Josh felt himself withdraw a bit after that. He still joined them for dinner later that night, but had spent most of the afternoon out, just walking aimlessly as he attempted to clear his head. Dinner was no more comfortable than lunch had been, for Josh, at least. The twins didn't seem to notice any tension, so Megan was perfectly happy to talk through the entire meal, with occasional input from her brother. Sam and Ainsley, on the other hand, were all too aware that something was wrong with Josh. He felt a little bit bad about that, and he knew he wasn't being a great host, but he needed to get his head on straight if he was to be of any use to anyone in the near future.
He went to bed early that night, retreating to his room almost immediately after they finished eating. He wasn't exactly tired, but he was exhausted, and was sure he wouldn't be much company for anyone anyways. He heard Donna come in a few hours later, presumably once everyone else had settled in for the night. She took her time getting ready, and Josh debated rolling over and letting her know that he was awake, but thought better of it. They had already had this conversation, no sense in starting anything now.
Donna paused before climbing into bed herself, and Josh suspected that she knew he was awake after all, but it seemed she too was willing to let Josh's moodiness go for the night because she didn't reach out to him, except for a light touch on his bare shoulder. A silent signal that she was there.
Josh had hoped that the morning would be different, that he would be woken up by the weight of two six-year-olds jumping on him, but he woke up much the same way he had the previous morning: slowly and alone.
Donna's side of the bed was empty and he could hear voices coming from the kitchen downstairs. He stretched as he sat up and dragged himself to that bathroom for a shower. The hot water didn't leave him feeling as refreshed as he had hoped, so he gave up after only a few minutes and braced himself to face whatever was going on downstairs.
The kitchen was surprisingly empty by the time he got down there, with only Donna standing at the sink cleaning up what appeared to be the remains of a large breakfast. He strode up behind her like she had to him yesterday and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Morning," he murmured, kissing her shoulder.
"Hi sleepyhead," Donna smiled, tilting her head to rest against his momentarily.
"You could have woken me."
"Nah, you're an old man now," Donna teased. "You need your sleep."
"I'm not that old," Josh huffed, but there was no heat behind his protest. "Where is everyone?"
"The twins wanted to show Sam and Ainsley the Christmas lights downtown, so they went for a walk."
"They definitely needed to burn off some energy," Josh commented. "Megan hasn't stopped bouncing in forty-eight hours."
"Megan hasn't stopped bouncing in six years," Donna corrected and Josh smiled against the side of her head. "Are you okay?"
Josh thought for a minute. "I'm better than I was yesterday, I think," he responded. "What are we doing today?"
"Well, I saved you a plate from breakfast if you're hungry," Donna began. "It's in the oven."
"Okay, and when the hell did you have time to go to the store?" Josh interrupted.
"Yesterday, while you were off sulking somewhere."
"I wasn't—"
"I know, I'm kidding. But Ainsley and I went before dinner last night. Oh, and word of advice, never go to the grocery store on December twenty-third, it was like the Hunger Games out there."
"You say that every year," Josh reminded her.
"And one of these years I swear to god I'm getting the groceries a week in advance. Anyways," she returned to his original question. "I don't know that we have much in the way of plans? I'm assuming you still have gifts to wrap."
"I do not, I'll have you know." Donna turned to look at him skeptically. "It's possible I limited most of my shopping to stores that did gift-wrapping for you."
"I'll call it a win," Donna shrugged. "I mean, we'll play it by ear, see what kind of mood the kids are in when they get back. Movie tonight? They'll probably want to watch Elf before they go to bed, then the four of us could watch something after we lay out all the presents."
"Dinner?"
"Josh, how long have we been together?"
"I know, I know, I just wasn't sure if we had time this year!" Josh defended.
"I'm about to get started, actually," Donna replied, turning off the faucet and drying her hands. Josh allowed her to turn and face him but kept his arms around her. "Josh."
"Need any help?" Josh offered, smiling smugly as she gave up her effort to move away from him.
"Eat your breakfast, and I'll let you know," she lightly smacked the side of his face, then kissed where her hand had touched.
