Special Note: This chapter finally gets to the Halloween events. It was a bit of a struggle to write, but I like the drinking scene very much and am wondering if I should bump the rating back up to M. I don't think the content goes against the T rating per se, but I don't know… Also, thank you to all the people who have reviewed thus far especially my faithful reviewers: TT2Smart, Naturelle, Babaksmiles and Crickes. I appreciate your feedback so much that I cannot put it into words. As for the new Chase fics being added, I'm happy that people are starting to pay attention to the character and write about him. I was just being myself and letting my insecurity be my worst enemy, but I've come up with some interesting plot twists for Part 2 which I am excited about, so my passion is still alive and well. No worries!
Proof of Life
Chapter 10: The Ring In Return
Chase was laid out on his bed with his eyes closed. The headphones to his iPod were firmly in his ears and he was nodding his head to In Fear and Faith by Circa Survive.
He'd had his iPod on for the last two days trying to drown out the thoughts of Claudia and the remnants of the kiss that swirled in his head.
Her Deus was still with him as well, mixing with his own and waking him up in the middle of the night to imagine that she was lying beside him, curled in his arms and sleeping.
It wasn't fair.
He was still struggling with where he stood with her. She hadn't come out of her room after the "incident," accept very late at night when the shadows crept across the hard wood floors and the night was silent. He knew she was trying to dodge him and had turned nocturnal, saving her eating and bathing for the wee hours.
So yes, at this point he didn't know where he stood. She was avoiding him, so she must be pissed, but then again, she'd fallen right into the kiss, pressing her lips against his with so much desire that it sent him spinning. She liked it… she wanted it… he was confused.
He supposed it was her lingering Deus that made his eyes spring open and know that Claudia was out of her room and rummaging through the kitchen. He turned and looked at his alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 11:40am.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and looked through the door way towards the kitchen. She was indeed there, as her figure flashed across the entrance towards the refrigerator. She was gone for a moment and then emerged from the kitchen, a plate with a bagel and cream cheese in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.
She sat them down on the dinning room table and walked to her desk where she picked up two books and slung them under her arm. Then she sat down facing the French doors and opened one book to the place she'd marked, taking a bite of her bagel in the process.
Chase watched her as she ate. She hadn't looked up or noticed him staring at her through the doorway to his room although her desk wasn't far away. She just sat there, acting as if she was alone in the house, enjoying a late breakfast and studying her books on ancient incantations.
He cocked his head to one side and wondered if he should go out and sit with her. It was Halloween after all and that must have put her in better spirits. Or… maybe she'd just resigned herself to the fact that she was meant to be his woman and was waiting for him to join her and start their life together, over bagels and Earl Grey tea.
He paused his iPod and set it down on the night table as he stood up and exited his bedroom. Walking over to her silently he stood behind the chair opposite her at the table. She didn't look up. She seemed completely enthralled in whatever she was reading and hadn't registered his presence.
"God, she's beautiful," he thought as he looked at her.
Her hair was down and flowing over one shoulder with her bangs concealing part of her face. Her lips were stained with pink lip gloss and her cheeks had a slight natural blush to them that made her glow. She was wearing a white tank top with light blue and white pajama bottoms that rode low on her hips and showed the skin where the tank top ended and the bottoms began.
Chase smiled.
"Happy Halloween," He said softly not wanting to startle her.
She jumped anyway surprised by him and forced a smile, "Happy Halloween," she responded and moved her eyes back to her book.
He pulled the chair out and sat down opposite her, letting his eyes settle at her lips then her collarbone, and then back to her lips.
She felt his eyes on her and looked up forcing another smile, "What's wrong?"
"I could ask you the same thing," he countered displaying a slight smile of his own.
She shrugged and looked back down at her book.
"Come on, Claudia. I gave you space, but now I need to know where we stand. You're killing me here," he said with his elbows on the table, leaning toward her.
Claudia rolled her eyes and took a sip of tea. She seemed to be thinking and then looked at him, "I don't know where we stand. I'm not going to lie to you about whatever this is. I think we just need to step back."
That was not what Chase wanted to hear, but he understood. He really wanted her to say that she'd spent the last two days thinking about them and that she'd come to the conclusion that she should stop fighting the attraction and just enjoy being with him. That he could touch her whenever he wanted and they could kiss and cuddle and…
He nodded, "That's fair… I guess," he thought for a moment, "I mean I know that things have gotten really tense and that's my fault. I've been forcing you and although I'm not going to give up on you because I know that you love me too--"
Claudia opened her mouth to interrupt him.
