Lamia's Recovery Blog
Hey guys! Good news- I'm finally getting my neck-brace off! I've been trying to take things as they come, and look at things optimistically. And, to be honest, I feel great. I mean, emotionally of course, but even my physical pain has nearly stopped. It feels great to be able to move my head now. I'm still scared of screwing my neck up if I turn my head too far, so I've been taking it easy. I'll admit I was more than a little bummed when the doctor said that I'll probably never walk unassisted again, but nowadays everything is handicap accessible, and I'll never have to carry my own books around at school ever again. Physical therapy is going great. I've gained complete mobility in my hands and arms. I'll almost miss not having to write my own notes in class. Luckily for me the injury was below the thoracic vertebra, meaning that everything in my upper body will eventually work normally. So, I'm not a quadriplegic. Through group therapy sessions I've actually managed to connect with some very awesome (handy-capable) paraplegics like myself. I'd like to thank Jimmy Valmer for showing me that the handicapped can be capable. Jimmy is a really awesome guy. He's probably the funniest person I know. And, if you are reading this right now, Jimmy, I'd like to to know that you are the biggest inspiration. If it hadn't been for you (and all of my other wonderful supportive friends) I don't think I would have had the strength to go on. Now, I am grateful for my handicap, because without it I might have never met you.
One of the most common questions I get asked is "what did it feel like" with regard to the accident. The truth is, my memories of the accident are sort of foggy. I don't remember seeing the car that hit me. But, I do have some vague recollection of being on the curb. I was unconscious for several hours, and due to the head trauma I have had a seizure problem ever since. Because of the seizures they kept me in the hospital even after I'd left the trauma facility. Rehab has been long and difficult, but in the end it is worth it. I still have sensation in the lower extremities, and this is a good sign. Aside from being unable to walk unassisted, I am completely healthy. If anything, I am more in shape now than I was before the accident, thanks to tons of physical therapy. Another question I have been asked a couple times is what surprised me most after the accident. Well, aside from finding out that I was paraplegic, it was the psych evaluation they gave me before the doctors agreed to release me. They kept asking if I was suicidal, and I was honestly offended. I was just glad to be alive, and here they were asking me these things as if I had more to be upset about than grateful for. But, their hearts were in the right place. It saddens me that so many paraplegics would resort to this way out, when there is so much left to live for. If anything, the struggle has given me more of a purpose in life.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine today, who for privacy purposes I will call "Emily" here. Emily is fifteen years old and six months pregnant. She isn't ready to be a mother, but she was having trouble with the thought of putting the baby up for adoption. She was concerned about whether or not adoptive parents can love their adoptive babies as much as their biological kids. She was surprised to learn that I am an adopted child myself. Yep! That's right! And, my adoptive parents have driven me to physical therapy every day since I got out of the hospital, stayed with me while I was in the hospital even with a business to run. My adoptive brother turned the town upside-down searching for me when I didn't come home the night of the accident, and has traded me for his bedroom since it is down stairs and therefore more accessible than my old bedroom, plus it has a bathroom of its own. He wasn't even asked to do this, he just offered it to me out of the blue after watching me struggle my way upstairs. He moved everything from our rooms to make the switch without my help (though I did get to tell him where to put things, and felt like a queen). While I was in the hospital my brother visited me every day, to keep me up-to-date on the goings on about the town, knowing I wouldn't want to miss anything. Basically, I have the most loving and caring family in town. My brother is my parents' biological son, and I was a later adoption (I was two when they adopted me). They've always treated me like their little princess and I couldn't hope for a better family. My birth mother was a teenager, still a kid herself, who wasn't ready to take care of a kid of her own. She held half-way held on to me for the first few months of my life, while I bounced from the care of one unwilling relative to another. My birth mother had to drop out of school because of me and for this reason could never find a paying job. She resorted to drug use, and I was taken out of her custody when I was a year old. I don't have any hard feelings for my birth mother. Sometimes I do wonder what she is doing now, where she might be, and whether she has started a family on her own watch. But, having my loving family has made up for any of her mistakes. The best thing she could have done was give me away to be loved and cared for by a family that was ready and willing.
Emily's dad left her mom when she was quite young, and she faced abuse at the hands of her stepfather. So, it is no surprise to me that she is having some trouble trusting non-biological parents. Believe it or not, not all adopted kids end up with abandonment issues. In my case, if anything, I wish my birth mother had given me up sooner so I could have been a part of my family from the very start. Family doesn't need to be blood related to share strong bonds. But, yeah. It was a really emotional talk we had, and by the end we had both used about a million tissues. We looked kind of hilarious, me in a wheelchair unable to move, and then Emily sitting there unable to move because of her big belly. We ended up cracking up. It was one of those cathartic moments that you are lucky to get a couple of times in your life. I think we've really bonded. I'm sorry I haven't been blogging in a couple of weeks, but I've been really busy with High School registration stuff and summer reading. Oh god. Speaking of which, Charles Dickens. If he was alive I would kill him. That wraps up my post! Thanks for all of your comments and support, guys, you've been a great help!
Love, Lamiii