Steph owns. Killerlashes and IAmToWait beta'd.
Chapter 10 – You Make Me Feel Weird
"How was it?"
"Was he a gentleman?"
"Did he kiss you?"
"Gross!"
"I hope he kept his hands to himself."
"Of course he did, dear. Now tell me - "
"People!" I yelled over my family's chatter. They all turned to me, wide-eyed. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," they chorused, like three nosy sheep. Their voices were left behind me as I made my way up the stairs. I changed and settled into bed, feeling strangely heavier without Edward's presence.
I'd realized tonight that he made me feel a number of things. Anger and confusion were at the top of the list, but only because his perfection was so incredibly infuriating.
Mostly he made me feel calm, needed, wanted. He made me want to change who I was completely and to never look back. Part of the reason I was so terrified was because he did do those things to me - and after having known him for such a short time.
I really had no idea what a first date would mean. I hoped Edward would want to see me again but I really had no idea where it would go.
Edward was important in the community, a leader, someone people looked up to. And I was… me. I wasn't necessarily the town drunk (though my DUI didn't help my cause) but I had no real pull in this town. People would expect him to be on his best behavior all the time, not gallivanting with the Chief's unruly stepdaughter.
But, then again, I could have underestimated the people of Forks. Aw, fuck, no, I hadn't. People were going to talk and people were going to bitch. When had I let that bother me before? In the end it only mattered what Edward wanted. And even more importantly, that he wanted me.
I stuffed all my worries firmly into a corner of my mind; I refused to gratify all my inner demons by obsessing over what people would be sure to think and say. Instead, I focused on remembering how light being with Edward made me feel, on how easily I could shrug off the anger I wore like a shield with him. He made me want to be the girl he thought I was. Soon enough I had drifted off, only to be reawakened by my phone buzzing on the nightstand.
Sleep well, pretty girl.
Gah. He thought I was pretty. I giggled into my pillow, not even trying to stop the inane grin spreading across my face. I really needed to get a grip on myself. This boy was turning me into… something different.
I smiled and responded quickly before shutting my phone off to avoid the inevitable "Drunk Jake" phone call. He and Quil were infamous for calling every person in their contacts when they got together and alcohol was involved, and by "infamous", I meant it just pissed everyone off.
I dreamt of Embry's face that night, not Edward's. The sadness and disappointment was clear in his eyes, cutting through me and searing my heart.
xXx
Charlie's eyes were on me as I stood in the kitchen making myself a hot cup of tea. I stared at the window as it steeped, the bag in my hand dangling dangerously over the cup.
"Your mom's going to make you bleach the counters if you keep that up." Charlie's voice broke through my thoughts - thoughts of Edward, to be exact – and brought my attention back to the tea in front of me. He was right: I'd managed to dunk the bag in my cup a few times, but it'd mostly landed on the counter. A pool of dark liquid surrounded my cup.
"Shit," I grumbled as I ripped off a few paper towels. I mopped it up and turned to Charlie, who was staring at me, thoroughly amused.
"You seem distracted," he observed, grinning at me under his mustache.
"Hush, Captain Obvious," I muttered, my face heating. Charlie laughed into his coffee while I glared half-heartedly. I couldn't manage to glare all the way. I was still thinking about Edward.
"He's a nice guy, you know."
"I know," I replied, not meeting his eyes. I did know.
"He'd be lucky to have you."
What the fuck? My eyes snapped to Charlie who was busy studying his newspaper. His eyes were focused but not moving, the sneaky bastard.
"Lee, you making breakfast?" Seth asked, coming in behind me.
"Um… do we have any of those frozen cinnamon rolls?" I turned to dig through the refrigerator.
"Ugh. Never mind," my brother grumbled, making a face.
Setting down the paper, Charlie laughed and pushed past us. "Never fear, Seth, I won't let you starve. Your mother'd never let me hear the end of it." We watched as he gathered things and started mixing up pancake batter. I took his spot at the kitchen table and browsed the newspaper, really only looking for the comics.
Charlie refilled my coffee and then set a plate of pancakes in front of me a few minutes later. I glanced up at him and smiled my thanks, something I often found hard to do. For a moment Charlie looked stunned; recovering, he squeezed my shoulder and went about cleaning up the kitchen.
Seth plopped down across from me and stared at me until I finally looked up.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked, knowing full well I probably still had eye gunk and maybe some drool dried on my skin.
"No." He shrugged and dug into his pancakes.
"Then what? What were you looking at?" I nearly yelled. Charlie turned to us with a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing, Lee. You seem different, that's all." I gaped at my brother for a moment before turning back to my plate, eyebrows furrowed in thought.
