Hey guys, thank you guys for your reviews, 2 of you mentioned it wasn't Maura's type to cut herself. I totally agree, she's the type of person who wouldn't eat or sleep, but this is fiction and I write what ever my mind is telling me to write!

Thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 10 :

Trust.

Being in Jane's arm Maura felt home for the first time in 4 years. She remembered the day she decided to leave. She woke up that morning very early and watched Jane sleep for two hours before she woke up. She then waited for Jane to go to work before packing her things and drive to the airport. For 4 years the memory of Jane's gorgeous face when she was asleep kept her alive. She would just lay in bed, in the dark, close her eyes and imagine Jane's hands on her, her breath on her face. At first it hurt to think about Jane, but imagining that she was next to her in bed quickly became the only way she could fall asleep. Sometimes she even let herself hope that Jane was also thinking about her at the same time and on some rare occasions she could even hear Jane whisper "Good night my love."

Right now Maura wasn't dreaming, Jane was really holding her tight, stroking her hair with her fingers trying to calm her down. She had been dreaming about this moment for 4 years, being able to touch Jane, to feel her fingers on her skin, to smell her perfume . She could barely believe they were finally reunited and that for the first time since she came back Jane was actually kind and comforting.

"I'm sorry." Maura sobbed as she rolled on her left side to face Jane.

"Don't apologize, you needed to let it go and I'm glad you did. I'm sorry I was so selfish, I should have known that things were hard for you too."

"How could you have known?I left without looking back and I did everything I could to keep you for finding me. You had everything reason to think that I was a heartless person."

"I thought I knew you so well, that's why I was so surprised and hurt. After a while I just surrounded to the fact that I didn't know you after all. It was easier for me then torturing myself trying to find out why you left. Do you feel ready to share the real reason with me?" Jane asked knowing that the reasons Maura gave her weren't the entire truth.

"I already told you." Maura mumbled embarrassed.

"I know but I'm not satisfied with your justifications. I understand that you didn't want to bother me with the burden of raising Janie, but I doubt it was a valuable reason for you to leave, not after everything we've been through together. If you want me to try to forgive you, I need you to tell me the real reason, please." Jane said with a much quieter voice.

"I...I...you're right I had other reasons but you're not going to like them..."

"You can't hurt me more then you already did. "

"I just...I just didn't trust you. I mean, when we were friends I knew I could ask you anything, that you would never fail me. I knew you would have given your life for me in a heart beat. Unfortunately dating you brought my abandonment issues to the surface and it got worse when I found out I was pregnant."

"Why were you scared of?"

"I was scared that you would leave me or stop loving me and at first it was okay, I fought it and your devotion helped me a lot. Unfortunately after I found out that I got pregnant my fears of seeing you leave me got became overwhelming and I couldn't take the risk, not with a child on the way."

"I don't understand why you trusted me when we were friends but that you got scared that I might leave you when we started dating. I was still the same trustful person..."

"I don't know, I thought that the commitment would be to hard for you to handle, that I would be to hard to handle. I'm realistic Jane I know I'm not easy to live with and satisfy."

"That was already the case when we were best friends but I never failed you. If I finally opened up to you about my feelings after so many years of denying them it was because I was finally confident that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wouldn't have talked to you about my feelings and asked you out if I had any doubts. I respect you to much to take things lightly."

"I know...I just feel that people always abandon me, you know."

"Do you mean your biological parents?"

"Yes, and also my adoptive mother. She adopted me but barely raised me you know. When I was little I wanted to be with her all the time but she barely have time to spend with me. A mother is supposed to love and support her child unconditionally right?"

"Yes..."

"So if the two women who were supposed to take care of me most abandoned me, how am I supposed to trust anyone? I tried to trust you but being pregnant changed everything."

"I understand. Having a child changes everything. You have to think of her first and me leaving you would have been devastating for Janie. Do you trust me now?"

