Chapter 10

It took a while for his mother and brother to calm down enough for him to properly explain the situation. He faced them with forced levelheadedness, not daring to cry again in front of them. They had enough to worry about already.

Makoto pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed, placing it about two feet away. When Ren tried to sit in his lap, Makoto gave him a tired smile and picked him up, placing him next to their mother. The boy seemed confused and looked like he was going to start crying again, but his mother pulled him in close, calming him and stroking his hair.

Haru walked up beside Makoto, raising his hand to place on his shoulder, but stopped just before they touched. He noticed just how tense Makoto was; he was sitting with his back straight and rigid, looking straight forward, right over the heads of his family. Truthfully, Haru had no idea what to do, so he lowered his hand back to his side. He had a feeling that his touch might not be welcome at the moment.

It was strange. Haru usually didn't like it when people touched him, or having to touch others, but the thought of Makoto not wanting his touch felt like a punch to his stomach.

He was distracted from his thoughts by a small sound, and looked up at Makoto's mother, who was hugging Ren tightly to her chest.

"Makoto, you need to tell me what happened," she said in a hushed tone, staring at her son with wide, pleading eyes. Makoto swallowed hard.

He decided to go with the slightly less tragic story first. "Dad's lost his memory. He doesn't remember you, me or the twins," he said, his voice completely devoid of emotion, face a blank slate. Ren looked confused when his mother gasped and covered her mouth.

"How long…?" she asked.

"A couple of days, to my knowledge. But his personality has changed as well. He's not dad anymore. And I don't know if it's permanent," he said in response to her unspoken question.

Ren decided to speak up. "Is that why daddy said I'm not his son? He really doesn't remember me?" When Makoto nodded, he shrank into his mother's side. "Does that mean he won't remember Ran either?"

"Most likely," he responded tonelessly.

"Makoto, where is Ran? You never said," his mother interjected. Haru could see Makoto's hands tighten around the base of his chair, his knuckles turning white. He tried speaking a few times, but found that he couldn't. Haru couldn't take it anymore, and walked up to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. Immediately, he felt Makoto stiffen like he had been electrocuted.

"Ran's dead," Makoto choked out, and his voice was much louder than he intended it to be. His mother stared at him, shocked, not able to make a sound.

Makoto stood up quickly, knocking his chair backward as he did so. He shook Haru's hand off of his shoulder and started to walk out of the room. The team standing at the door moved to make for him as he made his way to the door. He stopped only for a second once he reached it to quickly look back.

His mother was sitting in bed, hands covering her mouth and silent tears streaming down her face, just staring at him. Ren was crying too, not so silently, calling his name. And Haru was standing in the middle of the hospital room, hands hanging at his side, looking lost. He was also staring at Makoto.

Everyone was fucking staring at him.

He couldn't take it and turned away once more. He walked down the hallway, not caring that he had no idea where he was going. He starting to hear screaming and wailing coming from his mother's room, his team calling his name. He picked up his pace.

Eventually, he was flat-out running, turning corners at random, pushing past patients and nurses without saying a word. He saw some double doors and pushed through them, hoping for a quiet, empty room. What he got was a staircase.

Might as well, he thought, and started to climb.

After twenty flights of non-stop running, he was exhausted. He thought his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. But he kept going.

Thirty, thirty-five, forty, fifty….he relished the pain in his muscles, in his chest. He could hear his heart pumping, could feel it in his temples. He knew he was pushing himself far too hard, and that he was probably going to pass out soon. Maybe that's what he was trying to do.

Before that could happen, however, he was forced to come to a sudden stop. He had probably ran up sixty flights of stairs, and he was now at the entrance to the roof.

What he had just done finally caught up to Makoto, and he gripped his chest, sliding down the wall. His head swam. He had completely forgotten about his probable concussion. He decided to wait a couple of minutes before standing up.

A couple minutes passed, and then a couple more, until fifteen had passed and his swimming vision had not gone away. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse. Makoto could feel himself starting to black out.

"I'm not…done…yet," he panted, his words slurring together as he tried to pull himself to his feet. He blinked hard as darkness crept in on his vision. He turned and grabbed on to the door's handle, doing his best to turn it, but his knees gave out before he could turn it all the way.

