Chapter Ten

BPOV:

I knew when I took the job that Edward's schedule was going to be a hectic one, but what I didn't realize was how little time he would actually have for Juliette. Every morning, I woke up at five, Juliette would wake up at seven fifteen, and would have breakfast together. Some mornings, Edward would join us, on other mornings, he would be completely passed out from an emergency surgery or a late night at the office.

I had accepted this job a week ago, and luckily, the nanny and PA portion was something that I seemed to be natural at. I would drive Juliette to school, then I would head over to the Cullen Building to work on the gala, or meet up with Rosalie for a girls day. Today was Wednesday. I was going to have to be at Jasper's office in a couple of hours. Last week, I went alone. Edward was supposed to come, but was called away on a massive trauma team, but it worked out so I could discuss things with Jasper about my arrangement. The talk went well, but Jasper wanted to talk with us both. This week, Edward would be coming with, and I was nervous.

Jasper warned me that we would have to work on pushing me to extremes to see how I would respond in situations. It wasn't something that I was looking forward to, but understood that it was necessary for the progression of my healing, and to see if I could actually function as a submissive. Jasper said that the emotions that a submissive would feel would be intense, and I needed to know how to deal with the onslaught of emotions.

I was prepping Juliette's snacks of carrots and pretzels, completely lost in my thoughts, when I heard Edward entering the room. I went to the coffee maker and gave him a cup of coffee, preparing it the way he liked it.

"Thank you Bella," he said gratefully. I smiled, looking at him. His copper hair was in disarray, as always, and he seemed a little tired, but he still looked at gorgeous as ever.

"You're up early. You could have gotten a couple of more hours of sleep before having to meet me at Jasper's," I told him, taking a sip of coffee.

He shook his head ruefully. "I'm heading into the hospital for a couple of hours to follow-up on the trauma patient that came in last night. I didn't do my charting last night, and should really finish that up."

"I heard you come in. It was really late. Are you sure you don't need me to drop you off?"

"I'm sorry for waking you, and I'm fine to drive. I've run on less sleep, the perks behind being a single parent. I really am sorry for waking you," he told me as he took a sip of his coffee.

"I'm just a light sleeper. I fell back to sleep soon afterward," I told him.

"So you didn't have a nightmare."

I shook my head. The nightmares were becoming less frequent as I was becoming more comfortable in my surroundings. I smoothed out the shirt that Alice had picked out for me and sat next to him at the table. I had a couple of minutes before Juliette would be joining us.

That child was like clockwork.

Juliette went down at eight and was up at seven fifteen. Then she would start brushing her teeth and get changed for school. Then at seven thirty, she would come downstairs and want breakfast. Luckily she wasn't a picky eater, so we would alternate between a home-cooked breakfast or cereal. I plated some eggs and cinnamon toast and brought it over to Edward.

"You didn't have to serve me Bella."

"I know," I replied, "But I was making a plate for Juliette and myself, so I figured I would make one for you as well. It really is no big deal."

"I thought that today would be a cereal day," Edward said quirking up his eyebrow at the spread in front of him.

"Well, I decided to shake it up a bit," I told him standing to retrieve some juice for Juliette. She should be gracing us with her presence at any moment now. I heard her coming down at a fast pace, which I was going to address with her. There was a strict "no running on the stairs" policy at the Cullen house. Edward shook his head as well, muttering something about her being too much like him.

I braced myself for the thirty-five pound onslaught that was Juliette Cullen. She barreled into me, wrapping her arms around my legs like she did most mornings.

"Good morning," she sang out.

Edward cleared his throat, making his presence known to his daughter.

"Daddy!" she ran over to him and sat on his lap. Edward sighed with contentment and stroked her long brown hair. "You miss "freder" last night."

Edward looked to me for clarification.

"We had Fettuccini Alfredo last night. There is some left over in the fridge."

He nodded, lifting Juliette off his lap. He kissed her on her cheek, promising to be home for dinner tonight as he had to head to work of an hour. Juliette sighed, looking at where he just left.

"I miss Daddy, Bella." Juliette sighed while putting on her backpack.

"Juliette, he's just a busy man. He's really . . ."

"Potant. I know."

