Chapter Ten: Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Disclaimer: If KOTOR had really been like this we would have long ago died laughing.

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"... Amanda you have been assigned to be the apprentice of Master Zhar. And you Leslie have been assigned to Master Vrook."

Amanda, who had been paying rapt attention walked away chatting with Master Zhar, and Vrook was tapping his foot impatiently waiting for a now fully clothed Leslie, to follow him. When Leslie didn't respond, he cleared his throat and said, "Well, apprentice let us go."

Leslie, who had been zoned out for the entire meeting turned her head groggily and mumbled, "Wha...?"

His features forming a scowl, the master replied, "With me, apprentice. It's time to begin your training."

As realization dawned, the blonde's face slowly dropped to one of horrified disbelief. "What?"

…

An aura of peace and serenity surrounded Amanda as she sat cross-legged on the training mat. The various objects surrounding her were floating lazily in circles, and as her mind slipped into the Force, she began to slowly levitate off the ground.

On the other side of the room Leslie was also sitting cross-legged on the floor, but the aura surrounding her was one filled with hate and anger. The objects around her were spontaneously combusting into small mushroom clouds.

Vrook was frantically lecturing the importance of not destroying the Enclave in a fiery ball of doom.

"Leslie! Stop this nonsense at once! You will never get a lightsaber of your own if you cause the Enclave to combust into a mushroom-shaped cloud!"

Leslie raised an eyebrow at him. "How about a pear shaped cloud?"

The Jedi Master was not amused. "Enough! I will not tolerate this unruly behavior, nor your child-like misuse of the Force."

"But I like blowing things up..." The insolent apprentice pouted, looking meaningfully at Vrook. The Jedi Master slowly began to levitate off the ground.

"Don't blow me up!"

An object not two feet from the exasperated Jedi burst into flame. A random Jedi popped his head into the training room. His shirt, Leslie noticed, bore the slogan 'Alpha Cucumber', accompanied by a picture of a cucumber.

"Is that Tim the Enchanter? Wow, I haven't seen him around here for a long time!"

Leslie dropped to the floor. "Why does everyone think I'm a guy GORRAMIT!"

Vrook gave a confused look to his unwilling apprentice. "Why would people think you were a man?"

Leslie shifted uncomfortably. "Uhhh... No reason."

The old Jedi grabbed her arm before she could go back to 'meditating'. "Come apprentice, it's time you learned about the Jedi's sacred weapon; the lightsaber.

…

Meanwhile, just outside the Enclave, Cary and Canderous were conversing lightly when they were interrupted by a man.

"Oh, please! You have to help me!" He shouted frantically and emphatically.

Cary raised an eyebrow, exchanging a glance with Canderous. "What's wrong?"

"Those barbarians! The Mandalorian Raiders attacked my home, killed my daughter and trampled my begonias! There was nothing I could do... I wasn't fast enough. They must pay, those savages!"

Canderous crossed his arms. "You let them kill your daughter? You should have protected her better. It's your duty-"

"Never mind that... Do you know how expensive those begonias were? I had them imported directly from Ithor! How am I going to get a hold of another set?"

Cary stared at him. "Your daughter was murdered, and you're more concerned about your begonias! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Well..." The man looked away. "Will you help me get my revenge or not? My bego- er, my Ilsa needs avenging!"

The brunette and the Mandalorian exchanged looks. Canderous shrugged in a 'What the hell, we've got nothing better to do' fashion, so Cary replied "Alright, we'll do this. But we are not doing it for your damned begonias."

The man looked slightly offended at the stab at his plants but shrugged it off. "Come tell me when you've gotten rid of them."

He walked away from them towards another group of settlers, presumably to recount his tragic tale. Shaking her head, Cary grabbed Canderous' hand and began walking to the entrance to the grassy plains.

…

Meanwhile back inside the Enclave...

Amanda stood at the workbench inside the training room, blindfolded and putting the pieces of a replica lightsaber back together. As she put the fake crystal in, the doors burst open to reveal a frantic and emphatic Vrook.

"Apprentice, have you seen my lightsaber?"

Amanda gave him a confused look. "Aren't Jedi supposed to have their lightsabers with them at all times?"

He shifted uncomfortably, "Well..."

