I peer over at the clock next to the bed and make a sad whimper. 4:01AM. Oliver's cries can be heard loud and clear through the apartment and I feel Katniss shuffle next to me and groan. My bedroom is ensconced in darkness with the exception of the monitor next to my side of the bed, which illuminates the side of the room in a pale white glow.

"How does he exist with no sleep?" I ask sleepily, rubbing my eyes and willing myself to be awake. Katniss mumbles something unintelligible into the blanket and shifts closer to me, wrapping her arm around my waist. "Like how is he even alive right now? He's only slept five minutes in the last five days."

"Leave him for a second. If we keep rushing there he'll never sleep through the night." I stare up at the ceiling and inhale a deep breath that I hope is relaxing. But the boy's piercing cries shake around inside my brain. Katniss can feel me tense and she holds me tighter. "That's not a hungry cry. That's a fake cry."

"I don't think newborns cry for no reason," I respond, turning on my side so I can face Katniss. This is week ten of Oliver's life and I swear I think he's slept for about twenty minutes across the last two months. "What if he fell out of the crib? What if he's stuck in the crib?" The panic in my voice rises to comical levels.

"What if he got out and is making us all pancakes and he's crying because he can't reach the syrup?" I glare at Katniss as she smiles at me, kissing the tip of my nose. "If he had fallen out of the crib, we would have heard it over the baby monitor. Or seen it," she gestures toward the small screen next to my bed, "on this big brother contraption you insisted on buying." She closes her eyes and snuggles further into her pillow. "Besides, he can't fall out of that crib. It's the 'safest crib on the planet' remember?"

She is right, of course. I look over at the screen and see Oliver wailing in his crib, clenched fists shaking next to his body. He is fine. Maybe he pooped himself. Evidently there is a need to cry profusely when one poops oneself. After five solid minutes of crying Katniss releases her grip around my waist and I get out of bed. Katniss has been the one who usually tends to him, since half the time the little guy is just starving and I can not be of service. But I try to be helpful sometimes. I pad into the nursery, wincing as the cries are infinitely louder in his room. I should have just padded the walls like a cell in an insane asylum or a rock band studio.

"C'mon OJ," I plead, picking up the boy from his crib and hoisting him over my shoulder. "Calm down for me, okay? I know it's hard because being a baby is rough times." He begins to quiet down a little, his cries now less forceful. "I mean, what is this world, right? You've only been on the planet for like seventy-something days. Everything is new. Poop is new, pee is new, all smells are new. Every time you see something it's the first time and your little baby brain is confused. I'm sure that's pretty tough."

I rub his back and he breathes more slowly, his little fuzzy head warming my shoulder. "But 4am is not the time to be contemplating your life here in the universe. Why? Because your mommies have to function in the morning and, as you'll learn when you're older, sleep is necessary for that. So please, please go the fuck to sleep," I whisper softly as I bounce the boy up and down and pace the room.

After a few minutes of the bouncing he is finally asleep again and I creep slowly back toward the crib. As if I am diffusing a bomb I move him back into his crib, not wanting to even breathe too hard and wake him up again. I place him back in the crib and tip-toe toward the door in the darkness, reaching for the door handle. The moment I turn it, the cries start up again.

I hang my head in defeat and trundle back to the crib. I guess I'm waking up at 4am today.

I don't hear the scrape of the door against the rug of the front of my shop with my head down on the counter. Katniss is going to the doctor for a check-up and then lunch with her mother, so since Peeta is working, I am entrusted to care for Oliver. For the first time in what feels like about twenty years he's asleep, so I disengaged the bell on the door. I have him in one of those "carry and go" sleeping contraptions next to me, and I am on the stool next to the register. Somewhere in the last hour my head hit the counter and I was fast asleep.

Peeta taps me on the arm and I wake up with a jolt, nearly falling off the stool. "I could've robbed the place, you know," Peeta says jokingly and I press my hand over his mouth.

"Do not speak louder than a whisper. Don't even think loud thoughts," I warn in the lightest tone I can. "He has fallen asleep and it's a miracle." My eyes went wide as I look at him. "I haven't sleep a whole night in months. All I get are naps. All that exists in the world is diapers and naps."

