Chapter 9 – My 25th Year

A Rose By Any Other Name

I was lying in bed tossing and turning, restless, trying to shut my mind off so I could get some sleep when the doorbell rang out through the quiet house. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was just after 11:00pm. I slowly pulled the covers off me and gingerly swung my legs over the side of the bed. I quietly crept across the room and closed the door carefully behind me.

I quickly walked down the hall towards the foyer hoping to answer it before the bell rang again. I opened the front door to find two uniformed officers standing on the other side.

My heart sank at the sight of them. This had been the moment I had dreaded all my life. I knew before they even spoke that they were here to tell me that she was dead. And with that I knew my life would be over as well. I took a deep breath.

"Can I help you officers," I asked.

"We're sorry to bother you so late, Mr. Cullen but we were hoping you could help us," the shorter officer began to explain.

I stepped aside and motioned them to come inside. My heart was pounding and my breathing was erratic. I felt the beginnings of a panic attack.

"Thank you, sir," they mumbled as the crossed the threshold of my home.

"Do you know a Ms. Bella Swan?" they asked.

I fought back the urge to vomit at the mention of her name.

"Yes," I managed to force out.

"Ms. Swan has had a bit of an accident and we need to contact her next of kin. Your name was on her person when she was brought into the hospital and we hoped you could help us locate them," they explained.

I knew they would never being standing in my home if she had been able to speak. If she were alive, she would have told them herself that there was no next of kin. I braced myself for what was coming next.

"I am her only family," I said to them.

They glanced back and forth at one another. The shorter officer nodded to the other. I felt my knees begin to give out on me and I leaned against the wall.

"Is she okay?" I asked absently. I already knew. She was gone.

"Yes, she is fine. Right now she is unconscious and unable to talk to us but the doctors have assured us that she will make a full recovery," one of the officers explained.

I felt myself begin to fall as one of the officers stepped out to grab me.

"Mr. Cullen, are you alright?" one of them asked loudly. I felt someone trying to hold me up.

I felt myself being pulled through my house. I eventually came to rest on the couch.

"Mr. Cullen, did you hear us? We said Ms. Swan is okay. She's fine," I heard a voice tell me.

My heart started slowing and my breathing began to return to normal. I vaguely registered asking them to give me a moment.

I placed my head down between my knees trying to calm myself, trying to regain my composure.

I finally lifted my head to see both officers string down at me with confused looks on their faces.

"What happened to her?" I finally asked.

They begin explaining that an unknown person had dropped her off at the hospital. Whoever had dropped her off had left her lying on a bench outside the doors of the emergency room. She had apparently overdosed on narcotics. They let me know that she was unconscious but stable. By the time they finished the story, I had calmed down.

"Is she in any kind of trouble?" I asked them.

"No, Mr. Cullen. She had no illegal narcotics in her possession and it's not against the law to overdose," they said to me sympathetically. "Under the circumstances, we thought she might want a family member there when she woke up. Someone who may be able to help her out."

I asked them a few more questions and thanked them before they left.

I made my way back to the bedroom and quietly opened the door. I tip toed to the closet and began removing pants and a shirt from hangers trying to make as little noise as possible. I left the closet and starting walking as quietly as possible towards the bathroom. That's when I heard her voice.

"Edward, who was that?" Rose asked.

I looked over at the bed where she laid. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and lowered my head and ran my hand through my hair. I finally looked up and met her expectant gaze.

"It was the police. Bella's in the hospital and I need to go make sure she's okay," I informed her.

She broke eye contact with me and lay back down on her pillow. She turned her back to me.

"Okay," she said quietly. I could hear the pain in her voice.

I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn back around. I saw her hand rise to her face for a moment and knew she was wiping away tears.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" I said to her.

She just nodded silently. I stood up and continued on to the bathroom to get dressed.

As I drove towards the hospital, I thought about Rose. I knew I wasn't being fair to her. I knew that I was hurting her. We had been seeing each other for over a year. I knew she wanted some type of commitment from me but I couldn't commit to her because my heart belonged to someone else. I knew Rose wasn't stupid. She knew that with each late night phone call from Bella where my heart truly lied. When I looked towards my future I still saw Bella.

Eventually, I think Rose just resolved herself to taking what she could get from me. I knew what it was like to wait on someone you loved hoping one day they would return your affections. I should have let Rose go and not made her to suffer as I had been for so many years. I knew exactly what that type of existence was like. But being the bastard that I was, I willingly and selfishly took what she was willing to give me without giving her anything in return.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and got out of the car. I made way through the hospital and soon found myself standing in Bella's hospital room looking down at her frail body. An endless procession of people came and went. They explained to me the treatments they had administered, explained to me what I could expect when she woke up, they handed me countless brochures for treatment facilities. I just nodded. A nurse eventually came in asking something about insurance. I gave her my information and told her I would take care of all the expenses. My eyes never left Bella the entire time.

The people finally stopped coming and I was left alone with Bella. I sat down in a hard chair, pulling it up close to Bella's hospital bed. I took her small hand in mine and held it tightly. I stroked her arm with my other hand and just continued sitting there silently.

Waiting.