I was up most of the night and only got four hours of sleep. I spent the time I was awake reminiscing about before Mom died and Dad fell down a well splashing with beer. There are nights where this overwhelming weight crushes my chest, and my throat closes. Where my heart aches tremendously and barely beats. Where my memories are no longer the cozy films I lose myself to when I need to escape reality; but the horrible creatures with their razor sharp teeth that relentlessly gnash at me.
These are the nights where I'm really missing Mom, and I have to physically shut my eyes so I wouldn't have to see her in every little thing.
Some weeks I do better, and I feel like the grief is slowly starting to loosen its claws on me. But then I see Dad and I fall back down into the darkness. Like I did last night. 6 months isn't that much time, and occasionally my head feels like it's spinning just as much as it did when Mom was leaving.
I shake my head and groan as I look in the mirror in the morning. My eyes are red and swollen from crying and my nose is running, still. My face wasn't the only thing that ails me. My head was pounding from all the clenching I did so Dad wouldn't hear me cry, and my arm was pulsing to the beat of the drums between my eyes. My entire body felt like a train ran it over; along with my heart.
"I love life, right now," I mutter, turning on the warm water in the sink. "It's going superb and amazing. I wonder if it could get any better."
I cup my hands under the faucet and let the water puddle in my hands. Then I dunk my face in it. I keep my head in the water until my lungs were begging for air, and even then I wait a second before I lift my face and gasp.
I check on Dad before I leave for school. The thing about my dad is that when he drinks he's not like the people on tv. He has two personalities that come out when the alcohol kicks in. The super quiet one who isolates himself in his room; or the aggressive, angry, tyrant who's impossible to tame.
The latter rarely occurs, but it did once, right at the beginning. Dad was ballistic and nearly destroyed our old house. The only thing that stopped him was that he passed out before he could do any real damage.
Dad wasn't in his room when I opened the door, and the blood in my veins froze. The only thing that greeted me was his messy, smelly, bedsheets, half of them in the floor.
Where did he go? Is he okay? Did he leave in the middle of he night? What if he's hurt and lying in a ditch somewhere, drunk and cold? I barely hear the noise from the kitchen over my racing heart, but I do. I run downstairs and to the kitchen.
There I see Dad shakily scrawling words on a piece of paper, and my lungs suddenly start to work again and my heart stutters to its usual rhythm.
"Dad," I breathe, relief coating the name like sugar.
He looks up, his green eyes red and unfocused. "Daisy." He looks down at the paper like he just realized it was there, and glances up at me again. "I have the grocery list."
I walk over and examine the list, slowly letting my muscles become less tense. Eggs Milk Cheese Bread Cereal Toilet paper Soap Shampoo Okay, so we need the basic necessities. I can pick up anything I see that we might need when I'm there.
"This it?" I ask as I pocket the list.
Dad wasn't with me anymore. His eyes were now glassy and he was stumbling over to the couch. I watch as he falls into the cushions and buries his face into the pillows.
In a matter of seconds, Dad was here, if only a little bit, and then plunged back into his own head. I ignore the rising lump in my throat and grab my backpack. Dad was probably going to sleep the day away. I wouldn't be surprised if I found him in the same spot when I come home from school.
When I get to school, Biana and Sophie are waiting for me by the front doors.
"Hey, Daisy," Sophie says, smiling.
"Hey, guys," I greet.
"How's your arm? Did I do good playing doctor?" Sophie grins and Biana laughs.
I join in her giggles. "Yeah, you did great. It doesn't hurting that bad this morning," I lie. In all honestly, it's been bugging me since this morning and last night. But I took medicine after I brushed my teeth so it should be feeling better soon. I hope.
"Maybe I should be in the medical field for college," Sophie comments as we walk into school.
"Or a translator, since you're so good at foreign languages," I point out. Sophie snaps her fingers and looks at me with wide eyes.
"Oh my word, yes!" She exclaims, smiling. "I just found my career path."
"Woohoo!" Biana squeals, always the one full of excitement. She throws her jewelry covered hands into the air, turning the heads of everyone gathered in the auditorium. Sophie and I blush as the eyes of every kid landed on us.
"What are we woohooing about?" Someone asks behind us. We turn to see Dex standing there, with his-what I'm assuming to be-siblings. They look like triplets.