The handle clanged loudly as Makoto fell on his side in front of the door, hanging onto consciousness by a thread.

"Makoto! Where are you? Come back, Makoto!"

Haru, Rin, Rei and Nagisa were all running around the hospital, shouting Makoto's name at the top of their lungs. It was probably the loudest Haru had ever been in his life. He grabbed onto a nurse who walked by him.

"Have you seen a tall teenage boy, brown hair, green eyes? Wearing this jacket?" he asked, pulling at his own sweatshirt. The nurse shook his head, apologizing and walking away. Haru ran his hands through his hair agitatedly.

"Don't worry, Haru-chan. We'll find him," Nagisa said.

"Logic says that he is most likely still in the hospital. Makoto-senpai would not leave his family," Rei put in. Haru grit his teeth in anger. Rin saw and immediately became concerned.

"Haru, chill. He just needs some time alone is all," he said. He knew how fucking messed up this situation was, but he had still never seen Haru this frustrated before, and he did not expect his reaction.

"We can't give him any fucking time!" Haru yelled, and the team all backed away from him. Patients and nurses started to stare.

"He still has a concussion, and he's angry and upset right now and he's gonna do something stupid, and if we don't find him he's going to hurt himself. So we don't have any time," he practically snarled.

The other boy's eyes became serious, and they all nodded. Rei and Nagisa started their search again while Haru took a breath to calm himself. Rin came up behind him and whispered in his ear.

"Haru, we'll find him. It'll be ok, I promise."

Haru desperately wanted to believe him.

The last rays of light were fading from Makoto's vision, and the only thought going through his mind was, "Why the hell is the sun out?" His world had stopped, but the real one kept moving.

The utter silence surrounding him was suddenly broken when he heard the clanking sound of a turning doorknob and the squeaking of rusty hinges. He heard a long stream of curse words, but was too far gone to make any of them out.

Makoto felt a pair of strong hands grab him under his arms, pulling him out into the sunlight. He was laid flat on his back and the hands let go, only to start gently tapping his face, trying to rouse him.

He could feel himself coming back to consciousness, and along with that came the pain. His thought his brain was just going to explode out of his skull. Honestly, he hoped that it would if it meant the pain would end. The darkness was trying to pull him back in, and he wanted it to take him.

A sudden wetness on his face brought him back all at once. His eyes opened wide, and he covered them quickly. The sun was blazing far too brightly and his vision was still swimming, but he was completely conscious. His other senses seemed sharper, however; the pain was acute all over his body, and he could hear everything.

Everything including the sobbing of a familiar voice. He uncovered one of his eyes to look up into the face of his father. The man was crying hysterically and mumbling while he cupped the side of Makoto's face.

"Makoto, I…I remember! I remember you, I thought you were going to die and I remembered, oh god, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I said those things, I'm so, so sorry, Makoto," he breathed. Makoto could only stare at him, unable to speak.

He tried to sit up and gasped in pain as head throbbed. He could feel himself slipping again. This really isn't good, is it, he thought to himself. His father started to panic.

"What happened? Did you run up all those stairs?" Makoto nodded slightly and his father cursed, but it was nowhere near as malicious as it was earlier. He was scared. "Oh hell, that's almost seventy flights! And it looks like you have a concussion. A bad one." The boy tried nodding again, but this time it sent his head spinning. He turned to the side and vomited up the small amount of rice he had eaten that morning.

His father made up his mind and scooped Makoto up, despite them being nearly the same size, and started to run.

The top five floors had no patients in them, and therefore, no nurses. Makoto's father knew he couldn't carry his son down several flights of stairs, so he ran around the sixty-fifth floor, trying to find an elevator. He tried yelling for help, but no one was around to hear him.

The entire time his father was carrying him, Makoto could only stare into the man's face as his vision continued to fluctuate. The pure fear in his father's face made his stomach twist, but at the same time, he was filled to the brim with joy. His father remembered him. He was no longer the angry, confused, horrible man Makoto had found outside the camp.

After several minutes of searching, his father found the elevator and started to jam the down button repeatedly. The screen above the doors showed that it was coming up from the twentieth floor, and taking its sweet time.