Peeta chuckles under his breath and peeks over the counter to look down at the boy. He smiles at Oliver's sleeping form. He is really cute. A little swirl of light brown hair and a tiny nose with a little rounded end. He is also kinda pudgy and, according to Katniss, looks like what Peeta looked like as a baby. In my estimation he may be the greatest baby ever born. Then again, I'm biased. "He's awesome."

"He truly is." I yawn and stretch my limbs, looking over at the blond man. "What brings you here?"

"I was on my lunch break and I thought I'd come and visit," he says casually, leaning down to sniff one of the flowers. "I know you guys have had it rough the last couple weeks." With Peeta working more and both Katniss and I available a lot, it made more sense for Oliver to spend more time with us for the time being. Their divorce is not final anyway, and the most obvious conclusion is to allow Peeta whatever time he wants, but most of the boy's time is spent at my apartment.

"On a normal day he'd be awake but I drugged him so he's fast asleep," I rib, rocking the tiny bed back and forth. Oliver stirs but does not waken, and I expel the breath I've been holding. "Did you not sleep well as a baby?"

Peeta shrugs. "I don't know actually. I'm the last of four boys so I don't think anyone was paying attention anyway." Peeta grabs a nearby stood and sits himself by Oliver's feet, watching his son sleep. Over the last two months things have calmed down considerably. Doctor Coin suggested I "seek therapy" because of my violent outburst. She isn't wrong, of course. I'm sure I looked absolutely nuts punching this guy in the face.

I just have to keep reminding myself that it is okay to let go of some of the control. Having been with Katniss every day for the last six months of her pregnancy, I feel protective of both of them. I feel like Peeta hasn't done a good enough job. If he had, maybe she wouldn't have left him, you know? I realize, though, that statement isn't fair. My love for Katniss, and hers for me, is not a reflection of Peeta's poor spousal abilities. Or his value as a person.

That switch is hard to turn off, though. Oliver makes a quiet mewl like a cat and stretches, blinking gray eyes rapidly. Peeta smiles and slides his hands underneath the baby before I can protest and lifts him from the carrier. I sigh and Peeta looks at me, blue eyes darting between me and the baby. "What?"

"He wasn't awake. You ...he's gonna cry." I take my upper lip in my mouth and grimaced, waiting for the inevitable wail. Peeta looks at me and grins. "See? He's fine. He knows Daddy's here and he's gonna -" Oliver lets out a cry so shrill I think it wakes the dead. Peeta appears momentarily frazzled but then stands up, rocking the baby in his arms and shushing him.

"I told you," I grumble, watching him walk around the shop with the inconsolable infant.

"Well, yeah, after I picked him up which wasn't exactly helpful." He focuses his attention back on the baby, rubbing his back and whispering words into his ear. Oliver is having none of it. Neither am I.

"Because you picked him up the second he moved! Just because he made a noise doesn't mean he was in the mood to be handled." I roll my eyes. "I guess that explains how Katniss got pregnant."

When I was eight I had to see a therapist for around three months because I told a boy on the playground to play in traffic because he insisted I was his girlfriend. I firmly maintain that I was within my right to tell him to essentially kill himself because he was treating me like a commodity. My teachers disagreed and they told me to think about my words before I speak. I should have a filter from brain to mouth because my words can hurt people's feelings.

Now I won't even get into how fucked up it is to try and blame me for his harassment, but that moment pulls up in my brain again as I see Peeta's angry look. I completely crossed a line and we both know it. Peeta scoffs and ganders around at the flowers, still bouncing Oliver in his arms. "You know, I think I have been pretty nice about this whole situation. I welcomed you into my life, had you at my wedding, invited you into my home and what did you do?" He narrows his blue eyes at me. "You slept with my wife. I know you love her and that's wonderful, but you need to take a step back and realize how truly selfish you are." He pauses in his steps, squaring his jaw. "I thought it couldn't be you. It couldn't possibly be Johanna. She's been such a great friend to us, she loves Prim, she's that nice florist who wouldn't possibly want to ruin my marriage. But it was you. Yet you have the fucking audacity to act like I'm the outsider?"

I'm sure I have ever heard Peeta curse before. I'm so startled I can't form a response, my mouth just opens and closes like a fish in water. "I..."

"Katniss and I had our problems but we were working on it. It was good for a while, you know?" he asks rhetorically, lowering his voice as Oliver's cries begin to die down. "And if she had stayed with me out of guilt that would've been fine, wouldn't it?" Peeta laughs at his own expense, shaking his head. "I thought we were good. I thought she and I were gonna get through this. That maybe if I paid more attention..." He sighs, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I couldn't figure out what you offered her that I didn't."

