Chapter 10 - Devotion

"Wow," Dr. Edward Cullen gasped, doubled over, "That's quite the soccer kick, young man."

Three-year-old Emmett McCarty bestowed an angelic smile on his nemesis and then turned to his mother.

"I wanna go now, Mommy. I want my cupcake."

"Oh god, Dr. Cullen, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" The frazzled blond woman started to put a hand on Edward's shoulder but had to whip around and catch her son as he leaped off the exam bed.

"Now, Mommy, now! I wanna go now!"

"Shh, pumpkin. We just have a few more minutes. Then you can have your cupcake. But first you need to say sorry to Dr. Cullen." She glanced in embarrassment at the ashen-faced doctor who was slowly straightening up.

"No! I hate him. He's stupid."

"Emmett, honey, those aren't nice words. You need to say sorry."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

The little boy writhed in his mother's grasp, trying to free himself. Edward was careful to stay far away from the flailing arms and legs. One kick in the groin was more than enough.

"Well, Mrs. McCarty," he said over the din, "I've completed my exam. As we discussed, his height and weight are in the 95th percentile again, so he's tracking along nicely. Do you have any questions for me?"

"No, everything's…sweetie, that hurts Mommy…I think I'm all set. I'm so sorry he's in such a mood today. He woke up in the middle of the night when Dave came home from…uh, he worked late and…"

"No worries, Mrs. McCarty," Edward interrupted smoothly. "All children have their off days. Nurse Charlotte will be in shortly to give Emmett his immunizations."

He managed a weak smile and left the room, leaving just as the boy flung a magazine in his direction.

Charlotte Davidson heard the muted thump and cringed. "This is going to be fun."

Edward looked up from his next chart in sympathy. "His mom said he didn't get much sleep. Dad came home late…"

"Oh, I see. Poor boy. I feel so bad for Momma," the white-haired nurse sighed.

Everyone in town knew of Dave McCarty's drinking problem. He'd been arrested more than once for public intoxication. The man was a happy drunk, but a loud and clumsy one. After receiving money from the sale of his grandfather's estate, he'd wasted half of it on frivolous purchases and the other half in casinos. His family was surviving financially, but only because of his wife's income as a clerk at the grocery store.

Edward shook his head as he made his way to the next exam room. He hated how children were affected by their parents' mistakes.

Not that he'd had personal experience with that. His mom and dad had done a fine job, he thought. Sure, his dad had been more interested in having fun with his son than instilling any sort of discipline, but Esme Cullen had picked up his slack. And then some.

She raised Edward to be a hard-working, well-mannered, respectful man with a strong set of morals. He was afforded the best educational opportunities and, although having a substantial trust fund, was taught the value of earning one's own way. The only thing Esme couldn't cultivate in her son was the same ambition and desire for conventional success that she possessed.

Goodness knows she'd tried. Every motivational technique she'd ever learned, and some she made up out of desperation, failed to inspire Edward to want more, to want to be more. He simply had too much of his father in him. And didn't consider that a bad thing.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen was happy. He loved his wife, his son, his job, his home—his life. He enjoyed a prestigious position as Director of Emergency Medicine Education at a medical school, which allowed him to devote more time to shaping educational programs for upcoming ER attending physicians, than to pushing fingers inside a teenager's bullet would to stop him from dying on his table. He still had weekly shifts at the teaching hospital—it was a requirement for staff—but was glad to hang up his stethoscope as often as he could. Being an ER doctor took its toll, and Dr. Cullen had paid his in full.

He was an outstanding professor but recognized he would not have his position in education had it not been for his wife. She had pinpointed the cause behind his vague feeling of dissatisfaction on the hospital floor, convinced him that he needed a change, sought out an appropriate opportunity, and all but met with the school's Dean for him. Despite his wonderful qualities, Dr. Cullen could be rather oblivious and complacent at times.

Edward knew that his mother was the driving force in his parents' marriage. But although she was a formidable woman, she could also act like a lovesick schoolgirl. Some of Edward's fondest memories as a child were of his father throwing her over his shoulder and spinning her in circles like the blades of a helicopter or chasing her around the house with water balloons. He saw how his parents loved and complemented each other, and he wanted desperately to find the same thing.

There wasn't much to tell about his love life through his years in school and residency. Occasionally, he went on dates, even had a few girlfriends, but his main focus was on becoming certified. If he ever found himself with a few free hours on hand—a rare occurrence—his choice of activity was to catch up on sleep.

Establishing a relationship with Lauren was easy. At the end of their first faux date, he didn't ask to see her again. She simply gave him the day, time, and place for their next encounter, and that was that. No muss, no fuss.

He thought he'd been lucky enough to repeat his father's success in finding a partner. Lauren would be in charge of keeping the relationship on track, and his role would be to love and support her unconditionally. In his mind, they were a perfect match.