"Dammit, can't this thing go any faster?" his father sputtered. He then leaned down and placed Makoto on the floor. His muscles were becoming extremely strained, and he didn't want to risk injuring his son further. Makoto groaned pitifully upon being laid down.

"I'm so sorry, son, I'm gonna get you some help soon, I promise," his father murmured, gently smoothing his son's hair back. Makoto said something under his breath that his father couldn't quite catch.

"What was that, Makoto?" he asked. Makoto swallowed and tried again.

"I'm…sorry…" he choked out. His father's eyebrows came together in confusion.

"No, no, you have nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all, okay? You saved us, you saved your family," he said, and was shocked when tears spilled out of Makoto's eyes.

"No, I didn't," Makoto gasped, and his father could see that he was no completely aware of what he was saying. "It's my fault…I killed her, I killed Ran, I killed my little sister, it's all my fault."

Before his father could react to what Makoto had just said, the elevator beeped. He scooped Makoto back into his arms and stood up just as the elevator opened, revealing the scared faces of Haru, Rin, Nagisa and Rei. Haru's face paled when he saw Makoto's body hanging limply in his father's arms.

"Makoto!" he yelled. His father squeezed into the elevator and hit the button for the bottom floor, where the emergency room was. The doors closed and he lay Makoto down on the carpeted floor of the elevator. Immediately, Haru knelt down next to Makoto and cupped his face, gently tapping it like his father had done, but Makoto had gone completely unconscious.

Haru stood up quickly and turned on Makoto's father, who was standing away from the rest of the group. He walked right up to the man, grabbing the front of his shirt in a clenched fist.

"What happened to him?" he growled. "What the hell did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything, I swear," the man said frantically. Haru's grip tightened. "I found him collapsed at the entrance to the roof. He has a concussion but he ran up almost seventy flights of stairs. I've been trying to get him down to the emergency room." When Haru still didn't loosen his grip, Makoto's father suddenly realized why. "Haru-chan, it's me, I remember everything, I swear!"

Haru's eyes widened at the familiar nickname, and he let go and stepped back. He was on the verge of tears. "Oh, Haruka…" the man whispered, and Haru did something that shocked everyone – he stepped forward and hugged Makoto's father, the man who had really raised Haru more than his own father, tightly. The man hugged Haru back without a second thought.

They didn't let go until Rei cleared his throat loudly. Both turned to see him kneeling beside Makoto, fingers on his limp wrist.

"His pulse is going extremely fast. He could go into cardiac arrest if he doesn't get help soon," Rei said, not daring to look anywhere but the floor. Haru knelt beside Makoto once again, placing two fingers below his jaw to feel for his pulse. It felt like a hummingbird underneath his fingers; far too fast and far too weak.

"How many more flights?" he asked to nobody in particular.

"We only have twenty more, Haru-chan, we're almost there," Nagisa said, trying to be optimistic. His trembling hands fooled no one.

The rest of the trip was made in almost complete silence, the only sound being Makoto's labored breathing. Finally, the elevator shuddered to a stop on the bottom floor. Makoto's father picked him up once again and all exited the elevator, making a beeline for the emergency room.

They pushed through crowds of people, all of who had some sort of injury – broken bones, cuts in need of stitches, turned ankles. But it looked like none needed more immediate medical care than Makoto, so Haru and the others felt very little guilt as they pushed through to the front desk. The receptionist at the desk took one look at Makoto and immediately dropped her phone and stood up.

"Oh goodness…ok, bring him around the desk, I'll get a stretcher. Hey, I need a stretcher over here!" she yelled to the nurses running around behind her. A stretcher was brought over by a nurse, and she started to question them as Makoto was laid down. "I need to know exactly what happened," she said to the boys sternly.

"I suspect extreme head trauma and exhaustion," Rei said, taking charge. "He received a severe concussion yesterday and nearly drowned, but was given CPR. Today he experienced emotional distress that made him push his body to exhaustion. I believe he ran up about seventy flights of stairs without stopping, and collapsed soon after. The stress is effecting his heart, and I believe he is at risk for cardiac arrest," he finished. The nurse, along with the rest of his team, could only stare at him in shock.

