This is shorter... but I have a feeling you'll like it!

Chapter 10

Hold my hand

I'm ready for this,
there's no denying
I'm ready for this,
you stop me falling
I'm ready for this,
I need you all in
I'm ready for this,
so darling, hold my hand

Derek Shepherd was positive he had never seen Mark Sloan more in love with Addison Montgomery, before.

Apparently, Los Angeles suited them. Mark, with his arrogant attitude, his leather jacket and his golden skin was the perfect Los Angeles lover, and Addison, elegant and classic, could fit practically everywhere.

Right now, sitting on the porch of their house, a few steps from the ocean, Addison was cuddled against Mark's side, her expression completely happy, like she didn't have anything to worry about.

His sister was pretty content, too: even if at the last moment she had gave up asking Owen to join them, spread on the floor with a beer, she was grinning since they had left Seattle. Being there with Mark and Addie, sunglasses on her nose and a cute shirt on, she seemed like she was fifteen again. Maybe, Addison had been right: living under a constant sun was better.

Everything was making Derek even more miserable. Seeing his best friend so happy with the woman he loved, her sister so relaxed and carefree, made him aching for Meredith even more. She simply hadn't shown up. He had waited for her at the airport until the very last moment, Amelia glancing at him with a worried expression, telling him over and over how she didn't know anything.

Apparently, he had screwed up bigger than he had realized: he had been convinced that the talk, the I love yous and the sex – the amazing, spectacular, mind-blowing sex – were enough. Probably not: she hadn't come, she wasn't answering her phone. And if she was texting Amelia, his sister hadn't mentioned anything.

Life was pretty ridiculous: he had chased her for months, at first in Los Angeles, then in Seattle, trying to make her go on a date with him. Sometimes he had even thought it was a lost cause. And then, it had happened. She was dating him, kissing him, telling him she loved him, having sex with him.

Maybe it was better to put the verbs in past tense.

Derek was completely clueless about what to do next: he could start to chase her again, begging her to forgive him, to give him another chance. But he had told her he loved her, he had told her how sorry he was, how he didn't want to hurt her, never ever again. He simply doesn't know what else he could say. Plus, he wasn't even sure he wanted to say more: he had done almost everything to show her they were worth it. At some point, if she wasn't willing to believe it…

No, this was bullshit. He loved her, he was pretty sure she was it for him. She was what he had always wanted. He couldn't let her go, just like that.

However, this whole Los Angeles thing was making him face an issue probably bigger than Meredith being back home. One of his ex-girlfriends, a nurse he had dated a couple of years ago, had come from San Francisco to visit Naomi. They were friends, and if he remembered correctly, it had been Naomi introducing Derek and Rose to each other. He was positive Addison still couldn't stand her the same, even after two years and a half, but Amelia had breathed to him in a stolen second of privacy how Addie had offered to her to come over for a coffee, since she had wanted so much to see Amelia again.

So there she was, Rose, sitting next to him, sipping on a coffee, her brown hair free on her shoulder, her face make up free. She was wearing grey jeans and a black top. Derek thought there had been a time when he had found her pretty and had thought having sex with her was good. He smirked now, thinking about it. Every girl was pale next to Meredith – Meredith who was gorgeous, and sexy, and passionate, with whom he had – or should he said had had? – the best sex in the world. He could never notice another woman. He could never want another woman. He would never find another woman beautiful, because English language doesn't have another word to describe his Meredith.

"Shep's mourning over his girlfriend," Mark commented, his arm around Addison's shoulder, who immediately murmured "Mark, leave him alone"

"Why? It's true!"

"I wasn't mocking you when you were obsessed with Addie and she didn't want to have anything to do with you," Derek remembered his friend, checking if he had a missed call from Meredith on his phone.

"That's very true," Amelia commented, choosing Derek's side over Mark's for probably the first time in her life. True was, she loved being with Mark and especially with Addison, but she found herself missing Meredith more than she could have ever imagined, maybe even because their friendship was born here. Plus, she was extremely worried for how things were going between Meredith and Derek: she had almost become completely used to the idea of them dating.