"It's not that simple."

"I thought it could be," he replies quickly. He holds Oliver in the crook of his arm, rocking him back and forth with ease. He truly is a natural with him; some people are just born to be parents. "The day she told me she was pregnant she left me." I widen my eyes in surprise. He looks equally as surprised at my reaction. "She didn't tell you?"

I shake my head. "She called me and said 'everything's changed' but I hung up on her. I figured she was pregnant so she had clearly made her choice."

He hoists the baby on his broad shoulder and cradles his back, still bouncing on his heels in spite of the fact that Oliver is already back asleep. "No. She told me she was pregnant and that she didn't love me anymore. It was like being punched in the gut on Christmas morning." He levels his gaze at me, his sky blue eyes glossy. "I begged her to stay."

"Look, Peeta, I didn't intend to -"

"It doesn't matter what your intentions were, Johanna," he cuts in, ice in his tone. "You knew very well what you were doing. You were present at my wedding and yet you felt it necessary to pursue my wife. I know you didn't owe me anything but come on. If the roles were reversed, you would not be standing where I'm standing right now. You would've beaten the snot out of me the second you found out I was sleeping with your wife." He raises his eyebrow as if to challenge me to refute him. I can't. "And you would not have let me in this baby's life. Especially if I showed up at the birth acting like I single-handedly grew this child myself and then punched you in the face."

I grimace. "All right, I get it. You're a bigger, better person than me. I'm the worst human that's ever lived." It's dripping with sarcasm but I mean most of it. Peeta rolls his eyes at me and I cross my arms over my chest. "I can't take it back, Peeta. I wouldn't. I'm really sorry that your life got messed up but I can't do anything to change what happened or how Katniss and I feel about each other."

"I'm not asking you to." He hands Oliver to me and I transfer the quiet infant into his bed. I place my hand on his belly and smooth his swaddle. "I'm asking you to be civil. I'm really trying here and you acting like I'm an intruder in my own son's life is ridiculous."

I let out a sigh, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. "It's hard."

Peeta scoffs at me again. "You think this is hard? You know what's hard? Seeing the only woman you ever loved look at someone else in a way that she never looked at you. It's hard to wake up alone every day in that house with her smell and her favorite foods in my cupboards. It's hard for me to watch a television show and want to talk about it with her. It's hard to bake her favorite cookies and know she'll never eat them. It's hard to go to sleep and not say I love you to anyone. It's hard to suddenly not have anyone to say it to me."

He turns on his heel and begins slowly toward the door. There is nothing I can say. I can't defend my actions. I am in love and I have no other recourse other than that. "You didn't just take my wife. You took my world. Don't try and take me out of my son's life too. It's the only piece of her I'll ever have. You got everything else."

I don't see Peeta for a while after that. He's come to the apartment to take Oliver for a day during the times he knows I'll be at work. Katniss says he's looking better than he has, but she doesn't know I know that is a lie. He's still hurting. Being with Katniss now makes me understand his heartbreak, at least in theory. I don't know what I'd do with myself if she left me. She really is my world. Sure, life would go on, but I want to share it with her. Peeta has no one to share his life with.

Yet, I can't pull up enough sympathy for him, which makes me feel worse. I feel entitled to Katniss because we love each other. Surely true love is an excuse to ruin someone's life, right? And is his life ruined? He still has his job, his health, his looks, his family. Hell, even Prim still visits him so he has some of Katniss's family, too. And of course, there is Oliver. None of these things help me sleep at night.

A month or so later Katniss has gone back to work temporarily and she is needed on an out of town conference for the weekend so I am home with Oliver. Friday and Saturday go smoothly; Prim stayed Friday to Saturday morning to help me. Saturday night however, Oliver is inconsolable. He isn't running a fever and he certainly isn't hungry but he's sobbing heartily from deep in his stomach, from around seven until eleven at night.

After calling Katniss, Mrs. Everdeen, my mother, Cressida, even Verbena, I finally settle on the last person I think would or could help me: Peeta. Near tears myself, I hear his voice come through the line. "Peeta it's Johanna, please don't hang up," I say quickly.