"No, let me finish. I know that you love me too and you'll come around. I just need to prove that I'll never abandon you or hurt you. I need to prove to you that I love you more than anything; that I'll be by your side until death takes me. I know I need to prove that and I will. But until then I understand that you need space. Usually I just take what I want, I use brute force, but I'm not going to do that with you because I need you to know that this is real and that you are important to me."
Claudia sat back in her chair tossing her hair over her shoulder softly, "Like I said, Chase, I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I'm attracted to you, but you already knew that. I've been thinking and maybe this is The Deus' will. Maybe I'm supposed to bare a child for you, I don't know but I need time to adjust and figure out what I'm going to do. There are bigger things happening here than just you and me."
Chase felt the itch of annoyance rising in him, "This isn't about getting you knocked up with some stupid kid, Claudia! This is about being in love with someone, about finding your soul mate, your other half. You're my other half. I've never met anyone like you. I can be myself with you… I don't have to hide."
"Nothing is ever that simple. Everything happens for a reason," she whispered.
"And why can't the reason be that we could make each other happy because we're two of a kind and we understand each other? The Deus is supposed to be the universal energy, right? Don't you think it would be concerned with both our happiness, that it would put us together so that we could be whole? You make The Deus sound so selfish when you talk about it, like you resent it our something."
Claudia's eyes bolted open, "I've dedicated my entire life to The Deus. I believe in it completely and worked all my life to understand it and use it properly; to do what it wills. How could you say that to me especially when you don't have a clue? It must be nice to be one of the sons of Ipswich and have no responsibilities and be completely blind to the bigger picture!"
"You've devoted your entire life to The Deus?" he asked.
"Yes!" Claudia said as tears welled in her eyes.
Pity began to shadow Chase's face, "Maybe that's the problem."
What the hell was that supposed to mean? He had no idea the things she'd sacrificed so she could study properly and do justice to her family and be proficient at using. She gave up her childhood, having friends, dating, all so she could devote herself to studying like her mother wanted. And now he was trying to make her question her choice, make her ask if maybe she'd made the wrong decision.
"You don't understand. This is all I have. This is who I am. I don't know anything else," she said angrily.
"I don't think that's true. This isn't all you are and it's not all you have. You have me, you have my heart," Chase said softly gazing at her with those eyes.
"I don't like you like this," she sneered, "What are you up to?"
Chase sat back in his chair, "Just because I'm trying to do the right thing by you doesn't mean I'm up to something and you know it. Don't pick a fight."
"I'm not picking a fight, but come on. All of the sudden you're all soft and subtle now. You want to give me space to work things out? You don't want to push? Something's up," she insisted.
He let out a frustrated sigh, "You are picking a fight and yes, I'm all soft and subtle now, so get over it. I've had time to think about things just like you and I've decided if I'm going to have you, I want it to be because you really want it too."
She didn't say anything. She was trying to start a fight, to keep distance between them, but he'd already caught on to her game and wasn't falling for it.
Part of her wanted to just give in and be with him. She wanted to experience what it was like to have a boyfriend and be in love because she'd never had a chance to do that when she was younger. When he'd kissed her she'd become privy to all those special things a man and woman could share; the things that she had missed out on. It made her sad. Maybe it was too late.
Chase looked at her, "Maybe what's too late?"
"You really need to stop doing that," she said taking another bite of her bagel.
"I can't help it. I just pick up bits and pieces from you… I'm glad you're not going to cry. It kills me when you cry."
"If only that were true," she smirked.
"That was harsh," he said softly, "And you don't mean it."
"Whatever," she sighed, "I'm over it. It's Halloween and I WILL be in a good mood. I have plans for us, so let's just pretend that all the stressful stuff between us isn't there and enjoy the holiday, shall we?"
He shrugged, "I'm down… Plus I'm excited to crack open that bottle of tequila."
She let out an amused laugh, "And what makes you think I'm into contributing to the delinquency of a minor?"
"First of all, I'm not a minor and secondly, this won't be the first time I've imbibed an alcoholic beverage, and it won't be the last."
"Fair enough," she shrugged, "Fair enough."
When Claudia said that she had plans for them, she wasn't kidding.