It must have been a line that she has heard for most of her life, and I felt bad for her. I smoothed out her hair and helped her buckle her shoes. Maybe Edward could make some time for Juliette, and soon.

I turned into the parking lot and watched my young charge run off into the schoolyard. As most mornings went, I stayed and watched for a couple of minutes, making sure that Juliette was settling in okay.

"It gets better after the first week," a voice interrupted my Juliette watching. "You must be Dr. Cullen's new nanny."

I turned and saw that a beautiful woman with dark grey eyes and black as night hair was talking with me. Her skin suggested that she was of mixed decent, and she had a flawless complexion to boot. "I'm Mikayla Newton, the nanny for the Foster twins. They are in Juliette's class. Kylie and Emma adore Juliette. Camille and I used to do play dates. Maybe we can set one up again."

"That would be great," I replied. It was true. I wanted Juliette to have more interaction with children her age. She was starting ballet tomorrow, so that would help with her socialization, but other than that and school, she spent most of her time with me or with her other various tutors. Esme had warned me of Juliette's schedule.

"So, how long have you been a nanny?"

"Juliette Cullen is actually my first charge," I answered her, watching Juliette play on the swings with the twins.

"I heard that Dr. Cullen is a real slave driver," Mikayla said as she took a sip of her coffee. "Juliette has gone through five nannies in three months."

"Dr. Cullen isn't a bad employer. It's really just me and Juliette most of the time. Dr. Cullen's schedule is so erratic that we might see him at breakfast one day, and then dinner two days later. I can see the need for a live-in."

Mikayla nodded her head. "Amanda, one of her nannies, said that his schedules were brutal. She wasn't a live-in."

A comfortable silence passed between us as we watched our wards play on the jungle gym. I held my breath as Juliette dangled with one arm.

Mikayla smiled. "They can give us heart attacks, but without them, we would have no hearts." She grabbed a pen and wrote something down on my hand. "It's my number. Call me with any questions. Being a nanny is fairly easy, but there can be gray areas, and if you need me, I'm here."

"I appreciate that. I have to run to an appointment, but I will call you soon to set up the play date."

"Sounds good Honey."

I pulled up to Jasper's office. It was my understanding that he had several throughout the city, and luckily I had always gone to his satellite office across town, rather than his main one in the Cullen Building. I can imagine what the gossip mill would be whispering on about if they knew that I was going to Dr. Jasper Cullen for psychiatric help.

I sighed and shrugged on my jacket as I ran to the front door. A slight drizzle had started and I knew that the rain was about to start.

I walked into the reception area and sat in the chairs. Mimi, the receptionist for this office, smiled, recognizing me immediately.

"Bella, I heard you started a new job."

I quirked up an eyebrow, wondering where she heard this information from. It's not like I knew very many people, and I preferred it that way after the incident.

"Don't worry, Dr. Jasper didn't say anything. Ray told me when I went there two nights ago for dinner. You were always my favorite waitress."

I rolled my eyes. "Mimi, I was horrible at that job, and I know it. I dropped more trays then I could count on two hands."

"But you were always entertaining."

"Mimi, don't you have anything better to do, rather than to bug poor Bella?" Jasper asked with a slight southern drawl. I remembered that Edward said he was originally from Texas, but had grown up with Edward here. With as much time I had spent with Jasper over the past year, I had never heard the accent before, weird.

"Dr. Jasper, I suggest you put away the accent. It doesn't work on old biddies like me. That southern drawl won't work on me, no sir." Mimi rattled on, straightening up the magazines. "Besides, I'm sure Ms. Alice wouldn't want you picking up women who are old enough to be your grandmother."

Jasper chuckled and waited for me to enter his office. I saw Edward standing inside, running his fingers through his hair. I took a seat in my normal chair as Edward took the chair directly opposite of me, still looking a little anxious.

"Did Juliette get off to school alright?" he asked.

"Yes. I met the nanny for the Fosters. Would it be alright to set up a play date for Juliette on one of her free afternoons?"

"Sure," Edward replied.

Juliette kept a pretty busy schedule: gymnastics on Monday, Spanish tutoring on Tuesdays, and dance on Thursday. But, truth be told, Juliette wanted to do these things, and wasn't the busiest child in her pre-school.