His sigh comes over the line though I can barely hear it. "Is everything okay?" he asks tiredly. I can almost feel the ennui from my apartment.

"It's Oliver. He just..." I suck in a deep breath. "He won't stop crying. I can't get him to stop. It's been like four hours. I don't know what to do."

I feel his struggle from where I am. He surely doesn't want to help me but he'll feel compelled to because of our son. "Okay. Did you try running the faucet? Sometimes he likes to watch it."

"Trust me I'd have shot him with a hose by now if I thought it would help. Can you just..." I press my hand carrying my phone against my head while my other arm rocks the screaming infant. "Can you come over?"

There is a long pause on the line. "Yeah sure. I'll be right over." He hangs up and I toss my phone on the couch and continue cradling Oliver. His little face is all reddened, his eyes squeezed shut. If Peeta can't help then I'kk have to call the pediatrician and possibly bring him to the hospital. I really don't want to do that because it's like admitting that I'm not a good parent. What kind of mother can't comfort her baby?

Peeta arrives around twenty minutes later in a pair of sweatpants and a college t-shirt, looking more casual than I've ever seen him. We hurry into the nursery and between the two of us sing, read, dance, bounce, and do everything short of shooting the baby with tranquilizers to get him to sleep.

Finally, after an hour of cooing and outright begging, Oliver falls asleep, seemingly out of pity for us and exhausted from all our efforts. Peeta and I collapse on the floor in the nursery and I hand him a beer. I lean my glass near his and he smiles and clinks it against mine.

"Thank you," I say, gulping down half the bottle in one swig. "I don't know what I would've done without you here."

Peeta drinks his beer and shrugs his shoulders. "You would've been fine. You're good with him."

"Not like you are," I comment back, sipping the beverage. Peeta's inner ability to calm everyone resonates particularly well with Oliver. I'm usually jealous but tonight, mostly thankful.

We drink a few more beers, both of us catching a nice buzz as Oliver sleeps soundly in the room "My big fear," Peeta begins, setting his fifth beer down on the floor, "was not her leaving me. It was us ending up like my parents. Hating each other and being manipulative and emotionally distant. I'm glad it didn't come to that."

I shake my head. "I don't think it would have. You know she loves you. Sometimes just love isn't enough."

"Honestly Jo, I don't wanna hear it. I'm glad she's happy. That's about all I can be." He leans his head back, running his fingers through his hair. I didn't know why I feel like I need his approval. Probably because I am the reason he is unhappy and I want to fix him.

We sit in the quiet, listening to the high whistle of Oliver's breathing in the crib near us. "Are we ever gonna be okay?"

Peeta lets a stream of air out of his lips. He appears to be deep in thought, staring at the painted wall opposite where we are sitting. "Why didn't you let me name him?"

"What?" I don't know if it's the liquor or Peeta, but I don't even understand him.

"Oliver. You guys didn't even tell me you picked something." He sounds so defeated and betrayed I can't stop the pity in my eyes. We didn't tell him until just before he was born.

"I don't know. I felt like... that was something of mine and Katniss's, you know? It was a name that was meaningful to us. And I - I just wanted some connection." I take his hand in mine, evidently feeling tactile in my somewhat drunk state. "I'm really fucking sorry."

I rest my head on his shoulder and we again let a soft silence fill the room. He waits a long time before speaking that I've almost fallen asleep. "I think down the road we'll be okay. It's going to take me a while though. Just hearing her name still breaks my heart." He muses on that thought for another few beats. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. But maybe somewhere...maybe in the future, I'll fall out of love. Because even though she cheated... I'd still take her back." He softly laughs. "She has no idea. The effect she can have."

"She really doesn't get it."

I awaken slowly to the sound of gentle humming. Sunlight is streaming through the window and I am acutely aware of the heat of another body and the pain in my neck. When my eyes adjust for the light I realize I am sleeping on Peeta, who is waking as slowly as I am.

Katniss is sitting in the rocking chair with a blanket over her shoulder feeding Oliver. "You're both finally awake. I thought I'd have to get a ship's horn."

Peeta stands up and rubbed his chin, a very thin layer of stubble scratching against his hand. He holds out his hands and I grab them, pulling myself off the floor. Katniss watches us quizzically but says nothing.