Chase was shocked by how into the holiday she was and her giddiness pleased him to no end. It seemed that for that day only, a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she didn't have a care in the world. He was happy for that and glad he could share it with her.
Claudia was definitely into the festive spirit, pulling out her very large and very heavy ceramic jack-o-lanterns which she sat on the porch, in the front windows, and in the back courtyard, lighting them at dusk. They illuminated the landscape and made for fun and creepy atmosphere. She'd also pulled out her large ceramic bowl with a Halloween scene painted around the diameter and filled it with tons of candy… more candy than Chase had ever seen for just two people.
They ordered pizza and Claudia had made a simple salad with black olives and Italian dressing. They'd also opened the bottle of Patron with Chase in charge of cutting the limes and getting the salt. They'd smiled at each other as they both took a celebratory shot in the kitchen before moving everything into the living room where Claudia had set up the DVD.
Chase plopped down on the sofa with his plate full of pizza and salad, "What are we watching?" he said through a mouth full of pizza.
Claudia grinned, "The Ring, The Shinning, and one of my favorite Japanese horror movies, Infection."
Chase laughed, "Maybe we should watch that one first. I don't think I'm going to be able to read subtitles if we keep hitting the tequila like this."
She thought for a moment, "We'll watch The Shinning first, and then Infection. We'll start it off old school."
Chase smiled and thought about how perfect this was. This is what it would be like when they were really together just hanging out and having a good time. Claudia was smart and beautiful and fun. He could tell that she had a wild side to her and he could honestly say that she was one of the coolest girls, no, coolest people he'd ever met. He couldn't wait until all the awkwardness was over and they could be girlfriend and boyfriend, sitting on the sofa, cuddling and watching a movie like a normal couple. Claudia had no idea what a great girlfriend she would be, but once he'd broken her down, she'd find out.
Claudia hit play on the DVD and made her way around the coffee table, picking up her plate and sitting down right next to Chase, "The remote is on the end table. Skip the previews, will you," she said as she took a bite of her pizza.
He complied, nodding and they both settled in as the credits for The Shinning began to play.
Chase had never had so much fun on Halloween as he was having with Claudia at that moment.
They'd finished all three movies and the night had flown by, edging them toward 1am as they felt the warmth of tequila at the back of their throats.
Claudia was right about Infection being a great horror movie and Chase had enjoyed it very much. He also enjoyed Claudia being genuinely scared at scenes in all three movies, jumping with fright and huddling against him to bury her face in his chest. He happily shielded her from the "scary scenes" by wrapping his arm around her and taking the opportunity to smell her hair.
Now they sat on the floor in front of the coffee table with candles lit as they played a modified version of the shot game, Dice.
The game was Claudia's suggestion (to Chase's surprise) and she was already on her way to being inebriated by the time they'd gotten into the rhythm of rolling the spotted cubes.
"Tell me about your first time," Claudia giggled as she struggled to unwrap a mini snickers bar.
Chase took the candy gently from her fingers and opened it for her, "You don't really want to know about that."
She nodded vigorously stuffing the whole candy in her mouth, "Yes, I do," she said as she chewed.
He sighed and thought for a moment, "Her name was Jennifer Ferguson and we were 15. We were pretty good friends, we went to Hastings together and she kind of asked me to be her first. It was quick and awkward as neither of us knew what the hell we were doing and it wasn't what I thought it would be."
"Oh," Claudia frowned swaying with the buzz from the many shots she'd taken.
"I think our mistake was doing it with someone that was just as inexperienced. Jennifer and I never hooked up again… things got kind of weird, but shortly after that I hooked up with Alison and it was much, much better. She was my friend's sister and she was older than me, 20… she knew what she was doing," he looked off into the distance and smiled, "She taught me a lot of stuff. I guess I've always been into older women."
Claudia didn't say anything as jealously began to burn in her gut, but instead rolled the dice, "Fuck! Another six!" she exclaimed as she reached for the half emptied bottle of Patron and poured herself another shot.
Chase watched as she downed the contents of the shot glass and twisted her face to the heat at the back of her throat.
"What about you?" he asked, "Why haven't you done it yet?"
Claudia didn't seem shocked by his question at all, but pondered it thoughtfully, "The opportunity has never presented itself," she said flatly and swayed once more with the buzz from the tequila. She was definitely tipsy.
"No way," Chase said in disbelief, "There is no way you've never been propositioned before. Hell, I just tried to seduce you the other day."