Did I seem different? I felt different, but in a weird way. I was still me, only… happier.
Happy was weird.
Charlie still seemed amused by our exchange when he finally took his seat at the small table with us, explaining that our mom had taken an early shift at the hospital. After my dad died, she'd gone back to school to become a nurse, something she'd always dreamed about. Not that Dad had held her back from her dreams, but it would have been difficult for her to work and go to school and manage a house and two kids.
Needless to say, she loved her job. She loved seeing different people and being able to make them feel better, to brighten their day. Mom was good at that, making people happy and making them feel welcome. I envied her sometimes.
She had this amazing ability to just… move on. Not that she had moved on from my dad. But she took everything in stride. Mom never let anything get her down.
I envied that.
"Bee in your bonnet?" Charlie asked quietly. I looked up from the newspaper to see that Seth had left us in the kitchen alone.
"Has Seth been making you watch Harry Potter again?" I laughed and Charlie joined me, knowing full well the only time we'd ever heard the phrase "Bee in your bonnet" was in(?) the movie.
"I kind of like that little wizard kid." Charlie shrugged and stood up to clear our plates. I helped him, not wanting to seem ungrateful.
"No, there's no bee in my bonnet. More like a hornet's nest," I said.
Charlie frowned. "You can talk to me, Leah," he said. "I know I'm not your dad, but… I'm still your family."
"I know." I shuffled my feet and felt tears prick at my eyes. I must've been PMS-ing. It was the only excuse for such blatant displays of emotions. Or maybe I was just becoming less of a bitch. I couldn't tell. Either way, Charlie could not see me cry.
"As long as you know." He patted my shoulder awkwardly as he left the kitchen. I washed our dishes and then dressed for my day. Not that I had anything planned. Unless Edward decided to call.
I wasn't going to wait around for him, though. I totally had important things to do. Like painting my nails, and reading the comics, and…staring at the phone.
As it was, I didn't have time to stare at the phone. There was plenty of housework to do, so Seth and I helped Charlie, doing endless loads of laundry (though at least all that laundry meant Seth was bothering with clean underwear, I thought gratefully).
By late afternoon, all the laundry had been ironed and folded, and Edward hadn't called. I pouted in silence while I made sandwiches until both Seth and Charlie spoke up.
"Maybe he got busy?" Charlie said nonchalantly.
"Maybe he'll wait three days?" Seth added. Was I being that obvious with my silent pouting?
"Who even does that?" I cried, nearly pulverizing the tomato I'd been slicing.
"Jesus," they said simultaneously, before dissolving in fits of laughter.
"You know, you two really need to stop spending so much time together. And stop watching 'How I Met Your Mother.'"
"Ah, that Barney." Charlie smiled and shook his head. "Listen, Lee, if he hasn't called it's for a very good reason, I'm sure."
I sighed, knowing he was right. "Okay."
I was a little comforted by their reassurance, but only somewhat. I hadn't dated in so long that I wasn't really sure how things worked anymore. By the time dinner had come and gone, I'd dragged myself up to my room with a pint of Chubby Hubby for a pity party, totally convinced that Edward had no interest in me whatsoever. Forget our incredible chemistry, how it had felt when we kissed or held hands. He was completely over me before we'd even gotten to a second date!
I grabbed a book and settled into my bed, wondering when I'd become such a- well, a girl, when my phone rang. It startled me so much I nearly fell out of bed. My stomach dropped and filled with bats and flipped upside down all at the same time when Edward's name flashed across the screen.
"Hello?" I answered, more breathily than I intended. Oh, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, too. Sometimes I hated what that boy did to me.
"Hey, pretty girl," he answered, his voice weary.
"What's wrong?" I immediately asked, hoping I wasn't being too forward by assuming that something was wrong.
"Long day," he laughed softly.
"Care to elaborate?" I questioned.
"Pastor Weber had a family emergency and I have to give the sermon tomorrow."
"…Oh?"
"Leah, I've never given a sermon," Edward whispered nervously.
"Edward, you give a sermon to those kids every Sunday," I reassured him.
"But they're kids, Leah. Kids."
"Yeah, and they're your harshest critics. You know that."
"I guess…"
"You know I'm right," I said smugly.
"Oh, great, you're one of those girls." I could practically see him rolling his eyes.
"If you mean intelligent and strong-willed, then yes, I am. You should have known that before you asked me out, Cullen," I teased.
"I did. That's why I asked you," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice and I felt my own mouth moving into one.
"Of course," I laughed.
