**Hopefully this is the last Snow P.O.V. Chapter I write for this story because the end is near I can feel it. :) **

Chapter 10

I stood on her porch and asked her, no, begged her to kill me and she practically laughed in my face. I was giving her the thing she had always wanted, the chance to end Snow White once and for all, but she wouldn't take it.

I went there for one reason. I wanted this all to end. I wanted to stop hurting my family. I didn't want them worrying about me anymore. I didn't want them to continue to waste their time trying to reach me. I was done but Regina had other plans.

She did threaten me and I had begun to feel hopeful that in one swift movement she would crush my heart as she held it in her hands but then the look on her face changed and the delight in her voice when she found that my heart had been stained with a blackness left me in more pain than before.

I tried to egg her on, to manipulate her like I had done before. I tried desperately to entice her with that chance to crush it to end my life but she saw right through that.

"… and put you out of your misery?" She questioned. I was naïve to think I could manipulate her again especially without any leverage to argue with.

I completely forgot who I was dealing with here, someone so evil, someone so adept at darkness. Why would she do this when it was exactly what I wanted? I was foolish to think otherwise.

I stayed there on her porch hoping my mere presence would make her angry enough to get her to change her mind but she did not come back out so I made my way back to the apartment.

It felt like I was gone for hours but then I've been so completely caught up in my own world here that minutes seem so long. As I walk in to the apartment building I see Emma down the hall just stepping in to our place. I don't feel like a confrontation right now so I take all but two seconds to form the idea in my head to get to that bed as quickly possible.

I pass Emma up and in my peripheral vision I see David standing in the living room. My plan is now effectively changed and I detour to the bathroom. They don't say anything to me which means I have caught them off guard but again I don't have the strength to argue right now so I shut myself in hoping that after a moment they will get the hint and leave.

I stare in the mirror and try not to cry but I can't help the way I feel right now. I had been so relieved when Regina opened her front door. I had been so sure that she would strike me down and this would all be over. Now I have to deal with this mess and I don't think I can. I can't go on like this. I'm stained with darkness now. Regina said that once you blacken your heart it only grows darker. I can't… I can't undo what I have done. I can't come back from this.

I hear Emma's voice but I cannot make out what she is saying. I am guessing they are waiting for me to come out, probably debating on whether or not to confront me. I truly hope they do not make the effort.

I listen still and hear the front door shut. It's quiet but I stay put a few more seconds to be certain that no one is out there. I hear nothing so I open the bathroom door.

I can't help but cringe slightly at the sight of Emma standing in the living room. Her back is to me so she can't see my expression which is good because my goal is the bed.

I know she hears me coming but she isn't making a move to turn around. I'm starting to feel confident then that she is just going to let me alone simply because I have been pushing her away so well already. I pass her up and walk in to my bedroom but then what she says stops me just short of my destination.

"You think you can just walk back in here like nothing has happened?" It's hard not to miss the venom in that statement. "I'm not going to ask you where you went but I'm not going to ignore the fact that you left this apartment without telling anyone either." It's a bit silly of her to think she can talk to me like I am a child but still I make no effort to indulge her.

"I don't know what is running through your mind right now and that's mostly because you aren't speaking to me so I just have to assume here that you are feeling… I don't know… helpless… but whatever you are feeling, regardless of how it might suck right now, you can't just do whatever the hell you want and expect us not to worry!" Yet again I am hurting the ones that I love and this time without even trying. Who knew this darkness could overtake me so quickly. I'll simply lie back down in the bed and she'll leave me alone I'm certain of it.

"Right… lie down in bed as if nothing happened! Go ahead! You just go on back to bed and pretend that nothing here matters alright? Just leave me standing here talking to myself. I'm fine with that but you know you can't go on like this forever!" She is yelling and quite ferociously at that. I feel a throbbing in my throat at the anger she is throwing my way.

I hear her make her way closer and I have to shut my eyes. I'm afraid of her right now. I'm afraid that she is about to break me in a way that I cannot handle and she proves me right.

"You think that the best course of action is not having one at all? Well it's not. I don't know what you want. I don't know what you need but I know I need you. We all do. So when you're done feeling sorry for yourself let me know okay? I am sick of the silent treatment. I expect it from Henry but I can't take it anymore… not coming from you." She struggles to say that last part and rightfully so. After all this pushing, after all this silence, I have finally wounded her deeply enough. It's gone too far but it's too late now and so as I hear her make her way up the stairs I do not even attempt to hold in my sobs, crying now with the guilt of finally having effectively pushed my own daughter away.

Regina said that I had darkened myself and that I would bring down my family. I have a feeling she may have been right…