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Chapter 10: I needed to hear your voice

Rory walked down the street from Paris apartment. Paris was at work and Rory needed some fresh air.

She needed to talk to Luke.

She walked and walked until she found a phone booth. She put in change and watched as the machine ate them and then lit up, letting her know that it was satisfied.

She dialed the familiar number of the diner; it's been a week and a half. There was no way he can still be in the hospital, and there is no way that Luke can stay away from the diner for that long.

She checked her watch while the phone rang, going so slowly as if it was taunting her; 1:15, she sighed in relief, Lorelai was at work.

"Hello?" asked an eerie familiar voice. She felt her body shake; it's just cold, she told herself. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Hi," she said so softly and so slowly, she could see her breath in the New York cold.

Luke sighed, and leaned on a counter. When he picked up the phone, he was expecting to hear anyone but her.

No one had heard from her in days. She was dead for all he knew.

"Luke, I know you're angry. I know you're worried. And I know you don't understand," she said quickly.

"You're damn right I don't understand, Rory," he said briefly. He mentally cursed at himself; he didn't mean to push her way. She was finally talking, no need to make her feel bad.

"I'm sorry about that, I really am. And if I could explain it to you, I would, but right now…I don't even understand it myself," she said to him. She silently praised herself for sounding so calm when in reality she was breaking when she picked up the phone.

"Okay," he said. He needed her to continue talking, so that the Rory-void that had been so worried could have closure.

"I'm okay, everything is okay, I just…I kind of had an emotional breakdown- God, I'm still having one. And I needed to get away. I had a Lorelai moment." She said causing the memory from when her mother ran only days before her wedding to Max.

"I just, I needed to tell you. I needed you to reassure my mom that I am okay. And I needed to hear your voice and make sure everything is alright." There was double meaning in that last sentence, and Luke quickly picked up on it. Sometimes, he felt he knew this girl better than he knew himself. And then he remembered who her mother was and he knew that he'll never completely understand her.

"He's okay." Complete silence. "Rory, Jess is okay. He got out of the hospital six days ago. He isn't quite working yet but he will be soon."

Jess, it hurt to hear the name. It hurt to hear the words hospital and Jess in the same sentence; she had been beginning to think this was all some very nightmare. Very cliché, and cruel dream that she'd be waking up from any moment now.

So much for that conspiracy.

"Okay," she said not knowing what else to say. She was so afraid that the tears that were threatening to spill would be traceable through the phone line.

"He misses you." He paused. "He won't say it, he won't even bring up your name, but he does." He thought for a second. "We all do."

She took a deep breath. "I miss you guys too."

"Then why don't you come home," it was meant as a question. What he really meant was, come home. Now. Before I trace this phone call and pick you up. And she knew it.

"Luke..." she sighed trying to find a good reason why she couldn't get on a train right this moment and go back home. "You know I can't."

"I'm not sure I do. Just come home. Your mom misses you. I need you here. The weddings not that far away and you need to be here. You and Jess can figure this out."

What he said was reasonable, and logical. And if Rory was sane right now they were words even she might say. But she was anything but sane right now and she was done with being logical.

Jess and her were messy. She had never gotten time to pine over him. And if that was what she needed, that was what she was going to do. But really, what she needed to do was just sit and cry the last 4 years out. From the very first "Hi, I'm Rory" and "I figured." To the last two weeks.

She needed time to figure it out. And she needed to give Jess time.

They needed time. Neither of them were ready to deal with the heartbreak that had built up over the years.

"It's not that easy," she said evasively. She didn't need to elaborate though, Luke understood. He had been there to witness all of it. No need to explain.

"I know," Luke said. He hated it, but he knew it. He wish it wasn't true. He wished that all of it could be figured out in one sitting. He wished that his beloved nephew wasn't a mess and his little girl could just come home. But like he said, he knew. He didn't understand but he knew.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said quietly. And everything she did was forgotten and Luke suddenly wanted more than anything for Rory to be home.

"I'm always here. You can always talk to me."

"I know," she said somewhat offended. Did he think that she didn't know that he was always there for her?

"Rory," he sighed. "Where are you?"

"That doesn't matter, right now. I just wanted you to know I'm safe. I wanted to know how everything is. And I needed to tell you I'll be home soon."

"How soon is soon?"

"Just….soon."

"Before the wedding?"

"Before the wedding."

"Good."

"I love you, Luke."

"Love you too, Rory."

"Please don't tell them about this conversation," she pleaded.

"Bye Rory," he said.

"Bye Luke."

She hung up the phone and walked out of the booth, rubbing her shoulders in the cold.

She smiled faintly before making her way home.