After the sun sets, they find the boy on the roof of the local pharmacy, with a little paper bag of pill bottles that are labeled with names that aren't his. Hoagie parks the bus on the other end of roof, and turns off the headlights so that they don't attract more attention. Rachel approaches the strange boy alone.

"I knew you'd come," the boy sits on a large air-conditioning unit and lets his feet dangle. "I told them that you'd kill us all."

"So you know what happened."

"I was there," the boy rummages around in the bag and takes out a bottle, then with a little flashlight, reads the name of the medication. "I tried to free you."

"…Thanks, I guess," Rachel pauses as the boy pops the top off his bottle with practiced ease, then shakes two pills into his hand. These he puts into his mouth. "I need to know who else was there."

"Of course," the pills crack in the boy's mouth. "For vengeance. It's your job to do that."

"It's…uh," Rachel grimaces. "It's kinda not."

"It's your right," the boy says. His hand reaches back into the bag. "You don't need to persuade me. I understand now."

There's another pause. Rachel jams her hands into her pockets to warm them and the boy takes two more pills, only different ones. His little adam's apple bobs as he swallows.

"I'm…sorry," Rachel says. "If I knew this would happen I would've never scared you like that two weeks ago."

"Don't do that. I should thank you. I see now, you know. Because of what you did, I'm no longer a Teen Ninja," the boy caps the bottles and drops them into the bag. "Pay attention, Vengeance. I will only say each name once."

Within her pocket, Rachel turns on a recording device.

= = = … = = =

Chad sleeps with a nightlight. Rachel knows this because she is standing in the doorway to his room, and as she watches, she waits. Eventually, Kuki appears at her elbow and gently pushes her aside. She drops a handkerchief (doused with chloroform) over Chad's face, then reaches into a shoulderbag and takes out a roll of tools. This she unfurls over Chad's knees, and it turns out to be a roll of syringes and other medical things. Kuki pulls on a pair of latex gloves, reaches under the covers and pulls out one of Chad's arms. She preps him as if to draw blood, but instead of drawing anything, she empties two syringes into the IV needle. After cleaning up, she whips the handkerchief off of Chad's face, hands it to Rachel, and slides back out of the room.

"Remember," Abby whispers from behind her. "Don't hurt him. Leave no mark. None."

"Got it," Rachel pushes the door closed, then pulls the desk chair towards his bedside. She sits down, rolls up a nearby magazine, and swats his nose.

"Hey!" Chad wakes up. He sees Rachel and pales. "Wh-you're supposed to be dead!"

"You think a little box and some dirt will stop me? How precious," Rachel's eyes turn hard. "I've read a lot of law books and what you did? That's attempted murder. You attempted to murder me. It wasn't even an accident."

Chad's face turns red as he strains in vain to move, but he can't. He just can't.

"And it didn't work, Chad. And now I'm in your house. And you are so helpless and," Rachel extends her first two fingers and presses against his adam's apple.

"Hggrk!" Chad chokes.

"It would be like crushing an ant. Like under your thumb. You're an ant, Chad. And that's an insult to the ant." She takes her hand away from his throat and moves to one of his eyes; keeping the eyelids apart. "I bet you'd look good with a glass eye."

"No," Chad begins crying. "Stop!"

"Beg. Beg me."

"Please stop! Please. I'm so sorry!"

"Beg for your parents too, Chad," Rachel whispers as she pulls her hands away. "They're on the other side of the house, aren't they?"

"No! Please don't hurt them."

"Okay."

"O…okay?"

"What will you give me in return?"

"What!"

"What will you give me for your lives," she emphasizes each word. "You can't get something for nothing, you know."

"…You're the fucking devil."

"Yes I am. And it's really too bad it took you this long to realize," Rachel pauses. "Tell you what. I will let you live and in return, you do nothing. In the future, if any Teen Ninja pesters me, or Fanny, in any way, for any reason, I will assume it's because of you. Even if it isn't because of you, I will go straight to you and we'll have another one of these chats. Do we have a deal?"

