In response to reivews (which made me very happy so thanks): no, teenagers sing the x rated barney song, not kids, don't worry, your children's minds are safe. - Yes, at the moment I really should be doing homework, but this is like my break; some teenagers go on facebook and socialize, some go out with their friends and socialize, some go out with their boyfriends exchanging saliva and socialize, but me? I write and read stargate sci-fi fanfiction...*note to self, GET A SOCIAL LIFE, LIKE SERIOUSLY!* - No, the last test was lust which was where Sam tried to seduce Jack, this one is hatred and revenge, not lust. - You said Jack will wake up and onto the next test they will go but, that isn't going to happen as you will shortly find out. - What? how can you not like angst? Angst is amazing, there is so much pleasure from killing off and beating up characters, especially Pete, who always deserved to die a horrible painful death by being castrated without anesthetic and then dissolved alive by sulfuric acid...aren't I a loving child?

Previously: Maybe she had been imagining it, but she had seen the words in his eyes before he died, and even if he couldn't hear them, she needed to say them.

And lying in his arms where she felt like she belonged, she closed her eyes and the tears spilled once more.

Chapter 10: part three (Promise this is the last bit)

As soon as she had closed her eyes, something changed. She was no longer lying against the Colonel but on hard grass covered ground. Wondering where he had gone she opened her eyes to find herself back over the other side of the clearing where she had woken up after blacking out. Getting up she watched the scene before her in confusion. The Goa'uld and the Colonel stood a few meters away, a foot or two in front of her was the floating gun that she had used to kill the mysterious man before with. Was this a dream? Was she going to be haunted by the memory of Jacks death over and over again in her mind until she went insane?

"Sir?" she couldn't help but feel a sense of relief, he was here, he was okay, and that was all that mattered. But this couldn't be real. He was dead, he had been lying her arms just a few moments ago. He turned to look at her, just as confused as she was by the look on his face. During this time the Goa'uld took its opportunity and lifted the gun. She screamed in warning. She ran for the gun, grabbed it and shot before he could.

But just like before she was too late. Again the Colonel was shot, he cried out in pain and fell to the floor. The Goa'uld followed straight after and she rushed over to where he was lying. All she could think was not again. She had watched him die once already, and that had been bad enough, she didn't want to see him leave her again, but she needed to be by his side.

She pulled his back against her chest as he lay in agony, and she rapped her arms around him trying to give him some sort of support and comfort.

"Carter, what's happening?"

"I don't know. I don't understand" she said getting tearful again already.

"Test?"

"I don't understand what I have to do, I'm sorry"

"You'll think of something, always do" He was struggling to talk and the tears started spilling again. She cursed herself for being weak enough to cry. He closed his eyes and slipped away once more.

No.

She closed her eyes letting the tears fall constantly now and bowed her head in despair.

*************"Well lately the dating scene's been a little stale but then again, I am marooned on a space ship" Story of my life. Probably my favorite quote :)**************

She opened her eyes again to find herself back where she started. Again. She had done this over a hundred times, watched him die over a hundred times in agony. She didn't want to get up this time. She had no ideas about what to do anymore, no matter what she tried nothing ever worked; no matter how fast she ran to the gun if was never quick enough. The Goa'uld could always move faster, her feat always to heavy and slow. She had lost count of all the times she had tried to shoot him, and eventually had given up and usually just ran straight to the Colonel. Of course she was still always to late to save him, to take the bullet instead, over and over and over again he would cry in pain. She would just catch him as he fell to the floor. When she did this the floating gun would always appear on the ground beside her, offering itself to her to shoot the Goa'uld.

She couldn't go through this again, she didn't want to carry on watching him die, it killed her a little more each time. This time when she ran to the Colonel she grabbed him as he started to crumble. The sound of the gun always seemed to make her jump a little even though she always knew it was coming.

Now she just lay beside him, refusing to let her eyes close as this was when she would find herself back at the start. Of course this was now getting difficult, she had been reliving the same moment since midday, all through the night, and the next day, and now night was approaching once more. She still didn't understand. All she did know was how much she just wanted this to stop, she couldn't save him.

"I can't do this anymore" she said slipping her hand into his, and willing her eyes to stay open.

"Carter.." he said warningly. She was a strong woman, she could cope being tortured herself, and would gladly take that now rather than going through this, to her this was definitely the worst type of torture, she could only watch helplessly.