"That and you're incredibly beautiful," Edward replied matter-of-factly. I felt my face heat up. "I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."
"No big deal. I had a busy day." Busy thinking about why you didn't call.
"I've got to get to bed. First service is always hard to get to," he chuckled and my heart sank.
"Good luck, you'll be great."
"Thank you. I'll talk to you soon."
"Goodnight, Edward."
"Sleep well, pretty girl. Sweet dreams," he said before hanging up.
I lay in bed for a few more minutes before jumping up, completely awake. I practically skipped down the stairs and into the living room where my family was watching a movie. My mother eyed me as I curled up next to Seth on the couch, but turned her attention back to the television.
Yeah, happy was weird. But it was also really, really great.
xXx
Simple black, long-sleeved dress.
Tall black boots.
Mascara. (Two coats.)
Lip gloss.
I stood examining myself in the full-length mirror for what seemed like forever. I looked like I was going to a funeral. There was no funeral, just me swallowing my pride and… going to church.
"Leah, we're leaving-" Mom opened my bedroom door but stopped short when she saw me. "What's going on?"
"I thought I'd go with you. If that's okay?"
"Of course, baby," she said, doing a horrible job of covering her surprise before leaving my doorway. I followed her downstairs for a quick breakfast and cup of coffee. No one mentioned the fact that I was coming with them, though I'm pretty sure they all knew why.
At the church, people smiled and shook my hand. They were lovely and welcoming and I felt all wrong in my own skin. I didn't, however, catch fire when I walked in the door. I thought that was a good sign. We took seats in a pew near the center of the church, almost the exact same spot that Edward and I had sat the first time we had lunch together. I glanced up at the stained glass windows and smiled, remembering that day and how odd I'd thought Edward Cullen was.
I heard Edward before I saw him at the front of the church. He smoothed his tie nervously as he welcomed the congregation with a small smile. His free hand flipped through the Bible on top of the pulpit to his side as his eyes scanned the crowd. I didn't know if he was looking for me but I wanted him to be.
He rested his eyes on his Bible and started talking again. His soft voice exuded the same confidence that he had with the kids and I knew he had nothing to be worried about.
I listened to Edward's sermon with rapt attention, more focused on the sound of his voice and the way he held himself than the actual words. I knew he was talking about worrying and how you shouldn't do it, how you should give all your problems up, but I couldn't seem to focus on that. I was too wrapped up in the warmth of his voice and the memories of his kiss it invoked.
He was totally in his element, even more so than when he was at Quil's singing and playing. Edward closed the sermon with a prayer, inviting people forward to the prayer rail while everyone else filed out. I stayed rooted in my pew as people exited all around me. When the last person left the prayer rail, Edward's eyes scanned the sanctuary again and finally met mine.
A breathtaking smile crossed his face. He looked down shyly then back at me and beckoned with his head that I should follow him. I did, giving my mother a quick glance at the door. She smiled and nodded encouragingly.
I walked a few steps behind him and in silence until we finally reached a door outside of the sanctuary and he turned to me as he opened it.
"Hi." He smiled.
"Hi."
"I can't believe you came." A small laugh escaped from him as he closed the door behind us. I immediately wrapped him in my arms, burying my face in his shoulder and inhaling deeply.
"You were amazing," I whispered. "I mean, I don't even like church and that was pretty awesome."
"Thanks," he said as he kissed my hair.
"You're welcome." I gave him one more squeeze and settled myself into his desk chair. He sat opposite me and tugged at his tie, loosening it then letting it hang about his neck. I wanted to tie it back, to tug on it and pull him across the desk and then do dirty things to him.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, a smirk playing across his lips as if he already knew what was running through my head.
"Um… nothing?" My face flushed and I tried desperately to avoid his eyes. My gaze landed on a picture on his desk. I smiled as I picked it up. It was of the same couple from the picture in Edward's guest room, only they were a little older and accompanied by two children. Alice's gap-toothed smile was the first thing that struck me, followed by the happiness in Edward's eyes, his arm slung around his little sister, both of them standing in front of their parents.
"This is beautiful." I touched each of their faces softly before setting the frame back down. "You look so happy." I looked up to see that Edward had joined me on my side, leaning against the mahogany of the desk.
"We were." He picked up the picture and then set it back down gently. Edward's fingers brushed the hair out of my face as he looked down at me. "I'm still in shock that you're here."
"I thought you could use some support." I smiled and held his hand to my face. He bent down, ever so slowly, and kissed me very softly. I felt my breath leave me.
"Thank you."
"Anytime," I whispered.
"Can I take you to lunch?" he asked as he stood up.
