This chapter is dedicated to othnaleyfan4, bballuvrsr3, foreverlove23, Lostand1TreeHillfan and Kelsey's Evolving!
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Chapter 10 Emotional Rollercoaster
The next day dawned bright and sunny. Peyton entered the Scott household and dropped her bag on the empty bed, exhausted and emotionally drained from the night before. Everyone was gone from the house- Karen and Brody at the café, with Lucas there as well, picking up an extra shift.
Even though Brooke continued to provide generously to the bank account for Brody's care, Lucas still felt the need to provide for his son as well, and it didn't hurt that he could help his mother at the same time. The coaching job didn't pay in money, since he was still a student of Tree Hill High, but it was well worth it. Lucas had found a different way to love the game, and where having HCM stole one dream, Whitey had just given him another.
Peyton fell across the bed, thinking back to her conversation with Ellie yesterday.
FLASHBACK to the day before
Peyton threw the phone on the bed and plopped down behind it. "That was Haley." she told her mother, who was looking on in amusement. "She's freaking out because she wants to go to Stanford, and she just found out Nathan wants to go to Duke."
"But isn't Nathan her husband? Those schools are over 3,000 mile away from each other." Ellie said, confused.
"That's the problem" Peyton agreed. "Haley doesn't want to change her dream for a relationship that feels less like a marriage and more like a 'friends with benefits' arrangement."
""Friends with benefits. Isn't that just sleeping around?"" Ellie inquired, shaking her head.
""No,"" Peyton defended. ""it's like… it's like being friends with someone you get to have sex with but… you can still hook up with other people too.""
Ellie raised her brows and looked at Peyton pointedly. ""OK."" Peyton said, grinning. ""So you're right. It's the same.""
""And what about you?"" Ellie asked. ""Do you have any beneficial friends?""
""No."" Peyton, paused, then continued. ""I dated this guy, Nathan, for a while but we were more benefits than we were friends. But we're just friends – no benefits – now."" She laughed, then sobered. ""And then… there was this other guy but… but he was more than that.""
Ellie walked over and put her hand on Peyton's back. ""Were you in love with him?""
Peyton nodded.
""That's the hard part. Sex – easy."" Ellie paused. ""But if you find someone you're in love with who's also your friend, wouldn't that be the greatest benefit?""
""I don't know,"" Peyton answered. ""It's a fairytale, I guess.""
Ellie shrugged. ""Well, there's nothing wrong with fairytales. Everyone ends up happily ever after.""
END FLASHBACK
That night she came home high from a win to discover that Ellie had finally come to watch her play. That was also the night she discovered that Ellie was leaving. The album was done, and Ellie had even found a title for it: "Friends with Benefit." Since the album was done, Ellie decided it was time for her to be done as well. If it wasn't for the blackout, she would have left last night instead of early this morning. Peyton tried to get her to stay through Thanksgiving, which was in two weeks, but she refused. Even still, it was a night of memories.
FLASHBACK
Ellie and Peyton had just returned from their crazy drive through the rain. Fresh from the shower, Ellie took the brush from Peyton's hands and began to pull it through her hair. Noticing the look on Peyton's face, Ellie paused. ""Are you OK?""
""Yeah."" Peyton said tearfully. ""This is nice.""
""Yeah"' Ellie sighed, ""It is.""
""You know, um,… I was thinking about… the stuff you said about living life and… jumping at opportunity; not being afraid."" Peyton began hesitantly.
Ellie pulled the brush through one last time then moved in front of Peyton, sitting on the edge of the bed.
""Yeah?"" Ellie said, encouraging her to continue.
""And…there was this guy"" Peyton hesitated. ""there… there is this guy. A guy that… I loved. And… I let him go and now I'm starting to think that was a big mistake."" She looked down. ""But it's too late.""
""No."" Ellie said, shaking her head. ""It's never too late, Peyton. That's the one thing I learned from meeting you."" Ellie reached out an pulled Peyton into her arms. ""I'm so sorry I missed those seventeen years. But I wouldn't give back these weeks with you for the world.""
Peyton, allowing the tears to fall, whispered, ""Yeah, me either.""
""And the Peyton that I've come to know deserves to get whatever she wants."" Ellie continued. ""She deserves to be happy – as an artist;… as a friend;… as a daughter;… as my daughter.""
Peyton smiled against Ellie's chest. ""I heard that.""
"And if what Peyton want is a certain blond haired boy that is the father of my beautiful grandson" Peyton looked up at Ellie to find her smiling. "then she should go for it, and be happy."
Ellie laid Peyton's head back on her chest, rocking her softly. "Ask me to dinner again when you come to bring me the first printing of the cd," Ellie said quietly. "We can listen to it together on the way back to Tree Hill for Thanksgiving."
END FLASHBACK
Sighing, Peyton got up and began to unpack her clothes, placing them in Lucas' closet. While attempting to shove her suitcase in the top corner of the closet, she was horribly unsuccessful, sending a rain shower of boxes down over top of her head.
