CHAPTER TEN:

Life Loves a Tragedy

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One more step I swear and I'll go over the edge

I gotta stop living at a pace that kills before I wake up dead...

I think it's time I move on like a rolling stone

Cause I got all the broken dreams I can buy, gotta sell the ones I stole...

Good times, bad times, how life loves a tragedy

Heartbreaks, heartaches, how life loves a tragedy

--Poison

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The minute Shane walked into the room and got a look at Josef's face, he knew it was bad. "What's happened?!" he demanded.

"Sit…" Josef cleared his throat and tried again. "Sit down, please. I have something I need to talk with you about."

"You're scaring the crap out of me," he said, doing as told.

Maybe this was why he'd survived, why what happened to Sarah had to happen – so he could prevent Shane from going through the same hell? Not much consolation though, since he'd still go through hell if he had to lose her to age, just a different type.

"Just let me tell the story please, and don't interrupt. There's something I never told you about. It was 1954, New York. I was waiting for a train when a beautiful woman asked me for a light. I bet 'love at first sight' is something you never thought you'd hear me admit to, especially with a human." The surprise on Shane's face agreed with him, but he remained silent as requested. "I just knew she was something special." He took a moment because his voice was way too close to sounding like tears for his own comfort level. "We started seeing each other. We were together for almost a year. I was keeping what I was a secret from her, but she guessed. Can you believe that, she guessed. Sharp, that was my Sarah. She just kept surprising me. Said she didn't care what I was, and said… she said she wanted me to turn her, so we could be together forever." He swiveled his chair around to face the window before he could go on.

"I held out for awhile, but she kept bugging me about it. Finally, I agreed. So I drained her, and fed her my own blood, and waited. And waited… I'm still waiting…"

"Jay-Jay," Shane breathed, staring at the reflection that Josef didn't realize was visible in the window.

"She's in a townhome in New York. I've got round the clock nursing care for her. She's still young and beautiful… but she never woke up. That's why I was so weird about your girl. She reminded me of my Sarah."

Shane moved, coming over to hunch down by Josef's chair. "Jesus, Jay-Jay, why didn't you ever tell me?!" he demanded, both angry at him and heartsick for him. "I could have… I would have been there for you. Dammit, why!"

"I don't know," he responded, oddly more composed now. "Don't ask me that now, because there's more I need to get out first." He continued before he lost his strength, looking down at Shane. "Did you ever hear that story in Sara's family, about her grandfather Whitley and how he left his family?"

"Yeah, they like to tell everyone how he gave it all up for True Love," he smiled slightly.

Josef's next words wiped the smile off his face. "And you heard about her Great Aunt Sarah who disappeared in 1955?" he stressed the date. "My Sarah is Sarah Whitley – Sara's great aunt."

"Motherfucker," Shane whispered, fumbling himself into the chair again. "That's just weird…"

"I don't…" the damn moisture was back, he angrily squeezed the bridge of his nose, hard enough to make his eyes water for a second with the sting of pain. "I would do anything to make what I'm about to say not true, but – you have to consider the possibility that maybe it's some kind of family thing… Maybe your Sara can't be turned, either," he whispered, steeling himself for the reaction.

Shane didn't say a word at first, and Josef would kill for that poker face. It gave away nothing. Then, an odd expression flitted in, one that didn't belong. Embarrassment? Guilt?

"I've never heard of anything like that, in a thousand years. Something like that running in families," he murmured. "There's only one situation I've ever heard of where that kind of thing happens…" He abruptly jumped up and turned his back on Josef.

Josef jumped up as well. "What situation is that?" he demanded, anxious to find out what had gone wrong, if he could.

"Half breeds," Shane whispered, the words sending a chill through Josef. "That's what happens when you try to turn a half breed. It doesn't work."

"What?!" Josef nearly screamed at him. Coraline was right? He nearly panicked until he remembered something he wouldn't have forgotten if he was thinking clearly. "Are you crazy?! What the hell are you talking about? I was a half breed! I was turned, I'm here!"

When Shane turned and faced him, the look on his face slammed into Josef's gut like a fist. He didn't know what was coming next, but knew he didn't want to hear it. Now, the guilt was like a neon sign.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"What are you sorry about?!" Josef demanded. "Tell me!"

"I should have told you before, but I… I had my reasons," he laughed mirthlessly. "You remember when I found you, after Max turned you. You were just coming to, hungry and confused, and then there was that mob… What I didn't tell you was – I didn't come across you until about twenty four hours later. You were… dead, but not undead. You hadn't regained consciousness, you didn't wake up."

Josef stared, understanding and horror and hatred and betrayal, love and pain and a million other emotions coursing through him. His hand flexed, fingers itching to reach into the drawer for the gun he kept there; the one with the silver bullets. Only not knowing which one of them he'd use it on kept him from moving. "What happened?" he hissed, knowing the answer.

"I did the only thing I could think of to do – I fed you my own blood. And it worked."

"You're my sire."

"No!"

"You're my sire, you bastard!" A push sent the desk tumbling over, everything on it crashing to the floor.

"I swear to god I never thought of it like that! Max was your sire, I just… I just helped you wake up. God, our relationship is complicated enough as it is!"

"What is it, I wasn't good enough for you? You didn't want to be my sire?" he tossed out, his tone filled with venom.