"Well, thank you for such a thorough explanation," she said, and started to wheel Makoto away. The group followed her as closely as they could, listening as the nurse yelled orders to the other staff while keeping one hand on Makoto's wrist at all times. She was close to the doors to the ER when she suddenly stopped.

"We need a defibrillator over here now!" she yelled. "He's going into cardiac arrest!" Haru felt his own heart stop at her words. He didn't need to be a doctor to know that having your heart stop twice in two days was not a good sign. He tried to get closer to Makoto but several staff members held him back.

"I'm sorry, but you need to stay back," one man said to him, and Haru had to restrain himself from punching him. He stepped back and stood on his toes in order to see what was going on. The team and Makoto's father all stood next to him, staring at the frenzy of nurses surrounding Makoto.

A loud "Clear!" resonated around the room, and Haru saw the two metal plates hit Makoto's bare chest. Makoto's body spasmed like a rag doll as the shock ran through him, and Haru felt bile rise in his throat. The nurse checked his pulse again and shook her head. They repeated the process again, and again, and again. Each time Makoto's body convulsed, then went limp, and each time Haru felt the urge to scream rise.

After the fourth time, Haru had had it. He tried pushing his way through the nurses only to have several people quickly restraining him as he yelled.

"You idiot, Makoto! Wake up! Wake up now!" he screamed as he struggled against the nurses holding him back. "I won't forgive you if you die! I'll never forgive you!"

Suddenly Rin cut into his line of vision, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him back while Nagisa and Rei grabbed him from behind. Haru continued to curse and struggle as the nurses started the defibrillator once again.

After this shock, everyone went quiet when a small gasp was heard. The nurse holding onto Makoto's wrist nodded, and everyone sagged in relief. But before Haru even had a chance to say anything, Makoto had been wheeled away to the ER.

Haru sagged to his knees, and Rin dropped down with him, hugging him close while Haru tried to regain control of his breathing. "It's gonna be ok, Haru. He's gonna be ok," Rin whispered.

Mr. Tachibana stood behind the four boys sitting on the ground and, despite the fear and worry piercing his chest, couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face. He couldn't have wished for better friends for his son.

The boys found themselves in the waiting room a few minutes later. A staff member had apparently escorted them to it, but Haru couldn't really remember. He seemed to be in a daze.

He counted every second that passed in that room. Thirty minutes, and hour, two, three, four hours...he spent each second staring at the clock across the room.

Rin was sitting next to him with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands, fingers entwined in tangled red hair. Haru noted that he had stopped crying around the half hour mark.

Rei and Nagisa sat on his other side, completely quiet. Nagisa had fallen asleep on Rei's shoulder an hour in but woke up soon after from a nightmare. He had spent the last few hours with Rei's arm wrapped around his shoulder, curled up in his seat. Rei passed the time by obsessively cleaning his glasses. Then there was Makoto's father.

God, this man was not good in a crisis. He couldn't sit still; the first hour in his chair was spent tapping his feet and biting his nails and the second he spent flipping through every single shallow magazine in the room. He spent the third hour walking back and forth between the front counter every few minutes, asking if there was any news about his son. Now, halfway through the fourth hour, he was pacing back and forth across the room without pause.

Five hours in Haru could feel himself starting to fall asleep. The tick of the clock he was so intently watching was becoming hypnotizing. Just before he slipped away completely, a doctor walked into the room.

"Tachibana Mamoru?" the doctor called out. Mr. Tachibana's head snapped around, and he quickly walked over to the doctor. Haru, Rin, Rei and Nagisa and stood up and practically ran over to join the two adults. "That's me. Is my son going to be ok?" Mr. Tachibana asked. The doctor sighed.

"Well, he's stable right now," the doctor said, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "However, he did crash three times before he stabilized."

"What does that mean?" Nagisa asked worriedly.

"His heart stopped beating three separate times and he required the defibrillator each time. We don't know yet the extent of the stress on his heart. But we did find something worrying in his x-rays." The group just looked at him expectantly, so he continued.

