Author's Note: I apologize for the sporadic updates! I didn't have much motivation to continue writing Shrimp Chili but reading your kind reviews has spurred me to continue writing this fanfic! (cheesy much) I suck big time and I apologize from the bottom of my heart :( I intend to finish this fic by the end of the year so I'll be putting loads of effort into it from now on! No more slacking off! Thank you guys so much for sticking with me :D
I awoke to a splitting headache and the chilly blast of autumn air. Groaning, I clutched my head tightly. That did little to alleviate the pain. Despite Hana's insistent promises, her magical cough syrup was not making my cold any better. In fact, I was willing to bet my prized Silkie chickens that my cold was indeed, getting worse. I probably deserved it anyway, after what I did to Rio.
My body seemed to have lost the ability to move, as though my limbs were cast in cement. I lay in bed, as still as a statue and let myself drown in my own thoughts.
Images from yesterday replayed on a constant loop-Rio's smile melting into tears, the paralysing flash of lightning, the ring being swallowed by the raging water and the stony silence that followed.
Neil you fucking idiot!
Why had I rejected her? That was just folly. She was perfect-sweet, beautiful and kind, characteristics that were rarer than a pink diamond and more valuable still. She's everything you ever wanted Neil. I had bought that ring for Rio, half expecting her to laugh or throw it back at me or…
I didn't want her to accept it. She shouldn't be with someone like me. But she haunted my dreams every single night and I knew I had to put an end to it. I thought that if I tried and I failed, I would be able to dismiss Rio as a passing fantasy and finally move on with my life. Truthfully, I liked Rio a lot, maybe even loved her. But then again, I don't believe in love.
Love is just a game for children, to fill their heads with silly thoughts and empty promises and they'll grow up to realise that it doesn't exist. Nobody ever loved me. Not my father, not my teachers, not the other kids in school. Maybe my mother loved me, but I can't remember much of her now. Heck, I don't even love me. Why should Rio?
Before Rio, I was contend being lonely. In fact, solitude was my respite. I felt safe knowing that nobody would ever know my deepest, most private thoughts. Nobody would ever have that leverage against me.
The red-hot knowledge that she reciprocated those feelings for me had been too hard to handle. It all sounds so silly in my head now. "If you both like each other, what's wrong?" Rod's comforting voice echoed in my mind. After my wits had returned to me that horrible afternoon in the rain, I had gone to Rod. He took one look at me and returned with a mug of hot tea and a change of clothes. That evening, he listened patiently as I rambled on and on about Rio. I was good to have a listening ear, but that talk with Rod only made certain hard truths plain to see.
Besides she had Allen who was a far better match for her anyway. Allen was handsome and charming and gallant and brave-her Prince Charming straight out of a fairytale. Rio would have her happy-ever-after…
But the thought of Allen and Rio together twisted my stomach into knots. Let it go Neil, it's not meant to be. I collapsed back onto the bed. All I wanted was to lie here for all eternity where I didn't have to deal with anything anymore. I was done with emotions. Good grief to them! The world had bred me to be a heartless bastard and I was stupid to have believed that I could be anybody else.
Love is for fools.
My head pounded. My body felt weak, like a deflated punching bag. Beads of sweat pooled at my brow. No doubt I was running a fever.
I kicked off the sheets. This day could not get any worse.
Mercifully, the clinic was not far from my house. Klaus took one look at me and shook his head disdainfully.
"You're a grown man Neil. At least have the responsibility to take better care of your health," he intoned, glasses sliding down his hooked, aquiline nose.
"Yeah yeah, spare me the nagging Klaus. You're a doctor, not my mum," I snorted. I was not fond of Klaus, and he reciprocrated that sentiment towards me. His words were always laced with contempt, as though everyone else was beneath him. I had overheard him telling Dunhill that I was 'an uncouth and foul youth, the scum of today's society'.
Not that I cared what anyone thought of me.
Klaus handed me the prescription with a derisive sneer. "Good riddance," he mumbled under his breath, not intending for me to hear.
"Good riddance to you too, doctor," I growled, snatching up the medicine.
I near knocked into Soseki on the way out. He stumbled back in surprise, clutching his back. No doubt he had some debilitating phantom ache for Klaus to settle today.
"Neil! You look terribly under the weather. The weather has been absolutely dreadful as of late," he lamented. "My bones are old and I get such terrible pains in my joints!"
"Goodbye Soseki." I was not in the mood to deal with the hyperchondriac's bullshit today.
The air was frightfully cold. The wind howled, whipping its icy fingers through my hair. Normally the cold didn't bother me much, I liked how it cleared my mind. But today it rattled at my bones. I cursed my body for how weak it had become.
I wondered if Rio was well. She never had a strong immune system. I hoped she at least had the good sense to take a hot bath after getting caught in that rain.
Something had overcome me on that day. After Rio had taken off, I stood rooted to the spot beside the Goddess Spring, long after the ring had been swallowed up. I stood there blankly in the aftermath of that storm for what seemed like hours and hours. Perhaps I hoped the rain would wash always all the feelings of guilt and self-loathing I harboured in my heart.
Rio…The thought of her sent a sharp pain through my stomach. No no no, I had to clear my head from all thoughts of her. From now on, we would be nothing more than two strangers with some memories between us.
"Allen! Stop doing that! It's ticklish oooh!" came a painfully familiar voice.
My blood froze.
It was Rio and his arm was wrapped lovingly around her. She giggled and squirmed and tried to free herself from his grip, the diamond ring on her finger flashing in the sunlight. Allen refused to relent and continued assaulting her with tickles. They burst out laughing. Rio looked so….happy. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes sparkled. She's in love! I thought in despair.
Her sweet laughter poisoned my ears. And my head swelled and my vision swirled until I could see was Rio laughing. Rio laughing in Allen's arms. Rio and Allen kissing. Rio and Allen in love. Rio in love with Allen and not with me…
Rio loved Allen and he obviously loved her back and she had obviously forgotten about me and the pair of them looked so disgustingly perfect together it made me sick to watch. So I retched on the sidewalk.
My entire world felt like it was collapsing on itself. Something within me felt as though it had been irrevocably broken. Was this what heartbreak felt like?
"Oh my god Neil are you alright?"
No Rio, my heart feels like it's shattering into a million pieces.
The universe swirled. The air felt like it was being ripped from my lungs.
"Allen call the doctor!"
Mercifully, everything went black.