"Fuck, no! It wasn't like that. Listen to me!" He grabbed for Josef's shoulders, but was pushed violently away. "Jesus, Jay-Jay—"

"Don't you fucking call me that!" The tears were there now; he didn't even notice. When Shane tried to come closer, to appease, he landed a hard punch to his jaw, sending him reeling back. "You let me think that asshole was my sire all this time—"

"That's the way I thought of it!" Shane insisted. Heedless of his own tears, he approached again, grabbing Josef roughly by the shoulders.

Josef threw him off, and stalked around the room like a caged animal. An expensive vase found its way into his hand, and then met with the far wall. Finally he sank down on the floor in the corner.

"Please, Jay-Josef," Shane begged, heedlessly approaching him again, kneeling down next to him. "I was wrong. I know that now. Forgive me for not telling you."

"You didn't want me, that's okay, you should have just told me," he said in a subdued voice that was almost more frightening than the anger and violence of moments ago.

"No!" Shane yelled, taking his face in his hands. "I loved you like a brother! Listen to me!" he said fiercely, his face close to Josef's. "You know how I feel about you. You know. I would have been a terrible sire! Yeah, I know Maxie was a bastard," he said anticipating the retort he knew was coming. "But you didn't need a second sire; you needed a friend, a brother. You needed to stand on your own two feet and fight back; you wouldn't be as strong as you are today otherwise! You would have leaned on me too much, and I would have let you."

Silence for long moments. Then: "What am I, A Boy Named Sue?!"

Shane barked out a surprised laugh. "Does this mean you don't hate me?"

Josef looked at him seriously again, and the look almost broke his heart. "You're my sire."

Shane pulled his head down to his shoulder, holding him. "Oh, god…" It was alarmingly like Josef was a fledgling all over again.

"Is that so horrible?"

"It would be an honor to be your sire. I'm… I've always been proud of you, Josef. Always."

They stayed like that, on the floor in each other's arms, for a long time.

XXX

Eventually, the other nasty things in wait had to intrude on the brief period of limbo Josef was existing in. He was still feeling numb, which made the rest easier to get through.

"I never knew Sarah was a half breed. I thought her father was John Whitley."

"So did he, I would assume," Shane snorted. "I wonder who did do the deed… guess the poor bastard never even knew."

The last thing Josef wanted to think about at the moment was Sarah's mysterious paternal background. It was enough to deal with the possibilities ahead of him. "Sarah…" he began. "Do you think—"He didn't have to finish the thought.

"I don't know!" Shane told him fiercely. "After all these years… it's been a long time. I don't know if she would wake up or if…if there would be any permanent… damage of any sort."

Josef nodded. "I'd like you to be the one to…"

Shane slumped in final relief at the knowledge that things were going to be okay between them, eventually, somehow. If despite everything, Josef was asking him to be the one to feed Sarah his blood. "I'd be honored," he said. "But take some time first, to prepare yourself. It's going to be a rough time for both of you. If she wakes up, she's going to think it's 1955 and you're Charles Fitzgerald. And that's the best case scenario," he admitted reluctantly. "No one would blame you if… if you decided the more merciful way was to… just let things be."

Shane didn't need to say more. There were times, somewhere in the deepest recesses of his heart, where Josef honestly couldn't say if he would feel the same things for her now that he felt so many decades ago. Life had gone on; his life, not hers. Guilt, as Mick was fond of telling him, was a powerful motivator.

"Mick—"he said, thinking of his friend reminding him of the other issue waiting. "Shit, Beth!" He pulled out of Shane's arms to stare at him. The thought of how Mick might have tried to turn her before this – and the consequences –horrifying to contemplate. It would have killed Mick.

"What about them?" Shane said, looking puzzled.

Josef looked at him like he had lost a few brain cells. "Beth! Thank god he hasn't tried to turn her yet! He needs to know he won't be able to do it alone."

"Beth is a half breed?"

Josef stared at him in disbelief. "You're trying to tell me you didn't know?!"

Shane shook his head. "I never would have guessed. To be honest, she's okay enough looking, but I have almost zero interest in her." Which was a weird thing in itself, since Shane wasn't known for being too discriminating in his sexual appetites and Beth was a perfectly fine looking, sexy woman.

"Almost zero?" Josef said skeptically.

"For myself, yeah. But I have to admit to a few fantasies… I might have thought about how it would be hot to watch her and Sara…"

Josef grinned lecherously and gave Shane a playful but hard shove in the shoulder. "You're such a dog!"

"Isn't that what you respect most about me?"

"It's the only thing I respect about you," Josef said with his snarkiness returning, and Shane grinned wider, even more relieved.

If. Like Shane was always saying, you couldn't build your regrets on if. If he'd known the truth about his own turning, if he had known that half breeds couldn't be turned the normal way, he might have recognized what has happened and been able to fix things at the time. But if he hadn't kept his own secret from Shane, he also would have known before now. And how different would life have been for them all? Would he have even known Mick or Beth? It was too much to take in at one time. All he could do now was go forward. And it was probably a long time coming.

"Well," Josef said, getting to his feet and offering Shane a polite hand up. "I didn't realize I had meetings scheduled all evening. Send Mick in please, I believe it's his turn again."

End of Chapter 10: Life Loves a Tragedy