"Yes ma'am," Josh agreed, squeezing her tightly one more time and finally releasing her. She opened the oven as she passed on her way to the refrigerator, and Josh took that as a signal for him to grab the plate. Pancakes and turkey sausage greeted him, and Donna slid a bowl of fruit across the counter. She then got to work, pulling well-organized grocery bags from the fridge and setting them on the counter. It was actually quite brilliant how she did it, Josh thought. Whenever Donna went shopping, especially before hosting, she unloaded groceries by keeping all the ingredients for a particular dish in a bag together, so she wouldn't have to go hunting for them later. Or so that she didn't have to trust Josh to read her mind whenever he tried to help.
There weren't as many bags this year as there had been in years previous, which Josh attributed to them both working so close to Christmas. While his family's observances of Jewish holidays had been spotty at best (and Josh had to admit he had gotten even worse as he'd gotten older—he hardly even thought about keeping Kosher, and the kids knew about Hanukkah but that was pretty much it), Donna had grown up celebrating the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve with her Italian family, and had wanted to pass on that tradition to their kids. They rarely actually prepared seven fish, because that was a lot of food for just the four of them, and Josh didn't think there were seven different fish he would eat, but it was the thought that counted.
Instead of sitting down at the table, Josh ate standing over the sink, causing Donna to roll her eyes.
"What do you need me to do?" he asked around a mouthful of pancake.
"Chew with your mouth closed, would be a good start," Donna commented as she started unpacking the bags and pulling out the other staples she would need.
"Okay," Josh swallowed. "Now what do you need me to do?"
"Would you like to be responsible for the shrimp?"
"I would love to be responsible for the shrimp," Josh agreed, putting his plate and bowl directly into the dishwasher and starting it. Donna nodded in approval and Josh was proud of how much he'd matured since they started dating.
"Are you actually going to eat the calamari sauce this year?" she asked.
"I will eat whatever you want me to eat," Josh appeased absentmindedly, pulling out a bowl to make the topping for the shrimp scampi.
"Okay, see, you say that, but then you end up eating plain pasta and shrimp because you have the taste buds of a five year old," Donna reminded him.
"I do not! I've gotten so much better that I used to be!" Josh protested.
"Honey, you lived off of pizza until the age of forty-five, the bar was pretty low to begin with."
"Do you want my help or not?" Josh huffed impatiently.
"Yes, I'm sorry, I love you," she laughed, leaning over to kiss his cheek. Josh rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his smile.
"Much better," he nodded.
"And?"
"And I love you too, Donna," Josh patronized fondly.
"You have gotten a lot better at eating real food," Donna allowed. "But you still haven't answered my question."
"Yes, I promise, this year I'll try some of everything."
"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it," Donna mumbled, but Josh let it go. They continued to chat as they worked, just catching up on everything they'd been up to in the past few weeks apart. It had been awhile since Josh had had any real stories about his life to share with her that didn't involve the twins, and he found he loved telling her about the work he was doing. It reminded him of when they were both working under the Santoses and Josh would accompany the President on a trip abroad for a few days, while Donna stayed back with the First Lady. Sometimes he would be hardly awake by the time they returned, and he and Donna would climb right into bed and just talk about what they had missed in each other's lives, eyes barely open, Josh falling asleep mid-sentence. He liked that they still had that.
Josh's scampi topping was chilling in the fridge and Donna had gotten the sauce into the crockpot by the time the front door opened and suddenly the kitchen was in chaos again. Josh was caught off guard when a small body slammed into his and Megan tugged at his arm.
"Daddy I showed Uncle Sam the snowflake lights that they have in the cookie store window and the tree got lit at thanksgiving but it was light out so the lights weren't on but they have bigger ornaments there than on our tree and you can actually see them when its daytime and can we go back when it gets dark out so we can show them the actual lights too?"
Josh blinked twice, processing the verbal explosion from his daughter, and looked up at Donna.
"So much for burning off energy, huh?" he asked.
"It was worth a shot," Donna shrugged. "Okay, you're off the hook. Ains?"
"On it," Ainsley agreed, washing her hands to take over for Josh.
"Do you want us to entertain the monsters?" Sam asked, pointing his thumb in the direction of the stairs. Apparently Josh was so used to his kids' noise he hadn't even noticed that they had left the room.