"Edward, Bella, I'm sure you guys didn't come here to discuss Juliette's schedule," Jasper said, breaking into our conversation. We were stalling the inevitable, and he knew this. Jasper sighed, pulling out my file and perched on his desk in front of us.

"Dear God Jasper, is this how you approach all of you patients?" Edward snickered, referring to Jasper's stance.

"Quit stalling dear brother," Jasper snapped. "We need to have a serious talk and figure out if Bella can handle what exactly is involved in becoming a submissive. I won't have you two going into this situation blind, knowing her past . . . if something goes wrong, then you could seriously hinder her progress she has made in the past year."

I listened to his words, absorbing what he said. I didn't want to regress into the person that couldn't leave her apartment, but I needed to take back that part of my life that James took from me. And the only way I could do this was by placing my trust in Edward.

"Are you two ready to start?"

I nodded.

"Okay Jazz, where do we start?" Edward asked with a hard edge to his voice. I could tell he was on edge with not being in control right now, something completely out of the ordinary for him.

"We are going to do a proximity exercise. Bella has issues with letting men within two feet of her."

Edward quirked an eyebrow up. He studied me closely, trying to find the words. I knew he was thinking of the kiss we shared over a week ago, and the other times he had been in close proximity with me. I honestly didn't know why I didn't freak out when I was around him, all I knew though is that I didn't, and considered in major progress on my part.

"How did you function as a waitress then?" Edward finally asked, settling on something safe. He didn't know that Jasper knew about the kiss we shared.

"Ray knew about my past and kept a close eye on me. I rarely had any issues in the family friendly restaurant. Some single guys got a little handy once or twice, but Ray quickly kicked them out," I told him. "So, how do we do this exercise Doc?" I addressed Jasper.

"I want you at one corner of the office and Edward at the one diagonal from you. You will then progress to step toward each other . . ."

"I don't understand. I have already told you that I feel completely safe with Edward. Hell, we even kissed," I told him. "How is this going to help?"

"Well, in order to get to take a step closer to each other, you are going to have to fill Edward in on part of your past. You are going to have to tell him about the attack with James."

"I already know about it," Edward interjected.

"You don't know about the details," Jasper said. "Some of the things he did to her may seem like a role play situation in our lifestyle. Hearing her story, in its entirety, will help both of you identify triggers that you can work through, or avoid all together." He explained patiently.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to divulge much more, but I knew I had to. Edward needed to hear the entire story, not just the edited version. I stood, with determination, and walked over to the corner that Jasper had mentioned. Edward and Jasper moved the furniture out of the way, then, Edward took his place.

Jasper nodded to me, and I closed my eyes, gathering my thoughts, focusing on the task at hand.

I sighed. "James Tracker. That was his name. There are days when I close my eyes, and he is all I can see. His face, taunting me, telling me that I'm not good enough for anyone."

I shut my eyes, hearing Jasper's words from the previous week in my head. I wasn't repulsive. I opened my eyes, steadying my breathing, seeing Edward and Jasper's face. I could tell that Jasper was proud of me using his technique he taught me.

"Good Bella. Both you guys can take a step forward."

In my new spot, Jasper nodded for me to start again. "Edward, it was two years ago . . . you know the gist, but you don't know what happened after he put the gun to my head and pulled me into his bedroom. James was ranting on and on about how Amy wasn't the right build, but how I was perfect. He immediately tapped my mouth shut with duct tape and ripped my clothes from my body."

"Take a step forward," Jasper interrupted, watching mine and Edward's reaction.

"He tapped my hands above my head to the headboard, and had my legs out in a spread eagle position when he raped me the first time," I whispered. "He kept telling me to relax, that it would get easier. That's when I knew he meant to keep me for a long time." I started hyperventilating feeling the panic settle over me again.

"Bella. . ."

"Edward, don't. She has to work through the panic on her own."

I was vaguely aware of Edward and Jasper arguing as I got me breathing under control. I wasn't repulsive. I wasn't there anymore. Edward's here. Edward will keep me safe.

Edward took in a deep breath, swearing a low oath at his brother, as I was coming out of the panic. I took a deep breath, silently congratulating myself on another victory. Most of the time, I needed Jasper to pull me out of the haze.