"Wait," Rose said, frowning. She turned to Derek: "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"A hot one, too," Mark commented, earning a punch on the arm from his wife. "What?!" he retorted. "It's true, but you're better, don't worry"

"What is she like?" Rose asked Derek, trying to slide near him.

"Petite, blonde, green eyes," Amelia explained. "She's a general surgeon at Seattle Grace and one of my closest friends". Amelia was in great terms with Rose, she always had been, but she didn't like how close to his brother the brunette was trying to slip.

"Why is she not here?" Rose asked, smirking knowingly.

Amelia flashed a glance to Addison, clearly as irritated as her.

"She is busy with an important research project," Addison replied, and Derek looked at her like she was stupid. "She might come, tonight or tomorrow".

Amelia smiled: Addison had always been the best at making up great excuses.

"When I was obsessed with you I didn't look like a chick like Shep does," Mark told Addison, moving the conversation to the previous subject.

"Tell me again why I chose to visit you," Derek groaned, but Mark couldn't reply because the bell-door rang.

"Coming right back," Addison said, standing from the deckchair she had been sharing with Mark and crossing the patio to come back in the house.

"This is probably Violet," Mark explained. "She's the shrink of our practice".

No one could hear anything, Addie had closed the French doors and Derek was sitting with his back towards the house and his face towards the sea. So, when Addison came back, announcing "Meredith is here!" he had trouble actually understanding the words. He heard the very well known voice of his girlfriend saying small hellos and when he turned, he saw Meredith, embarrassed and a little blushing, standing next to Addison. She was wearing ripped jeans, black vans and a white t-shirt, her hair back in a bun, big sunglasses on and her tiny hand grasping desperately to a big, black handbag.

"Sorry, I missed the plane," she said, and Amelia immediately stood, going to give her a big bear hug. Meredith giggled, and Derek opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't talk. When Amelia stepped back he ignored some sarcastic comment from Mark and went straight to Meredith, wrapping his arms around her waist and claiming her sweet mouth with his. He felt her relax in his embrace, her arms going around his neck, her breasts against his chest, her mouth responding to his.

This was perfection, no one else was there, just he and the woman he loved.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips, and she smiled and breathed: "I love you too, I'm sorry I'm late"

"You're here. I thought you had dumped me"

"Are they capable of talking without sucking each other faces?" Mark asked Amelia, and Meredith heard his comment, so she stepped back from Derek, laughing contently.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding," she said, her hands nervously playing with her bag. She registered the presence of a pretty girl sitting right next to Derek. "I just wanted to see Derek and Amelia and tell everyone I was accepting the invitation… even if I didn't until this morning… but I changed my mind and I wanted to be here. So, here. I'm here and – my point is I just wanted to say hi, I'm going to a hotel"

"She's rambling," Mark observed.

"She does that a lot," Derek nodded, a big idiotic grin on his face, his arm around Meredith's waist.

"You're not going anywhere," Addison told her, smiling gently. "We invited you because we wanted to know you better. And Derek has a room with a big king-sized bed and I'm sure he won't mind sharing"

"You know me well," Derek laughed, and Addison reached for Meredith: "Why don't we go put your stuff in Derek's room and maybe we'll let you have a shower and change?"

"I'm Rose," the girl pointed out, nodding to Meredith, probably not happy with the way everyone was ignoring her. "I'm a nurse in San Francisco, I was Derek's girlfriend a year ago"

"It was two and a half," Amelia underlined.

"Meredith Grey, general surgeon," Meredith offered back. She turned to Addison: "I would love to take that shower".

Meredith looked at Addison's sundress, her golden necklace, the perfect style of her amazing hair, the make up and the big wedding ring she was wearing. Since she had briefly met her, she had always thought Addison was gorgeous, but now she realized she didn't remember how much. Immediately, she felt ashamed of her jeans and her tee, and she prayed she had packed something better. This, united with the presence of that… nurse was putting her in the wrong mood.