"Sophie knows what she's going to college for," I say, smiling at the younger Dizznee kids.
"Already? Don't we have awhile til then?" Dex ignores his little sister, who's tugging on his arm, and focuses on Sophie. She shrugs.
"Yeah, but it's always good to start early," she says.
"I guess," Dex says. He whips his head around to glare at his siblings, who all now joined on yanking his appendage.
"Guys, stop! Go find your class, or something." His veins were bulging from straining against the triplets' hands.
"Okay," one says, smiling deviously. In sync, they all let go of Dex's arm, causing him to smack himself in the face with the release of pressure.
I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to mask my laughter, and look to Biana and Sophie. They both were doing the same. Biana's teal eyes met mine and she was tearing up.
"Ugh!" Dex lets out a strangled cry as he glares at his fleeing siblings; who were cackling their heads off. Poor Dex's cheek was becoming a nice tomato shade of red, and his hand was rubbing it.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asks, failing to hide her amusement and smile.
"Fine," Dex mutters, still staring after the triplets. "Siblings just suck sometimes."
"Tell me about it," Biana says, rolling her eyes. "I have to live with a guy who spends, like, 4 hours on his hair every morning. Totally hogs the bathroom, too."
"I do not," a deep voice protests. Fitz walks over with Keefe in tow. "You're the one who has to do her makeup until it's perfect. And that doesn't take 3 minutes."
"Okay, but you do take a long time on your hair, dude," Keefe adds, smirking at Fitz's growing distress.
"No I don't! Sophie, tell them." Fitz turns to the blonde, but she shakes her head and holds up her hands innocently.
"Oh no. I am not getting in the middle of this again," she says.
The lights dimming cuts off Fitz's reply, and a hush falls over the students.
"Good morning, students!" Principal Leto greets, his face appearing on the wall. "Today is going to be a great day."
After Leto's daily pep talk, we all dispersed to our designated first classes. History was the last place I wanted to be, but it's not like I had a choice whether I wanted to be there or not.
I walk down the hall, alone, since Biana had to go to the bathroom before class started. I would've gone with her, but I didn't want to risk another detention from Ms. Galvin. I already have one today after school, and another one tomorrow.
I walk into class, and Ms. Galvin was already there, sitting at her desk. She glances up at me as I pass by. I smile at her, but she just looks down at her paper again. My smile drops and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I can never win, can I?
I fall into my usual seat, and wait for Biana. But she doesn't show up when the bell rings. What happened? Did she get lost on her way here? That's not likely, she seems like she's been going to Foxfire for some time. Maybe she had to go home. Was she feeling sick? She didn't look unwell.
Finally, she shows up in the middle of Ms. Galvin's lecture. Her cheeks were flushed and her usually immaculate outfit was slightly wrinkled. She held a tardy slip in her hand.
Ms. Galvin pauses her lesson to receive the tardy slip.
"I am so sorry I'm late, Ms. Galvin," Biana apologizes, her perfect eyebrows scrunched up.
"Oh, it's quite alright, Biana. Take a seat." Ms. Galvin dismisses Biana's apology and tardiness with a wave of her hand. She didn't even give her a detention. My mouth drops open as Biana slides into her seat.
"What the heck? No detention?" I ask Biana, my voice quiet as Ms. Galvin resumes talking.
Biana I ignores me and leans closer. "You'll never guess what I just saw in the hallway," she whispers excitedly, her eyes lit up with the gossip.
"What?" I whisper back hesitantly. I never liked to participate in gossip; I always felt dirty and mean whenever I joined in with the other girls. I quickly stopped partaking in it, and either left or kept silent when it happened. But Biana perked my curiosity.
"Yeah, so—" Biana's cut off by Ms. Galvin.
"I excused your tardiness, Miss Vacker. Don't push it with talking when I am," she warns.
"Yes, ma'am," Biana says, straightening. When Ms. Galvin turns around she quickly adds one more thing.
"I'll tell you later." Biana winks at me and then focuses her full attention up ahead.
I do the same, my mind spinning with questions. What did Biana see? And do I really want to know? I knew the answer to the last question almost immediately. Of course I wanted to find out; once my curiosity has been risen, it's near impossible to put it to rest.
Now I really couldn't wait for History to be over.
