Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews as always. I'm really sorry for the late post; MIS's life has been a wee bit hectic lately. xx Enjoy!
The trip back to Forks was long for me, though luckily Bella slept most of the time. The pain I'd felt the night before had dulled, or intensified-wasn't sure which-into a jagged stinging, but at least I could bare to look at her now. I was glad when she gave up early on with trying to cheer me up. She could do it so well before… when she'd been mine. The plane skidded to a slushy halt and we slung our bags and headed for the terminal in silence. It was harder for me to keep up her slow human pace, wanting nothing more than to get her home and run to my own room. At least that's what my logical self wanted. The rest of me however kept hoping that she'd give me some small sign of lingering affection, some shred of a chance that maybe things weren't over.
But they were.
I was glad when Rosalie picked us up, not desiring to face Edward or Jasper's talents just yet. They would learn soon enough what was wrong, and in all likeliness chide me for it. Rosalie took our bags as we got in. Bella and I exchanged a blank expression, neither of us knowing where we were in our relationship now. Did we keep being friends? Or would it be like I hoped and we could still be together? I was not optimistic though, and prepared myself for the worst. Besides, maybe it would be nice to actually be able to see things again. Bella had always been such a distraction for my gift. One big... beautiful… shapely… dazzling distraction. I sighed as Rosalie took off from the airport, promising myself that I would not look at Bella until we got to her house. Successful, I handed her her bag, hating how her hand grazed my wrist for an instant. I saw her blush and mutter a quick goodbye, jogging to the door with a clumsy wave. Rose drove home quickly, oblivious to my bitter mood. I chatted with the family for a few minutes, keeping my mood light and thoughts simple as to keep my two brothers off my back for a while more.
My room was how I left it. The curtains were open to show me the deep green forest surrounding us. My towering stack of CDs swaggered on my dresser by the expensive stereo Edward had gotten me. I absently put in a disc, not bothering to look at the title. Distractions of any form would be good for me. I opened my walk-in closet, running my hands down the line of beautiful clothing I adored so much. True, they were still special, but not as much as they'd once been. The colors now seemed faded, worn. Not even my sole fixation lured me now that she was gone. It made sense; she was the one I usually wore them for. To be beautiful for her.
I brought my wrist to my nose without thinking, inhaling deeply where Bella's hand had brushed it. Never was there such an enchantingly sad, beautiful aroma. I found myself rubbing my lips lightly against the spot, eyes closing as memories flooded over me. I lowered my small frame onto the cool bed, her face so clear in my mind. Her gentle but glowing smile, that bronze hair, so soft and strong. Those passionate eyes...
Breathe in, breathe out,
Tell me all of your doubts,
And everybody bleeds this way,
Just the same
I tried to take the song's advice, focussing on my unnecessary breathing instead of my shattered heart. This didn't help. I could feel my brain stretching, trying to wrap around what had happened back in Italy. We were together, perfect, shopping. Then the dressing room... I could practically hear her again. You're hurting my neck. I bared my teeth at the memory, a low growl escaping my lips. I wanted to throw my thoughts in a shredder, rip the memories from my throbbing mind. I rolled on my side, clutching my stomach like an anchor. Could I really do this? Move on eventually?
Breathe in, breathe out,
Move on and break down,
If everyone goes away I will stay
Bella...
We push and pull,
And I fall down sometimes,
I'm not letting go,
You hold the other line
What was I thinking? I whipped myself off of the bed, crouching on the windowsill not a second later. Get over her? Move on eventually? Our days spent in Italy had been one of-no-the single most amazing time of my existence. I remember feeling as though I'd strayed into a fairy tale, something genuinely astonishing. To even think of letting go of those memories, of the person I'd made them with...
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
Before I could let myself analyze further, I was tumbling through the darkening air, feet landing easily on the ground outside the house. Only one thing mattered now. Only one thing had mattered from the very beginning. I was in love with Bella Swan, and neither human nor vampire could stop it. I couldn't see what the future would dish out, but, well, what was new?
Hold on hold tight,
From out of your sight,
If everything keeps moving on, moving on
--
Bella had thrown her bag in the closet, too deep in thought to worry about laundry. She was groggy from the plane trip and confused from everything else. Since Alice found out that her feelings had changed, Bella hadn't really had a chance to think things through. She decided to start from the top, or something like it. They were on the rooftop in Italy, confessing their love, holding each other through the night. They were discussing her immortality, the chance to be together forever. Then there was passion, and Alice slipped. Bella could remember the petrified look on the small vampire's face once she'd realized what she'd almost done. Bella knew that she wouldn't have killed her, and she tried to assure Alice as best she could. They both thought it best for her to hunt just to be safe, and soon Bella was on her own in the hotel. Time had passed slowly though she hadn't been gone very long. It felt as though she were put under some sort of anesthetic, one that seemed to make everything flip-flop into a never before seen truth, one that she hadn't even come close to fathoming before. Still, somehow things had become clear. The Cullens were blood drinkers, bordering monstrous. It wasn't safe for her to be around them nor any other human. Surely the incident in the dressing room had proved that.
Still...
Why had those thoughts just suddenly occurred out of nowhere? She hadn't felt anything but love and trust towards the Cullens until that moment. Why now? She remembered how madly in love she'd felt, how the two of them had fit so exactly both physically and mentally. She couldn't think of anything besides the dressing room that could have possibly changed her perspective, but even that didn't feel quite right. Like there was a missing link in a chain.