"If you want…"
"I want. I'm starving."
"Okay," I agreed.
Edward tossed his undone tie on his desk and held out his hand to me, but I didn't take it. I gave him a gentle push in front of me and out of his office then crossed my arms in front of me. There were still so many people around the church grounds. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. If we were ready for that. Edward gave me a knowing look and shoved his hands in his pockets.
I guess we weren't ready for that.
We went to the little diner where we'd gone the first time we had lunch. I laughed, thinking about that day while we were standing in line ordering.
"What?" Edward asked with a small smile, nudging me with his shoulder.
"Nothing." I shook my head and leaned into his side. We both ordered big bowls of soup; Edward carried our trays to a table by the window where we could watch the traffic and people.
"I like to watch people," Edward said as he tore off a piece of his French roll and dipped it in his soup.
"Creep."
"Shut up." He grinned. "They're just… really interesting."
"I'll say it again: creep." I emphasized the word and tossed a torn-up piece of napkin at him.
"You are such a child," he grumbled and stared out the window. I smiled and tapped his foot with mine.
"Stop it. I'm watching people."
"What are you looking for?" I followed his gaze to the people mingling on the street.
"Anything. Look at those kids," he said as he pointed to a couple in front of the small movie theater. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and she was smiling up at him. "It's like they're on their first date or something."
"You think?" I eyed them more carefully and Edward nodded.
"Definitely. He's so nervous. I don't think he can get his hands in his pockets any further," Edward chuckled softly. It was true. The boy was almost elbows deep in his jeans.
"You weren't that nervous," I said. He turned to me and smiled, the tips of his ears turning pink.
"Yeah, well… you do something weird to me."
"Weird? You flatter me, Cullen."
"A good weird. Trust me." He winked and went back to his lunch. "Do you like the beach?" Edward asked after a moment.
"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I deadpanned. Edward choked on his soup.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes, I love the beach. I practically grew up on First Beach."
"With Jacob?" he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. It was almost comical when Edward was trying to be menacing.
"Yes, with Jacob. He was my best friend."
"I don't think he liked me."
"He did, actually. He told me."
"Did he? Well, then. I take back everything I ever said about him," Edward smiled. I shook my head.
"You'd never say anything bad about anyone."
"I might." He shrugged and dipped his spoon into his soup over and over.
"Like who?"
"Who knows, pretty girl. You finished? I've go to get back to church."
"Yeah. I'm finished," I said as I grabbed our things to throw away. Edward shook his head and took them from me. I followed him to the trash can and glared while I waited.
"What?" he asked innocently.
"I can throw away trash."
"My mama raised me right, Leah." He smiled and kissed my forehead. My eyes widened at his sudden public display of affection. When he pulled back his grin was even wider. "Oops."
I nervously looked around the diner, worried that everyone would be looking at us. Edward was making me paranoid. There were actually a few people that had turned to us, but they lost interest quickly. Edward simply shook his head and grabbed my hand.
The ride to my house was quiet and over too soon. I wanted more time with Edward.
"Will you be at Quil's tonight?" he asked as I opened the door.
"If you want me to be," I shrugged.
"I want you," he said. I laughed loudly and Edward blushed. "I mean, I want you to be there."
"Sure, Cullen. I'll be there. See you at Youth?"
"Definitely." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I stared at him for a moment before pulling his face to mine. I kissed him softly, letting my fingers trail down his jaw and rest on the side of his neck. He smiled and kissed me again, then leaned over and opened my car door for me. Such a gentleman. "See you soon."
"See you," I said as he drove away. I practically skipped inside and into the living room where everyone was sitting around the coffee table playing UNO.
"You want in?" Seth shuffled the cards all advanced-like and grinned.
"Of course." I smiled and ruffled his dark hair. I saw Mom and Charlie exchange amused expressions, which I pointedly ignored.
I couldn't help it and I didn't really want to. I liked Edward. I liked him a lot, and I was really beginning to like to the way he made me feel.
When my phone rang a few hours later it wasn't Edward telling me he was on his way to pick me up for Youth. It was him telling me he'd cancelled the group and that he couldn't go to Quil's. Alice was sick.
"Oh, does she need anything?" I asked, tugging at my tight black top. It felt like my boobs had grown overnight. What a love-hate relationship we have, birth control. I put the phone on speaker so I could tear the shirt off.
"Um, no. She's sleeping right now. It's just a sore throat and a fever but I don't want to leave her alone tonight."
"I understand," I reassured him and pulled on a Journey t-shirt that had been my father's. Yeah, that's where I got it from.