"Sam, they're six, and there's two of them. They don't need to be entertained," Donna reminded him. "There's probably some sort of game or something on, right? If you guys want to watch?"
"I should probably check in with Max," Josh declined. "And Charlie. And—"
"Josh," Sam stopped him. "I can promise you that neither of them has worked today, and that neither of them are working tomorrow. And you shouldn't be either. I haven't checked my email once since we got here."
"You don't have to check your email ever if you don't want, that's what I'm here for."
"Josh."
"Okay, okay, fine. Football?" Josh surrendered.
"Thank you."
Josh led them both into the living room as Donna and Ainsley resumed dinner preparations. The 1pm games had just started, so they settled on New England vs Buffalo, fully prepared to give up on a blowout before halftime. It didn't take long for Josh to cave and pull up his email on his phone, but Sam slapped it away immediately.
"Hey!" Josh protested.
"Watch the game," Sam prompted.
"I don't wanna watch the game, I wanna check my email," Josh whined. "Sam, I'm trying to run a campaign here; you gotta let me work!"
"Dude, you're gonna burn out again," Sam reminded him. "And I can't have you burn out. I need you here and ready for the next eight years and that's not going to happen if you burn out again. So give me the damn phone and watch the game."
"You already have the damn phone," Josh mumbled, crossing his arms childishly.
"Then let me keep the damn phone," Sam amended patiently. He waited a moment, but Josh didn't say anything or move to take his phone back. "Thank you."
"I hate you."
"I know," Sam patronized. "But you'll thank me later. You didn't come home to work, did you? You came home to spend time with your kids."
"My kids don't want to spend time with me, though, so it's not like I've had anything better to do," Josh pouted.
"Come on, of course they want to spend time with you!" Sam exclaimed. "They're your kids! They've missed you, you know."
"Seems like they've missed you more," Josh countered.
"Josh."
"I'm just saying!"
"Look, I don't have kids," Sam started, "so I'm not for a second going to even pretend like I know what I'm talking about. But their lives are going through a pretty big change right now too, maybe more than any of us, because they have no idea what's going on. All they know is their dad is suddenly not at home anymore, and they've got all these different people around. They're going to be handed off between so many different people I can't even wrap my head around it. And they're six, Josh. But they're also your kids, so instead of acting out, they're going to pretend like nothing's wrong and hope it just fixes itself on its own."
"I do not do that," Josh protested.
"Please, that's the only way you know how to deal with things. That's why you've been disappearing all week. Because somehow you've managed to pass your communication issues on to your kids and now none of you are talking. But you need to. Trust me, Josh, they want to spend time with you," Sam assured him. "You were all they talked about all morning."
"Really?" Josh asked hopefully.
"You're all they've talked about all weekend, believe it or not," Sam informed him. "For whatever reason, you're kind of their hero, and leaving them with Zoey for a few weeks doesn't change that."
Josh couldn't help feeling guilty. He certainly wouldn't be winning any father of the year awards after the last few days.
"I don't know how to do both," Josh admitted. "The dad thing, and the working thing? I've never had to do both. It's like I have two entirely different brains, and I can't figure out how to switch between them. Donna can do it, because she's amazing, but I can't. I don't…I don't know if I even have it in me to be honest. The twins, they deserve better than that. If I can't do both, I need to be here with them."
Sam was quiet for a moment. "You want out, is that what you're asking?"
"Maybe," Josh whispered.
"No."
"Sam—" Josh tried again.
"I said no," Sam repeated. "I don't know what's going on with you, but clearly your head is going to some weird places that it has no business going, and as your friend, I won't let you talk yourself out of this. You can't do both? That's bullshit. If there are two things I know you can do, it's run a campaign and be a dad. You'll figure it out. But I'm not going to let you quit just because it's hard. Because you're going to regret it, and I'm going to regret it, and Josh, I want to be President and the only way that happens is if you help me get there. So no, you don't quit."
"I don't think it works like that," Josh finally responded, but he was smiling, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted.
"It works however I say it works, have you forgotten who's in charge here?"
"I'm in charge," Josh reminded him.
"Damn right you are. For now, at least," Sam ammended. "Now watch the game. This is probably the last sporting event we'll be watching for a while."