"That's it?"

"That's it. You make you and your buddies scarce, or I will do it for you."

"…Deal."

Rachel drops Kuki's handkerchief over his face, knocking him out. "Done," she says, and Kuki opens the door. "Excuse me." She pushes past the two girls and goes to the bathroom, where she empties her stomach into the toilet.

"Hrrrk."

Abby appears in the doorway of the bathroom. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"I'm fine," Rachel spits into the toilet and flushes, then goes to the medicine cabinet.

"You're gonna be doing this all night, girl. It doesn't get easier."

"I'm fine," Rachel tips some mouthwash back, gurgles, and spits into the sink. "Don't tell Fanny."

"What?"

"Don't. Tell. Fanny."

"But…" The two of them pause as Wally and Hoagie come down the hallway, carrying a long pine box between them and a heavy sack of garden soil.

"No."

Abby crosses her arms. "Your girl ain't stupid."

"I didn't say she was."

"No, but you actin' like she is."

They listen as Wally and Hoagie put Chad inside the box, nail the lid down, and put in a few breathing holes so that he won't suffocate.

"Numbuh Five could do the rest," Abby says. "She don't…react…as strongly as you do."

"No, I can do it."

"Mmmhmm."

"I'm serious. I can do it." Rachel screws the cap back onto the mouthwash and walks out, leaving Sector V to rip up the bag of garden soil and scatter dirt everywhere in Chad's room.

= = = Mighty McKenzie: 2, Douchebag Dickson: 1. Game. Set. Match. = = =

After visiting the last Teen Ninja, and while they drive off to Thaddeus' house, Rachel goes to the back of the bus and collapses onto the bunk that she took last time. Fanny follows her, and when she pushes the cushion aside, Rachel rolls over and curls up.

"No."

"No?" Fanny reaches out for Rachel's shoulder, but she moves away.

"Don't…no," Rachel says. "Just don't. I'm a terrible person."

"Don't say that," Fanny crawls into the bunk and puts her arms around her. "I call big spoon."

"What? No!"

"Too late," Fanny squishes her cheek against Rachel's back, between her shoulder blades. "Don't push, you'll make me fall."

"Ugh," Rachel sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Fanny, your girlfriend's a psycho nut-job."

"Don't insult my girlfriend."

"Ha ha," Rachel sighs and brushes her fingertips over Fanny's knuckles. "Well, she is. The only time she's able to lie is when she threatens to kill people."

"Then it's a good thing she's lying then, innit? Did she like threatenin' those boys?"

"No! I mean, she'll take them all on in a fight no problem, but like this? This is…I don't even know. She doesn't know."

"Then she isn't a horrid person is she? Those villains, they like what they do. There's that evil laugh…"

"Cackle."

"Yes, thank you. They cackle. They live to do evil. It's what gets them out of bed in the morning, and there's really no reason fer it. Now mah girlfriend, she could go a month without doing this again, yeah?"

"A month? She can go the rest of her life without doing this again."

"Then she isn't evil. Alright?"

Rachel's silent for a long time. Just a Fanny begins to wonder if she's fallen asleep, she says, "Yeah, okay."

"Let me see."

Slowly, so that none of them fall from the bunk, Rachel turns around. There are shadows under her eyes and her lips are cracking. Fanny sucks in air through her teeth and traces a lip with her thumb.

"How are you still dehydrated? You've been drinking water all evening."

"…Well, it's like…uh…"

"Where is it going? Ya aren't pissin' it out."

Rachel flushes. "Can you not play detective with my body?"

"And ya aren't bleedin' neither, are you?"

"No. It's no big deal, really."

"So yer spewing it out. You've been spewing, haven't you? I can't smell it – your breath smells like mouthwash – but you are."

"Ugh, Fanny," Rachel covers her eyes. "No."

"Yes, you have, and you're covering it up. Stop lying to me," Fanny sits up and puts her hands on either side of Rachel, so that she hovers over her. "This has got to stop."