And how badly she'd hurt Alice... her friend... her love.
The thoughts overwhelmed her, making her sink into her bed for comfort. She pulled the afghan to her, scrunching it up and burying her face within its depths. She felt as lost as Edward had looked before she stopped him from stepping into the sun in Volterra. What was happening? Why? How?
Hold on hold tight,
Make it through another night,
And everyday there comes a song
With the dawn
Bella sniffled to realize that she was crying, the afghan damp with salty tears. She blinked a few times, a new idea coming to her.
I'm feeling. For what? She desperately tried to work it out. I know now that Alice and I can never be together. We're too dangerous for each other. Back at the hotel I realized what a huge mistake I'd made, and what it meant. But now... She inhaled deeply, scared of what she was discovering. There's no way that I could fall in love with someone without having a really good reason. The certainty of what she'd felt back at the hotel was beginning to shed itself from her, feeling like a lifting layer of ash.
We were in love. It was real.
And I ended it... on a whim?
The doubts she'd had were beginning to seem utterly ridiculous. The Cullens had never hurt anyone. Why did she think they would now? Alice had made a small error on their shopping trip, but was that really enough to cut away everything?
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes,
I'm not letting go,
You hold the other line
Suddenly a great weight was upon her, half of it guilt, the other half simply from being away from Alice. How stupid she'd been! Her hands balled into fists, clutching the blanket furiously. What if Alice wouldn't want her back now? She could have completely ruined everything past repair over one, stupid, whim. Maybe things really were over now and she would never see that angelic face again. Would never be held, not the way Alice had held her.
Cause there is a light, in
your eyes, in your eyes.
There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes
Bella tried to concentrate but her mind was reeling. She had to make things right. She had to tell Alice that all of this was just a big misunderstanding, that she needed her too.
Breathe in, and breathe out
Breathe in, and breathe out
--
I stood just outside her house, trying to figure out just what I would say to her. I wasn't ready for another rejection, though I knew it was very probable, yet still worth the attempt. If I didn't at least try then what respect could I possibly keep for myself? I stripped a few limbs off a tree in agitation, scared of what I could not see.
Breathe in, and breathe out
Breathe in, and breathe out
I wiped my bark covered hands on my skirt, not even caring if I hurt the fabric. I leaped on the side of the house, holding tight to some siding just below her window. I could do this... couldn't I? Didn't matter. I could see clearly that if I backed down now I would regret it the rest of eternity. Reaching a hand towards the window frame, I took a steadying breath, feeling like I was dangling from a volcano, my body swinging over a great pool of magma. Suddenly, before my quickly moving hand could even reach the window, it flung open, almost knocking me off balance, which was quite something for me. I felt hands grab hold of my torso, pulling me upwards even before I could blink. Her scent hit me like a brick of platinum.
"Alice!" she sounded worried, setting me hurriedly against the side of her bed. Her arms were still wrapped around my waist and I could smell her tears, could hear the tremor in her voice. Besides that she was exactly the same. And why wouldn't she be? I'd only seen her a few hours ago, though really it seemed like months. I ran a hand through her silky, but ruffled, hair, not caring if she didn't want me to.
"I saw my future, Bella. The endless cesspool spent without you beside me." she was looking back seriously into my eyes. Good. She needed to know I was at the end of my rope. "Surely you can't expect me to go through something so cruel quietly."
More silvery tears cleansed her hazel eyes, making them shine in the moonlight, making me shiver at their familiar beauty. Then she did something so befuddling, I didn't know how to even begin to react. Her hand entwined with mine, her face moving close so our lips were less than an inch from mashing together.
"I've been so blind, Alice... I've-I... made a horrible mistake...I-" she turned her head, a sob blooming into the dark air, her hand squeezing mine. "I don't know what came over me... I just-"
"Bella, look at me."
She did.
Her heart was racing.
"What you said-were about to say-back in the hotel-"
"I don't know what that was... Alice, I-"
I stiffened as I heard her next words in my mind.
"You already know what I am going to say." She spoke in a whisper.
"Say it anyway," I urged, repeating her words from that night on the roof.
"I still love you."
We caught each others lips, leaning into the kiss as both our bodies relaxed. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I drew her body closer to mine, breathing in her sweet scent without relent. I could almost feel the Italian air against my skin again, could almost smell the metal of the building. It was so easy to imagine those protective statues surrounding us.
Look left look right,
To the moon in the night.
And everything under the stars is in your arms...
"And now?" she asked after a few surreal moments.
"Now..." My voice trailed off as I stared at our entwined hands, perfect in every way but one. "We just be... until it's time."
She eyed me suspiciously, but full of that longing I knew so well.
I nodded once, giving her a reassuring smile. She returned the gesture and curled into my lap, kissing my cheek in an adorable way, her eyes looking up at me innocently.
"But first," I pretended to sound disciplining, wagging a finger at her. "You're going to tell me exactly what was running through that thick head of yours!" I rumpled her hair, making her giggle. It was good to have her back.
A/N: You really think I'd leave you hanging like that? Leave Alice hanging like that? Surely you know better. I was going to wait another chapter before getting them back together but then realized I couldn't leave myself hanging like that. :) Hope you liked it... and that it made sense. I was afraid that the song being chopped up like that would be weird? Let me know. Song is Breath in Breath out by Mat Kearny. /watch?vlkzqRwACKzQ
Many thanks, and I always love to hear your opinions so please review.