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Dean had struggled more than John when Sam went to Stanford.

John managed to disguise his sincere concern by masking it with his anger he felt towards Sam.

The disloyalty. The hypocrisy...

Dean was angry too- at John most of all- but mainly because he was scared. Scared of not being there to have Sam's back. It was all he'd ever known. He tried to reassure himself that Sam was safer in a dorm room than sat in the Impala...but he still would feel better having Sam in eye sight. It was all he had ever known.

Whenever Dean brought up his brother John was quick to change the subject. It wasn't so much because it was too painful but because he needed his son's mind to be on the job at hand. Anything else could lead to... God knows what. Distraction was a dangerous thing and at the moment, that's all Sam was.

Man, he'd screwed up.

Father of the year? Sam had once made him a badge saying that in kindergarten.

He kept it in the front pocket of the Impala. Just to pretend sometimes.

"Sammy. Oh God, Sammy."

Sam was on his knees, his arms on the bed, his wheelchair on its side.

"Sam...why didn't you yell?"

"I did... I tried."

Dean looked at Sam's red rimmed eyes and wondered how long his brother had been in this state.

"Hey, listen, bro. We knew this would take some getting used to..."

"How about you just help me up?"

"Yeah..yeah... hold on."

Dean knelt down and placed his arms around Sam's waist.

"The bed or the chair?"

"The chair..."

"Okay, put your arms around my shoulders."

Sam managed to turn and place his arms around Dean.

"This was easier when you were three" quipped Dean.

Carefully placing Sam into the chair, he began to back away, only for Sam to leave his arms around his brother, pulling him into a hug.

"Thanks, Dean"

Dean, taken aback for a second, returned the hug.

"Hey...you got it, man. Anytime... you know that."

"I've been a dick."

"It's allowed."

"You didn't deserve it, you've... you've been awesome."

Dean pulled away. "Ah, come on man. No chick flick... you'd do the same for me."

"Wanna wheel me to a beer?"

"Hey" Dean winked. "Do I look like your slave? You can wheel yourself, lazy ass."

Sam actually full on laughed which made Dean grin.

"Fine... hey. At least you're taller than me for once. Must be doing incredible things for your ego."

"You pipe down, little brother." Dean got behind the chair. "Beer is a-calling."

John had always wondered what people must have thought of him.

Never being at school plays, parents evenings, end of year assemblies...

Either they just wouldn't happen or Dean would go. Sometimes he thought it would be nice... but then so was sleeping slightly more soundly at night.

Still, Dean would tell him about them on the long car journeys... and he would listen to Dean go through Sam's lines with him...with pride and jealousy consuming him in equal measure.

And when his head finally hit the pillow, he had to believe that the choices he had to make were the right ones... and for now he would ignore Dean sitting up in the front room, phone out, beer in hand, no doubt checking up on Sam.

As always.

And thank God for that.