A/N: MAN. Here's the next chapter, lovies. It's really hard to write when you're lacking inspiration. xD You all owe thanks to SiriusMoonPuppy for getting me motivated again—well, myself too. And you have Cobalt to thank for making it better. xD Colby also pointed out how Remus refers to Sirius as Sirius in narrative. I'll just say one more time, this is because Remus is retelling the story. xD SORRY IF THAT CONFUSES YOU. It's not happening in the current time, Remus is looking back on it. I've a weird writing style, I know, and I'll brush it up for you guys so you can understand it better. ;; I love you guys though! A lot of stuff has gone down, though. xD My friend just go deployed to Iraq, my brother was in a bad accident, my friend got thrown off her horse—they're all fine right now, but I'm worried about Mike. He's the one in Iraq. ANYWAYS! It's time for the Author review response time. – Grins. – AND THANKS FOR OVER 100 REVIEWS!
Cindered-hope - YES. xD I wrote it by myself, and thank you! - Throws her hands up in the air and dances. - A Super!Seme Remus? xD Scary, but oddly sexy thought. ;x I'll keep that in mind, love.
Kawaii Thief Kitsune - Here's more! xD It wasn't very soon, but it's more. AND THE CHAPTER IS LONGER. DDD - Huggles and skidattles. –
Person who left no pen name – I'm glad you liked my poem! xD It took a whole five minutes to scribble down! I'd like to read your poems, though. Faeries are pretty.. . xD NOW SLAVE. I DEMAND THAT YOU READ AND REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. – Glomps. –
HappyDappyDrunk - Thank you! xD THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN RESPOND TO ON YOURS. Here's the update! ;x Love you, love the read.
Kungzoune – Thank you for the compliment. ;0; AND SCHOOL IS HARD. I keep falling asleep in all of my classes. xD It's bloody brilliant, it is.
Emerald Tigriss - GOOD. – CLINGS TIGHTLY. - And thank you. xD That was one of my favorite parts too. ;x They're just so canon. Hugs and kisses x 58468469164
once again muah - xD You're the one with many names! - Snickers. - Thank you! I didn't try very hard to write it, I just scribbled it down. xD I thought it was kinda... Meh. Moving on. xD AND I'VE UPDATED. ( But not as soon as you'd have liked. I'm sorry. ;0;
Dampilleta - WELL. xD I can't write smut every chapter. Then I would be smutted out. ;x And Snape does. He just hasn't come in yet. – Snickerfits. - Enjoy the next chapter! - Glomps. –
Happy Face Luvie - Yes! xD That seems to be most everybody's favorite part! It was mine too. ;x AND YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A REMUS REACTION. Hohoho.
Vixen-Ra - I'm glad you like it. xD Thank you for the compliments, too. I have a flare for dramatics because I'm a teenager. xD ;xx SO HERE'S YOUR UPDATE. I LOVE YOU. XO - RUN. –
GrimPadfoot - THIS CHAPTER IS LONGER! X) And I will Message you on Yahoo next time I get on. ;x hrt.
Seika - - GLOMPS. - I'm glad you liked the poem. xD But you'll have to wait for the secret to be revealed, just like everybody else. WELL. Two people know it, but I trust they'll keep it on the DL. ;) When you type up your story though, I'd love to read it! - Nods vigorously. - And I can wait, don't worry. xD How is the weather out in Costa? D And you can send each chapter to my e-mail! I'd love it. X) LOVE YOU.
Lunaris - ;x... Picky, picky, picky. But yes. I think that was actually a mistake neither me nor Cobalt caught. xD Thank you though! - Glomps. - And I'm glad you liked the poem. X))) - SKIDATTLE. –
SiriusMoonPuppy –You're welcome. xD - Prances around her. - THOUGH I CAN ANSWER ALL OF THIS TO YOU ON IM. And I probably already have. And yes, it's Hasunuma as in Ghost!. xD Because he's such a manbeast.
AffectedMangoO - It's okay! School is evil! And I'm sorry for the delays. ;; I'm losing my inspiration train. – Glomps. - But here's another chapter!
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WARNING, ALL READERS PLEASE READ: I've put a few controversial things into this chapter, so if you don't like them, skip over them, or don't read. This is your fair warning. There's implied James x Peter, implied underage sex, and implied incest. If these offend you, I repeat, do NOT read this chapter. X) Much love! Xoxoxoxo. – Kiss, run. –
Disclaimer: Harry Potter remains under the copyright of J.K. Rowling's brilliant hand and mind. Therefore, I own nothing in this story except a lousy poem and the storyline. Much love! Muah!
For You
Chapter 10: Betrayal
I moved quickly from the room that felt more like a cage to me than anything. I needed to see Lily, to ask her what had happened earlier – what had happened when we'd been drunk—if she even remembered anything.
