Here's the chapter, a little late I know, but I was planning out the rest of the story. There is some seriously EPIC stuff coming up. REVIEW OR THERE SHALL BE NO MORE!
Rachel slammed her car door and ran towards her house, opened the door and collapsed into a little heap in the hall. She cried all the tears she'd been holding back for the past hour. It wasn't fair. Just once, couldn't things go her way?
Why did Quinn have to kiss her…she'd even told her that she wasn't expecting anything, but still, Quinn had kissed her, and god…it felt better than anything she'd ever done with all of those stupid boys combined.
Rachel had thought she was in love with Finn, and later Jesse. Then Finn again. Then Jesse again. Not to mention the brief affairs with Puck and Blaine and Sam. Rachel let out a particularly loud sob when she realised that she'd been chasing after boys for years, even though they could never give her what she wanted.
She'd been doubting herself for a few years now, then last year, she'd found herself feeling something for Quinn that scared her to death. And she didn't want to confront it, so she ignored it until she just couldn't anymore. Yesterday, she'd come clean about her feelings to Quinn. But then Quinn had taken her feelings, screwed her feelings around, and thrown her feelings back in her face.
Rachel knew what she was, and there was no point hiding it any more. 'I'm gay', she told the empty house in a choked whisper. It was the first time she'd ever said it out loud. She'd spent too long thinking she was straight and perhaps Quinn was her exception to the rule, or maybe she was bisexual because that wasn't so bad. No. She was gay. And that scared her to death.
She couldn't be gay. She wasn't a homophobe, at all. She knew her parents would be fine with it – obviously – they'd throw her a coming out party with freaking rainbow cake, she knew that. And her friends would be cool too – half of them were lgbt anyway. But it was everyone else that scared her. It was the ignorant bigots that populated the rest of Lima, and of Ohio, hell, most of the Midwest. It was the homophobia written into the law of the country she lived in. It was – it was the way that everyone would just assume things without knowing her, the way that they would treat her.
Rachel had been crying for a while now, and she didn't know what time it was, but she heard a car pulling up outside. She knew it wasn't her dads – they were on a business trip – so who could it be? Sure enough, the doorbell rang, and she got up, wiping her eyes, to answer it, wondering if Kurt had scheduled a movie night she'd forgotten about. However, as she pulled the door open, she came face to face with Jesse.
She was about to ask him why he was here, but he took one look at her red, tearstained face and he pulled her into a firm hug. She clutched back, desperately, and began to cry again, great heaving sobs all over Jesse's shirt. His smell was warm, comforting, and familiar to Rachel.
'I've soaked your shirt', Rachel said tearfully, moving away from him slightly. 'It's fine', Jesse said. There was silence for a moment, both of them looking into each other's eyes. Rachel took a deep breath. 'I'm gay', she said, very quietly, staring at the floor. Jesse gently tilted her chin up and she fearfully met his eyes. They were kind and gentle. 'I know. It's ok', he told her. Rachel had a thousand things to say but she couldn't quite remember how to speak, and she found herself falling back onto Jesse, crying again. He lifted her up, and carried her to the sofa, Rachel on Jesse's lap.
'You're – you're not mad at me? I mean, we dated. I'm pretty sure Finn's going to be pissed', she said. Jesse smiled. 'Wow, Rachel Berry using profanity, things must be serious', he said, grinning, then realising what he'd said. 'I'm sorry, of course this is serious – I mean, it's not serious, it's not a bad thing, I mean – I was just trying to make you feel better', he said quickly. Rachel smiled. 'It's fine. I just…why are you here?', she asked him. 'Well, I already guessed what had happened, pretty much, and Quinn filled me in with the rest. I know you well enough to see that you were hurting and trying to hide it. I thought I'd stop by, see if you were ok', he explained.
'Even after everything that's happened with us? I am sorry, by the way, about everything with Finn. It wasn't fair of me to just ignore you', she apologised. 'I understand, Hudson's an idiot. And no, I'm not mad. What I did to you was much worse. Look, at the end of the day, I still care about you. And I don't want to see you upset. I think we'd make great friends', Jesse said, smiling at how corny he sounded. Rachel smiled. 'Thank you. I'd like that. I'm – I'm just in a really bad place right now', she said. He pulled her in closer, kissing the top of her head.
'I don't care that you're gay. And once you leave the Midwest, neither will anyone else you meet. Because in the real world, people know that it's not who you fuck that defines you. Sorry', he apologised for the language as Rachel laughed. 'I like that line', she said. 'So. How is your love life?', she asked him casually.
There was a little pause. She turned to see Jesse looking a little uncomfortable. 'Oh sorry, you're single. Well that makes two of us', she said, mentally kicking herself for upsetting him. 'I'm not single, no. Well, not exactly', he said. 'Oh. Huh. Are you gay too?', she asked him, trying to think of why else he'd be uncomfortable. Jesse laughed. 'No…I'm pansexual, but that's beside the point', he told her. 'Ooh I've never met anyone who's pansexual before! My dads have a polysexual friend, but you, Jesse St James, get the honour of being my first pansexual acquaintance', she said excitedly. Jesse grinned at her fondly. 'I forgot how excited you get about everything. And you, Rachel Berry, get the honour of being the fourth person I've ever met who hasn't reacted negatively upon finding out', he told her. 'And…in answer to your question, I am involved with someone', he spoke slowly. 'You know her, actually. It's Quinn'
Rachel slid off Jesse's lap in shock, landing with a bump on the floor. She'd hit her ass on the way down but she didn't really notice. 'Oh. Ok. That's fine', she told him, and she found that she actually was ok with it. He joined her on the floor. 'Are you sure you're ok?', he asked her. Rachel nodded. 'I actually am. I knew she wouldn't want me, I knew she would be with someone else, and that someone happens to be you. And that's fine. Obviously I'm not going to dance and sing about it, but…yeah. I'm fine. Just be careful, Jess', she warned him. 'Why? What do you mean? If this is about the fact she's cheated on people, we talked about that', he reassured her. 'No, no it's not that – it's just, you two are playing lovers in the show. That's going to be really awkward if you're dating, it's going to blur the lines in terms of what you do at work and what you do in private. You know what they say, the more chemistry onstage, the less there is off', Rachel confessed. Jesse looked concerned for a moment. 'You're right. I'll have to talk about it to her…I don't even know what we are, she's a bit confused', he told Rachel.
'Just give her some time. You'll work it out', Rachel said as she lay a comforting hand on his arm. Jesse gave her a small smile. 'Thanks. You know, I think we're going to work well as friends', he said, pulling her into a one armed hug. She moved into his side. 'I think you might be right', she agreed.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, then Jesse broke it. 'Which Barbra movie do you want to watch?', he asked. Rachel looked at him in surprise, to see Jesse grinning at her. He knew her so well. 'God, I missed having you around', she said, jumping up and heading over to her stack of DVDs. 'Well I have every single one, as you know', she said, her eyes automatically moving to Funny Girl, her favourite. 'What shall we watch?', she asked him, feeling it to be only fair that Jesse should choose. 'Rach?', he said. She spun around to look at him. 'Let's get our Fanny Brice on', he said, grinning. Rachel burst out laughing and put her favourite movie into the DVD player. She jumped back onto the sofa, as they waited for it to load. As the overture played, Rachel smiled to herself. Everything was going to be alright.
REVIEW!