Gon, will you ever forgive me for giving in just this one time in this dark impulse? I know it's wrong and I know it will forever leave a scar in our friendship. But just this one time, in this moment I'm letting go of my rationality and conscience and embrace this desire…
Forgive me..
Please forgive me…
Just this one time you will be mine…
"K-Killua..? W-What do you mean by that?! D-Do what, exactly?" Gon stammering, his voice raspy, barely recovering from Killua's skillful chokehold. Facing Killua in front of him, the cold glint in his eyes probably reflect what he feel exactly at that moment and Gon do not know what Killua is mad about. Is it the vow? Or the secret meeting with Hisoka? Or what happened before? Anyway, Killua is in front of him assuming the cold glance of a predator on his prey.
"Exactly what I said. " Killua replied coldly and stare at Gon in front of him. He just choked him with the intention of killing him. He managed to stop himself but he was still quite shaken by that impulse that overtook him on that moment. The intent to kill, the hatred and the possessiveness. He almost kill the most important person in his life..
The cold tone of Illumi that day, years ago when he killed his beloved bird kept reverberating on his ears like a broken cd.
"Because I like it, that's why…"
"Because I like it, that's why…"
"Because I like it, that's why…"
Maybe this madness runs in my blood.. Not just the way I was brought up but it was the way that I was born that family in the first place, in the Zoldyc family where this madness is normal. But whether it runs in the family or not doesn't matter. Right now, all I want is to make this person in front of me mine.
I just want to make him mine..
Only mine..
"K-Killua, I-I don't understand…" Gon looked at Killua with the eyes full of questions. Regardless of the circumstances and the pain and ordeal he had been through, Gon still looked at him with that vibrant and innocent eyes he's always possessed. The eyes that drawn Killua and countless of other people is now looking at him. For the first time Killua wanted to gouged those eyes out and make it his. He doesn't want to show those eyes to anyone.
"Then I'll make you understand.." Then in a second, Killua appeared in front of Gon just a few millimeters apart and with his sharp nails, ripped the front of Gon's clothes. Gon was shocked at first and reflexively stepped back to a defensive stance when the second blow came, a survival instinct. In a quarter of a second remembered that he was facing Killua and not some unknown enemy and forced his body to stop. Causing Killua's aim to be a bit off and the result is now his clothes are in tatters and his front clothes are completely ripped with a few millimeters of his skin.
"Tsk.." killua frowned and looked at Gon disdainfully. The claw marks of Killua are quite prominent from his well toned chest to his abdominal muscles. Blood seeping from the long cuts although they're not that deep. He wanted to do it as painless as possible and Killua walked towards Gon to remove the distance. The look in Gon's eyes are still the same, still vibrant, innocent and trusting. That look only fuelled Killua's desire to possessed Gon even more.
Is this the look that you showed Hisoka that night? As a fellow transmuters and a killer did you also looked at Gon in this perspective? How did Gon look in your eyes? Did you also desire him as you would desire a prey? Did he also look at you while you hurt him with clear and bright eyes of his? And even until the very end, did that eyes became ugly, unforgiving and lost the blaze? Or did Gon, until the very accepted everything and look at you full of innocence and trust all throughout the ordeal? Just like how he's looking at me now..
Killua slowly peeled all of Gon's clothing, letting everything slid down the floor as he worked wordlessly. He almost sighed admiringly at Gon's body, but managed to stop himself. It's been three years. Only three years and yet Gon's body is now bigger than Killua. The enhancement type of body, tightly packed with rock hard muscles. While Killua is also muscular, he remained lithe and sinewy.
Gon's face is bright red as the last article of clothing that covered his nakedness fell on the floor and Killua's eyes coldly observed him and lead him to the bed. "K-Killua.. W-Wait.." Gon is at loss on what to do. He doesn't even know what Killua wanted, let alone understand why Killua is doing this.
Killua angrily shoved Gon to the bed, jumped on his front and once again hold him on a chokehold, on the bed this time. "K-Killua.. I… I… p-please stop… we can just talk about this.." Gon finally said. The first protest that Killua heard from Gon, but instead of stopping, it further inflamed Killua's desire. He used his lightning palm and shocked Gon in his side for few seconds. Unaccustomed to electricity, Gon lost all his strength in a second.