"Take a step forward."

"He raped me," I repeated. "He would whisper vulgar things to me, telling me that no one was missing me, that no one cared. I was weak and unimportant. Too trusting, stupid. All I wanted to do was help some old lady in need. He kept me tapped to the bed. The sound of duct tape terrifies me."

"Bella, look at me," Edward demanded softly. I brought my eyes up to meet his. "You aren't stupid. You are intelligent and amazing. You should be cherished, worshiped, brought to heights you didn't even know existed. God, Baby . . ."

"Take a step forward."

I edged closer to Edward. "I was so scared. Scared for Amy, scared that I would die. Scared that no one would miss me if I died."

"Don't say that," Edward screeched. "You would have been missed. But, that's beside the point, you are strong, courageous, beautiful. You are loved."

"I know that now."

"Take a step," Jasper told us softly.

I could feel Edward's essence now, and it brought me some comfort. "Continue Bella," Edward encouraged.

"He raped me a total of six times. He got off on hearing me begging him to stop. One time, he took a whip to my back to hear me scream. He then bandaged me up and left me naked and bound. My father found me three hours later."

I don't know when it had happened, but I was wrapped up in Edward's arms, and he was pushing my hair out of my face, wiping the tears off my cheeks. I melted into his arms, as he whispered promises into my ears. Promises to take care of me, promises to never betray the trust I showed him today.

Jasper left, leaving us for a moment to retrieve some water. When he returned, Edward looked at him murderously.

"What the fuck did that accomplish Jazz? Was making her relive the worst nights of her life worth it?" He ranted. Edward paced, trying to focus on something, but not knowing what. I could feel the anger that he felt toward the situation rolling off of him. He was angry, but not with me, at James. Jasper approached his brother, trying to calm him down, to bring him down off the anger that he felt, but I made it to him first.

"I went to you willingly," I whispered. "I went to you for comfort. You are virtually a stranger, but yet I trust you. This was to show me how comfortable I am with you. No one, besides Jasper and the police, knows what happened during that weekend. I didn't know, until now, that I could be so comfortable with someone. I'm always worried that they are going to judge me, see me as a victim. But you don't see me as that."

"No, I don't see you as a victim, I see you as a survivor."

Jasper nodded, giving me a bottle of water. "Bella's right. She needed to see it for herself."

"But she has gone to me before," Edward said. "The first couple of nights. Hell, we even kissed," he argued.

"But now you know everything, and you still wanted me to come to you. You accepted me for everything, with all my baggage," I told him. "You know now that I hate having my wrists bound. Are you going to be able to work with me on this?"

"You still want to do this?" Edward asked me incredulously. "There is a lot of bondage involved. I will be able to work with you through this, and we can do some trust building exercises. I'm not going to throw you into a situation that you can't handle."

Edward stopped his rant, looking at Jasper. "Is this safe for her?"

"Edward, you are an excellent Dom with all the right training. Bella is willing to work through her fear of bondage. The fact that all this will be willingly, shouldn't have a negative impact on her healing. I would suggest though that you guys have communication sessions though after play time."

Edward nodded, agreeing with Jasper. I understood what they were talking about from the reading that I had finished on D/s situations and dynamics, but still was getting used to the terminology. Edward looked over at me, grabbing my hand.

I was shocked by the sudden movement, but calmed myself quickly. Jasper saw, but chose not to comment.

"Bella, I promise you that if this is something that you want to pursue, with me, that I will take care of you always."

"I trust you completely Edward."

He cupped my face, looking deeply in my eyes. "I want to try something."

I nodded, knowing I was safe under the watchful eyes of Edward and Jasper.

"Close your eyes . . ."

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart rate increase as I brought the darkness on myself. When James held me captive, I promised that I would never feel vulnerable again, but I did.

I felt Edward's presence all around me. His lips descended on mine. I felt out of control, not like when I had initiated the kiss. But, I understood what this was: an exercise of trust, and I did trust him. I surrendered to him, taking everything he was giving me.

He broke the kiss, locking his eyes on mine. I felt naked underneath his intense gaze.

Jasper cleared his throat, effectively breaking the trance.

"I would say that Bella is ready, but exercise caution. And I want to continue joint sessions with you guys every other week."