"What, you're not gonna watch basketball tomorrow?" Josh teased.
"It's Christmas Day, dude, Meg and Leo are gonna have so much new crap to play with they'll need constant supervision to make sure they don't destroy the house."
"Okay, clearly you don't know my kids," Josh rolled his eyes. "If they were even capable of mass destruction—which they're really not, it's pretty convenient—Megan would get it cleaned up back to Donna's standards in like twenty minutes. Donna signed off on whatever you got them, right?"
"Donna signed off on…most of what we got them," Sam admitted sheepishly.
"Sam."
"Would it make you feel better that I didn't even tell Ainsley about one of the things?"
"Not even a little bit," Josh replied, shaking his head. "God, Sam, what did you do?"
"It's nothing too bad," Sam assured him, though Josh wasn't entirely sure that he believed him. "I just wanted it to be a surprise, and I don't think either of you will actually have an objection. I'm not trying to cause trouble here."
"You're always trying to cause trouble," Josh countered. "But okay, I'll take your word for it. But if Donna flips, it's your head."
"Understood," Sam agreed.
By halftime the game was closer than they had anticipated, but Josh still felt his attention drifting. He didn't particularly care about either team, so he found it very difficult to stay invested in the game the way Sam could ("Come on, how could anyone not love Tom Brady, Josh?"). Baseball season couldn't come soon enough.
Sam took mercy on him eventually and gave him his phone back, and naturally the first thing Josh did was check his email. Sam rolled his eyes but left him alone to scroll for a while. Given that it was Christmas Eve, and that Josh had already responded to emails earlier that morning, there wasn't much to look through anyways. He stopped himself from sending a check-in to Max, though he did shoot Charlie a quick text to make sure the Bartlets hadn't driven him to mania yet.
He was about to open his CNN app just for something to read when he was interrupted by a jolt to his arm.
"Hi," Megan greeted innocently, showing her dimples.
"Yesss?" Josh dragged out the word, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her onto his lap. She flopped backwards so that her head was resting on Sam's thigh while her legs were draped across Josh.
"Hi," she said again, this time grinning up at Sam.
"Well, well, well, what have we got here?" Sam asked lightly tickling her side.
"It's me, I'm bored," she answered simply.
"Join the club," Josh grumbled.
"Your daddy's boring," Sam pointed out to her.
"Leo's boring," Megan huffed.
"What's he doing?" Sam asked.
"Reading," Megan and Josh responded at the same time. Josh smiled. He really did know his kids.
"So now you want us to play with you, is that right?" Sam continued.
"Yes please," Megan smiled.
"Did you ask mommy if she needs help the kitchen?" Josh asked. It was a bit early to set the table, which was definitely something the twins could help with, but they were getting to the age that Donna would let them help with the actual preparation of the food sometimes. Some days Megan loved cooking, and some days she'd rather have everything prepared for her like the little princess she is.
"Two people is plenty dad," Megan told him seriously.
"Did your mom actually say that or are you just guessing?"
"Have you seen the size of that kitchen? I'll just get in the way," Megan responded.
Sam raised an eyebrow at Josh, who shrugged sheepishly.
"It's entirely possible that I get kicked out of the kitchen from time to time," Josh admitted.
"He deserves it," Megan confirmed, and Sam laughed.
"Boy, you don't stand a chance in this house do you?" he asked.
"Not a one," Josh shook his head. "Somehow I ended up with another Donna and honestly I don't know how much I can take."
"I am the perfect mix of both you and mommy," Megan recited easily, something Josh and Donna teased each other (and the kids) about from time to time. It was true; in many ways the twins had ended up with opposite parts of each of their parents, but there was no denying that they were Josh and Donna's kids. Josh loved that.
"That's right kiddo," Josh smiled fondly, gently squeezing one of her ankles.
"Explains why your kids are basically superhumans," Sam commented, and Megan lit up.
"We are superhumans!" she agreed. She sat up, pulling her legs from Josh's lap and bouncing off the couch. "It's why Leo reads so much, and I can do math and cook and run fast and we can write stories and use words that Mrs. Pine says first graders don't usually know and—"
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"This is why you don't get her started," Josh suggested with a smirk as Megan continued to rattle off the things that she and her brother could do better than anyone else in their class. Josh didn't disagree with her, his kids were pretty great, but she was a little young to be picking up his ego.