"Okay, can you tell me now?" I ask Biana, walking out of the classroom. Biana pushes her hair behind her ears and opens her mouth. But before she could get a word out, Jensi interrupts her.
"Hey, guys! What's up?" He bounces up beside us, grinning from ear to ear. He reminds me of an overexcited puppy.
Jensi trails us to your next class, so Biana couldn't fill me in. I meet her gaze during one of Jensi's exceptionally long stories, and her gaze is apologetic.
"Later," she mouths.
I nod and tune in to Jensi's story.
"—so then I fell off and totally got some wicked bruises, but it was so worth it," he was saying. His hands flew around him while he talked, and his eyes were twinkling with the tale.
"Okay, Jensi, this is our class. We'll see you at lunch," Biana tells him, squeezing his shoulder.
"Okay! Catch you guys later." Jensi rushes away, surprisingly dodging the bodies of other students with a ballerina's grace.
"Wow. He's pretty special, isn't he?" I comment, staring after him.
"Oh, yeah. I've known him since he was a kid, and he hasn't changed a bit. He's always been like that. Grown a a couple inches, but only a little," Biana answers.
The next classes were boring, and my mind kept wondering to what Biana saw. I know her's was, too, since we both got caught staring off into space. Lunch came around, and Biana, Sophie, Fitz, Dex, Kiara, Keefe, and I were all sitting together. Dex and Kiara were talking about something related to the time they studied, Fitz and Sophie had their heads bent towards each other in a deep conversation, so that left Biana, Keefe and I. I was burning with impatience, and Keefe and Biana could tell.
"Tell me, please. I've been dying to know all morning," I beg, hands clasped in front of me.
"Oooh, know what? Do I smell some juicy gossip?" Keefe gasps and claps his hands. "Ooh ooh oh! Count me in!"
Biana sighs and turns her attention to me. "Okay, so you know how I was late to History this morning?"
I nod. Keefe looks at me and then nods, too.
Biana continues. "So I was coming out of the bathroom and heard people talking. I thought it was teachers so I hid in the dark space between those lockers-you know which ones I'm talking about?" After I confirm that I do know the lockers, Biana goes on. "Well, I was hiding in there and saw, you'll never guess."
"Biana, just get to the point already. I'm growing grey hairs over here, waiting," Keefe exclaims, throwing up his hands.
"Okay, geez, Mr. Impatient, I'll get to the point." Biana's expression was hurt, but she got to the point.
"Anyway, it wasn't teachers, like I thought. It was actually Marella and Jensi. And guess what they were talking about," Biana wiggles her body excitedly.
"Wait, Marella is the girl with the braids, right?" I ask.
"Yeah," Keefe says, leaning towards Biana in anticipation. "And what were they talking about?"
Biana leans forwards too. So do I.
Biana's voice reaches a whisper and Keefe and I strain to hear what she says next.
"They were talking about their relationship. Jensi and Marella are together! They even kissed goodbye right in front of me. I saw it." Biana smiles and her bracelets jingle when she shakes her hands. "Isn't that crazy?"
I glance at Keefe and see his face fall. "I thought it was going to be something good," he mumbles, leaning back in his chair. "That was anticlimactic."
I agreed with him a little bit. I didn't know Marella well enough to be happy for her, but I was glad for Jensi.
"That's crazy," I tell Biana, only because I could tell her feelings were bruised that we didn't think it as big a deal as she does.
"Thanks, Daisy. I just can't believe it," she says. "I mean, school's barely started."
"Maybe they hung out over the summer," I speculate.
"Maybe," Biana mumbles. I could tell that she was thinking hard about the subject since her eyebrows were scrunched and she was biting her lip.
"You were expecting something better, weren't you?" I whisper to Keefe, tilting my head towards his.
Keefe stuffs a fry, part of the lunch today, into his mouth and says, "Yeah. I've known about Jensi and Marella for weeks now."
"But we've only been in school for a week," I point out, stealing one of his fries from the basket. Keefe smacks my hand and I stick my tongue out at him.
"Doesn't matter," he answers. "You could've seen it coming a mile away."
I roll my eyes and reach for another fry. Keefe yanks the basket away. "Don't you have your own lunch?"
I glance at my own tray, with its empty fry basket. "No," I say. I snatch a fry and pop it in my mouth, grinning as Keefe mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "this girl is a thief."