"Actually, do you want to come over? We could order some food and just… hang out," Edward asked just as I picked the phone back up. I nearly dropped in it my surprise.
"Yes! I mean… sure, yeah. Whatever." I tried to recover from my outburst and mentally kicked myself.
"Okay. Uh, can I come and pick you up?"
"Now?"
"Or in a few minutes."
"No, no," I said while checking myself in the mirror quickly. "Now's fine."
By the time I'd changed my shirt three times (back into the skintight black tee) and brushed my hair and teeth, Edward was at the door.
Seth answered the door but I didn't give them time to get into a conversation. I called a quick goodbye to my family, shutting the door on Seth's interjections of concern for Alice before ushering Edward out to the car. He laughed as he opened the door for me, amused at my hurrying.
"What's the rush?" he asked with a smile.
"I'm just worried about Alice, that's all," I answered. "Does she need anything?"
"She's fine. We're all stocked up on soup and Gatorade. Alice is prone to strep throat; she'll be okay after the doctor can get some antibiotics for her tomorrow," Edward explained as we drove through the neighborhoods separating our homes.
"Oh, sounds like you've got it all figured out," I said softly, trying to imagine what it must have been like taking care of a sick kid and once again marveling at the strength Edward exuded.
"Not all of it," he whispered, taking my hand and squeezing it. I pulled my hand from his grasp, suddenly self-conscious of his word and even more so of his actions.
At his house, Alice was curled up in a big fluffy chair, looking more pale this usual. Her grey eyes were framed by dark bags and her hair was pulled away from her face, messier than I'd ever seen it.
"Hey, kid," I murmured, brushing a stray piece of hair away, and touched her forehead. I raised an eyebrow at Edward, who disappeared into the kitchen, returning with Tylenol and a glass of water.
I took them from him and handed them to Alice. I sat on the arm of the chair and let her rest her head against my leg. She looked so pitiful that I didn't even want to kill her when I thought about how sick I would be.
"You come to hang out with me?" she asked softly, her voice hoarse and ragged from coughing.
"Of course, Snow White," I answered. Edward laughed at my new nickname for Alice, but I couldn't help it. I'd been thinking about it since the first time I saw her. Dark hair, pale skin, big eyes – she was a dead ringer for that cartoon version.
"Whatever, Pocahontas," Alice muttered.
"That was a racial slur!" I cried indignantly. The original Disney Princess giggled weakly. Edward smiled and kissed my head before tugging his sister up by the elbow.
"Bed," he said firmly as he turned her toward the stairs.
"Yes, sir," she halfway saluted him and stumbled upstairs.
"You want to order some food?" Edward called as he left me for the kitchen. I followed him and found him sitting on the counter sorting through takeout menus. I stepped between his legs and he wrapped them around me, pulling me closer.
"Chinese? Pizza? Indian?" he asked with a huge shit-eating grin.
"Edward! Oh my God! You're awful!" I nearly yelled and hoped I wouldn't have to explain the difference between Indian and Native American. The fucker had better be joking.
"What? What'd I say? Do you want Indian food or not? I could go for some kind of curry…"
"I can't believe this family," I tried to get out of his legs but he held strong and dug his fingers into my ribcage. I struggled against him, trying not to laugh.
"Let go!" I yelled through gasps of air.
"Shhh… you'll wake up Alice!" he laughed.
"Then get your hands off me, you creep!"
"But you're so pretty!" Edward tickled me again and pressed his lips to my neck.
I stopped struggling and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"You're pretty, too," I whispered against his mouth.
"Shut it," he grinned and kissed me gently.
"Fine, I will. But I want Chinese. Orange chicken, white rice." I pushed him away and strutted into the living room. Edward joined me a few moments later, flopping down on the couch next to me and propping his sock-covered feet up on the table. His arms slipped around my shoulders and pulled me closer until my head rested against his shoulder.
"What? No 'smooth guy stretch?'" I asked and felt him chuckle.
"I'm above that, you know," he said as he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Oh, yeah. You're all holier than thou and all that." I snorted.
"Fantastic play on words. Five points to Clearwater," Edward said softly. He turned his body toward me, pulling my legs up in his lap and resting his hand on my thigh.
"What are we doing here, Cullen?"
"Here?" he asked with his face close to mine. "We're waiting on food and… talking?"
"This is not talking," I tried not to stutter when his lips met the skin beneath my ear.
"I don't know what we're doing here, Leah. But I like it. I like you," he said, and smiled in a way that made me feel warm all over. I tried to keep the cartoon character bug eyes from appearing.
Yeah. I liked him too.