"Well, that I don't take seriously, and I don't know what kind of freak you are to be all into me or whatever, but guys usually don't notice me," she slurred slightly and nodded, "It's your turn to roll."
Chase picked up the dice and rolled… seven.
Claudia frowned, "How do you keep doing that!? We're not allowed to use, remember? Don't be a cheater Chase Collins!"
Chase laughed, "I'm not cheating, I swear."
She snatched up the dice and rolled again… three and three which added up to six.
"This game is bullshit. I'm the only one getting hammered here," she complained as she took her shot full on and twisted her face against the heat.
She slammed her shot glass down on the table and thought for a moment, "If you don't think that I worry about that stuff… sex, I mean, than you're wrong. I worry about it all the time. It's embarrassing to still be a virgin, but I turn 25 in August and everybody knows that once you hit 25 it's downhill from there, so I've resigned myself to being a spinster," her slur was a bit more pronounced.
He took the dice and rolled again… six.
Claudia grinned broadly and poured his shot. He took it down like a man and slid the dice back across to her.
"Your turn," he said.
It took a moment for her to focus, but she picked up the dice and rolled… four.
"Nice," she smiled and slid the dice to Chase.
"I think we've both had enough for tonight. You've got a good buzz going so let's just keep it at that."
"No!" Claudia huffed, "Don't be like that, Collins. I'm supposed to be the voice of reason here, not you."
"Well, you're on vacation," he said as he eased himself up off the floor and grabbed the bottle of tequila. He closed it and grabbed their plates, taking both into the kitchen.
Claudia struggled awkwardly up and onto the sofa, sluggishly laying her head against the armrest. The flames flickered in the warm night air and she watched the shadows dance on the walls. They made her smile.
Chase returned sitting down next to her, "You should probably get to bed. You look tired."
She rolled her eyes at him and sat up, "I'm not drunk. I was on my way, but thanks to you I'm just tipsy."
"That's not a bad thing. You won't be hung in the morning and you'll be grateful for it."
She looked away and out of the window wistfully, "I don't want the morning to come. I like things the way they are right now."
He nodded thoughtfully, "I know… it's nice," he said softly.
She turned away from the window and gazed at him as the candlelight drenched his skin.
They always say that candlelight makes one look better and Claudia thought that must be true because Chase looked amazing in the light just sitting there, lost in thought. He had beautiful skin and before she could stop herself, she reached out and caressed his cheek softly.
He turned to look at her as surprise spread across his face. The candlelight reflected, enhancing the unusual color of his eyes and the corners of his mouth eased up into a smile, "Don't tease me. I can't take it."
Her face remained serious and she moved her hand back up his cheek and into his hair. She wasn't teasing.
He looked away and the smiled dissipated, "Seriously, you're drunk."
She shook her head, "I'm not drunk; I told you."
She set herself upright on the sofa and moved toward him, swinging her leg over his lap and straddling him. He jumped a little and realized that he had no idea what to do at this moment. This is what he wanted, what he'd been waiting for, so why was he getting freaked out.
She sensed his uneasiness and lifted his face up by his chin forcing him to look her in the eyes, "Why are you acting like this. Isn't this what you want?"
His eyes darted away from her. He didn't know what he wanted.
Her face was determined, "Fine, than I'll do it."
She leaned down pressing her lips against his and immediately their Deus mixed sending warm currents between them. Chase had been very respectful when he'd kissed her the first time, but Claudia was assertive, touching the tip of her tongue to his, coaxing his mouth open wider. He responded automatically, opening his mouth to her and taking her tongue. He wrapped his arms around her waste and pressed into her, lifting his back off the sofa.
She pulled away and took a breath, "I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, Collins," she smiled.
His eyes were clouded with lust and he offered his mouth to her again, focusing on her bottom lip then her top, and then her entire mouth. It seemed as if his body sensed the opportunity to for sex and went on autopilot, his hands moving over her breasts as he snuggled her neck and showered her collarbone with kisses.
Claudia was excited and could feel the warmth of arousal rising in her. She could feel him too, his arousal fighting against the constraint of his jeans, desperate for her. She felt powerful and womanly straddling him as he buried his face between her breast and let out a soft moan.
And then… he stopped.
Claudia pushed away from him, her brow furrowed in confusing, "What's the matter?" she asked softly, "Don't stop."
