This one's a bit sad and angsty. You've been warned. Actually, a bit is an understatement.
Tears in Heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
-Eric Clapton "Tears in Heaven"
She sat alone on the rocking chair he had built. Her blonde hair was limp and dry, as if she'd not washed it for days. Her eyes were puffy with dark rings surrounding them. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she rocked back and forth.
He watched from the door frame, unable to go inside. The pale blue walls they'd painted, the crib they'd built, the mobile of stars and moons hanging over it, the stuffed animals, everything in that room was now for nothing.
He remembers how excited she had been when the test was positive. How they'd gone to Rory to check on her, just in case. Just because he was a human now didn't mean they had no reason to worry.
The Doctor-no, John Smith, had only himself to blame. He'd wanted to give Rose Tyler a normal life, but here she was in tears because their child was gone. Even if he was technically 'human', he just ended up hurting her again and again.
She clutched a teddy bear to her chest, shoulders shaking.
"Rose," his voice cracked, "dinner's ready."
"Not hungry," she mumbled.
The last time she'd had a proper meal was days ago, before she had gone into a state of depression. Sure, she nibbled on a piece of bread this morning, but all she'd willingly take from the kitchen was a glass of water. She was weak and thin, quite thin when compared to a week ago when her stomach was round.
He closed his eyes, remembering that terrible day. He'd gone into work, leaving her alone. If he'd only been there, maybe their little boy would still be alive. Instead he came home to find the paramedics parked outside their flat, a sobbing, hysteric Rose being tended to by a medic. She held his hand and refused to believe the medics, insisting on having Rory check, just to make sure.
He couldn't have seen how it'd gone wrong. Rory had checked him for any traces that his Time Lord DNA would harm the baby or Rose, and he'd found nothing.
"You have to eat something, please," he practically begged. I can't lose you again.
She nodded slightly, getting up from the chair. She gently placed the teddy bear on the rocking hair and wiped tears away from her pale face. She offered a strained smile and John's heart broke all over again.
He stepped into the room he'd been avoiding and held her as she fell to the carpeted floor. Days of not eating would do that to a person. Fresh tears welled in her eyes and he simply held her and kissed her hair.
He needed to be strong and not cry. Soon enough, his tears mingled with hers. She hugged him as if afraid he'd disappear.
"We'll get through this," he said with as much conviction as he could muster.
Rose shook her head, "Our baby's gone. How can we ever get through this?"
For once, the man who had all the answers (well, almost all the answers), was at a loss for words. There was nothing he clever he could say to cheer up Rose Tyler. He was afraid that he'd never see the smile he loved so much ever again.
"He's in heaven now," she murmured. A small ghost of a smile crossed her lips. The thought that they'd see each other one day comforted her, but the pain was still too raw.
John nodded, "He's being well taken care of."
He hugged her once more and kissed her softly.
"Dinner, then?" she asked in a small voice.
Sorry for the downer chapter.
Happy New Year and thank you for reading and the reviews and adding to favorites/alerts.