Sam didn't seem to have a problem with that, though, because he just laughed and picked Megan up again so that she was entirely settled on his lap.
"Okay," he interrupted, "but can you explain football to me?"
She looked back at him with a glance so full of attitude that Josh had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing (he was trying really hard to discourage her sass, at least before she hit middle school, but he was probably fighting a losing battle anyways).
"I could, except it's a commercial right now," she replied.
"She's got you there," Josh pointed out, and Sam stuck his tongue out at him. Mature.
"Okay, then miss smarty pants, we'll just have to wait for it to come back on then won't we?"
"It would appear so."
Sam blinked in surprise and this time Josh couldn't stop himself from snickering.
"That was…" Sam trailed off.
"That's what I'm saying!"
"There's actually two of them."
"It's scary," Josh agreed.
"Focus please," Megan brought their attention back to what was apparently the more important matter, as the TV had switched back to the game, now the beginning of the second half. "Okay, so I don't know who the Patriots are playing, but it doesn't matter because they'll probably win anyways. But the other team is getting the kickoff so they get to start with the ball. Aaaand it went into the end zone so they start at the twenty. They'll probably pass on first down, because that's a good way to start the half from back there. It's going to another commercial now though." She started squirming and Sam let her off the couch again. "This is boring too, I'm going to go see what mommy's doing now. Bye!"
"I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified," Sam admitted as they watched her skip out of the room.
"I think "both" is usually a pretty safe bet when it comes to that one," Josh replied.
"She knows more about football than you do," Sam continued.
"Only because the Jets suck pretty much always and I get angry and storm out while Donna stays in here with the twins watching the Packers play frustratingly well for a team whose mascot is a slice of cheese," Josh defended.
"You're not even from New York why aren't you a Patriots fan? Or, at least the Giants? The Jets have never been good you should be used to this," Sam reminded him.
"You don't choose the team, the team chooses you, Sam," Josh replied wisely.
"Okay, well, I chose my favorite teams so I still enjoy watching sports," Sam shrugged, looking back at the TV. "And my six-year old daughter doesn't know more about football than I do."
"I do enjoy watching sports!" Josh protested. "Just…good sports. Like baseball. I taught these kids everything they know about baseball. Meggie's even gonna play softball in the spring. Or, whatever it is they play when they're six."
"Wow, they're playing sports already?"
"They started soccer last year. Leo wasn't having any of it though, he might just sit inside and read for the rest of his life. Or he just hasn't found a sport he cares about yet. Megan needs something like that to burn off her energy. She and I spent a lot of time last summer in the back yard playing catch. She's not bad, either. No idea where she gets that from, neither Donna nor I are particularly sporty."
"Ain't that the truth," Sam laughed.
"Hey!"
"What? You said it first!"
"Whatever," Josh huffed. He glanced at the TV to see if anything had changed, but no, just another commercial. Sometimes football just moved too damned slow. "I'm gonna go see if they need any help in the kitchen," he said as he stood and stretched his back.
"Your funeral," Sam commented, and Josh rolled his eyes.
Apparently they had transitioned from dinner into dessert, as the women had Megan standing on a chair between them as she rolled out ginger cookie dough. Donna was watching her closely but didn't seem to be interfering much; Megan had her mother's attention to detail for sure.
"Got any for me?" Josh asked, walking up behind his wife to put his arms around her waist.
"No," Megan responded without looking up. Josh hid his smile into Donna's shoulder and she pressed a kiss to his temple.
"Well, that settles that," Ainsley commented amusedly. Apparently Josh wasn't the only one who found Megan's tone adorable. God help them once she actually tried to fight with her parents, but there was just something so funny about his six-year old trying to boss him around.
"You don't want to share with you dad, Megan?" Josh pretended to whine.
"There are raw eggs in here. We don't eat raw eggs," she recited. "You can have one when they're done."
"This is all your fault," Josh informed Donna, squeezing her tighter.
"Me? You're the one who stays home with her!" Donna protested.
"Yeah, but I would never tell her not to eat raw cookie dough," Josh pointed out. "You've created a monster."
