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Chapter 10
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The light from the candles produced a dim glow that filled the entire freezer. Bags of once-frozen french fries, hamburgers, and chicken patties covered the shelves. They had been there for months by now though and were likely covered in mold. Fortunately, the bags they were in were still sealed and the smell they surely reeked of didn't make its way too far out into the air.
"Did anything like this ever happen to you before?" Glenn wondered after a while of silence between the two of them. "I feel like we've been in here forever... Are they gonna leave eventually?"
Merle shrugged. "I got kinda stuck inside a building once, but not in a little closet like this. I had the whole building... It was empty and the walkers were around it. I had the entire thing, so it wasn't as shitty as this... But they did get distracted by something sometime during the night and were mostly gone when I woke up the next day."
"What did you do all night?" Glenn frowned as he sat down against the wall furthest away from the door.
Merle shrugged and glanced back down toward his bag. The three bottles of whiskey were still there. "You ever taste whiskey before? Don't know if this shit's any good, but we could give it a try."
Glenn furrowed his brow. "I don't know if that's a good idea right now."
"When's it ever gonna be a good idea?" Merle laughed as he took a bottle out and walked over toward Glenn. He slid down the wall and sat next to the kid. "Wanna try some?"
"I don't know..." Glenn hesitated. "I've never had alcohol before."
"Now's as good a time as any to try it. You're gonna fuckin' hate it, but then you're gonna love it," Merle chuckled.
Glenn frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean it's strong and it tastes like shit, but the more you drink, the more you don't give a damn what it tastes like," Merle unscrewed the lid and took a drink. It wasn't as good as his normal brand, but it would do. He held it out to Glenn. "Go ahead."
The boy hesitated, but finally reached out and took the bottle. He raised it up to his lips and took a small drink. Immediately, he moved the bottle back and coughed. "That's terrible... It actually kind of hurts." He coughed again.
"The more you drink, the better it gets," Merle assured him as he took the bottle back and took another gulp. He handed the bottle back to Glenn, who looked down at it as though the very sight of it made him feel nauseous.
"I don't think I want any more." Glenn frowned.
"Aww, come on. You're gonna let me get shitfaced all by myself?" Merle pouted.
Glenn frowned and took another small sip. "It's really terrible, Merle. I don't know why you'd want to drink this stuff."
"Because it makes you feel good after a while," Merle told him with a shrug as he took another long drink. "Thanks for gettin' that stuff from the pharmacy, by the way. I couldn't 'a done it without you. I've walked by that place so many times... Always figured it was just gonna be off-limits forever."
Glenn nodded. "You're welcome... Sorry I took so long. There was a lot of stuff in there."
Merle smiled and took another long drink from the bottle. He was beginning to feel the familiar warm, cozy, content feeling that alcohol always gave him. "You're not so bad, kid. I appreciate that you ain't totally useless."
"Uh..." Glenn shrugged. "Thanks, I guess..."
Merle laughed and held the bottle back out. "Can't believe you never got drunk before." He shook his head.
"Merle, I'm twelve," Glenn reminded him with a frown as he took another tiny sip and made a disgusted face.
"Bet you never smoked a cigarette before either, have you?" Merle laughed. "Have you ever done anything you wasn't supposed to? Surely you didn't always do exactly what mommy and daddy wanted, right?"
Glenn shrugged. "I usually did."
"Usually?" Merle smirked. "So not always... What'd ya do, kid?"
Glenn let out a small laugh. "Nothing crazy... Just stole some stuff."
"Really?" Merle raised his eyebrows. "Like what?"
Glenn shrugged again. "A couple bikes, from a big chain store..." He looked down as though ashamed. "I left some of my textbooks outside in the rain on accident one day, and I had to pay for them... I didn't want to tell my parents. I knew they'd be mad, so I had to come up with the money myself. I sold the bikes for the money I needed."
Merle let out a loud chuckle. "You stole to pay for textbooks." He shook his head and continued laughing his low, raspy laugh. "Man, that's really wild, kid. You're a real hardcore little son of a bitch, aren't ya?"
Glenn frowned. "I never had a reason to do a bunch of bad stuff, Merle... No one ever offered me cigarettes or alcohol. My parents were nice to me. Things were okay... I didn't have any reason to act out or do crazy things to make things better."
