DISCLAIMER: I will gladly give credit for the awesomesauce series that is Left 4 Dead 1&2 to Steam/Valve.

*Hold shotgun to your head* I will cr0wn you if you DARE think about stealing my Hacker.

10. The Date-Wrecking Game, Round 2

"How're you feeling? Better?"

"*sniff* Yeah. I just *sniff* don't like heights so much."

Scratch stargazing at the top of Mercy off the list, Hunter thought, still trying to think of things they could do for their date. They were both sitting on the sidewalk, watching as some common infected looked for their missing body parts. They both tried to stifle giggles when a guy's head freaked because it was on a woman's body.

"…So… what now?"

"…How about *sniff* a movie or something?"

"Sure, whaddya wanna see?"

"I'm not *sniffle* really that picky."

"UUUUUUUURRRRGH!"

"What, is your brain catching up with the infection?" Smoker asked, taking a deep breath from his cig. He and Boomer were standing behind Hacker as she looked down at the 'couple' from the building's roof.

"No! I'm just so booooored!" Hacker moaned, turning away and throwing herself on a pile of garbage cans. She moaned again and looked up at her teammates. "All they're doing is babbling! That's it! A friggin' WALL would be more interesting than this stupid awkward fluffy crap!"

"Does this mean the sabotage plan is over?" Boomer asked hopefully, sparkling eyes and all. Hacker jumped up and growled at him. Boomer whimpered and looked a little scared of his friend. "I guess not."

Round 2: Uber Rat-a-tat-tat

"This is what we're using next." Hacker stood in front of Smoker and Boomer with a strange presence about her, like a general informing his troops about the plan of attack. She stuck her gummy foot into the bag of plot devices and pulled out a whole machine gun. She dumped it on the ground in front of her and looked up at her shocked teammates. "…What?"

"How the hell did you fit that f***ing thing it THAT?" Smoker wheezed, pointing from the gun to the bag. Boomer shuffled away from Hacker, his eyes wide with shock.

"Y-you didn't… st-steal that bag from Mary P-Poppins, did you?"

"Oh, grow up, Boomer, she isn't real!" Hacker snapped, now pulling out a stand to prop the massive gun on. Boomer's eyes started to well up with tears.

"Sh-she's not?"

"…Yes, Boomer, she's real. I'm sorry, that was a mean thing to say," Hacker said reluctantly when Smoker started glaring at her. Boomer sighed with relief as Hacker went on to explain their plan. "Alright, here's what we do. We mount this thing and start firing at them like hell. Which one of you knows how to work a machine gun?"

There was a painfully long pause after that. Hacker sighed and looked at the gun. "Well it can't be hard to figure it out. Which one of you wants to pull the trigger?"

"Can't."

"Why. Not?" Hacker demanded, turning her attention to Smoker.

"Pacifist."

"Bullsh**!"

"I don't wanna shoot them either," Boomer mumbled. Hacker growled at him and he whimpered in fear.

"Well we'll have to find someone who will, then, won't we?" She shook with impatience as she stomped over to the edge of the roof and scanned the area. She spotted a common infected sitting next to a car (with all of his body parts in tact) and looked at Smoker. "Get him up here."

"What happened to please?"

"Grrr…"

"Just because we're in an apocalypse doesn't mean that manners should go flying out the window," Smoker lectured, stretching out his tongue and grabbing the common by the throat. Then, in a voice hard to understand, he said, "Crap, I sound like your mother again." Before the poor common bastard knew what was going on, he was whipped up onto the roof. He landed at Hacker's feet with a loud thud and a groan of pain. He looked up to the creepy smile of said infected.

"'Sup, Dave?"

"Hacker? Since when were you in the city?"

"Since 10 chapters ago."

*Ba-dum-chu*

"You know this guy?" Smoker helped Dave the Common up to his feet, accidentally pulling off one of Dave's pinky fingers as he did. He awkwardly handed it back to Dave.

"Long story, no time," Hacker snapped, stepping between them and shoving Smoker aside. She looked up at Dave and started her explanation of why he was on the same roof as them. "Set up the machine gun and shoot like hell at those two down there." …Or not.

Dave folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Why can't you do it y-"

"NO. HANDS."

"…Sorry."

"So, we don't want to see a chick flick, a comedy, or a chick flick comedy," Hunter listed, counting off the movies ideas on his claws as Witch nodded in agreement. He pouted in thoughtfulness as he tried to come up with a genre for them to see.

"…How about action?"

"*Sniff* I guess s-"

A stream of bullets suddenly cut through the space between them. Both of the infected darted away from each other in shock. Then the bullet stream started to follow in Hunter's direction.

"What the hell?" he shrieked, leaping away from the bullets with Witch following close behind him.

"Hey! Wait up!"

"Excellent." If Hacker had hands whilst watching Hunter flee, she would be doing an impression of Mr Burns. Boomer watched with concern and Smoker just watched with sarcasm. (…That's possible, right?)

"Aren't you taking this a little bit far?" The latter asked. She looked at him with annoyance.

"No. This is just to freak him out… although I wouldn't mind if one of the bullets hit him," she admitted. Smoker rolled his eyes just as the high-pitched shriek reached the small group. Hacker looked over the edge eagerly, but her face fell and she looked almost sick. "…Crap."

"Who'd I hit?" Dave asked, releasing the trigger to look at the specials. They had already vacated the area. Dave looked around, wondering why the suddenly left, when a familiar string of screams started to get louder and louder.

"…Oh, fu - "

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Witch came up from behind and slashed Dave. He fell to the ground, his body twitching a little. The angered special quickly checked the roof for anyone else she could slash as Hunter landed next to her.

"…How'd you know he was up here?"

"*Sniff* Intuition," Witch replied, wiping some blood splatter off her face. She flinched and took a quick look at where the bullets had grazed her arm. "…Joy." Hunter noticed the grazes and quickly searched around for something. He found a bag of stuff and dived into it, emerging with a roll of duct tape and a couple of pieces of cloth.

"I got it covered."

Moments later Hunter had wrapped up the wound and stuck it in place with the duct tape (he used said duct tape to re-tape one of his sleeves). Witch looked at the makeshift bandage with watery eyes.

"That… th-that was *sniff* so… THOUGHTFUUUUUL!" she wailed, running up to Hunter and burying her face in his shoulder again, crying louder than before. Hunter just stood their with a face of panic, not really knowing what else to do but pat her head again. And his hoodie was getting soaked again.

Smoker, Boomer and Hacker walked down the street after just barely getting away from the roof and leaving Dave to die (again).

"I can't believe we lost my stuff," Hacker mumbled, pouting. She looked almost sweet and vulnerable until she was herself again. "We need another plan."

"What if we just let them have their date in peace?" Boomer piped up. Hacker's glare forced him to hide (unsuccessfully) behind Smoker. "I'll shut up now."

"I agree with Boomer," Smoker sighed, searching his pockets for his pack of cigs. "Unless you can come up with some other crazy plan to ruin Hunter's date, which I doubt because you have no ammunition, I think this is all a waste of time. …Actually it doesn't matter if you can come up with another plan or not, it's still a waste of time." All was quiet when Smoker finished his little rant. "…Um, Hacker?" He watched as her mouth twitched into a scheming grin.

"…I think it's time we brought in some reinforcements…"

If this chapter sucks, BLAME MY WRITER'S BLOCK. DX Oh, and a moment of silence for Dave the Common, if you please.

…Okay done.

Later Days!

Next Chapter: The all new game for the DS X20QOMGLO – Trauma Centre: Healing The Zombified, starring Dr Stylehunter, Nurse Witchson and the evil disease-ridden team of Hack Corp.!