A.N. I'm back with an extra long chapter so please don't be stingy with the feedback. My special thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter. Your comments were much appreciated.
For the past three weeks Shelby had been biting her tongue to keep herself from screaming as Rachel lived and breathed the musical. She knew from her own experiences on and off Broadway that when she was rehearsing for a play anybody who was not involved in the production were just ghosts on the periphery while the co-stars and crew became her new family. She could see this happening to her daughter as she became immersed in her role; she would talk for hours on her cell phone to Marcie, Petra and the other Dramagiks about every nuance and detail of the play, but whenever she interacted with Shelby it was like she was only half there, always polite of course but her mind obviously on more important things.
And always there was Jesse. As her romantic interest in both the play and real life, Rachel had fallen doubly back in love with him. He was with her every possible minute of the day and more than once Shelby had surprised him making a nocturnal visit to Rachel's bedroom (after the third time it happened she installed security bars on Rachel's window). She racked her brain to think of a way she could keep him away from her daughter but she feared that forbidding the relationship would only result in Rachel leaving Shelby and going back to her doting fathers who would never deny her anything she wanted and certainly not her charming devoted boyfriend. Of course Shelby could always try to sabotage Jesse's scholarship with UCLA – all it would take was an anonymous tip and the name of the Asian kid who had actually pencilled Jesse's name on his SAT exam but both she and Jesse knew she would never do that. Even though the arrogant boy had fallen out of her favour, the mentor in her could not hinder his certain rise to fame. Not only because he was a reflection of her teaching, but she felt that it would be a crying shame if the world did not get to witness his talent. It was the same feeling she got whenever Rachel performed. In a way, she saw these two young people as her own creations – their success would be her success. All the sacrifices and hard work of her youth would not have been wasted, because when that day came that they would accept their Tony awards, Grammies and Oscars, she knew that she would own a piece of their victories.
It was the day before opening night for Little Shop when Puck came over to pick up Beth after rehearsal. Rachel had dragged Puck into her little show circle when she had decreed that no-one else could more perfectly play the part of Orin Scrivello, the sadistic dentist and Audrey's abusive boyfriend. Puck had argued that he wasn't even a student at Carmel but Petra and Jesse between them had pulled some strings making him an honorary Carmelite for the duration of the play. This had resulted in Shelby and Beth spending many afternoons together (she had rearranged the VA rehearsal schedule to accommodate the arrangement). She always waved off Puck's thanks for helping out with the babysitting, for in fact she looked forward to the time she spent with the adorable little girl.
Even though Shelby still had that ache of regret at the reminder of how much she had missed out on every time she held Beth, in a way it fed a different hunger in her. She sometimes fantasised about what would have happened if Puck and Quinn had agreed to let her adopt Beth and she had become solely responsible for this tiny little human being that was completely dependent on her for food, shelter and love. A baby would not leave her, not for another 18 years at least. She wouldn't have to worry about boyfriends or fathers taking her away, or having her decisions questioned, her rules disregarded. The fantasies were pleasant, but whenever Beth made Puck's pouty face when something was denied her or she saw the tired beauty from the hospital in her green eyes, she was reminded that this baby was not hers. She knew plenty of adults adopted, and in their eyes those children were as much theirs as any child born to them could be, but Shelby could not resist the pull of blood, not when she saw so much of herself in her teenage daughter. When she witnessed all the natural talent Rachel had inherited from her (that talent being the very reason the Berrys selected her as their surrogate), she felt such a fierce pride that she knew a stranger's baby would not be able to inspire. Her ideal scenario would be to get pregnant and do it all over again the right way this time, but her gynaecologist had ruled that possibility out for good. Rachel was the only child she would ever have, and every day Shelby felt her slipping away a little more.
"Thanks again for watching my Beth," Puck said as he scooped the squirming infant out of Shelby's arms. "You really are saving my bacon, Jewishness notwithstanding."
"Yes, you are definitely making an important contribution to the success of our play by freeing up one of its stars," Rachel agreed as she closed the door behind her.
"Where's your shadow?" Shelby asked her daughter with raised eyebrow.
"I told Jesse we should not spend any time together until tomorrow night at the opening, as it will build up our natural longing for each other and give even greater dramatic effect to our performance," Rachel explained.
"Yeah, like you can go 24 hours without seeing each other," Puck scoffed. "You'll both be shaking messes before dawn if you don't get your lovin' fix every hour."
"For your information, Jesse and I are professionals and as such are perfectly capable of sublimating our own desires to the good of the play."
"I'm just sayin', it ain't wise going cold turkey like that in case all that 'mating desire' explodes all over the stage when you finally see each other. You don't want your dads getting an eyeful of that from the front row," Puck teased.
"Her dads?" Shelby interrupted the two friends' banter. "The Berrys are coming tomorrow night? How do you know that?"
Rachel looked a little panicked under her mother's penetrating gaze. "Uh... they told me?"
"When did they tell you?" Shelby tried to moderate her accusing tone. "I mean, I wasn't aware that you were in contact with them."
