Unspoken Fears

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home."


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"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love." Madame de Stael

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Chapter 10

Johnny had to hold onto the cars as he walked between them, his legs felt like they were moving through molasses itself. His head was pounding now to the point that he was once again nauseated beyond belief. There was only one goal in his mind at this point, make it to the Rover. Between resting in the lobby for a while and his incredibly slow effort to get back out the truck it had taken what felt like a lifetime. Finally reaching it he patted his pockets for the keys. Finding them he pulled them out, his fingers feeling like they were somehow not attached to him anymore, just these things that were doing a task for him but no longer his own.

He kept looking at them and wondered why he couldn't figure out which one to use. These were his keys that he was sure of but they all looked the same. No they were all the same. His brain was trying to separate them but they kept blending together. Yes, this one, he thought as he put it in the keyhole, or beside it. Problem was that now there was more than one keyhole, the confusion making his head spin just a little more. Or maybe the head spinning was making everything multiple before his eyes. Something he decided he would have to figure out later. Right now he just had to sit down, and quick. Finally it worked just as he was about to sit down right there beside the door.

This would not work at all. He knew something was wrong but couldn't focus enough to think what it was. His abdomen was killing him, radiating up to his shoulder making him reflexively reach up to rub it. He didn't remember hurting his shoulder. He sat in the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition but knew enough that he couldn't drive until his head cleared some. He slapped the glove box and managed to get it open and grabbed the bottle of aspirin again. It was empty. More at home, he thought. He leaned back against the seat and thought about what he would do. How was he supposed to get home now? He'd managed to hold it together until that last fall, now things were going south quickly.

He grimaced with the pain that seemed to be non-stop now, allowing for no break or period of grace for the weary and suddenly he knew he was in trouble. Looking across the parking lot towards the ER he saw a figure, in the distance that seemed to be looking at him. But that wasn't possible because they were much too far away to see him in the dimness of the shadows. And this shadow? It wouldn't look for him. Not anymore.

His mind refocused on the ER as he tried to gauge the distance. Could he make it? Maybe drive? No, the parking lot had people walking in it, children. He couldn't risk hitting someone. Just a few minutes of rest and he would start making his way to the ER doors. Enough was enough and he knew that he couldn't take this anymore. Lowering his head on the steering wheel he closed his eyes for just a few minutes of desperately needed rest, then he would go.

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Hank parked in the ER parking lot again. Each man lost in his own world of thoughts, wondering where Johnny was, if he was alright, and how could they find him. Brackett headed straight into the ER to get back to work thus distracting himself from his worry while Hank locked up. He walked up to Roy who had stopped in the road and was looking off into the distance of the vast hospital parking area.

"Something wrong Roy?" He asked as he tried to figure out what he was so intently focused on.

Roy shook his head, "No, just thinking." Reluctantly he moved towards the ER again.

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Dixie moved around Roy, once again, who was leaning on the desk. She knew the poor man was fraught with worry but she was about to physically transplant him herself. "Roy, why don't you go check in on Joanne while you wait," she said with a sense of HINT, HINT.

"I did, she's sleeping. They gave her something for pain and she's out."

Dixie sighed then smiled as she watched Mike and Chet come down the hallway. Please, she thought, let them have good news. Roy was up in a heartbeat, "Fellows? Anything?"

They both shook their heads. "We both checked, nothing." The worry was loud and clear in Chet's voice and Mike's silence and worried eyes spoke volumes to those who knew him.

Hank stepped off the elevator and joined them. "Emily has gone to pick up the kids. She'll keep them for the rest of the day and get them some dinner Roy."

"Thanks Hank."

Marco was right behind Hank, also shaking his head no. Roy was perplexed as they moved to the doctor's lounge. "Where is he?"

"Is there anywhere else Roy? Anywhere at all he might go if he was upset?" Marco asked.

He just shook his head, "He's hurt so he wouldn't take off camping or anything like that." He paced the little room. "He left here and went where?"

"How do you know he left?" Mike asked.

It was a simple question. Almost too simple and for whatever reason it rocked Roy to the core. Could it be that easy? The others saw the look on his face and stood up.

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Vince once again walked down the hall of the ER, still wanting to make sure Johnny was alright. "Mrs. McCall," he said to Dixie.

"Hi Vince," she said softly.

"So Johnny was okay?" He asked.

She looked up, "We can't find him anywhere." The distress in her voice catching the attention of the officer, confusing him.

"I thought you said in was at his truck?"

She nodded, "He was but he left and we don't know where he went. Roy even tried his apartment with no luck."

"No he didn't," Vince said and watched her freeze.

"What do you mean?" She looked up to see Roy standing behind Vince, also frozen in place.