Merle frowned. "What the hell's that mean? You think I was a fucked up kid or somethin'?"
"No." Glenn shook his head and raised his hands in defense. "I mean, I don't know... I just... I'm just saying I never did anything like that... I don't know why I would have..."
Merle narrowed his eyes and took another long drink.
"D-do we have anyone to meet up with tomorrow?" Glenn changed the subject.
Merle shook his head. "Nah." He looked up and considered his mental calendar. "I meet up with the Jews on Tuesday, the farmers on Thursday, and the Mormons on Friday."
"You still know what day it is?" Glenn stared at him.
"Yeah," Merle shrugged. "To an extent... I don't know the day of the month or anything. I don't even know what month it is anymore, really. I kinda got fucked up for a while and met up with the Jews later and they said I was supposed to meet them that day and that I'd missed a couple trades and so I figured it was Tuesday again."
"Are they really Jewish?" Glenn asked. "Or is this you being..."
Merle smirked. "They probably ain't really Jews. It's me bein' a dick. They look all jewey."
Glenn sighed and shook his head.
"I can't be fucked to learn most'a their names, so I just made up group names. Those ones are cheap like Jews, and I don't know..." He shrugged. "They just seem like Jews. You know how it is. The next guys are always dirty and kinda dumb like farmers, and the last group has all them kids. You know, like those Mormons that screw like rats and reproduce like it's a god damned race to see who can pop 'em out the fastest," he explained.
"You're gonna make the wrong person mad one day if you say racist stuff like that to them," Glenn warned him.
"Mormons ain't a race, Glenn." Merle laughed and drank another long gulp.
"Well, it's offensive anyway." Glenn shrugged.
"Shut up, kid," Merle laughed and handed him the bottle back. "Maybe you'll be more fun once you're wasted."
"I don't know about that," Glenn said, but took another small sip anyway.
Merle smirked down at him. It hadn't taken long for Glenn to become more open to the thought of drinking the stuff he claimed tasted awful. "Told you it'd get better and better."
Glenn laughed. "It's still awful... But it does make me feel kinda weird. I guess I can see how this could be fun. It's kinda like after you get off of a roller coaster... like a really big one."
Merle shrugged. "Only 'cause you haven't had enough yet." Glenn describing drinking like that was so naive and innocent. "Have another drink. Take a bigger one than those little sissy girl sips you been taking." He offered the bottle back.
Glenn surprisingly did as Merle asked, making a face again and then laughing. "It's so gross." Glenn started laughing again. "It's hard to focus on anything in here. My hands are starting to feel tingly..." He put his fingertips against his face. "My lips feel numb... I'm not gonna die from this, am I?"
Merle shook his head, smirked, and took another drink. Glenn seemed to be a more talkative drunk than Merle was. "You won't die... Not from drinkin' a little bit of whiskey."
"Merle, what's the craziest thing you did by the time you were my age?" Glenn wondered in a voice that was beginning to slur as he took the bottle from Merle again and took another drink. Merle noticed his drinks were becoming larger than the tiny sips he'd started with. He was going to have to cut the kid off pretty soon.
Shrugging, Merle took another drink. "Stole the neighbor's car and lit it on fire. Their kid was a rich little son of a bitch, bragging all the time like he thought his parents' money made 'im better than us... So I took their perfect little car - one that cost more than my god damned house... Drove it out to an old bridge, and lit it up. No one ever knew it was me."
"Woah..." Glenn stared back at him with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. "You didn't get in trouble?" He slurred and reached out toward the bottle in Merle's hand.
Merle moved the bottle back. "I think maybe you had enough," he laughed. "No, I totally got away with it. Their kid, Ralph, he kinda seemed to suspect me, but my dad got real pissed when they came sniffin' around our house for answers. He didn't want me to take the blame for it, but he did seem to think I was guilty too. Defended me until the neighbors finally backed off, but once they left, he kicked the shit outta me for it."
Glenn frowned. "He kicked you?"
Merle shrugged. "It's a figure of speech."
"Oh," Glenn nodded and blinked a long blink as he breathed in and out a few tired breaths. "So what did he do then? Was he really mad?"
"He punched me in the fuckin' gut," Merle told him as he took another gulp from the bottle and reluctantly offered it back to Glenn. The kid wasn't that intoxicated yet. Merle supposed it wouldn't hurt to let him have a couple more drinks. "Slapped me upside the head."