When they reached the room, Meredith was immediately surprised by how strong Derek's scent was, immediately invading her nostrils, and the amazing view of the sea they would have straight from the bed. She could actually picture them in a naked embrace, staring at the ocean after making love. It was enough to make her forget everything about the slutty nurse. Because if she was sitting so close to her boyfriend – her sexy, hot, amazing boyfriend – she had to be a slut. She just needed to take a shower to gain back her strength and then come back to pee on her territory.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding," she murmured, dropping her bag on her boyfriend's suitcase and turning to face Addison. "I know what you must be thinking, I'm new and you don't know me and probably Amelia had told you all about how I doubted dating Der at the beginning so you must be-"

"Wait, wait," Addison stopped her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I get the rambling but you're saying nonsense. We don't think anything, we met before and we liked each other, remember?". She blinked jokingly at her: "I don't know about my husband but I'm pretty sure we liked each other"

"We did," Meredith confirmed giggling.

"So you don't have to worry about anything. I know I'm not a Meredith expert but the girl I saw at the conference was perfect for Derek. So just relax and enjoy yourself. Do you want to take a shower?"

Meredith nodded eagerly and Addison showed her the bathroom, leaving her alone.

"She's taking a shower," she announced coming out on the terrace, pleasantly noticing Derek's happy grin. "She's lovely," she announced sitting back on Mark's lap.

"Thanks," Derek grinned. "Do you think I should go check if she needs something?"

"I think you should wait till tonight to fuck her, Shep," Mark answered, totally ignoring Rose's presence.

"And maybe you would like to keep it down, my room is straight down the hall," Amelia suggested.

"It would probably be better sending them to a hotel," Addison pointed out, but she was grinning, and she was happy Derek had finally found the girl for him.

"I don't remember you being so low," Rose told him, playing innocent. "Quite the opposite".

Addison and Amelia shared a shocked glance: the slut had actually the courage to bring up their sex when Derek's girlfriend was upstairs?

"Well, because I'm different with Mer," Derek said, and Amelia, incapable of staying quiet anymore added: "And I really don't think you should compare your two-months' relationship to Mer's". She had always liked Rose, but not anymore, clearly.

"Why, how long have you two been dating?" Rose asked Derek. Every time someone put her on back in her place she turned to Derek and asked questions very sweetly.

Even Addison, who had been taught from her mother to always be the perfect hostess, was starting to consider kicking her out.

"I'm gonna marry her," Derek confirmed.

Meredith studied herself in the mirror for the billionth time.

She had chosen a short, tight nude skirt which showed off her legs perfectly and a white blazer with golden ballet flats. She had put on a light make up and braided her blonde locks on her side. She was pretty sure Derek had never seen her like that and she was glad about it. Definitely peeing on her territory.

She climbed down the stairs, feeling a messed up mix of sensations. There was need to be with Derek, and fear, and she was pissed at this gal showing up from God knew where, and… fear, mostly fear. And horniness, too. But with Derek around it was a normal thing.

"Hey, I'm back," she said in a small voice, stepping out on the porch.

Meredith Grey talking in a small voice because she was afraid that a slutty nurse would steal her man. Her mother would kill herself if she knew this.

He had moved everything just to be with her, just to have her dating him. So now he wasn't going to run away just because this doe-eyed girl had showed up, right?

She was a grown-up woman and she needed to pull her shit together and act like that.

"Hey," Derek said beaming and she grinned herself. Screw the doe-eyed, the man wanted her. She sat down between Derek and Rose, letting the girl almost fall.

"Come sit here," Amelia offered to Rose, trying to offer them more space and more privacy. Surprisingly, Rose stood and walked over to Amelia, but she immediately told Meredith: "So, Derek told me you two are getting married".

Meredith, who was sipping at the wine Addison had given her, almost suffocated. "What?!"

"He didn't say it," Amelia snapped. "She's just trying to give you shit. She's probably realizing just now what a great catch my brother is".

Amelia was mean when she needed to be, and Meredith wanted to grin: with Amy by her side, everything was easier.

"You're rude," Rose observed, her hands shaking slightly, first sign of nervousness.