"I do, I know that you spent almost 4 years trying to find me, that you never gave up. You're the only person who I can completely trust to never giving up on me. I was so stupid, I should have realized it before, please you need to forgive me." Maura begged looking straight into Jane's eyes hoping she would feel the sincerity of her words.

"I want to Maura, I really do, I can't live with that bitterness anymore, It's too hard. I really need to get rid of the anger and move on to a much peaceful place."

"Will there be room for me?"

"I don't know. I mean... I still have feelings for you. Strangely you would think that hating you that much would make me stop loving you but it didn't. I Understand why you left has always been what I wanted. Now that I know I can stop being mad at you, but trusting you again that's another story and I would rather be very careful."

"I understand, you're scared that I might hurt you again..."

"That and I don't want to break Janie's heart. I mean it's pretty clear that she wants us to get back together, that she wants us to be a family. I don't want to try and ending up breaking her heart if we failed you know."

"I know, I don't want to gets her hopes up either."

"Exactly. She's a child and I'm scared that if she sees us become closer she's going to imagine things and be disappointed later. I know that we need time if we want to rebuild our relationship you know and I don't want to feel pressured you know..."

"I know and I share your point. I could talk to her and make sure that she knows that it's not because we're back in Boston and because we spend more time together that we are going to be a family."

"Okay and if she asks me if it's because I don't want to be her mommy I will tell her that you and that we need time to work on our issues but that it doesn't mean it is going to work but that if it doesn't I will still love her very much."

"I think that sounds reasonable. I know I have trusts and abandonment issues to work on but with your help I know I can overcome them, if you think I'm worth the trouble of course."

"Of course you're worth it. How about we take our time and see where things lead us?"

"Alright, but I really want to do something for you to thank you for protecting us, do you think your mother could keep Janie overnight?"

"I'm not sure she will agree to give her back in the morning, but yeah I'm sure she'll be delighted, but don't you think Janie will be uncomfortable staying away from you overnight?"

"I don't think so, she really seems to like your mother and she had sleep overs at my parents before, so I'm sure it won't be a problem."

"Alright then, I'll call her, but wait a minute. Why do you need her to stay at my mother's tonight?What exactly do you have in mind to thank me?" Jane asked a bit scared. She knew that Maura was very straight forward and never hesitated to show what she wanted and ask for it.

"Don't worry nothing you can't handle and nothing inappropriate either. I was just thinking that I could cook you dinner tonight and that we could spend the evening together. I really think we need to spend some time alone. If it doesn't make you feel too uncomfortable of course."

"No, we both agreed that we needed to take things slow so I know nothing inappropriate will happen, I trust you." Jane smiled gently stroking Maura's face with her thumb.

She knew that Maura always had issues to express herself and talk about her feelings and was very proud that she finally confined into her.

After having this open heart conversation with Maura Jane finally started to feel a bit better. She obviously knew that the road towards forgiveness and trust will be long but she knew the the dialogue was opened and that Maura was willing to be honest with her. She also realized how hurt Maura had been during those 4 years and as cruel as it sounded, knowing she wasn't the only one being miserable made her feel better. As she was looking straight into Maura's eyes Jane started to feel that the anger and resentment was slowly disappearing from her heart to make space for hope...

Right after agreeing to have diner with Maura Jane started to feel anxious. She made it clear to Maura that she needed time and to take things slow so she knew she wouldn't try to make her move on her but she was scared of feeling uncomfortable. She knew that what they needed was to take things casually and she knew that Maura would do everything to make things easy and comfortable for her. Unfortunately Jane didn't know if she would be able to just have casual talk around diner with her. She was hoping that the fact that they talked and started to sort things out and that she felt less angry would help with her discomfort, but knew that it would take time for her to be able to enjoy a meal with Maura the way she used to.

So guys, what do you think?I know lots of dialogues...I know I usually insert a little POV here and there, but they really needed to talk...

Is this story getting boring?Do you want more?Does it sounds realistic?Please tell me.

Next chapter will be there "date"