10. Normal
They were waiting for coffee.
"So your therapist let you off the hook?"
"I told her I was spending the day with you."
"And she thought that was a good excuse?"
"She thinks you're good for me."
"Obviously she's a very intelligent woman."
"Obviously" she said grinning.
"One grande latte for you sir, and one grande peppermint latte for your wife."
His wife.
Olivia laughed nervously.
She was no one's wife, never had been.
Why would anyone assume?
Neither corrected the Barista, as Elliot only said thank you as he picked up both cups of coffee, handing one to Olivia.
She took her first sip, the smell and taste of peppermint dissolving her nerves.
"You ready?"
She looked up at Elliot, who she caught watching her once again.
She locked her arm with his, snuggling her body against him.
She had found a place where she fit just right.
Today the sun was shining bright on to the outside world.
It shown as if to give warning this was one of the last few days of fall before it would be too cold.
Too cold to spend a leisurely, normal day with her in Central Park.
"You warm enough?" he asked as they turned down another path.
"Yeah, the sun feels good."
Feeling felt good.
"Lets sit for while?" She said motioning to the park bench.
They sat, still sipping their coffee, watching people as they passed by.
People hand in hand, runners, cell phones, bicycles.
"I like this" she said taking another sip, "being here with you."
Elliot intertwined his fingers with hers.
The world would see.
The world would see he was there with her, touching her, seemingly in love with her.
The squealing laughter of two little girls caught their attention.
Both Olivia and Elliot smiled at their giggles as the younger little girl tried to out run the older one.
"Girls! Slow down! Don't run too far from mommy!"
Elliot watched as Olivia's expression changed.
His heart sank.
"You wanna walk?"
"No, no I'm fine here… if you are."
Her expression hadn't changed.
"Liv?"
She let out a deep breath.
"I can be around kids El."
He shook his head ok.
At that moment he hated he could read her that way.
"Is that how it was with Maureen and Kathleen?"
"Trying to one up each other?"
"And laughing the whole time?"
"Yeah and it was cute until about the age of 10 when they really started to knock the crap out of each other."
Olivia made a breathy laugh, amused.
Silence.
"You know you can try again."
Olivia swallowed hard and then shook her head no.
"You want to have a baby."
"It wasn't meant to be."
"Liv, women have miscarriages and then have healthy pregnancies all the time."
"El why are we talking about this?"
"Because you're thinking about it, and didn't we agree to talk about things instead of you letting them build up inside?"
"Yeah El I'm thinking about it right now… I'm thinking about who can I get to knock me up!"
"I would."
Olivia about jumped from beside him on the bench.
"What!"
"I just… if you want to get pregnant…"
"What? What are you saying, I can use your super sperm? Do I need to remind you that you have 5 kids, and Elliot it's a baby, it's not even like giving me a kidney!"
"I told you I would give you that too."
"You've lost your mind."
"No I've just come to my senses," he said calmly.
"You're kidding me right?"
"No… I would do anything to make you happy."
"I, I… Elliot. Jesus Christ!"
The palm of her hand was pressed to her forehead.
"I didn't mean to freak you out."
"I am totally freaked out."
"I'm sorry."
"What made you say that? How, when did you come to the conclusion you would be willing to give me a baby?"
She thought the conversation was laughable, ridiculous.
He had clearly lost his mind.
"In the elevator" he said, lowering his eyes to the ground as if he felt guilty.
"What? What elevator?"
"That afternoon when you told me you had been turned down for adoption."
Forever ago.
They had turned her down what felt like forever ago.
Though she hadn't forgotten either.
"God Elliot you were married. You have 5 kids… and you were thinking about helping me get pregnant?"
"I just, I know it sounds crazy and I know… I've just always wanted you to be happy and maybe deep down I've always wanted to be the one to make you happy. And knowing you wanted a baby, I just…"
He stopped.
His admission.
Honesty.
A lump in her throat.
Her heart racing.
She thinks maybe she could throw up.
Why does he have this affect on her?
"I think we should stop being so honest."
Their coffee cups empty, their heads filled with admissions.
Silence
"Fuck Elliot! Why do you do that? Why do you say things to me like that?"
"I'm telling you the truth."
"You shouldn't tell me those kind of truths?"
"Yes Olivia I should! That's what you do when you're in a real relationship."
"What?"
"What do you mean what?"
"We're in a relationship?"
"Olivia Benson I'm not fucking around with you!"
"Clearly, because I won't let you."
He stopped to smile.
"Quit being a smart ass, this is serious!"
He even tried not to laugh.
She shook her head, dazed.
"I'm sitting on this bench with you, I'm drinking my latte, I'm thinking about buying glasses at Crate and Barrel and you're telling me we're in a relationship and that you would get me pregnant! I am clearly not the one who has lost their mind!"
"Are you panicking?"
"And now you're not being serious!"
"Liv…"
"We are so fucking complicated."
"We always have been."
"And you thinking about getting me pregnant, shit Elliot when did you conjure this up, while you were sitting across from me in the squad room?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my God."
Elliot stretched his arms around her shoulders, pulling her in to him.
Maybe to comfort her.
Maybe so she wouldn't run.
"Look" he said seriously, "I've told you, and now you know my thoughts on this, you know how I feel about the baby thing. I won't bring it back up ever again. But you can, if you ever want to talk about it again that's what we'll do, talk about it. As crazy or as perfect as it may be."
Crazy
Perfect
Maybe Elliot Stabler was both.
She sat there on the park bench in his arms.
She was stunned, and freaked out, and charmed, and amazed, he had even thought about doing such a thing for her.
For her.
And the baby she had always wanted.
"Crate and Barrel?" He offered, breaking her train of thought.
"Yes please!" she said letting out a bit of laughter.
Elliot laughed as he stood up, taking her hand.
"So I've been thinking about us buying these glasses…"
"Elliot stop talking!"
Next… Ch. 11 - Confessions