"Ow!" She said, rubbing her head where one particularly vicious box made contact. Looking down, she noticed that the lid to a shoebox had come off, spilling its contents across the floor. Bending down, she noticed one of her drawings, a doodle she had done of Lucas' name during one of their boring classes together. She sat down in the middle of the mess, slowly picking up piece after piece of material that she had given him over the year she had known him. Several mixtapes she burned. A letter she wrote him in Spanish class. Pictures of the two of them together. She ran her finger down a picture of her curled in his arms in the seat of her car, almost not recognizing the look of pure joy captured forever on her face. Putting it down, she moved to the shoebox to find it still half-filled with more pictures, sketches, and cds. The sketch she had drew of the two of them the night of Dan's party. A letter she had never seen before, addressed to her.
She held it in her hand, debating on whether or not she should read it. She quickly lost that battle, opening it up. After all, it was addressed to her.
Dear Peyton,
These past few days have been so amazing with you, I can't even begin to tell you. But what I sometimes can't say out loud, for some reason seems to flow with ease out of my pen and onto paper. Maybe because what I feel for you is so strong that there is no way to say it without it losing some of its power by being spoken out loud. Sometimes the feelings I have overwhelm me, to the point where I had to let it out in some way or my heart would burst from holding it in.
I LOVE YOU, Peyton.
I love you so much it scares me, because I am too young to feel this forever kind of love, especially not knowing if you feel the same. And I am sorry the immensity of my feelings for you caused me to turn away from you after your hesitation, because I caused you a lot of pain turning to your best friend when you needed time to get used to the idea of me, of us. I guess I forgot that while the dream of being with had been in my mind for years, the concept of being with me had never occurred to you until recently.
If I had known about the joy, the completeness that would come over me from being able to express what I feel for you earlier, I would have waited for you. I would have waited as long as you needed me to. But I was scared of you and the complication of being with you, not realizing that the depth and complexity of your nature is what I love most about you, because I love being the only one that gets you.
Because I do, Peyton. I get you. You are the other half of me. And the world seems a better place because you are sharing it with me. I can be myself with you because as much as I get you, sometimes it seems like you are the only one out there who gets me,too, who understands without a word just what I need. And I understand a little bit better why you ran now that I'm with you, because I am starting to see that maybe all along, you felt the same way I did, and it scared you too. I just want you to know that I am ready to stop running if you are, and we can be afraid together. Because I don't want to miss out on us another minute. I am so in love with you, Peyton. I think I will love you forever.
You're my forever,
Lucas
She read the letter three times, letting his words flow over her wounded heart. To think that she was so afraid to let him know how she felt, when he was feeling that same fear. She laughed softly. Maybe the words Ellie had spoken to her the night of the storm weren't so far fetched after all.
"What are you doing?" Peyton jumped, looking up in shock. She was so intent on reading the letter, she didn't notice that Lucas had come into the room.
"I- uhh, I was.." Peyton stuttered, still caught up in the realization that her happiness was obtainable, and not just a fantasy she hid in the deepest corners of her heart.
"I can't believe you would go through my things. Those things are private!" Lucas said, running his hands over his head and pacing, turning away from her. "And to think I left Brody with mom to come and check on you since I didn't hear from you after you told me Ellie had left. I expected to find you upset, not going all cat burglar through my closet!"
Peyton smiled softly at the cat burglar comment, his words bringing back to memory Brooke's message to her about the infamous box. She stood up and walked over to him, pausing him in his rant as she reached out and turned him to face her. She took a chance, betting that this anger came from a place of vulnerability, because his heart was exposed without permission or warning.
(If I let you baby finish what you started
It can't be like the days we had before
I want to work it out,
Your love is what I cry for,
I need to know on you I can depend)
Leaning in, she grabbed his face in between her hands, forcing him to stop his tirade and look him in the eye. "I love you, too." She whispered, nodding her head as his eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly. "I am so in love with you Lucas Scott, I know I'll love you forever." And gently, oh so gently, she placed her lips on his and pulled him into a kiss.
(We could try again, cry again
Be again, see again
Clearly this time, I mean clearly this time)
Several moments passed and Lucas didn't move, so many moments that she was afraid maybe she had made a mistake in interpreting his feelings for her. After all, that note was written over 6 months ago, and it was high school.
(We could try again, cry again
Be again, see again
Clearly this time, I mean clearly this time)
Embarrassed now, she began to pull away, breaking the kiss, only to be swept forcefully up into Lucas' chest. It was as if he had come alive after a long sleep, and now it was him taking control of the kiss, mashing his mouth fervently against hers, pulling her tightly against him, as if he could make them one by his will alone. She gave in eagerly, relief in knowing that there wasn't going to be an awful speech about how he loved her as a friend, but was in love with someone else.