"But," Rachel's hands find Fanny's forearm and elbow. "I'm not done scaring off all these guys yet."

"Will you look at yerself? This needs to stop, love. You need to rest."

"This has to happen tonight. Anything after won't have as big an impact."

"Och, like yer the only one who knows how to deal with this," Fanny leans down and kisses her cheek. "I need a girlfriend, not a martyr."

"Hmm," Rachel looks away as she thinks. "Maybe, but…"

"I could give you another kiss…help you decide."

The corners of Rachel's mouth twitch. "Oh, like bribery?"

"Exactly. I could, you know," here, Fanny folds her arms so that she could get to Rachel's ear and whisper, "use my body."

"Zero," Rachel's leg twitches. "Please…don't…"

Fanny pulls away and laughs. "That's the shoddiest fib you've ever told, love!"

"Rrrgh," Rachel covers her red face. "Fanny, what the hell? You're such a tease!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry," Fanny giggles. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"No," Rachel crosses her arms. "You'll need to bribe me."

Fanny's brows go up and the two girls stare at each other until Rachel's face cracks into a smile.

"Ahahaha!"

"Oh gosh, that was pretty good."

"Ahah, yeah?" Rachel sits up and wipes a tear from her eye.

"Yeah, I was considering pulling some drastic action."

"Ah, well you don't have to bribe," Rachel kisses Fanny's temple. "Oh man…we were talking about something else, right?"

"Yeah, I don't think you should take on Daughenbaugh."

"Who do you think should replace me?"

"…Let me do it."

"What? No! You can't."

"Why not?"

Rachel wrinkles her nose. "Just no."

"This isn't just any other boy, this is Daughenbaugh," Fanny says. "Everythin' he's done so far: the kidnappings, blackmail…it was so he could get to me. I have to tell him, love. I have to show him that he can't do that to me anymore. That I'm not afraid."

"…I don't want you to feel…bad."

"I assure you, I won't."

"Do you know how? I don't think you took that training thing."

"I…" Fanny drops her gaze. "I asked Abby about it earlier. It was always my plan to deal with Daughenbaugh; you being like this just gives me another reason to do it. She gave me a crash course. I'm sorry."

"She agreed with you."

"Yeah. Please don't be mad."

Rachel takes her hands. "But lots of things could go wrong. It could go so wrong…Fanny, please."

"It's alright, I've got a gun," Fanny says. "Abby says that she's gonna listen at the door, just in case. You could do that too."

"…Fine, I will. And hey, while you're in there with him, if something goes wrong, then you say so, okay? I'll run in and bust his ass."

"What should I yell?"

"I don't know. Something that has nothing to do with anything. Something random. Then I'll know."

The curtain rustles and Abby comes in, holding an unopened water bottle. "Hey."

"Hi," Rachel says.

"Kuki said to drink this," Abby hands her the water bottle. "Said you'd be dehydrated."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Listen. About the last guy…"

"Oh yeah, Fanny talked to me about it," Rachel says. "It's okay."

"Oh," Abby sighs in relief. "Okay then. Since everybody's cool, I'll just get to it: Fanny, what's your plan?"

= = = Unfortunately, Castration was set aside. = = =

Fanny pulls back on the slide of her gun as she enters the house. She sits in an armchair in the living room that has a clear view of Thaddeus' door and shoots the door, rattling it on its hinges. After a minute, Thaddeus opens the door and sees her.

"Oh," he says. "It's you, Francine."

"It's 'Fulbright' to you," Fanny says. "Only the people close to me get to call me by my first name."

"You shouldn't talk to me like that." Thaddeus slips the car remote from his pocket and opens up an application on his smart phone. "Apologize."

"Never."

He smirks as he presses the panic button, then looks up to see Fanny sneering at him, her green eyes dark with malice.

"Shall we play a game, Daughenbaugh?" Fanny picks up a book and weighs it in her hand. "It's a pretend game. Imagination. Should be pretty easy."