"As you may have known, it is abnormal for someone in good shape like Makoto to go into cardiac arrest several times, even after what he went through. The x-rays showed us that he has an enlarged heart, which most likely went into cardiac arrest after the extreme stress it was subjected to. I'm actually surprised this didn't happen sooner; from the looks of him, I would guess that he trains hard, and quite frequently. It's not uncommon for athletes with enlarged hearts to experience cardiac arrest. He's lucky it happened in a hospital," the doctor finished.

Haru's mouth became dry. This meant that Makoto put his life in danger at every tournament, every practice, and every single time he swam with Haru. He felt like he was going to vomit.

"When can we see him?" Rin asked.

"You can visit him right now. But I ask that when you go into his room to remain as quiet as possible. We don't want to add any more stress, alright?" he asked, although it was more of an order than a question. Everyone nodded silently, and he seemed satisfied. He turned to a nurse and, after a quick exchanging of words, the team followed the nurse down several hallways, and finally stopping in front of Makoto's hospital room.

"He's in here. If he's asleep, don't try to wake him up. He should wake up on his own soon, anyway," she said, opening the door. The group filed into the room one at a time. "If you need anything, there's a buzzer beside the bed, alright?" she said, and walked out, quietly closing the door behind her. Immediately, Mr. Tachibana made his way over to the hospital bed where Makoto lay, and the rest of the team followed, surrounding the bed.

Makoto was unconscious, but it was different from earlier. Before his face had been screwed up in pain, and his breathing was labored and uneven, but now he was relaxed, and his breathing was deep and even. Haru relaxed visibly, even though he knew Makoto was probably just filled to the brim with painkilling drugs.

They stood in silence for a few minutes before Nagisa spoke. "Um, guys, what do we do now?" he asked. "We don't know when he's gonna wake up." Rin ran his hand through his hair, thinking. Suddenly, he cursed.

"Shit, we haven't told his mom or Kou what's going on! It's been hours, they're probably freaking out by now," he said. Mr. Tachibana looked down at his shoes nervously and Haru rubbed his eyes roughly.

"She needs to know what's going on," he said, turning to Rin, Rei and Nagisa. "You guys run down there and get them up to date. Make sure to tell them that Makoto's dad's gotten some of his memories back. Rin, do you have your phone?" he asked. Rin patted down his pockets and pulled out his cell phone, checking it for a charge. He nodded.

"Good. I'll call you when Makoto wakes up." And with that, Rein, Rei and Nagisa were gone, leaving only Haru and Mr. Tachibana. Without saying a word, both pulled up a chair to opposite sides of the hospital bed.

Several minutes passed in complete silence, with both of them just staring at Makoto, looking for any signs that he was waking up. When it became clear that he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon, Mr. Tachibana cleared his throat.

"Uh, Haruka, I…I need to talk to you, if that's alright," he said nervously. He could remember all the horrible things he had said with perfect clarity, so he wasn't sure if Haru would listen to him. The boy met his eyes and he nodded, giving the man permission to speak.

"First of all, I'm so sorry about what I did earlier, it was completely inappropriate, and I have no excuse-"

"You had temporary amnesia. It's not your fault," Haru interjected. The man sighed and crossed his arms.

"I suppose. That still doesn't excuse my actions," he said. Haru made a small noise in response, turning back to Makoto, waiting for him to continue.

"Makoto said something to me earlier, before he passed out. He started apologizing and saying that he killed Ran. But he was just confused, right? Isn't Ran downstairs with Ren and their mother?" he asked, his voice rising an octave when he saw Haru's face fall. "Haru-chan? What happened? Is my daughter ok?"

Haru placed both hands on his knees and turned toward the man who he probably respected more than anyone else and bowed his head down low. He took a deep breath. "Ran is dead. I'm so sorry."

Haru raised his head to see Mr. Tachibana staring at him with wide eyes. His hands were trembling violently. He rubbed his face harshly.

"Mamoru-san…" Haru said, using his first name out of habit. More quickly than Haru could follow, Mr. Tachibana had dropped his hands and was out of seat, backing away from the bed.

"Who the hell are you talking to? You can't call me that, I don't even know you! Who the fuck are you?" he yelled, pointing an accusing hand at Haru. Haru stood up and walked slowly toward Makoto's father.