"He did?" Glenn looked rather disturbed by this. "Did you tell a teacher or something?"
Merle narrowed his eyes before laughing a loud laugh that even he hadn't expected of himself. "No. I didn't tell no teacher... I set fire to motherfuckin' car. An expensive as shit one too. I kinda deserved it."
Glenn shook his head and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. "I don't think you deserved it. You shouldn't light people's cars on fire, but your parents aren't supposed to hit you. Maybe you should'a had to tell them you were sorry and get some kinda job to pay them back or something," Glenn slurred. "I mean... I know my dad would've been really mad if I lit a car on fire... but I don't think he would've hit me. Probably grounded me forever or something."
Merle shrugged. "Well, he certainly don't hit me no more. Son of a bitch is dead now, so at least there's that."
"I guess," Glenn shrugged, but still had a small pout on his lips.
"Don't feel bad for me, kid. All that shit toughened me up. I'd probably be dead by now otherwise," Merle reminded him. "So what about you? You never done nothin' crazy except steal to pay for fuckin' books... Never punched someone for pissing you off or done somethin' bad to fit in with the cool kids? Was payin' off your big bad text book fine the worst trouble you ever got yourself into? Ever done anything else you consider to be real crazy?"
Glenn frowned. "I guess not... I could do something crazy still though... There's still time." He grabbed up Merle's flashlight, dragged himself up to his feet and shined the light around the shelves. "Dare me to eat something in here?" he wondered.
Merle shook his head. "No... I don't want you throwin' up everywhere."
"Come on, Merle," Glenn frowned and drank another gulp from the bottle before Merle snatched it out of his hand. "I'll eat a whole handful of these fries." He grabbed a bag of fries off the shelf and immediately dropped it with a laugh as he nearly tripped over his own feet.
"Nope," Merle grabbed him and pulled him backward down to the floor. "We ain't eatin' no nasty old french fries and puking everywhere when we're both stuck in this tiny little closet."
"But I want to do something crazy," Glenn frowned.
"You're already doin' it. I sure as hell hadn't spent the night in a fuckin' fast food freezer when I was your age. I never drank with a fifty-some year old damn stranger or stole narcotics from a pharmacy. You've done plenty of crazy shit just today alone."
"Really?" Glenn smiled as he let himself go limp in Merle's arms. He leaned his head back so he could look at Merle who had his arm around his chest to keep him from getting up and doing something stupid.
"Really," Merle answered. "Ain't nothin' crazier than this shit we're living right now."
Glenn smiled and finally seemed to relax as he laid back against Merle's chest and stared up at the ceiling.
"So don't do nothin' stupid in here, okay?" Merle requested.
"Alright," Glenn sighed and remained lying back against Merle.
Merle frowned and kept his arm securely over Glenn's torso. He probably shouldn't have let this kid drink so much. It was kind of funny, but it was also pretty dangerous, especially since Merle himself was becoming a bit intoxicated too. His tolerance was high, but he did still have the ability to get stupid drunk, and he was closer to that than he should have allowed himself to become while pretty much babysitting in the zombie apocalypse.
He stared ahead and watched the faint glow of the candles' flames dancing along one of the freezer's walls. By now the candles were burnt about half-way down. The light wasn't going to last more than tonight, so he certainly hoped the walkers would be gone by the morning. He glanced down at Glenn, who was still and silent as he leaned back against Merle's leg and chest. His breaths were even and he seemed to be asleep.
Staring down at the top of Glenn's head, Merle frowned. Was he being crazy taking this kid in? Merle didn't often have many feelings toward other people that went beyond annoyance or rage. His plan was to completely use this kid without any regard to the boy's safety - not more than hoping he'd live just so Merle could continue to use him anyway... Merle didn't like kids. They were annoying and needy... but when he thought about sending Glenn off on his own to meet with the groups Merle traded with, he actually felt kind of sick. What if some of them really did see a weak little kid instead of Merle and decide to take advantage? It would be easy for someone to see a little twelve year old with supplies they wanted and decide to just kill him... If that happened, would it bother Merle? When he'd made that deal with Glenn this morning, he didn't think it would... but maybe Merle had a bigger heart than he realized...