Thaddeus chuckles and shakes his head. "Something so simple couldn't wait until morning? McKenzie is dead. Don't you care?"

Fanny sets the book in her lap and grips it. Hopefully, he doesn't notice her trembling. "Let's imagine that you succeeded in killing Rachel McKenzie. Not just now, but earlier, when Dickson buried her in the cemetery."

The smile is wiped off of Thaddeus' face. "I didn't…"

"You called the hit; you're responsible," Fanny's knuckles are white. "Let's pretend…pretend that she…What were you going to do after? Tell me she was alright?"

Thaddeus flexes his hands, as if wanting to grab something.

"I think you were going t'keep me on a leash," Fanny says. "You'd tell me that if I was a good girl, I could see her. You'd send Chad to dig her up, wouldn't you? Give me locks of her hair, snips of her clothes? If I was really good though, I could see her. Is that right?"

Thaddeus rolls his eyes.

"Am I right!" Fanny draws her gun and aims at him.

"…Yes."

Fanny lowers her gun. "Let's pretend that you were able to keep me for years. Years and years. Perhaps when Rachel's memory wasn't enough to keep me, you'd move on into threatening me with the other members of my family. You'd blackmail me into marriage, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

"You'd blackmail me into bed. Maybe into having your kid? That was your plan, wasn't it?"

"It's…it was more or less the same," Thaddeus ducks as Fanny throws the book at him.

"You bastard!" Fanny brings up her gun and Thaddeus cowers and falls upon the floor.

"Stop!"

"You don't get it, do you? You don't get to tell me what to do anymore. You've done that all weekend, and now it's my turn," Fanny stands up. "Now dance."

Thaddeus straightens up a bit. "Pardon?"

"Why not? Beg while you dance too."

"I don't understand…"

"Do a feckin' jig," Fanny points the gun at his feet. "The Macarena, I don't care. Dance!"

She pulls the trigger.

Outside, Abby and Rachel press their ears against one of the windowpanes while Kuki pokes one of the wilting roses on an overgrown bush. Even without trying to listen, she can hear Fanny's yelling ("Do 'I'm a Little Teapot!'" "Hop on one foot. While spinning." "Louder!"), Thaddeus' muffled shouts ("I'm a little…a little teapot – oh my God…"), and the shots from Fanny's gun.

"She's a natural," Abby says, with the same ease that one talks about the weather. "I thought she'd freeze up or something, but she's pretty comfortable with all this."

"…Yeah," Rachel says.

"And she don't need that safeword either."

Rachel jaw drops as Abby cracks a smile. Kuki puts a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle.

"You were eavesdropping?"

"No, but Kuki was."

"Kuki!"

"I'm sorry," Kuki's face colors and she ducks her head.

"No, you're not."

"Hm-hm," Kuki laughs through her nose. "No. I'm not. But I didn't tell anyone else. Just Abby."

"Okay, well you know what?" Rachel says. "It isn't a safeword."

Kuki and Abby share a look before Kuki presses her hands over her eyes and shakes her head.

"A'ight then," Abby says. "So that random word that Fanny'll call out if something goes wrong so that everything stops? You know, from all this…risky behavior? A word that the two of you agreed on beforehand? That ain't a safeword?"

"…Ah," Rachel's blush reaches all the way down to her neck. "No…it's not."

"Honey, that's a safeword."

"I can't believe you and Fanny use safewords with each other already," Kuki says. "That's really fast."

"It is not!"

Abby's brows go up and she and Kuki share another look.

"Urgh, that's not what I meant," Rachel stammers and grinds her teeth. "Oh for Zero's sake! Are you an expert?"

"Don't be ashamed," Kuki says. "That's totally super healthy in a relationship, setting boundaries like that. And it's cute!"

"It's…urrgh," Rachel pinches the bridge of her nose. "Okay, you know what? I'm done talking."