Looks like we'll be lovin' again, kissin' again
La da da da da
La da don-don don
Looking La da da da
She didn't protest as he laid them down on the bed and began to move the kiss deeper, deeper. He moved away from her mouth and began to explore her face with his lips, returning to her mouth again and again as if it held him on a leash that only let him go so far before he was reeled back in. She moaned softly as he hit a particular spot on her neck, and she felt his grin on her neck as he nipped it again.
[Yesterday apart felt like the weight of my tomorrow,
But today I feel so alone, lonely without you
I want you here with me, be exactly who you are to me
Be back here with me, we need…
We could love again, remember again,
Forgive me if I forget again,
To love you babe, ohhhh
To love you babe]
"You don't think I remember?" he said, tripping his tongue lightly over her sensitive spot. "I remember everything about you." Moving back up to her face, he locked her lips in another fierce kiss. In retaliation, she bit his lip lightly, and when he reared back, forced him to continue rolling until she was on top.
"I remember some things too, you know," she said seductively, swooping down to place kisses on his jawline, lighting touching her tongue to the hinge of his jaw, causing him to let loose a groan. She made her way back to his mouth, loving the taste of his kisses, making up for lost time.
Looks like we'll be lovin' again, kissin again
La da da da da
La da don-don don
Looking La da da da
"I've missed this." She said thickly, caressing his face gently, overwhelmed by the sensation of finally being able to express how she felt. It had been such an emotional couple of weeks, she almost couldn't handle it, even if now the emotions were good. At the catch in her throat, he rolled her back over and tucked her under him, smoothing the hair from her face and looking into her eyes, bright with unshed tears.
"What wrong, Peyt?" he soothed, noticing the tears that had formed in her eyes.
"I was so afraid," she confessed softly, looking down at his shirt and plucking softly at the buttons she had begun to open in the heat of the moment.
"Afraid of what?" he said, nuzzling her nose with his own.
"Afraid that you didn't feel the same anymore." she whispered.
"But I do," he said, pulling her face up with the tip of his finger, and placing a soft kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry if I forgot for awhile to show you, but it's always been there."
[We could love again, remember again,
Forgive me if I forget again,
To love you babe, ohhhh
(Don't forget to love me)
To love you babe]
[Girl, I couldn't wait, to see your pretty face
Standing hand in hand with me,
look at all the joy you bring]
"It's just been a rough month. A rollercoaster of emotions, you know? With Ellie coming, then going, finding out about your HCM, dealing with the rumors at school about Brody, Keith coming back, watching you with Rachel…" Peyton babbled, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Hey, hey, hey" he said, rubbing her arms gently. "Its okay to let it all out. I love you Peyton. I promise I do. And I am here for you in whatever way you need me. You just let me know okay, 'cause we're in this together." He lifted her head up and placed a gentle kiss on her lips at her silence. "Okay?"
[And look at all the times, I had to cry,
A puzzled man was I,
but now I have you back in my life
You're love so wonderful
Its incredible to be with you]
"Okay" she said, finally allowing a smile to grace her lips. Looking up at him, she whispered, "Its always gonna be there, isn't it? You and me?"
He nodded, then rolled them over so that Peyton was lying on his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest. "Always, Peyt." He nuzzled the top of her head with his chin, taking in her scent, the feel of her curls on his neck, letting it sink in that she was his again, that he was here again, that finally, he was holding everything he ever wanted. And now they could have it. "Always."
[Baby I'm so in love with you
I don't know what to do]
Looks like we'll be lovin' again
Later that night, after dinner with Karen and Keith, Lucas pulled Keith aside. "So, I've thought about it." At Keith's questioning look, he clarified. "What you said about Peyton. And you were right." Lucas looked over to where Peyton was helping Karen clear the table. She met his gaze then smiled, ducking her head. "I think she'll say yes to me too."
Smiling Keith clapped Lucas on the back. "Looks like the Scott men are two for two!"
"No," Lucas said, grinning. Haley had come over that afternoon to pack up her things. Nathan had asked her to move back in with him, and she said yes. "Today, we're three for three."
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To my 5 winners who guessed chapter 10, I hope you caught on why it was dedicated to you- you guessed right! It was the only way I could reward you guys, since I couldn't figure out how to send you the doc early. Hope you enjoyed it.
The song is 'Lovin Again' by Jill Scott and Sisqo. ()= Jill Scotts part, [] = sisqo's part, everything else is the part they sing together
You know, Mark is a genius? I had to watch that episode again to get the dialogue right, and I noticed that Peyton never said Jake's name when she was talking about the one she loved, so she could've really been talking about Lucas there. An evil genius, but a genius nonetheless.
Yay! Everybody happy in OTH land! How long is that gonna last?
Alright guys, you need 61 reviews (to get to 300) to keep the daily updates going tomorrow, and you need them by midnight tonight, so put your review hats on! If you dont make it, dont worry, there will still be an update on Sunday. :)