"Not really, I mean just the usual techno communication – the occasional email, the random text message. Maybe a little skyping here and there..."
"Skyping?" That was the next best thing to physical presence in Shelby's book. "You never told me you were skyping with your fathers."
"It must have slipped my mind, me being so busy with the play and all," Rachel said, feeling guilty but not sure why. Surely there was nothing wrong with trying to maintain a relationship with her fathers? Yet she had sensed Shelby might be hurt if she knew; it was the same reason she had not mentioned her mother to her fathers when she was growing up. She decided now the murder was out, she may as well give full disclosure. "Actually, we've been talking about spending part of the summer together."
"What? You mean – you're moving back in with them?"
"No, not really, but things are much better with them now, we are communicating more, and I was thinking and Jesse agreed that it would be a good thing to include them more actively in my life. And with summer coming up, that will give us plenty of time to work on our fathers-daughter bond." Rachel quickly moved to wrap her arms around Shelby's waist in reassurance. "But I don't plan on moving out, just visiting them over the summer and maybe spending weekends with them when school is in session."
"I see," Shelby said quietly, rubbing Rachel's back absent-mindedly. "And Jesse agrees, does he?"
"Look on the bright side, Shell," Puck interjected, "now you'll get regular breaks from her constant yapping; I like to call them 'sanity breaks'."
"Get away with you," Rachel scowled, slapping Puck's arm as she herded him to the front door. "And remember, if you eat any dairy between now and tomorrow night I will make you pay."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I swear, if this role didn't let me wear a leather jacket and ride a motorcycle on stage, it would not be worth you messing with my eats."
"Love you too, Noah," Rachel smirked, closing the door behind him. The smirk disappeared when she saw the expressionless mask that was her mother's face. "Mom?" she ventured. "You're not upset with me, are you?"
"Upset? No, why would I be upset?" Shelby replied.
"Because your voice just went up an octave like it does when something is freaking you out."
"Don't be silly," Shelby laughed unconvincingly. "I'm fine. Maybe a little confused as to why you never told me about any of this, a little hurt that Jesse knows more about what is going on with your life than I do, but aside from that – not a care in the world."
Rachel sighed. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to risk hurting your feelings by letting on how much I miss them. Jesse knows about it because his relationship with his father is estranged – they hardly talk anymore and when they do it's never meaningful. He didn't want to see the same thing happen to me so he encouraged me not to shut them out."
"It is nice to see what a positive influence Jesse has on you," Shelby said with a smile that completely fooled her daughter. She responded with a blinding one of her own.
"Yes, he is rather wonderful, isn't he?" she agreed. She jumped slightly when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and eagerly fished it out to grin at the text message on her screen. "It's from Jesse," she squealed. "He says he misses me like Melchior missed Wendla when he was sent to the reform school for juvenile offenders."
"I thought you and Mr Wonderful were on lock down until tomorrow night?" Shelby mused as Rachel raced towards the stairs to begin a 2 hour texting session with her boyfriend in the privacy of her bedroom.
"Texts don't count," was the answer as Rachel's door shut behind her. Shelby sighed as she faced another evening of her own company.
GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE / GLEE /
She is amazing, was the thought repeating in a loop as Shelby watched her daughter own the stage. Every note was perfect, every movement flawless, her delivery impeccable. Rachel was fortunate to have such worthy co-stars as Jesse and Puck or otherwise she would have upstaged the entire production (Puck's singing ability was impressive and her respect for Will Schuester's musical judgement plummeted for not making Puck the male lead for New Directions).
As the final scene ended with Seymour and Audrey walking off hand in hand to begin a new life together, the audience rose to their feet in enthusiastic applause. Rachel's prophecy had come true; it was easily the most successful musical Carmel had ever staged.
"Shelby!" she heard her name called and turned to see Hiram Berry waving his arm at her. She moved down the aisle towards them to find their faces wreathed in smiles, beaming with pride much like she imagined her own was.
"So? What did you think of our little star?" Leroy prompted. "Amazing, wasn't she? Just amazing." What, he reads minds now? Shelby thought.
"A tour de force," Hiram concurred. "It was even better than when she played Annie in that community theatre production when she was nine."
"Or even her dramatic soliloquy from Macbeth that won her Little Miss Cleveland when she was six," Leroy pointed out.
"Or how about the time – "
"OK, I get it," Shelby cut in. "You've been watching Rachel dazzle on stage since she started walking."
"Oh, it was before the walking. She won her first singing competition when she was 8 months old."
"She was very musically verbal," Hiram nodded.
"Hiram, we are being a little insensitive here," Leroy said, linking his arm through his partner's. "Shelby doesn't have our history with Rachel. We shouldn't rub it in."
I don't have a history with her because you made me sign that contract, Shelby thought but didn't say. Instead, she smiled tightly and said "Well, I can't rewrite the past but I assure you I don't intend on missing any of Rachel's performances from now on."