I'd been sure only moments before that the lies I had fed myself had been true, but as I got closer and closer to my desired destination, my confidence tumbled and faltered. I wasn't sure I would want to hear Lily's recollection at all. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.
I found myself standing completely still in the middle of a deserted hall, watching the floor as though I was afraid that at any moment it would shift and change, crumbling away under my feet to swallow me whole.
"Remus?" came the distinctly female voice from behind me, cooingly soft silk-like threads. I didn't respond, and so again, only louder this time, Lily called my name again, but I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to meet Lily's eyes, because I knew the look on her face would only prove to me that there was something wrong.
Then she would ask me what was wrong, and I would watch as disgust flitted across her features, listen as names were called because of a feeling of betrayal.
She would tell me that I was a fool, call me crazy because I didn't even know Sirius, not a single thing about him, and as she would be right, I would suffer another defeat of a different kind.
And then it hit me as I turned, kicking up dust from the ground with small shuffles until I stopped, fully facing the fiery red-head in front of me. There was only one person I could ask and trust to know a ton of stuff about Sirius: Lily.
"Lily," I whispered, even as she moved forward to embrace me – something that I could not return. "Tell me all you know about Pollux."
Hesitantly, Lily drew away from me, looking at me in confusion, as she held tight to my upper arms. She looked as though she kept rewinding what I'd said and then hitting play over and over again, to make sure she'd heard me correctly.
"About... Who?"
"Pollux," I replied softly, grabbing her by the elbows and drawing her arms away from mine, after they'd tightened still more. Lily was a girl, but seeing as how she'd been an archangel, she was by no means weak.
"Well, I know that he—why?"
She was confused by my question, I could tell. Why did I want to know about the enemy? Because I shared something with him now. Why did I care? Because my heart was racing and I couldn't get a logical reason to my own confusion.
"I want to know more about my captive," I drawled carefully, giving off an air of indifference to hide my own insecurities. "You know, his weaknesses and things."
"Oh," Lily said, failing to hide her relief from me as she lowered herself from her where she had been standing on tiptoe. "Well then! I'll tell you all I know!"
Grabbing my hand tightly, she dragged me down the corridor until we reached her room, where she tugged me inside and over to her bed to sit down.
Turning, she pulled her legs up underneath herself and turned to face me, smiling.
"Well, I don't' know that much about him, really, only a little. Sirius didn't really talk to us very much about his life, you know."
I froze. She had just said Sirius, hadn't she? But no. He couldn't be the same man I'd heard endless horrific tales about, of his strength, ruthlessness, scornful manner. No. It couldn't be the same man.
"Err... Lils," I said, turning my gaze towards her, so that she could see my confusion plainly without me having to state it. "Not to be rude, but I want to know about Pollux, not Sirius."
The look on Lily's face relieved me, because she in turn looked confused now. I thought she'd just made a genuine mistake—until she started laughing.
"No, no," she breathed after regaining a little bit of her composure back. "His name is Lord Sirius Pollux Black. Pollux is his middle name, the one he gives everybody."
I stared at her, opening my mouth to ask a long, detailed question, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a dumbfounded, "Why?"
Lily's eyes lost their mirthful humor as she took on an almost sympathetic tone, hands fidgeting at the small, multiple ties on her nightgown.
"A name is a very powerful thing, Rem. Besides, would you want people to know your name if you were so feared that others cringed just from the mention of it?" She reached out a hand and tugged lightly on a few locks of my hair. "Being an archangel is a sacrifice, you know. We're not as respected as one might think. A lot of people are disgusted by us, and loathe us. But don't get me wrong. We have our supporters."
I nodded my mute understanding, turning away from her slightly.
"Well, what about his family then?"
"Mm..." she touched her fingers to her chin, tapping lightly as she thought. "I know he has a brother. Not too sure of his name, but I know Sirius hates him because he's only his half brother. His Mum kind of ran out on his Dad after having him, because she said he was cursed, or something, then she had the git's brother and began to act as though Sirius didn't even exist."
"Oh..." Well, I thought, suddenly feeling guilty about learning the horrible things from Sirius's past from anybody else, at least that explained a couple things about his rotten reputation and personality.
"I'm err... Kind of hungry," I sputtered lamely, getting to my feet – feeling worse than before and just wanting to get away from Lily. "I'll see you later, then."
"That's all?" She looked confused as she, too, rose to her feet, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder, which I instantly brushed off and instantly felt even guiltier for.
"Yeah, thanks Lils."
I didn't give her any time to respond. Instead, I took three large strides to her door, pulled it open, and fled down the hall towards any place where I could be alone.
I really needed to think.
I came to pause in a library that was filled with endless rows of shelves, and I instantly found myself relaxing. I might have been a thief, but I wasn't a stupid one. Books were my passion.