Peeta glances at his quartz watch and lets out a yawn. "Well I've got a bunch of laundry to do so I'll get out of here." He gives Katniss a wave and leaves the room and I follow him to the door.

"Thanks again for last night," I say to his turned back. He turns around and gives me a nod, reaching for the knob and letting himself out. I close the door behind him. As I turn around I see Katniss holding a happy and giggling Oliver, both pairs of identical gray eyes staring me down. "What?"

"So you're not going to explain why I found my girlfriend and my ex-husband on the floor in my son's room?" Katniss raises her eyebrow at me and I smirk.

"Well the reason he's your ex is because I'm your girlfriend, if that clears that up." Katniss strides across the room and pinches my side. "And I needed help with Ollie last night, and we sorta feel asleep."

"If I wasn't holding our son you'd be in trouble." I grin at her and she leans in, hovering her lips over mine. "But you're in a lot of trouble later." She backs away, carrying the boy over to the couch and sitting down with him on her stomach. She grabs his tiny hands as he sits up on her and she makes him dance. "So Mama, tell Ollie and I what happened."

I smile and go over to the couch, laying my head on Katniss's shoulder as she plays with Oliver. "Well since Mommy wasn't home it was apparently time to scream and cry for four hours straight." Katniss's eyes go wide and I nod. "I called everyone and he was the only one who could help."

"I'm glad he came. It's important for you guys to get along and I know it's been hard on him."

I cock my eyebrow at her and got off the couch, moving into the kitchen and preparing myself a coffee. "Reasonable considering you told him you were pregnant and left him the same day." There is a hint of accusation in my tone and Katniss takes it like a slap in the face. "Something I did not know and was frankly, rather startled to hear."

"What was I supposed to do? Live with him even though I'm in love with you? That wouldn't have been fair to any of us." Oliver giggles adorably and Katniss smiles at him though it doesn't reach her eyes. "Getting pregnant wasn't planned, trust me. That happened before you and I had sex." I grimace. "I was going to tell him I was leaving him, then I missed my period." Her eyes fall to the floor. "I didn't know what to do, but all I could think with any clarity was that I couldn't lose you. I didn't want the baby to mean that I could never be with you." She sighs. "And I reasoned it was easier to tell him everything at once - that I was pregnant and wanted a divorce - rather than draw out either one of them."

"Easier for you," I accuse. "Not easier for him."

"None of this would've been easy for him," she reasons. "No matter when I broke his heart, it was going to destroy him. I knew that, and I felt it was more honest and respectful to do it as soon as I knew. I'm not saying Peeta's pain and mine are on the same level, because it seems like I got everything I wanted. I got you, and my baby, and the support of the greatest man I've ever known, but it doesn't mean I don't feel guilt or pain over seeing him broken. I hate that I caused that pain in him. But though my happiness came sooner, all of us will be happier down the road. Because Peeta will realize one day how amazing it is to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them."

"I've just been shitty and I made you shitty to him. I'm exactly the person I don't want to be." I'm a home wrecker and a stubborn asshole. I'm not the mother Oliver deserves. I take my cup and sip the piping hot liquid.

Katniss places Oliver in his play pen and crosses the room toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my hips toward hers. Her thigh presses against my center and I gasp. She grins evilly and takes my hands, pinning them behind my back with some force.

"I know you don't think so, but you are a good person. Peeta's a good person, too. Probably better than we are. We made a fucked up decision but it doesn't change that you have a good heart. I wouldn't have fallen for you otherwise. I wouldn't let you near my son." She presses her lips against mine, sliding her warm tongue across my lips and causing my body to shake. "Not to mention how smart," her mouth moves down my neck, leaving a wet trail of kisses to my earlobe, "and sexy you are."

"Fucking ...Katniss. The baby." My word comes out in staccato gasps as she sucks hard on the skin of my shoulder, still aggressively pinning my hands behind me.

"He's gonna take a nap soon," she drawls, moving the tip of her tongue from my shoulder back to my lips, pressing her lips against mine harshly and trapping me closer against the sink. "And I told you that you're in trouble."

She lets my hands go and runs hers through my hair, dragging her nails against my scalp. "What if we wake him?"

Katniss smiles against my mouth, tugging on my lower lip with her teeth. "My mom is coming in fifteen minutes to pick him up. Which is a good thing." Her voice lowers to a rough husk, her hot breath directly against my ear. "Because I plan on making you scream."