Hiram and Leroy flashed smiles even tighter at her response but their passive-aggressive sparring match was interrupted when Rachel burst upon their little group and enveloped each of her parents in fierce hugs.
"Wasn't it fantastic? Everything just pulled together beautifully! Even the explosions in the final scene worked perfectly and I was rather worried about them because Noah set the fireworks up but no-one caught on fire or missed their cues and Jesse was sooo good and what did you think of my performance? Did you like it? Was I believable or did I go a little over the top?"
"Sweetheart, you were so believable I'm planning on going after that Puckerman boy later for ever laying a hand on you, even if it was in the script," Hiram vowed, kissing Rachel's head as she cuddled against him.
"Don't worry, Mr B, I've already taken care of him," Jesse quipped as he strolled into the family group. "But you can help me hide the body."
"Jesse!" The Fathers Berry hailed the young man with fondness; he was obviously a favourite of theirs. Trust Jesse to reinforce his position by winning over the protective fathers, Shelby thought. "A splendid performance tonight, my boy! Just splendid."
"It is plain to see that Rachel has met her match," Leroy declared, shaking Jesse's hand.
"In more ways than one, I should think," Jesse replied charmingly, encircling an arm around his girlfriend.
There were more compliments and laughter before Jesse excused both himself and Rachel as the school principal had some show business alumni who were anxious to meet the two stars. Shelby was impressed; this was an honour usually reserved for Vocal Adrenaline performances.
"So, Shelby," Hiram began, his voice switching to a more serious tone, "No doubt Rachel has mentioned about our plans for the summer."
"Of course," Shelby replied. "I am fully in my daughter's confidence." Even if she did have to cross examine her daughter like she was a hostile witness.
"I think it's important that things start going back to normal," Leroy said in his most legal manner. "Now that Rachel has had her little rebellion and explored her roots, it's best that she return to her real life."
"You mean back to Lima," Shelby deduced, "because everyone knows that Carmel is just an alternate reality."
"Now, Shelby, let's be reasonable about this," Leroy said. "We all know that her living with you was just a temporary situation."
"We are willing to allow you visitation rights, however," Hiram said.
"Within reason," Leroy added.
"What about her schooling?" Shelby asked a little desperately. "She has friends here at Carmel. She was bullied at McKinley."
"She never mentioned being bullied to us," Hiram argued. "And she has friends at McKinley. Puck and Finn and her glee club."
"I thought they disbanded that?"
"Didn't Noah tell you? Principal Figgins had a change of heart and gave them another year. I'm sure Rachel will want to be a part of its rebirth – it meant the world to her, after all."
"Look, there is no need to get upset," Hiram said placatingly. "We're not talking about taking Rachel home with us tonight. We'll let her finish the school year at Carmel, she can come stay with us over the summer and then... well, things will just go back to the way they're supposed to be."
"And if I have a problem with the way they're supposed to be?" Shelby asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You don't really have a choice in the matter, Shelby. Neither does Rachel, for that matter, no matter how indulgent we sometimes are with her. So I advise you to enjoy your time together while you can and then prove yourself to be a good mother by giving her back to the two people who were meant to be her parents."
"Wow," Shelby said, shaking her head. "Major flashback to Lima maternity ward, 1994."
"One more thing," Leroy said. "About Jesse."
"We're slightly worried," Hiram said.
"St James? I thought you two were huge fans?"
"While we think he is in many ways perfect for Rachel, he does have three strikes against him; one, he's 2 years older than her, two, he's leaving for UCLA soon and three, he is a hormonally rampaging teenage boy."
"What Leroy is trying to say is we don't really have an objection to them seeing each other so long as they are seeing each other with their clothes... on."
"I mean, we don't have to tell you how devastating it would be to all our hopes and dreams for Rachel if she were to get pregnant thanks to some fleeting teenage crush."
"I sometimes wake up at 2.00 am in a cold sweat from that very nightmare," Leroy shuddered. Hiram patted his hand soothingly.
"You know how unlikely that is, honey," Hiram said. "No-one knows better than Rachel how disastrous those consequences would be for her. We've been telling her since she was eight – wait until you're 25 and have a Tony in one hand and a wedding ring on the other."
"I know, I know. But teenage lust can be a powerful force. We would just feel better if while she was staying with you, Shelby, you could watch out for any escalation in their courtship."
Looking back, Shelby would pinpoint this as the moment when a tiny dark seed was planted in her mind. A seed that would grow into an idea, then a plan, then actions which would give her everything she had ever wanted. If she was willing to close her eyes to the cost, a cost that would be paid by the people she loved.
But at this moment it was no more than a spider web ghosting across her cheek, a passing fancy not to be taken too seriously but perhaps to be speculated on later. Unlikely to ever happen, but still...
"I guess it is a mother's place to have that kind of talk with her daughter," Shelby told Rachel's fathers. "I'll see what I can do."
A.N. Can you guess what that tiny dark seed is? You may think you know but trust me, you don't. Or maybe you do, if your mind is as twisted as mine. Fear not, all will be revealed... in a few chapters time!