Without thinking, I began to walk between the rows, fingering the spines of the books until I came across and odd, out of place one that caught my eye.
Pulling it down, I opened it and flipped through it, seeing pictures and words scattered on the pages.
It was a journal. It was Sirius's journal.
Finding a page, I turned towards one of the tables, taking a seat as I settled in for a long read.
James turned his head left and right, eyes squinting as he struggled to see through the cloud of dust picking up about him.
He could hear angry cries of battle all around him, but as to where the owners of the voices were, he didn't know.
Blood. He could feel it running down his back and over his brow, gliding slowly to drip on the tainted dirt beneath his feet.
"Arthur!" he wheezed, looking for his usual companion in a daze, stumbling as he moved forward. "Arthur, where are you?"
There was no answer, and James pushed himself further, sword dragging behind him in the dirt.
"Sirius!" Slowly, all around him, the noise was beginning to silence, so that the sudden sound fo clumsy footsteps behind him made him jump.
Halting, James calculated the speed in the steps, struggling with his scattered thoughts to make a logical conclusion, and when one had been reached, James swung around.
It was almost too fast to see as a knife came down at him, slashing his shoulder before he could catch the attacker's wrist and keep him still.
"Peter," he breathed as he looked down into the wild, watery eyes of his friend turned traitor.
"J-James!" the tiny man squeaked, dropping his weapon as he struggled to pull away. "I didn't know it was you!"
Blinking away his haziness, James shoved Peter to the ground with disgust, looking him over as though he were some persistent rat.
"I'm sure, you shameless piece of scum. Filthy back stabbing traitor!" Drawing his foot back, James let it go with a furious force into Peter's side, grinning with a sadistic sense of pleasure at the hiss of pain it drew from the other man.
But Peter would no admit defeat so readily. Scrambling to his feet, he danced out of James's reach; scowl overtaking the usually twitchy features as he retrieved his knife.
Wormtail had always given off the impression that he would be easy to beat down, to dominate and twist to your will, but the soldier was smarter than that. To back down was to admit defeat, and even cowards had their pride.
"We're both fighting for what we believe, James. If that makes me a traitor, then I guess I am, but I was from the beginning!"
"It touches me to know that you actually have a brain," James taunted, swinging his own sword forward a bit so that he could catch the hilt with both hands. "But we both know you're just flattering yourself with that deceiving lie. You thought Voldemort was stronger, could offer you power, and that was why you betrayed us—betrayed me!"
Peter jumped out of the reach of James's blade as it flashed forwards, biting the air in hope of slicing skin and tasting blood, but to no avail.
"You betrayed me and the rest of us first, James!" Peter hissed, lunging an attack aimed for James's stomach and missing. "You knew Lily was a girl, you started looking at her. You lost your interest in me!"
"I told you from the beginning that it was just a fling, Peter! I told you not to fall in love with me!"
A powerful swing at Pettigrew's head and a narrow miss.
"How could I not when you were always declaring yours for me?" They both stopped their movements, eyes settling upon each other with a fierce insecurity on the topic they were pursuing, but Peter continued anyway. "You are the filthy liar, James, for being able to look somebody in the eye and tell them you love them when you didn't even mean it!"
"I did love you, Peter," James groaned, slumping slightly. "I still do, but Peter—what we had was wrong!"
"That," Peter growled, raising his weapon up threateningly again. "Is why I'm on Voldemort's side, fighting for what I believe in; so that I can love who I want, regardless of their gender. I'm sorry you were so ashamed to love me, James, but I'm not ashamed for loving you, and I never will be."
"Peter, I--"
Peter shook his head, scowling venomously at James as he held his weapon up a second longer before there was a horrible, battle torn call that the two could tell had come from one of the leaders.
Nodding their understanding that this would continue later, they both started in the direction of the noise.
James, however, never made it.
The dizziness from earlier had finally caught up with him, and with the world spinning, he collapsed.
September 13
I met Regulus today. Mother reckoned that she didn't know who I was. She told Regulus that we weren't related at all. He looked just as lost and confused as I'm sure I did.
He was adorable, my baby brother. I know that when he gets older and turns into a man, girls will be lining up just to hold his hand, or bat their lashes at him in hopes of being noticed. They probably are already.
I tried to talk to him, but when I did, that bitch pulled him away and screamed something about me trying to give him my curse.
Am I cursed?
Father didn't stop her or say anything, either. I think he hates me too. But maybe Regulus will like me, if mother lets him try.
I just hope he has a better life with her than what I had. The only things I could remember of her was screaming and hitting and my father watching from the shadows.
Regulus doesn't look like he gets hurt, though. I just don't think he understands. Not like I do, at least. He's three years younger than me, after all.
Father just walked in and told me I was wasting my time by writing in this journal. He took my candle too. I guess that means goodnight then, so...
Goodnight.