Vince turned to see the look of alarmed anticipation on Roy's face almost afraid to speak now. "I mean he's still here."

Roy was almost breathless, "Where?"

He was now picking up the complete and utter panic that was surrounding him by the firemen. Turning towards the ER doors, "I saw him pull his Rover from this parking lot over to the front one earlier."

Roy turned to Dixie, "He never made it out of the parking lot. We need Brackett."

Dixie was off and running into treatment four but Roy and Hank, followed by the others, were already tearing down the hallway and out the ER bay doors. They reached the edge of the huge parking area which included a four story parking deck. Without an immediate visual on him Roy turned to Hank with a pleading look for help. He didn't know where to start.

Hank turned to the others, "Marco, take the 4th level. Chet, 3rd. Mike 2nd. Roy and I will cover the ground lot then move up to the first. If you find him call for this side."

Vince pulled up beside them, "I'll start up top with Lopez." Marco jumped in the cruiser and Roy watched them pull away.

With an as sundry of 'aye Caps' the men ran off towards the stairs and the endless line of parked and abandoned cars. Hank and Roy started on the lower lot, jogging down them searching for any sign of Johnny and the white truck. One time Roy saw a white top and ran to it only to find out it was a van instead. His disappointment only seemed to fuel his fire to keep going.

Vince and Marco didn't find anything on the top and moved down to the next row, picking up the others on the way. Roy quickly moved to the stairs to the first deck and rounded the corner. Hank was hot on his heels so when Roy came to a dead stop Hank ran right into him.

"What?" Hank said but he followed the man's eyes to a white Rover.

The driver's door was open.

Roy's heart was in his throat as he hit a full run to reach it.

He found Johnny in the driver's seat slumped over the steering wheel, unconscious. He called out to him, "Johnny?" but got no response. Saying a silent prayer he reached to his neck for a pulse.

"Roy?" Hank said softly behind him.

Roy turned to him, "I need Brackett now."

Hanks long legs quickly reached the edge and called down to the others, including Brackett and Dixie who now waited below. When he got back to Roy had pushed him back off the steering wheel and was doing a rapid assessment on him.

"Is he …" Hank fought to find the words. Please let him be alive.

Roy looked back at him, "His pulse is weak, thready, barely there." He placed his hands on the young man's chest. "Damn it Johnny, come on." Once again looking back to Hank, "Help me get him out of here. He's not breathing."

Down below Brackett and Dixie heard Hanks almost pleading call for help that they had found him. The look on the Captains face was enough to send a chill straight through Dixie. She had a bad feeling about this. They both took off to find the stairs and got up to the first level just as Vince pulled up and the others all piled out. They all stood around as they watched Roy on the ground with Johnny, doing mouth to mouth rescue breathing. Dixie had a grab bag of supplies with her and pulled out an ambubag and gave it to Roy.

Brackett knelt down next to him and quickly put his stethoscope in his ears to listen to his chest and lungs. Roy watched him frown.

"Roy, what was his pulse when you checked?" Brackett asked cautiously.

"Around 50, thready." In between breaths he looked into Brackett's eyes, "Doc?"

The doctor moved quickly, "Dixie get us an ambulance now to move him. Bring me an ambu bag and a drug box." He looked deeply into her eyes, "Hurry."

With a catch in her breath she jumped up but Vince stopped her, "Get in."

Brackett then proceeded to rip his shirt open by force, popping off the buttons, opening it up for all to see. Roy stopped the ventilations as he struggled to catch his own breath, "Johnny." It was just a whisper but everyone heard the sadness in his voice.

The darkened, deeply bruised area along his right chest wall and abdomen was ominous. He gently palpated the area and made a low noise from his throat. "We've got to move him now."

Marco took over ventilations for Roy who then stood up. Vince was gone with Dixie and they all knew that the precious minutes it would take for help to arrive were minutes that Johnny didn't have. "Mike, are the keys in his ignition?"

Mike leaned in to check, "Yea, they are."

Roy caught Hank's eyes and he conveyed what he wanted to do, "Then we move him now."

Kel put his hand on Roy's arm, "Roy, we don't what all his injuries are."

Roy knew what he had already endured, mostly at his own hands. "He's been moving around for hours now, once more won't matter."

Hank agreed and grabbed him from under the arms while Chet grabbed his legs. They slid him into the back seat with Brackett and Roy with him. Hank drove while the others climbed in the back and front seat.

Roy continued the breaths while Kel listened one more time, trying to hear that precious heart beat.

His voice was strained, "Hank move it, we're out of time."

AN: I know, I know, evil cliffy.......sorry. I will start as soon as possible on Chapter 11. I promise.