"Superhuman, daddy," Megan reminded him as she worked.
"You're super-something alright," Josh grumbled, and Donna tugged gently on his hair to scold him. She often accused him of being the reason for their kids' sarcasm, but Josh honestly thought they shared the blame for that one. Neither of them had quite mastered the ability to, well, hide their annoyance, particularly with each other. They didn't fight, but they definitely bickered and taunted, the way they always had. The result was, of course, two kids much better versed in sarcasm and snark than any six-year-olds should be. Oh well, Josh thought it made them more interesting anyways.
"Why don't you go find your son," she suggested pointedly. Josh nodded against her shoulder and stepped away.
"Is he still in your room, Meg?" he asked as he turned towards the stairs.
"How should I know? I've been down here with you guys," she huffed.
"A simple 'I don't know, dad' would have sufficed," Josh grumbled, and he heard Donna gently remind her to be respectful as he walked away. Leo was exactly where Josh had expected him to be, lying on his stomach on his bed, the same copy of Charlotte's Web in front of him, though he appeared to be much further than he was yesterday. Josh hesitated to disturb him, having been brushed off yesterday, but this time he was here on instructions from Donna so at the very least he could use her as a scapegoat.
Leo looked up when he entered this time, and put a bookmark in his place.
"Hey you," Josh greeted softly. Leo rolled onto his side so he could face his dad when he sat down on the edge of the bed. "How's it going?"
"Good," Leo shrugged simply.
"Your sister's helping mommy and Aunt Ainsley make cookies. Do you want to go downstairs and help?"
Leo just shrugged again, making a noncommittal noise as he avoided eye contact. That worried Josh more than a little bit. Leo was quiet, sure, especially in comparison to his twin, but not like this, especially not at home with people he felt comfortable around.
"Hey, you feeling okay buddy?" Josh asked, helping Leo sit up so that they were facing each other.
"Fine."
Josh sighed. Was this what Sam had been talking about? Leo had seemed fine when he was playing with Megan the past few days, and Sam hadn't seemed particularly worried when they came back this morning, but Josh could tell that something was definitely bothering him.
"You know you can talk to me, right? If something's wrong I wanna know what it is."
"I know," Leo replied. "I'm okay. Megan's just being too loud. I didn't want to go on a walk this morning but mommy said we had to."
"I bet she would've understood if you told her you needed a break from your sister. Did you ask her to stay home?"
"No, I just went."
"Aww come on buddy, you know if you want something you need to ask for it! Mommy isn't a mind reader!" Josh reminded him.
"I know, I just forgot!" Leo exclaimed, clearly getting frustrated. For someone with such an extensive vocabulary for his age, Leo often had trouble expressing himself.
"Stop and think for a minute," Josh encouraged. He gently grabbed his son's wrists to prevent him from clenching his hands. "See if you can figure out the words for what you're thinking. Do you want to come downstairs or do you want to stay up here a bit longer?"
"I…" Leo hesitated for a moment, looking up at Josh shyly. "Can you read to me?"
Josh smiled softly. "Sure," he agreed. "Go pick one out."
Leo hopped up and knelt down in front of the book shelf next to his bed. The kid had accumulated a nice collection of books, some favorites that he had read multiple times already, some new series Josh and Donna thought he might like, even some gifts from Grandpa Jed that he wasn't quite old enough to understand yet, but Josh suspected he'd be reading at a high school level in no time.
Finally, he settled on an old favorite that the two of them had read together multiple times over the years: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.
"You sure?" Josh asked. "You don't want a new one?"
Leo shook his head. "I like this one."
Josh leaned back on the bed and Leo settled against his side so that they could both see the pages. He pressed a kiss to the top of his son's curly head before opening the book and flipping to the first page.
"Chapter one, Lucy Looks Into a Wardrobe…Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy…"
This was the best part of fatherhood, Josh decided. Everything else was completely worth it.
A bit longer chapter than usual, but I just couldn't figure out where to split it up. Hopefully wasn't too much? I haven't started the next chapter quite yet, but I think it's going to pick up with Sam and Josh back out on the campaign trail...I think I've stretched this part out as far as I can haha XD Let me know what you think of this, and I'll try to update something soon!