The three girls fall together in a heap as the front door slams open. Fanny marches out with a different gun in hand and Thaddeus staggers out behind her.

"No, wait, please!"

"It's too late," Fanny stops at the edge of the sidewalk, the toes of her boots orange in the lamp-light. "Three days too late." She whips up her hand and throws Thaddeus' pocketwatch high into the air, where the case glints. Then she raises her gun, exhales, and pulls the trigger. Instead of a jolt of electricity, an actual bullet goes right through the middle of the watch, twisting the case and scattering parts everywhere on the street. Thaddeus puts his hands on his head and falls to his knees on the driveway.

"Oh Zero," Abby takes her hat off. "That was beautiful."

Fanny turns around to Thaddeus. "If you talk to me again, if you threaten me or any of my friends, I promise that you'll look just like that watch. Understand?"

Thaddeus glares at her and she lifts her gun and aims at his head.

"Understand?"

"Yes."

"'Yes, ma'am.'"

"…Yes…ma'am."

Fanny holsters her gun and walks down the sidewalk. Thaddeus slumps onto the concrete and Abby and Rachel push Kuki towards Fanny.

"Go," Rachel hisses.

"Huh?"

"Girl, move!" Abby gets to her feet and takes Kuki's hand.

"Oh, oh!" Kuki picks up her skirt and runs with the others to the bus.

= = = … = = =

As soon as Hoagie parks on the roof of a tall, accounting building, Wally brings out several six packs chilling in a cooler and passes a few bottles around. They're from a freebie box, so each bottle has a different flavor.

"Soda? Really?" Rachel pauses as Wally uncaps her green bottle and moves on. "Why?"

"Because thanks to tonight," Abby says. "Technically, you can say you're a specialist instead of just a consultant."

"Oh yeah," Rachel mumbles to herself and lowers her gaze. "Just a consultant."

"…And," Abby continues. "Congrats are in order for Fanny. Good job, girl. You're free."

"Hah," Fanny raises her bottle and everyone joins in on the toast. "I'll drink t'that!"

= = = One Hour Later… = = =

Empty bottles fill the kitchen sink and stand on the counter, and bottlecaps litter the tabletops and the floor. Wally sinks an unsteady hand into the cooler and rummages around, then brings out a bottle that looks like it's filled with water.

"Okay, okay, I got somethin' here," he stands up and goes to the cabinet for four small, plastic cups. "You take a shot," Wally divvies up the bottle between the four cups. "And then you eat a cupcake. It's a cupcake chaser."

"I dunno, squirt," Abby looks at the cups out the side of her eyes. "Sounds nasty."

"I'll try it," Hoagie says.

"Me too!" Kuki picks up one of the cups in one hand and a cupcake in the other. "Ready!"

"Okay. Three, two, one," Wally, Hoagie, and Kuki tip their cups back.

"Ugh!" Kuki drops her cup and sputters while the boys smush their cupcakes into their mouths. "That soda's so gross!" She runs off to the bathroom.

"Foofy, 'ait," Wally says around his cupcake. He swallows and coughs, then follows her. "The cupcake! You're supposed to eat the cupcake right after!"

"It was okay," Haogie shrugs and opens two bottles. One is blue that's so bright it could glow, and the other one's dark as licorice. He hands one to Abby. "Not great, but okay."

"It's okay, baby. You don't have to be polite."

"It was nasty," Hoagie whispers, then chugs down his soda. "So nasty, Abby. I don't think that was soda Wally gave us."

In the back of the bus, lounging on a mattress and pillows pulled from a bunk, are Rachel and Fanny. Rachel kicks idly at a bottle so it spins a little, and when it slows to a stop, she leans over and kisses Fanny on the cheek.

Fanny giggles. "Rach, it wasn't even pointing at me."

"Hmm," Rachel moves to Fanny's jaw. "It'll always point at you."

"Oh," Fanny closes her eyes. "Lucky yer a girl. It wouldn't….uh…wouldn't work if ya were a boy. Oop!"