When the last bell rings, signaling the end of the day, I trudge to detention. I wave goodbye to Dex as he passes by me in the hall, his siblings making another appearance.
"See ya, Daisy," he calls over the clashing lockers and shouting kids.
I nearly get knocked out by a rogue locker door, and a kid with red hair apologizes profusely as I stumble backwards.
"It's okay. It didn't hit me," I tell him. I walk away before he could answer, the current of the crowd moving to the door is too strong for me to resist. The classroom where detention was held came into view, and dread fills my stomach. Hopefully, there are more delinquents there today than just Stina. I don't know if I could handle being alone with her again.
I break away from the mass of students and pause outside the door, drawing in a deep breath before I open it and step through.
I don't look at who's in there until after I shut the door. The noise of the hallways are immediately muffled. I turn around to find my wish came true. Stina was there, in the middle row, twirling a pencil around her fingers, and she glares at me as I meet her gaze. But there are others, as well. A boy with shaggy black hair was slouching in the back, earbuds plugged in his ears, and there were two girls talking quietly to each other in the other corner.
I slip into the seat closest to the door and wait for the teacher to arrive. My mind wanders to the grocery list sitting in my pocket. Is there anything else we need? The teacher comes in just then, and I look up to see Mr. Astin walk into the classroom. I feel my shoulders sag in relief. Thank the Lord it's not Ms. Galvin. I slump back in my chair and wait for detention to begin.
The day isn't as bright when I finally get out of detention. The daylight was shorter due to winter almost arriving, and the clouds were dark silhouettes against the lavender, yellow, red, and pink sky.
I touch the blister on my finger, gained from copying star maps onto separate sheets of paper for detention. I never want to write again. A slight breeze danced through my hair as I walk to the grocery store.
The heat blasts me in the face as I walk through the sliding glass doors, and the warmth nips my frozen cheeks. The store didn't have the bright luminescent lighting like some. But the lights were more yellow, more homely. I take the list from my pocket and started on. Alright. Where are the eggs.
It's safe to say that I spent an unnecessarily long amount of time looking for the shampoo. The store gladly met the needs of food; 97% of the store was just food. But for toiletries and clothing, the sections were smaller than my bedroom. So really, it's not my fault I had to circle the store a few times before I caught sight of some toilet paper, which eventually steered me to the shampoo.
I'm smelling the scent of one particular bottle when I hear a crash. I close the lid and hurry towards the end of aisle, curiosity prompting me to take a peek of what fell over. I turn the corner of the aisle to see two little boys—looking to be seven and eleven with a beet red face—scrambling to pick up a display stand of—I cover my mouth to trap in a laugh. The two rascals knocked over a stand of tampons.
"Hurry, David. They can't see us with these!" The older one hisses to David, the little one.
"Why? What are these things? They kinda look like missiles. Cool." David picks up a box and smiled down at the packaging.
The old one groans and chucks a box back onto the stand. "Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing."
I chuckle and make my way over there, tucking the shampoo into my basket.
"Hey, guys. Want some help?" I ask, setting my basket down and crouching next to David. I stick some tampons back and glance up at David's brother.
His face couldn't be any redder, and his mouth was flapping. He stares at me and then his eyes flick to the packages of lady products and then back up at me. I smile wider.
He stammers a reply, "Oh—uh—th—I don't—"
I need to let this poor boy out of his misery before he jerks over and passes out. "It's alright," I cut in. "You guys go on, I can pick this up."
"Thank you, miss!" Says David. He shoots up and runs away, shouting for his dad about the "cool missiles he found by the shampoo." David's older brother climbs to his feet too, and doesn't meet my eyes as he mumbles his thanks. He almost runs faster than David did.
I stifle a laugh and finish putting the display back together, tucking one package under my arm.
Hey, you never know when you might need it.
A/N:
Whaddup, kiddos. It's me, I'm back. Hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a whole lot of nothing important other than Daisy's grief. But whatever, let's be grateful I actually finished a chapter. We all know I struggle with that. I hope you guys are having a blessed day, my chickies. Love y'all! And let's pray next chapter some action gets going. Maybe with some pranks? ;)))
~Author
PS- this might be filled with mistakes I didn't edit it before I posted. Good luck navigating the chapter if it does, haha. Sorry.