Approximately two minuets earlier...

"... and thats why a Jedi should always have their lightsaber with them."

Leslie sat half asleep from the lecture she was getting on the history and use of Vrook's favorite thing in the Galaxy; the lightsaber.

Cocking her head to the side she asked, "So Master, where's yours?"

Vrook looked smug. "Why right here on my... belt."

As he spoke his hand had gone to the special holster on his belt only to find it empty. It took a whole 3.8 seconds for any sort of recognition to register on his face. Then his features ran the gambit of emotions from shock, horror, anger to heartbreak.

"My... my lightsaber..." His face paled, tears forming in his eyes, and he ran from the room.

Back in the present time...

"Oh! Master, I found it!" Came Leslie's voice from the direction of the lavatories.

Vrook's head snapped around in her direction. "Good! Bring it here apprentice."

"It's in the toilet..."

"How the hell did it get there? Never mind, I'm coming." The Jedi Master said heading off in the direction of the loo. Amanda followed, intrigued.

As they entered the washroom, they saw Leslie standing next to a toilet, a metallic silver shape barely visible inside the rim.

"Oh! I think I can lift it out with the Force!" Before Vrook had the chance to voice his reluctance, Leslie reached out a hand towards the toilet, but as she took a step forward, she slipped and her hand waved the wrong way. An ominous flush was the only sound, and then -

"Verdammen, Leslie." Came Riley's exasperated and chiding voice as he passed by.

"What? I didn't do it... I slipped." Leslie replied, feigning innocence.

"Master Vrook?" Amanda asked, concerned. "Are you alright?"

The Jedi turned his face slowly away from the offending plumbing fixture that had the gall to eat his lightsaber. Tears were filling his eyes as he looked at Amanda.

"Am I alright? Am I alright?! My lov- my lightsaber has just been flushed down the toilet! That was my first lightsaber, I've had it for so long! It was my best friend!"

Amanda blinked as one lone tear spilled from Vrook's eyes. She then watched as the Master hastily wiped the tear away, rounding on his apprentice.

"And you... I've had it with your nonsense, your insolence, your... DARKSIDEDNESS!"

Leslie frowned. "I'm not darksided."

"The combustion? The mushroom clouds? The anger and hate coursing through you?" Vrook countered.

"Well I've had it with you! You're boring lectures, the condescending look you give me, and your all around boring-ness! I mean is it a job requirement to be boring?!"

Vrook shifted from foot to foot. "Well..."

Amanda chose that moment to end the petty argument. "Excuse me Master, but since you and Leslie well, hate each others guts-"

Vrook looked affronted, "I do not HATE her! Hate is of the darkside!"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Well, you strongly dislike each other, why don't you put Master Riley in charge of Leslie's training? They seem to get along well."

Vrook's eyes lit up at the possibility of not having to deal with his apprentice again. "Brilliant idea apprentice! Send for Master Riley immediately. I must go and tell the Council of this."

And with that, Vrook rushed out of the room.

…

Cary blew smoke off the end of her favorite blaster after she had unloaded a stream of rapid fire into a Mandalorian Raider, who was now corpsified. Going through his remains Cary picked up thirteen credits and an iPod shuffle. To her left, Canderous was hefting two large guns and a pineapple.

Cary blinked. "Pineapple? Who carries pineapple on their person?"

Canderous shrugged. "People carry around all kinds of random osik on their person. Pineapples are normal in comparison."

"Huh." Cary replied, pulling her Handy-Dandy Quest Log seemingly out of nowhere. The ancient tomb was at least a foot thick, with musty yellowed pages. Conjuring a pair of rectangular reading specs out of thin air, she perched the glasses on her nose. Opening the book, Cary flipped to the 'Dantooine' section.

"Alrighty, says here that we'll be facing the leader next. You ready for that, Cand'ika?"

"Anything for you Car'ika. Those honourless dar'mande are nothing but a disgrace to my people, tainting our name. It is almost my duty to remove them."

Cary smiled as she headed for the last clearing. "You know, you're adorable when your being all honorable."

Canderous just gave her a look that said, 'I'm-not-adorable-I'm-disappointed-with-the-state-of-my-people'.