With that opportunity, Killua started licking Gon's neck where he was bleeding earlier. Desperately enjoying the taste of blood and the smell of Gon mingled with sweat that turns him on. His tongue explored Gon's skin from his neck to his collarbones, tracing Gon's body that he so desperately wanted.
As his tongue moved from Gon's collarbones to Gon's chest and finally to his nipples. He wanted to do it so badly it brought him to tears. He also started feeling Gon's hardness. He was kind of relieved that at the very least, Gon feel something. Finally, Killua muster the courage to look at Gon's face. Gon's face is red, his eyes half-lidded and his mouth is slightly open, moaning inaudibly.
Killua's hands began to caress Gon's hard cock and in a moment he's already dripping with pre-cum. Killua is happy to be here at this time in this moment where the thing he desired the most is finally coming true. And yet he was prick by irritation in something he couldn't point out. Then he finally realized why he's unbearably irrirated…
That's right, I' not the only one who saw Gon, like this. Hisoka too.. He probably saw Gon's ecstatic face and enjoyed every minute of it. He probably felt elated and superior as he gazed at Gon like this…
No..
No..
No..!
No..! No..! No..!
Gon is mine..
Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..! Gon is mine..!
Killua snapped..
In a moment there's a hundred and eighty degree turn of mood in Killua. Killua bit Gon's shoulder hard enough to draw blood and involuntarily cry unzipped his pants and took out his hardness.. Killua raised both Gon's legs and forcibly entered his rear without preparation. Killua thrust his whole length inside Gon. His tightness also hurt Killua but he kept on going and felt something ripped, followed by a warm liquid in his shaft and the unmistakable scent of blood.
Gon bit his lips to prevent himself from crying out. He bit his own lips so hard it's bleeding. And Killua, driven by the single desire of making Gon his, kept on thrusting on Gon's rear. His passage now lubricated by his own blood made it easier for Killua. He also stroke Gon's hardness as he thrust in and out and in a short while that seemed like eternity to both of them, they gazed at each other..
It was easy to ignore everything at this moment, the pain, the irrevocable mistake, Gon's bleeding lips and his own insanity for doing this to his best friend.. Everything ceasde to exist, it's just Gon and Killua and finally, they are one. No longer separated.. Both of them had a single tear fall from their eyes. Because this is their long time wish and they became connected. But they don't know each other's feelings yet. But they both instinctively feel the connection and both of them are overcome with emotion.
As their eyes locked on one another as if drowning from the depths of each other's eyes, they both reached their peak at the same time.. Gon came all over his abdomen and Killua came inside him. Feeling both satisfied and elated. Killua finally marked Gon as his and his alone.
As they both flopped down side by side, enjoying this moment, reality knocked on Killua's door earlier that Gon's. He bolted upright and looked at Gon's lifeless form beside him. Gon's eyes closed and breathing hard, lower lip bleeding, claw mark across his chest and abdomen, and finally blood and semen dripping on his hole, staining the tangled sheets.
All of it is a harsh reminder to Killua that he had done something unforgivable. The reality of what he had done and the possible consequences of giving in to that dark desire had finally permeated his mind now that he's rational again.
Killua sat upright in the edge of the bed and turned his back to Gon. Eyes closed and thinking deeply, he couldn't bring himself to look at Gon. To look at what he have just done. "I.. I.. I'm sorry.." Killua said a bit louder than a whisper, but enough to reached Gon's ears..
"Killua… I.. I.." Gon started talking, but Killua stood up and started walking away before he could hear the rest. He doesn't want to hear it.
"Forgive me, Gon.." He started walking away..
"After all, he probably just want to say 'Killua.. I.. I.. I hate you for doing this to me, you're no different from Hisoka.." Before I ended up hearing those words, it's better to just walked away…
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Weak from the electric shock and the intensity of their coupling just now and a bit sore on and numb on his lower half he kept lying on the bed. Enjoying the moment with Killua by his side. He doesn't know yet how to feel about everything that just happened. What he wanted the most on his life finally happened. Though he's not sure what Killua feel about him, he's happy. The moment that they gazed at each other's eyes made him feel that they're not just connected physically but something more.. Gon felt like they had really become one, mind and body.