"Stay the fuck away from me! No, don't come any closer!" he practically screamed.

"Mamoru-san, it's me, Haruka! Nanase Haruka! I've known you my whole life, you practically raised me!" Haru yelled back, his voice cracking. He needed to stop this before Makoto woke up and saw him, but his father continued to back into a corner like a scared animal.

"That's your son, Makoto! He's hurt and he needs you, so get your act together! No, I'm not lying to you," he snarled. Haru then reached forward, gripping the man's wrist and dragging him over to the hospital bed, forcing him to look at is unconscious son. He blinked hard and rubbed his eyes.

"Makoto…?" he whispered, and only then did Haru let him go. He stood up straight, his eyes wide and confused as he looked around the room. "Haruka, what…?" he tried asking. Haru shook his head. He was just as confused as the older man.

Mr. Tachibana slowly sat back down in his chair and placed his head in his hands. "Oh god, I'm losing it, aren't I? I'm going crazy. And Ran…oh god, she can't be dead, my little girl…" Haru just stood by him, not knowing what to do. Like father like son.

Haru sat back in his chair on the other side of the bed and watched Makoto's father as his shoulders heaved with silent, dry sobs. He didn't try to intervene his grieving with useless comfort, partly because he didn't think he was strong enough to support another person.

Of course, it was then that Makoto moved. Haru heard a small, pitiful-sounding whine come from the hospital bed and looked down to see his face scrunched up in pain. Makoto's hands moved up to his temple, and he rubbed them in small, circular motions. It looked like the pain medicine was wearing off. Haru began stroking his hair, and Makoto slowly opened his eyes. He looked up at Haru in confusion, but the memories from before quickly dawned on him, and his eyes opened wide. He tried sitting up but was forced to lay back down or risk passing out again.

Looking over at his father, Makoto voiced a simple question. "Does he know?" Haru nodded.

"He said you think it's your fault. That you think you killed her." Makoto turned away, but didn't contradict him. Haru just hissed through his teeth. Makoto's father raised his head.

"So what happened? He couldn't have killed her."

"I did."

"Shut up, Makoto. You didn't."

"I certainly didn't save her."

Haru suddenly became very angry. "There's a difference between killing someone and not saving them, you idiot! I'm not going to let you torture yourself by thinking you killed her! You fell, she fell, you couldn't catch her. That's it. There was nothing you could do."

All Makoto did was turn away, not giving Haru a reply. Haru groaned in exasperation. He walked to the other side of the bed and once again grabbed Mr. Tachibana's wrist, leading him out to the hallway.

"You know what's wrong with your head, and you need to tell me," Haru said to the man, feeling incredibly awkward talking to a superior like this. But he needed to know.

The man sighed. There was no use hiding it anymore. "I have a mental disorder that causes an alternate personality to surface when I experience extreme stress. I thought I had grown out of it though, it's only ever happened twice, and not for twenty years now. I can't control it, but it's never been this violent before," he finished.

"Learn to."

"What?"

"Learn to control it," Haru said. "You can't lose it in front of your family again."

"Haruka, I can't just stop it, it's literally out of my control!" he said, starting to panic.

"I realize that. We'll get you help as soon as we can. But for now, you need to do your best to control it, and I'll do my best to help you. For them. Okay?" Mr. Tachibana's eyes filled to the brim with tears, and he reached out and pulled Haru into a hug.

"Okay," he murmured into Haru's raven hair. "Thank you, Haru-chan."

Haru only nodded when he pulled away, smiling slightly. They both turned and walked back into the room. Makoto was lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Haru sat down next to him once more, leaning over and giving him a small kiss. Makoto's father chose not to comment.

Makoto looked over at Haru without turning his head and uttered a few words that broke Haru's heart.

"I wish it had been me."

A/N: Stupid site wouldn't let me post all day. Sorry for this being so late you guys, but this means you get the longest chapter so far! I just didn't know when to stop, apparently. As always, I love reviews and everyone who reviews, but I still love you read and don't review. The responses to this story are absolutely blowing my mind. Thank you guys so, so much. I think this story may be on the home stretch. If you live in the U.S., stay warm! Until next Sunday xoxo