Two years went by, and Edward waited for that glowing adoration in his father's eyes to develop in his own. But with his long hours and Lauren's hectic schedule, they didn't have time to nurture their relationship. Edward became increasingly unhappy with his job at the hospital, so when they worked out the compromise to leave the city, he felt his life was moving in the right direction, for once. With a slower pace and more time at home, he would be able to devote his energy to making Lauren smile the carefree grins he loved but so rarely saw. He wanted to take care of her like she watched after him.

When their relationship stayed stagnant, Edward decided he needed to buckle down and try harder. His mother often said that one of the biggest reasons for failure was a lack of blood, sweat, and tears. Of course, she also warned of not recognizing when it was time to cut losses and move on, but he hadn't paid as much attention to that part.

He bought Lauren gifts, took her on dates in the city, and when they started enjoying each other's time more than ever, he proposed.

It was concurrently one of the most exciting, meaningful, yet disappointing moments of his life when she finally accepted. He was thrilled that she said yes, eager for the next step toward his idea of happiness, but worried that Lauren had taken far too many long, silent seconds to answer. It wasn't the "speechless from elation and shock" kind of silence, either. He could see her weighing the choice in her mind, and that concerned him. It was also a blow to his heart.

That's when everything he believed about love and devotion, everything he thought he knew, was thrown into question.

He tried to take an objective view of his relationship, see with impartial eyes, but it was impossible to separate himself from his feelings. So, as discreetly as possible, he tried to get the opinion of others.

Either he wasn't very subtle or those approached had been eager for the opportunity to give him advice.

"You're a very nice young man, Dr. Cullen," said Charlotte, carefully. "Maybe a little too nice, sometimes, and I don't think you realize how...tolerant you are of things that would and should bother other people. Ms. Mallory appears to be somewhat, uh, challenging at times."

Edward's friend and fellow doctor, Joe Synder, just shrugged. "You seem to get along well enough, and if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce. Have a good pre-nup, though. I learned that mistake the hard way."

Aunt Dee didn't beat around the bush when it came to expressing herself. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the two of you together make as much sense as tits on a turtle. You're not getting any younger, and your Grade A swimmers are going to waste. Find yourself a nice local girl and start crankin' out beautiful, smart babies. I can get you a date for the weekend."

Meanwhile, Lauren's workload was increasing, and they spent less time together than ever.

"Come on, Lar, you've been reviewing the contract since six this morning, and it's a Sunday. How 'bout you take a few hours' break?" Edward was sitting on an armchair in her home office and tossing a baseball in the air. "We can go out for lunch, maybe catch a movie afterward. I'll even suffer through a chick flick if you want."

"I told you, this merger is worth tens of millions. There can't be a single typo when I submit it to the partners for review." She didn't look up from her laptop.

Edward squeezed the ball in his hand and tried to quell his frustration. "We haven't gone out since Valentines', and that was six weeks ago. I feel like I see you less than I did my med school roommate, and he all but showered in the library. When are you going to have time for us?"

Lauren let out a sigh and sat back in her chair. "I'm sorry. It's just that I need to keep up with the other staff attorneys. They all live in the city and are available to go into the office at a moment's notice. My work needs to be flawless so that I won't get called in to fix a mistake."

Edward winced at the implication of her statement. Lauren heaved another sigh.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to start that argument again. I was just answering your question truthfully. I promised I wouldn't bring up moving for the rest of the year. We'll see how things are, then." She glanced at the wall clock. "I guess I could take an hour off to grab lunch out."

"No, forget it. That just means you'll be up an hour later tonight, and you hardly get any sleep as it is." He stood up. "I'll go for a run or something. Do you want me to bring in a sandwich later?"

"That'd be perfect," she replied, already staring at the screen again. "Just remember to use the regular mustard instead of that spicy shit, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he muttered as he left her to her work.

Their difficulties escalated through the month of April and into May.

"What the hell?" Edward exclaimed one evening. "You got a contraceptive implant? It lasts for three years?" The beef on his fork froze in the air, halfway to his mouth.

"It's completely reversible. I don't understand why you're so upset."

"Well, it's just that...I was sort of hoping, once we got married...or even sooner..."

"Edward, I..." Lauren bit her lip and looked across the dinner table. "I'm not sure if I want to have kids anymore."

The utensil dropped from his hand and clattered on the tabletop. "What?" he whispered.

They talked and argued and yelled for over an hour. Lauren finally announced that Edward was banished from the bedroom and then shut herself in her office. At bedtime, he paced the floor of the guest room and tried to make sense of his shattered dreams. It was difficult to hold his own tears at bay as he listened to her muffled sobs long into the night.