Sirius Pollux Black
September 19
Regulus and I have been talking privately lately. I was wrong, too. Regulus is two years younger than me. He's thirteen and I'm fifteen.
I'm supposed to meet up with him today. We're both really nervous that we'll get caught. I don't think we will, but father has told me numerous times that I "stand out like a sore thumb" because of my black wings. I hate my wings. They make me different. Father won't talk to me about them, either. All he tells me is to deal with it, and he gets so angry, as though it's my fault.
It's not, you know. I was born this way.
Anyways, it's time for me to go and meet Regulus.
Goodbye.
Sirius Pollux Black
September 26
The past week with Regulus has been awesome! We get along so well, it's amazing! You can definitely tell we're brothers, though, even if our personalities are opposites.
I'm a leader, he a follower, and he's really gullible too! I love picking on him. It's so cute, watching him blush. He's so delicate that I'm almost afraid that I'll break him.
But he's got one hell of a devious streak.
Here's a fun fact for you: Mother tries so hard to act like I don't exist, yet Regulus's name is Regulus Castor Black.
Yeah, that bitch remarried another Black. And not only that, but she gave Reg a middle name to match mine. Pollux and Castor? Yeah, Mum. Name us both after the Gemini twins with dog-like first names and the same last name to go with it.
She's such an odd little woman. She makes me laugh. A lot. And that's not in a good way, either. She's absolutely insane.
Anyways, Regulus called me out again today.
Goodbye.
Sirius Pollux Black
October 1
Today an official looking angel came to the door and told me that in thirty days (my sixteenth birthday), I would be taken away from home. Where are they taking me, though? Father got angry and told them to get out. Father's always angry, but I've never seen him cry.
Today he cried.
What's going on, though? When I told Reg what happened, he got all pale and just hugged me really tight. Why is everybody so worried? What do they all know that I don't? And why won't they tell me?
I'm scared.
Is it because of my wings? I've never seen anybody else with black wings before. Do they want to conduct experiments on me? To see how much of a freak I really am? It's not fair!
Why do I have to be so different?
God obviously hates me, but I'm still made to respect him. What's so respectable about a guy I've never met or seen?
Well, Reg's here.
Goodbye.
Sirius Pollux Black
October 10
I found it out. I'm something they call an "archangel". They're warriors of sorts, and it's very rare for them to be born. They're like, the best of the best of the best.
I've never seen one before, either. Though, I guess I do every time I look in the mirror, don't I? I don't want to be a warrior. I don't want to hurt people like they've hurt me and not have a choice about it. I just want to be myself.
I started crying today in front of Regulus. He didn't say anything, just held his arms around me tightly, holding me until I was myself again.
And then he kissed me.
It was wonderful. My stomach was full of butterflies, and I felt so good. For a moment, nothing else mattered. The world around me was washed away.
And when he drew back, threatening to let reality back in, I pulled him in for another kiss. It was only lip-to-lip but honestly, it was perfect that way.
Am I falling in love with my own brother?
Sirius Pollux Black
October 15
Regulus and I keep getting closer and closer. He's making me lose my fear of the inevitable – with each kiss he erases my mind.
Yesterday though, we took it a tiny bit further.
I'd said the kissing on lips was perfect, and I wasn't wrong, but today we kissed with our mouths open and tasting each other. It was pure bliss.
My heart leapt up into my chest and I had to hold him tighter, to never let him go because I suddenly realized exactly how much he meant to me.
I would do anything for him – even die. Is that wrong of me?
I love him, you know.
Sirius Pollux Black
October 26
Only five more days until they take me away for training. I'm really scared. I don't want to go. I'd rather stay with Regulus.
He was crying today, and I didn't know what to do. He looked so... helpless.
Gods I love him. So much.
He's waiting for me, so I have to go now.
Goodbye.
Sirius Pollux Black
October 31
"Happy Birthday, dear Sirius."
Ha ha. Yeah right. I'm waiting for those bastards to come back and take me away. I feel so selfish. I hate myself right now.
Regulus hasn't talked to me for two days now, either. That's my fault.
Regulus and I lost our virginity to each other on the 29th. It was wonderful, the best feeling I ever had. I can tell you now the true definition of Utopia. It's not here; it's not anywhere, really. It's not even tangible.
Everything was going so good, too! Until he told me that he loved me.
It was like my world shattered. I always thought I would be so happy to hear him say it, but it was my first time hearing that four-lettered word directed towards me, and it scared me.
I love him. I love him with everything I am, but I don't want him to love me. Regulus can't. It's not allowed.
Please stop loving me so much, Regulus. It hurts to turn you down because... because...
Because I love you too.
Sirius Pollux Black
A/N: D! I MADE IT LONGER THIS TIME. PRAISE ME!!!! AND SPECIAL THANKS 100xINFINITY TO COBALT. XO