Fanny falls onto her back, taking Rachel with her.

"Oof! Sorry." Rachel raises herself on her palms and her bangs fall in her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"…Do you really not feel bad about dissing Tom Thumb?"

"Ugh, you tease," Fanny covers her eyes and sighs.

"Yeah, that's what it feels like."

"…Oh."

"'Oh' is right. But seriously, you didn't feel bad about shooting him up?"

"Absolutely none," Fanny says. "He had it coming."

"He did," Rachel pulls away and sits up. "Chad called me the devil."

"Rach…"

"He said, 'you're the devil,' and I said, 'yes, I am,'" Rachel taps her finger against her knee.

"You did what you had to," Fanny says. "Anything less wouldn't be drastic enough. It wouldn't stick."

"…You think so?"

"I know so. Come on, love. Let's see what all the screamin's about." Fanny helps Rachel up and they push past the curtain. "What's going on?"

"Smell for yourself," Abby gestures to the bottle on the table. Fanny and Rachel slide into the booth across from her and Hoagie and while Rachel uncaps two fresh bottles, Fanny raises the mystery bottle to her nose.

"Eeh," Fanny wrinkles her nose and sets the bottle away from her. "That's…I dunno what that is. Definitely ain't soda."

"Maybe it's whiskey?"

"It ain't whiskey and it ain't scotch," Fanny says, then frowns. "Ain't beer either."

"How do you kno-nevermind," Hoagie drinks some soda. "Does anyone else feel like they're forgetting something?"

Abby sighs. "Abby's felt that way all night."

"Me too," Fanny says. "Huh. Think it's the same thing?"

All the way across town, sitting on the front step with his duffle bag, is Patton. He sighs and takes out his cell phone and goes over his texts:

Yeah, I'll help. Pick me up at my house

N2, where are you? You're 3 hrs late

Did you find n362?

No one's responding! WHAT'S GOING ON?

= = = And that's why Patton wasn't seen in this arc. = = =

Note Bene: This story has a lot of pillow talk. I just noticed this, but I'm okay with it.

I really did not expect the self-medicating boy from St. Patrick's Day to show up more than once. I really didn't. And now the more I write him, the more fond of him I get. How's that for developing an OC?

Kuki's syringes were filled with a special combination of tranquilizers and muscle relaxants that would keep Chad paralyzed without making him unable to talk.

Fanny only knew what Thaddeus' master plan was because Abby was able to figure it out. After the…confrontation, Rachel's old ICD and Thaddeus' car remote were put in evidence bags and were filed away in the TND system.

Rachel's experience makes her a valued consultant for the TND, but she doesn't run missions because her ICD means that she has a physical liability and the TND can't let her be their field agent in good conscience.

Please enjoy these Omakes. They're extras that aren't really a part of the story, but are still pretty funny.

= = = Omake = = =

"Shall we play a game, Daughenbaugh?" Fanny picks up a book and weighs it in her hand. "It's a pretend game. Imagination. Should be pretty easy."

Thaddeus chuckles and shakes his head. "Something so simple couldn't wait until morning?"

"Using a girl's love against her? I cannot accept that," Fanny stands up and begins posturing with her arms and hands. "As the champion of misandry, I will never forgive you. In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

= = = Omake 2 = = =

"Shall we play a game, Daughenbaugh?" Fanny picks up a book and weighs it in her hand. "It's a pretend game. Imagination. Should be pretty easy."

Thaddeus chuckles and shakes his head. "Something so simple couldn't wait until morning?"

"You're right, it can't!" Rachel bursts in through the window, does a barrel roll, and lands perfectly on her feet, scattering broken glass around her. "Bitch!" she begins swatting Thaddeus around the head with a rolled-up magazine. "It's my name she's screaming!"

"Ah!" Thaddeus falls to the floor and curls up. "I'm sorry!"

"That's right, asshole!"

Fanny leans forward in her seat and bites her lower lip. Her fingers tighten on the hem of her skirt.