He was intoxicated with desire and seemed as if he was conflicted within himself. Part of him wanting to continue and take her, pressing their skin together, their bodies connected in the throws of lust, but then there was the other part…
He shook his head as if trying to clear his mind, "You'll regret this in the morning."
She scoffed, "No, I won't. I want you to fuck me."
The use of such a vulgar term coming from her disturbed him and he moved her off of him gently, sitting her next to him.
"That's not what it's going to be like for us. I love you, Claudia. I want to make love to you. I want to show you how I feel; I want that to translate physically. I love you."
Claudia could feel her buzz wearing off and she reached out to him once again, turning his face toward her so she could offer her lips, "That's fine, whatever you want," she smiled slyly and kissed him.
He couldn't help but kiss her back. He'd never felt anything as intense and wonderful as when he kissed Claudia, but this wasn't right. She wasn't offering herself to him for the right reasons and when she woke the next morning she would regret what she'd done and hate him for it. He wanted their first time to be special and not just two people boning for the sake of the act.
He pulled away and took her face in his hands, "If you were sober, you wouldn't do this. I'm not going to take advantage of you. I can't bring myself to do it."
Claudia recoiled from him and jumped up from the sofa raging, "Are you serious!! I offer myself to you, which is what you wanted and you reject me!? What the hell is wrong with you!? You're supposed to be hardcore. You're supposed to be the rogue Ipswich son with all the moves and now you're all soft, talking about you love me and you want it to be special. This is a disappointment, Chase. YOU are a disappointment."
"Hey," he retorted, "I'm just trying to do the right thing!"
"You weren't trying to do the right thing when you went after Caleb Danvers. You weren't trying to do the right thing when you beat the shit out of Pogue, when you cursed Kate, when you kidnapped Sarah and used her to manipulate The Covenant. What's different now?" She laid into him.
Chase was silent, but the look of damage on his face said everything and Claudia began to regret her words.
He shook his head in surrender getting up from the sofa, "It's you. You've changed everything for me. I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you, that I'm making everything so hard and throwing your life out of whack, but I can't stop it… I don't know how to stop it."
"Damnit, Chase! Stop apologizing all the time. It doesn't make anything better!" She was so upset that she was shaking.
She threw up her hands in defeat and dizziness began to take her. It seemed that she was more than just tipsy. She swayed trying to keep her balance and Chase was by her side immediately.
"I told you," he whispered as he wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her.
She shrugged him away and instantly she began to go down. He was there to catch her… just like he said he would.
Before she could protest he'd lifted her off the floor and into his arms, carrying her to her bedroom. She was too woozy to demand that he put her down, instead resting her head against his shoulder and wishing for the throbbing to go away.
"It's okay, you're okay. We just need to get you too bed. No more tequila for you, young lady," he said softly as he made his way down the hall to her room.
Claudia frowned still fighting the throbbing, "You can't tell me what to do. Now, shut up," but her protest was frail and harmless.
He laid her gently on the bed, "You need to chill before you make yourself sick," then he turned to leave.
"Wait," she said smiling despite her headache, "Stay with me. We could have make up sex. Come on, Chase. Don't be like this," she reached out to him longingly, beckoning him to her.
He thought for a moment. He was conflicted and to see her laying there like that, asking him to stay with her… but he couldn't, not like that. Not while she was "altered". He wanted her to be completely coherent when they made love. He wanted her to feel every sensation, to remember every moment vividly. He wanted her to be completely present.
He shook his head, "You already know how I feel. I can't. Not like this."
Disappointment filled her eyes and she turned her head away, waiting for him to leave. And he did, closing the door behind.
He did question himself as he stood outside her door tormented with his decision.
What the hell was he thinking? The one woman who made him feel things he sometimes didn't even understand had offered her body to him and he'd rejected her. But that was all she'd offered. He didn't just want her body, he wanted her soul and she still wasn't ready to give that up yet.
It was killing him as he could still feel the lingering arousal from when she'd straddled him and kissed him. The smell of her skin and taste of her were still with him as was her Deus. He knew that he would wake up in the middle of the night dreaming that she was there, curled in his arms.
Once again, not fair.
Chase went back to his room still struggling with his choice, but determined to stick by it. He'd done many terrible things in his life, but he wasn't going to take advantage of the woman he loved… even if it did mean blowing a chance to be inside her with only sweat between them…
And that was when his Deus decided to take things into its own hands.