Hey! So, I had some free time so I thought I would work on my story! Hope you guys like it so far! Anyway, I don't own Kingdom Hearts! But, I do own this storyline which I do plan to use if I ever want to write a book (I will just change the characters names!).
I couldn't even speak as I took in Demyx's sweet scent. He was perfect and he knew it but he still tried to comfort me. He didn't turn away from me or yell; he just stayed tried to help. I know this yet I am afraid to accept his help. I don't want this all to be fake, I should know better than to let Demyx hold me. This could all just be a dream and when I wake up I will be back with my father and mother. They will be mad that I have been out for so long. I am sure when I awaken I will have to get back to work.
"Zexion… This isn't a dream. You should talk to me instead of keeping it all inside." Demyx says as if he can read my thoughts.
"I'm… I'm sorry," I say, I don't know what I am apologizing for but I am sure it will help. It always helped before, more or less.
"There is nothing to be sorry for," Demyx says, tightening the hug. He was so kind, he put up with me and didn't seem to want anything in return. He never seemed to want to hurt me, only wanted to hold me but I knew I would ruin him. I am not good enough for Demyx, why couldn't he accept this? I learned how to but he still tried to help me. I don't even want help; I am not some animal that couldn't handle its emotions. I know what I am and what I deserve but still Demyx thought I deserved better. Why couldn't he see that he was wrong?
Demyx slowly unraveled his arms around me but I still stay where I was. I don't feel like I can make my legs move, I don't feel like I can even say another word. Demyx gently took me to my room somehow my legs seemed to work, going down the hall and up the stairs. He took me to my bed and sat me down as I went over the day's events.
X_x_X_x_X_x_X_x
Demyx left me alone in my room and after a few hours without him I realize how lonely I am. How bad it hurts, before I thought I was numb but apparently I can still feel pain. I can't stand it; I liked it better when I couldn't feel anything.
I reach under my bed and pull out my knife and not even bother with cutting my thighs, I go to my arms. I removed my sleeves and begin to sink my knife into my arm but it doesn't seem to want to cut. It won't cure me from this pain, it wants me to suffer. Not even my only friend wants me to be in a good place. It wants me to die even more inside. I have to press hard, fighting back tears. I don't want to do this. Why can't I stop myself though? I thought I could at least control this but I was wrong. I can't even stop myself from cutting.
Even after I cut I don't feel any better. In fact, I feel worse for once. My arms hurt and so does my heart. Why do I have to be such a freak? Why can't I feel any better? Why am I crying? Most of all, why does it hurt so much this time?
Before I could cut and it felt better but now I am only feeling worse. Am I doomed to suffer? I have to hold my sides as I try to make myself stop these damn tears. My breathing is unsteady and I can't even see anything past theses tears. They are making my eyes sting, I can't seem to make them stop. I am such a fucking pussy. Why? I use to have it all figured out and now there is doubt.
My blood is dripping to the side a bit and I am lying on my side. I just watch it slide to the side of my arms and my tears are stopping. My eyes sting even worse when the tears stop and my pillow is a bit wet. Why did I have to cry so much?
My door slowly opens and out comes Demyx. I knew it would be him. He is the only one that forgets to knock on the door. "Hey, it's time for dinner," Demyx says, gently and comes closer to me. I don't move, not because I am trying to be difficult but because I can't. I feel like something is forcing me down and won't let me get up.
Demyx is next to me now and looking at my arm, he doesn't look happy like he usually does but sad. "What happened," He asks, studying every single cut. As hard as I try I can't talk, god I probably look so desperate right now. "I told you if you needed to talk we could. This was what I didn't want you to do," Demyx says, helping me sit up but I won't look at him. I am too ashamed of myself to look at him and I don't want to look at myself either.
"Zexion, please talk to me. I don't want you to keep hurting yourself. I promise if you talk you will feel better, most people usually do," Demyx pressed, I could tell he wanted me to talk. I wanted to say something but I couldn't, it was like I lost my voice. I try to say something but my mouth won't work. I want to tell Demyx everything but I don't know what is wrong. Demyx sighs and carefully pulls me into his arms as we sit together on my bed for a few minutes in silence. "You don't have to tell me now but at least don't hurt yourself," He said, lightly.
I want to thank Demyx for everything he has done for me but I can't. All I can do is sit here and listen to him try to make me feel better. Why can't I talk? What is wrong with me? This can't be normal. "C'mon, it is time to eat," Demyx says, moving away from me but I don't want him to move. I want him to stay with me like we were, forever.
"C'mon, aren't you hungry," Demyx asks and looks at me with those soft eyes of his. I somehow manage to move and go into the dining room. There is really no point though, I don't want to eat.
The whole room is silent as me and Demyx come in together. Everyone is staring at me and I can't help but feel worse about myself than I have in a while. Is this what my life is about? Just to feel bad about myself and have to deal with everyone else judgment, I don't want this anymore. I want to be happy, if that is even possible.
It was short but I think it was better than most of my chapters considering everything. This was my birthday present to myself. See ya'.