It hits me five days before.

The fact that I could die in five days and nobody would even care, because who cares about Elsie, the Norwegian girl who hangs around by herself talking to trolls? That's something I used to do a lot in childhood - I had what my guardians called an 'imaginary friend' which was a troll and I used to talk to it whenever I was sad or had something to take off my chest. This continued into the institution as I became more and more deprived of socialisation, but in the end I was just made fun of. So I stopped. The troll sometimes tries to talk to me, but I just bow my head and ignore it. It breaks my heart. It was the last piece of my childhood, and now it rarely comes around just to see me anymore.

Who would miss the odd girl who always stands alone in the corners, sits by herself and rarely speaks to other people? The anti-social girl with 'issues'. Nobody cares about her. I imagine a few days after my death, the people I used to be friends with, my own siblings would hear my name and think 'doesn't that sound kinda familiar?' Then shrug it off and leave. I'm not a person worth worrying about. Tino and Berwald might miss me, but they have each other. I want to try and keep them as out of the plan as I can. They're here to help me sneak in. Then I will stand alone.

The intial excitement of this mission fades into a feeling of dread and anxiety; the impending doom that awaits if I make a wrong move. Just as I think this, walking down the corridor to cookery class, one of the Russian guards eyes me suspiciously. I try not to make eye contact, duck my head and move on. I can feel their eyes burning at the back of my head before I take a sharp left and release the breath I didn't know I was holding. The guards here are terrifying, especially when they look at you - it gives you an awful sense of paranoia that you've somehow done something wrong, like your uniform is wrong or you're walking funny or someone's shoved a knife into your pocket to frame you for something.

It's happened before. People slipping knives and vials of poison into other people's pockets, then when the guards search them they get executed. Some of the people here have been here so long, made so many enemies and their hearts have turned so cold and merciless that they will go so far to make sure they're the superior ones, the feared.

I'm not feared. I'm not intimidating. I'm just silent.

I wander past two guards having an idle conversation.

"But damn, I could be there right now. I should have taken a day off. I mean, Katyusha is there! Who doesn't want to meet her in person?"

I don't know who Katyusha is, and I'm disinterested. I walk past them and they take no notice of me. It's nice to be ignored sometimes. I don't really crave attention, I haven't since I was a child and stretching out my tiny hands up to the mysterious Canadian, who took my hand and led me home. Since then I've been something in the background. Never the centre of attention, always having my head down. I refuse to let anyone see my vulnerability again. Not since-

Memories of executions and guns and corpses come back to mind, and I scowl with pain, clutching my head and pulling my hair hard to distract me from the thoughts and instead fill my head with pain. It works. I reach cookery class and head inside.

It's as usual. I don't excel in any of these domestic lessons, about cooking and sewing and cleaning and childcare. I'm not the top of the class, but then again, I'm not at the bottom either. I'm on the lower side, though.

But none of that matters if I'm going to be a soldier. All I need is strength, willpower and a crap ton of excuses to not take my shirt off.

It's dinner after cookery, and we eat in the main hall as usual. Tino and Berwald sit with me, only this time we're joined by a new guest. Romanian guy and his brown-haired 'best friend'.

"Greetings, friend," he says to me with a smirk, and I scowl. Tino looks confused and Berwald looked slightly...scary?

"Nice to meet you!" the other guy says. "My name is Milen! I'm Vladimir's best friend!"

So he does have a best friend. And his name is Vladimir.

"Pleasure," I say, half-sarcastically. "I'm Elsie."

"Got a last name?" Milen says with a cheeky grin.

"Since it's you asking, then no."

"Oh, jeez. You really have weird friends, Vlad."

Vladimir laughs. "She's a bit cold. But I have five days to get her to call me her friend or I've failed my mission."

"There's no way in hell I am ever calling you a friend, Vladimir.

He puts on a fake-sad look. "I'm hurt." He turns to Tino and Berwald. "So, do cutie and scary-face have names, too?"

"Eh?!" Tino exclaimed. "O-oh, I'm Tino. This is Berwald. He's from Sweden and I'm from Finland."

"Nice to meet you guys. Oh, Milen's from Bulgaria, by the way."

Milen turns to look at me as if he's expecting something. I give him a cold look in return, but he persists. "Where are you from, Elsie?"

The atmosphere at the table changes. Tino shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

Milen seems to sense it. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!" He takes his last bite of food and stands up. "Race you back to the dorms, Vlad!"

"You're on!" Vladimir responds, and the two run out the room, laughing.

"Well, I'm surprised he has friends," I say as I watch him leave.

"They seem fun. Are you planning on letting them in on the plan?" Tino questions.

"No way. I've already dragged you two into this mess. I don't want to be the cause of anyone else's possible downfall."

"We'll always be here for you, Elsie." Tino stares right at me from across the table. "No matter what, okay? We're friends."

He finishes his food and stands up, leaving, followed by Berwald. I sit still for a few moments, processing the words.

Friends.

How odd. The closest thing I've ever had to a friend is my siblings and guardians, and even then we had our ups and downs. It's such a new feeling to me, and it feels...like I'm finally something again. I'm part of a group. I'm not alone anymore, because I have friends supporting me.

I don't know whether I'm happy because I'm finally needed, or worried because now I have people to live for. And that means I can't be reckless when it comes to joining the army. I have to really be careful.

Because this time, if I screw up, my friends will be in danger. And I don't want the lose the only people I have in life who I can call friends.

Note: HEY LOOK AN EARLY UPDATE! I wrote this on my ipad at 10pm on a school night so sorry if it seems rushed. I actually have some plans for this story now! It involves feels and happiness. I hope you stay tuned cause it's gonna be a long ride :'D