He shook his head and exhaled. He was probably just getting emotional because he was kind of drunk. He had no reason to care about this kid. He didn't even know him. He was a pawn... Merle could go ahead and enjoy his company while he was here, but he doubted it would last. The pathetic little thing couldn't even kill a walker. No way was he gonna live more than a month.
It would be like the stray cats Merle and Daryl used to find when they were kids. They'd take them in, play with them, start to kind of get attached, and then one day they'd just be gone - either eaten by a coyote or run over or just got snatched up by someone else... He never knew... He just knew that after losing about the sixth or seventh cat, he stopped expecting to have any of them long-term and didn't ever feel bad anymore when they disappeared. Glenn could be the same thing - a funny little companion to keep him company, but a temporary one. Merle knew the boy wouldn't be here forever. He was prepared for it.
"Merle?" Glenn's small voice asked after a couple minutes of silence.
Merle looked down at the kid. "Thought you was asleep," he noted.
Glenn yawned. "Thanks for letting me stay with you."
Merle frowned and nodded. "Mm hm," he mumbled.
"For a couple minutes this morning, I thought I was gonna be alone forever, and that forever wouldn't be very long," Glenn spoke, his words quiet and slightly slurred. "And then I ran into you, and I thought you might kill me... or do something worse." He paused for a long few seconds. "I kind of thought I was gonna die and didn't really know if I would have minded if I did."
Merle shook his head. "You're twelve, Glenn. Don't tell me you're fuckin' suicidal. That's the last damn thing I need right now."
"No," Glenn objected. "I'm not. I don't want to die... I just kind of wondered if it would be easier in that moment. I didn't have anyone anymore, and everyone else left in the world was mean and violent and awful. I thought you were too, but you're not."
Merle swallowed and stared down at the boy, who was looking up at the freezer's wall as he spoke.
"Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay with you and for being nice... for the most part." Glenn shrugged. "There's not very many nice people left anymore, so I'm glad I found you. If I can't be with my dad ever again, I can be with you instead. You're a little more rough than he was, but I think you could be a good dad. Maybe because your dad was mean, so you know how to not be. I'm sorry he was mean when you were little, but maybe it did make you stronger, and that's why you're more understanding - because you know how it felt to be a kid with grownups being cruel to you."
Shaking his head, Merle frowned. "I didn't turn out much better than him, kid," he disagreed. While he wanted to be nothing like his father, he couldn't claim that he grew into a gentle, caring person in contrast. Merle was pretty much as violent and vulgar as could be. "I ain't nothin' like your dad either, I'm sure. I take care of myself before anyone, not kids... If I had accidentally created a kid, I'd 'a begged the girl to get a fuckin' abortion as soon as she found out, and if she had it anyway, I'd of run like hell away from her and it. I wouldn't be a good dad."
"I think you could be," Glenn disagreed with another yawn. "Trust me. I had a good dad, and you're not that different from him. He wouldn't have given me alcohol... Probably wouldn't have set up his house in an old funeral home... But he would keep me safe and talk to me and be nice. That's exactly what you've done... You said it yourself - not that many people are gonna take in a random kid. People look after themselves first, but dads don't. They take care of other people."
"Well..." Merle laughed nervously. He didn't really want to get into anything like that. Merle wasn't nice. He wasn't caring or selfless or anything Glenn was describing him as. He was selfish and didn't give a damn about anyone but himself and his brother. He didn't like Glenn talking to him like this, so he promptly turned the conversation around. "I guess we've established you're an emotional drunk."
Glenn shrugged. "I guess," he slurred as he lolled his head to the side and closed his eyes. Hopefully he wouldn't remember that confession in the morning and didn't really feel safe in Merle's presence. The last thing Merle needed was for this kid to see him as a hero. Merle was many things, but a hero was not one of them.
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Random Story Trivia Chapter 10:
I felt it was important to both characters that they be well-aware of how different their upbringing was - Glenn feels sorry for Merle that his family was abusive, but also respects and even sometimes fears him due to his perceived toughness, while Merle feels both resentment and a desire to protect Glenn due to his more sheltered life. Merle has a hint of jealousy that Glenn had it so easy growing up, but at the same time, on some level, he wants to preserve the innocence Glenn still possesses that Merle was never allowed to have himself.