It was the best feeling.. He wanted nothing more than stay by Killua's side and the lingering feeling of that moment to stay. He was in dazed. To have his dream to suddenly come true, is hard to believe. He smiled involuntarily. He wanted to know what KIllua feel. Why he did this? But as he mustered the courage and tried to think of the right words, Killua suddenly bolted upright and sat on the edge of the bed. Killua's back is facing him and he seemed to be in deep thought. He wanted to ask what's the matter, but before he could get any words out, Killua apologized..
Gon didn't quite get it. Why is he apologizing when they just experienced and shared something special? Why? Does Killua regret it? Did he hate it? Does the feeling of connection is completely one-sided and he just imagined that Killua might've felt connected with him too?
I love Killua more than anything in this world.. So please turn your back on me and tell me you don't regret it. Tell me that you also felt that connection.. Please I'm begging you to turn your back and look at me. I love you..
But Killua didn't turn his back. He got up told him 'Forgive me' and start walking away. Instinctively Gon knew that he couldn't let Killua just walked away like that even though he doesn't understand what is going on through Killua's head.
Forgetting his nakedness and gritting his teeth from the pain on his lower half, his weak body and multiple lacerations, he jumped up and grabbed Killua's arm. Killua involuntarily looked at him and Gon saw Killua's pained expression, the half-crazed eyes and regret.
"Please… Please stay Killua… Don't leave me.." Gon finally said when Killua tried to shook his hand away. He embraced Killua from the back…
"Gon… I.. I.. I hurt you and I didn't mean it… I'm sorry.. I-It must be really painful.. I'm sorry.." Killua finally said, but without looking Gon could tell that tears are rolling down on Killua's beautiful face.
"Do you regret it?" Gon asked fearfully.. Afraid of what Killua will answer but he asked anyway.
"I regret hurting you. But… not what we did." Killua answered truthfully. After all, he can't hide anything from Gon. And something about Gon made him feel that he should be truthful. "I just wished that I could do it all over again and make things right." Killua said mournfully.
Killua turn around and face Gon. Then Gon suddenly kissed him. "Then let's do it all over again Killua.." Gon said that with a straight and innocent face, bright smile and with that ever vibrant eyes. Killua, still startled let Gon lead him back to the bed and start kissing him again, very gently. He tried to imitate what Killua had done earlier, kissing him and licking him.
As Gon tried to recall what Killua did, he also started removing Killua's clothes. After all, Killua took him fully clothed. When Killua is finally naked, Gon stared at Killua's body dazedly and start feeling his lower half react. He marveled at Killua's perfectly beautiful body, soft skin and absent-mindedly stroked Killua's body..
When his eyes found Killua's erection, it was as if the most natural thing in the world, that he took Killua's hardness on his mouth. Though he doesn't quite understand what he's doing, he just wanted to taste Killua. Familiarized himself in that thing thaw was inside him not barely an hour ago
In his own way, Gon wanted to make Killua his. As Killua moaned and looked at him longingly, Gon felt like he couldn't take it any longer. He started licking Killua, rear hole so as to not hurt him, and he testily probed Killua's insides with a finger, then two..
When both Gon and Killua felt like they were going crazy with anticipation Gon asked "K-Killua, c-can I put it in?". Killua breathing hard and in dazed with pleasure nodded once and Gon enter him slowly so as to not hurt him.
Being inside Killua is the most incredible feeling.. As he writhed and moan in pleasure, Gon became sure of himself and started to pick up the pace and rock his hips harder and more ardent than before. Soon, they were both panting, sweats intermingling and their scent permeated the room, the sheets and the very air itself..
Once again, they gazed at each other's eyes and became lost in it. The feeling of connection is just a figment of their imagination. It happened once again.. As they became one both physically and mentally. Everything is perfect.
Once again, they were the only people the world…
DISCLAIMERS:
I don't own HXH..
First of all I'm sorry for not updating for a very long time. Apart from the memory of my computer breaking, losing all of the data in the process (lots of draft chapters and other new stories! Ah the tragedy), I became dissatisfied by the chapters I rewrote. I kept rewriting and rewriting but I'm still dissatisfied, I became frustrated and for a while I stopped writing. Then write again only to be dissatisfied. This chapter is probably the 16th or 17th version? I'm not so sure anymore. I could hardly decide who's uke and who's seme. Then settle down to being seke..!
Also I became depressed when HXH suddenly ended like that.. Manga, another Hiatus… there's just no end to the tragedy..
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