They walked around the broad fields of Dantooine when, in the distance, the last group of Mandalorians stood as if waiting to get their shebse kicked.

The pair of fighters cautiously made their way over and went unnoticed until they hit the ten foot radius around the Raiders.

Then! As if a cut scene had just been triggered, the lead Mandalorian began to speak in his manly voice,

"Canderous, is that you?"

Canderous stood there, tall and proud next to his cyar'ika. "Yeah. What do you want?" he said gruffly.

The leader of the group stepped forward and it was as if they'd been transported to the set of an Herbal Essences commercial. The leader had long, platinum blonde hair that, in slow-motion swung out as she pulled of the helmet.

The woman dropped her helmet unceremoniously to the ground. "But Candy, how can you say that after all the time we spent together!"

Cary blinked several times before looking from the impossible blonde standing before her to the man at her side. Her tone was flat. "Canderous, who is this?"

The Mandalorian was rapidly trying to control his features, but the look on his face said that he knew that there was no way this could end happily for him. He'd obviously never intended to let Cary know about this past affair.

"Uh... No one in particular."

The blonde looked shocked as fake tears began to fill her eyes. "But Candy, how could you have forgotten me? After all that we meant to each other!"

Canderous looked at Cary, eyes pleading for her to understand. The brunette turned to other woman, her gaze frosty. "How do you know Canderous?"

The blonde smirked, tossing her impossibly long hair and giving Canderous a knowing wink. "We were partners."

Cary took a deep breath. Her voice was cold as she shot a look at her man. "In what way?"

Walking over to Canderous, the female Mandalorian practically threw herself on him. "In every way."

Cary stood there, her hands resting just above her holsters.

Canderous was trying extract himself from the blonde's grasp. "That's nice but you can let go of me... Now."

The blonde pouted. "Candy! How can you say that after all the time we spent in my bedroll!"

Cary stood unmoving except for her left eye, which was twitching.

Winking suggestively, the woman whispered loud enough for Cary to hear, "Come on Candy. Don't you want to share armor like we used to?"

Something inside Cary snapped. She grabbed the other woman roughly and shoved her away. As her rival for Canderous' affection got to her feet, Cary braced her hands on her holsters as if she were planning to draw her guns. The blonde mimicked the brunette's motions, and Canderous looked on with some excitement, anticipating a good old Western-Style Showdown. After all, wasn't it nearly every Mandalorian's daydream to watch two female warriors battle it out in an epic duel?

As the tension reached its peak, the two stepped forward and began to slap each other. Their arms were a blur as they frantically whacked their opponent's limbs. Canderous stared in disbelief.

As the two combatants broke apart, Cary resumed her position next to Canderous. He leaned in to her ear, whispering, "You know, that wasn't very dignified."

Cary glared at him, unstrapped his monster of a blaster from its place on his back, and promptly blasted the blonde in the face. Twice.

Seeing the look on the brunette's face, the rest of the Raiders turned tail and fled. Canderous waited silently, knowing that he was undoubtedly neck deep in osik.

Cary turned to him, fury barely contained. "No Uj Cake for you."

Not really understanding the implications of her sentence but glad that she didn't seem to intend to do him any bodily harm, Canderous nodded placatingly. "Sure, Car'ika. What ever you say."

--

Hey guys! So we apologize for the long absence. Cary went and got herself sick so we couldn't get together. -Leslie glares at Cary-. So the chapter was mainly filler but there are some things that need explaining:

Alpha Cucumber: Our most faithful reviewer. Go check out her stuff it's awesome :)

Frantically and Emphatically: It seems like such a hard concept to grasp especially when your acting

Verdammen: Means 'damn it' in German. (Riley is German)

Conjuring stuff out of thin air: Cary is always prepared. She has the ability to randomly conjure things out of thin air. 'Cause she's special.

The Blonde: Who e have not so affectionately named Jenny. Loosely based off the Mary-Sue Starr in the story, Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around by crazyroninchic (Lord of the Rings). Go read it. You will laugh long and hard.

If anyone can pick out the Torchwood reference you get a cup of King Ianto's coffee

No Uj cake for you: Cary can make Uj cake. It's good. If she makes it you want some.

So remember, REVIEW... Please?

-Cary & Leslie