"Just realistic," Amelia corrected, and Mark grinned.

"I'm sorry you didn't realize soon what a great catch he is," Meredith said, her green eyes pointing straight into Rose's brown ones, her arm around Derek's neck. "You're a little late. He's taken and you can be sure, his state is not going to change anytime soon"

"Grey's feisty," Mark commented, laying down on the deckchair, his hand lazily caressing Addison's hip.

Rose stood and grabbed her bag: "Okay, I'm going to go. It was nice seeing everyone again"

"I'm showing you your way out," Addison said faking some sweetness. Amelia and Mark waved, but Derek was too busy murmuring into Meredith's neck: "If you would have showed up while I was dating her I would have dumped her the second I saw you".

Meredith Grey was actually satisfied: she had apparently made a good job on peeing on her territory.

Meredith had been right: from the bed they had a great view of a whole, round moon lightening the gentle waves of the sea.

Not that they were actually watching: they had climbed upstairs two hours after dinner, Derek pushing her toward their door while she tried to politely say good night and I really did have a great time and other polite stuff. In the middle of the hall, seeing that she was too slow, he had decided to pick her up and run into the room. After so many months of chasing her, today he had discovered how much of a turn on it was to have Meredith love him like he loved her, and most of all show his ex-girlfriend which one was her place. So, he had pushed her against the door, bringing his mouth immediately on her collarbone, neck and chest, showering her skin with kisses. Now, they were actually on the bed, Derek on top of her, worshipping her body with kisses, biting and licking, whispering loving words.

"I love you," he said, gently biting the side of her breast, one hand massaging her clit.

Meredith thrusted her head back onto the pillow, grabbing the sheets with both hands, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.

"Derek…" she panted, bringing her legs around his waist. "I… love you… too"

"I'll never be tired of hearing these words coming from your mouth," he told her, smirking. He swirled his tongue around one nipple, kissing her neck to go to her mouth.

"Uhm," she breathed, hugging his neck to bring him to rest completely on top on her, her hips moving invitingly.

He switched them over, her breasts pushed against his chest, his arm holding her close around the waist as he pulled back her long hair with the free hand.

"Aren't you afraid of us anymore?" he asked her, gently caressing her soft skin.

"I'm terrified," she confessed, her green eyes never leaving his blue ones. "Between our argument at work and the slut of the afternoon… And the things I feel… really, really strong things I am definitely feeling".

He kissed her deeply.

"Leave the slut alone, my heart is taken since a morning I saw a blonde girl with a blue dress"

"Cheesy much, aren't you?" she teased, but her eyes were definitely sparkling.

"For what happened the other day at the hospital," he started, suddenly serious again "I want to say again how sorry I am. I should have never made that comment and I swear it's not happening again".

He kissed a path from her forehead to her chin and Meredith hummed contently in his arms. "You hurt me but what scares me the most is the need I have to be in your arms," she breathed, closing her eyes tightly as if she was ashamed of what she was confessing. "You know, I don't do this. I don't date, I've never had, I don't do families or friends actually so close to feel like families and I've always had sex, you are the first one I've ever made love to"

"I've had a few relationships," he confessed, still caressing her. "Not much, just a few, but if you put all of them together it's just a small part of what I feel for you. I know you'll probably freak out now, but I'm not going to ever want another woman again. I want things with you, big cheesy things"

"Like what?" she asked breathlessly.

"Like bringing you home for Christmas. Telling you to sleep and getting up to feed our first child. Waking you up in the middle of the night on our anniversary to make love to you. Marrying you during summer, maybe here in L.A. I love you, and you're not my first. I know this. But I'm sure you're gonna be my last one"

"Always McDreamy," she teased again, but kissed him, deeply, truly, madly. "I'm crazy in love with you," she murmured against his lips. "I want you to be the first and last guy to hear those words from my mouth, but I'm not sure I know how I'm supposed to do this. You have to teach me"

"I'll teach you," he promised, but sliding gently into her moist channel. "I'll teach you," he said again, already panting, the need he was feeling for her bigger than ever.