Edward shook his head. "Jazz, you're my brother, I love you and all. I don't want to discuss my life in the playroom with you."

Jasper chuckled. "I don't want to know what you did in the playroom, I just want to make sure that you guys are communicating well, discussing the emotions you will feel. I don't want to know about my brother and whips and chains."

"I understand," I said, knowing that it would be a good thing to unwind and talk with Jasper about it. Edward nodded as well. I turned to Jasper, who wanted me to stay and talk, knowing that I would need some time to unwind. Edward understood, and needed to check his email, so he left, leaving me with Jasper so I could decompress and analyze the feelings that were running through me.

EPOV

Bella and I headed to the docks, a tourist part of the city, lined with little restaurants and high-end shops.

We had stayed longer at Jasper's office than what we had intended, but it was needed. She finished up her session, as I went to the spare office and waited for her. I thought I knew what had happened to her, and I did, but Jasper was right, I needed to know all the details.

If James Tracker wasn't in jail and protected by guards, I'm sure that I would be hunting him down to kill him for what he did to her. A man like that didn't need to be roaming this earth ever again, but at least I could rest easier knowing that he was locked up and not a threat to her anymore.

I had heard some of her nightmares when I came home late at night. She truly had lived through hell, and now was fighting her way back. So many things had happened to her during her ordeal, and she had risen above the ashes. She was reinventing herself into someone stronger, someone new. And I admired her for it. She was so fucking strong, she didn't even realize it.

I looked over at her as she was singing silently with Kings of Leon. I started filing little pieces of information for later reference.

"Where would you like to eat?"

"It doesn't really matter to me. I don't really have a taste for anything."

I nodded, pulling into the parking area for the docks. There was a little Italian place, which I'm fairly sure she would enjoy. Out of the ten dinners that she cooked for us, five had been pasta dishes. Not that I'm complaining, it was all fantastic. I was bummed that I couldn't be there for some of the dinners, but I made what I could, hoping that I could eventually slow down. Juliette deserved to have me around more.

"Are you settling in well with Juliette?" I inquired as I guided her to Mangia.

"We have a good routine," she replied as we entered.

The hostess was eye-fucking me, but I paid her no attention as I pulled out Bella's chair. I kissed her softly on the cheek, mostly to stake my claim, but to get the hostess away from me.

"I hope you don't mind, but she was making me feel uncomfortable," I told her apologizing for my overture. "I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries you might have."

She shrugged her shoulders, but I could tell that the wheels were turning in her head. "Dr. Cullen, how are we going to manage our relationship? This is something completely new and foreign to me."

"It is for me too, Isabella. But, I think we can work through it. We will remain professional at work, as well we should, but we can be a little more relaxed around the house. As my submissive, I would require though that you just remain respectful to me. Most doms have their subs call them sir or master when not in play, but since I have a child in the house, I don't find that necessary."

She nodded, absorbing the information.

"But I haven't collared you yet, so the formalities for right now don't really matter. I've told you before that you are naturally submissive."

I trailed off, watching as she tucked her long hair behind her ears. The waitress came, and I ordered for the both of us, as she wanted me to.

"Dr. Cullen, when do you want to start?" Bella asked, her voice breaking me from my not-so pure thoughts.

" I did say that there would be a part two to the interview, and it will be this weekend, to see how we function together in a D/s situation. Juliette will be with Leah this weekend, so it will be the optimum time. I don't have any hospital time on Friday, so I'll drop Juliette off at my mother's at four, and we will have a trial weekend. Is this okay with you, or do you want to wait another two weeks? I don't want to pressure you or anything."

"You aren't," she reassured me. "You have helped me so much with everything. I want to reclaim my life, and you are instrumental in that."

I let the gravity of her words wash over me. I knew that she was rebuilding her life slowly, and the fact that she saw me as instrumental and a big part in that, made me feel honored and humbled at the same time. She was truly extraordinary, and if she let me, I would worship her the way a man should worship a woman.

I couldn't wait until this weekend, when I could show her how amazing she was.

AN: I decided to send this out unbeta'd, so any mistakes made are mine. Anyway, reviews rock my socks, so press the button and feed the ego.

I am planning on posting a couple more stories soon, keep an eye out.