktails before we begin."

"And my ears and nose?"

"Yes, child. We will take the hair from you…from everywhere." Little Bill behave.

"Come with me, little caterpillar. Let's go back to my chair and talk." Said Mr. Jizz.

He follows the beauty pied piper and notices his strong buttocks and sparkly gold heels.

Could he achieve that greatness?

"Sit down, butterfly. I'm going to make your gorgeous."

"Could I have buttocks like yours? I don't think I could do the heels, though. I'm afraid of heights."

"Eileen Dover! Bring me the special tights. He looks like a small." Oh yes, little Bill was very happy.

A/N I thought I'd include this outtake before Go Balls Deep's match against Greener Pastures. I originally planned it for later but thought it would give you a better idea of Bill.

As for the names in this chapter, I did a Google search for the funniest drag queen names and this is what I found. Surprisingly, Mr. Jizz was not one of them. I take credit for that one.

Please review and let me know what you think. I enjoy reading them.

Thanks.

See you next week.

TMart