"No sir" she shook her head. The gun appeared next to her. She looked at it longingly. She couldn't believe the option had even entered her mind, but it had, and what scared her even more was how much she liked it.

"Sam...don't" he could tell what she was thinking. He knew that look in her eye, back in Iraq the same thoughts had run through his mind, and had seemed extremely tempting.

"No. I can't. I've watched you die, so many times, I just, I don't know what else to do. No matter what I do you just die. I'm helpless". He lifted his hand to the side of her face.

"Don't that's an order"

She'd had enough, she couldn't get out of this, and this was the only other option she could think of that she hadn't tried, maybe it wouldn't work, maybe she would wake up and this would be all over if she tried.

"Please" he said gently his thumb caressing her cheek. She shook her head crying silently. He gently wiped away the tears which his fingers. "Please, Sam. Promise me"

She didn't answer at first but eventually nodded avoiding his gaze. His eyes closed, happy that she had promised him and that she would be safe. His hand fell to the floor and she cheeked his pulse; nothing.

She picked up the gun and turned it over in her fingers. She knew she had promised but she just couldn't let him know that she had given in, and besides, she needed to try something, anything now, she was desperate for the end, and so put the gun to her head.

She didn't want to die, but a part of her would have been grateful if this was the end. Maybe she and the Colonel could finally be together somewhere, if there was a somewhere. She lifted the gun to her head, and taking her last breath, her final thoughts of his chocolate brown eyes, she pulled the trigger.

*************"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be"**********

She opened her eyes and found herself lying back on the grass on the other side of the clearing again. She sat up and found that scene in front of her again, the one she was sure would haunt her dreams for a long time. She hit the ground with her fist in frustration.

"No! God damn it!" The gun sounded and she just crawled over to him, she didn't even have the energy to get up anymore. Crouching beside him she examined the wound, of course always the same. She laid beside him and she spotted the gun lying on the ground on her other side. She ignored it and laid her arm across him, fighting the nagging urge to fall asleep. The murderer stood over her, the gun that sounded she had used him repeatedly was in his hand. He held it out to her and she she took it confused.

"Kill me, you want to" he spoke for the first time.

"Not anymore. I just want to sleep"

His eyes glowed angrily. "Take it and shoot me, gain your revenge"

"Why are you doing this? What do I have to do?"

"You must take it and shoot me. It's what you wish" She looked down at the gun. She had pulled the trigger so many times on the Goa'uld as he killed the man she loved. When she looked at it she realized that each time she had pulled the trigger, she had been driven not by the belief that it would save others, but by the revenge she wanted and the hatred she had for what he had done. That wasn't right. She was a soldier, not a murderer, she was meant to protect. She threw the gun to the floor in disgust at her actions.

"No" she said firmly looking back up at him. Revenge is sweet, but that doesn't make it right. "I don't want to kill you. I don't need to kill you. I just want the Colonel to be okay and for this to stop" Tears started flowing from her eyes, she couldn't ever remember crying so much. She was mentally and physically exhausted.

He smiled picking up the gun once more, then suddenly vanished. She could her eyes praying she wouldn't open them back over the other side. Opening them again she found herself in the same position as she had just been a few moments ago beside Jack. She leaned over him, trying to clear her vision to find his open and looking back at her.

"Stopped?" he asked

"Yes. I think so" she replied gently

"So I'm gonna die for real?" He didn't sound amused.

"I hope not". Their eyes locked

"The bullet in my chest says otherwise" he joked

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Pulling his hair back from his forehead she stroked it with her thumb. "You're a good man Colonel". Cliche, cheesy ending thing to say but it was true, most the men she had known had always had part of them that made them an ass.

Her eyes fell to his chest; there was something at they surface of the wound wriggling backwards to the surface. She pulled it out carefully and looked at it confused. It was the bullet. Since when did they wriggle? She looked at him confused and he shrugged, well did the best he could at a shrug and her eyes fell back to the wound. The blood mark on his shirt was beginning to disappear inwards towards its source as if the blood was returning to his body, and the skin appeared layer by layer over it until a scar resembled what was there moments ago.

He had lifted his head to watch all this, and he touched the skin and sighed laying his head back down. She was still hovering over him, her face above his. She smiled this time meaning it, it was alright. She was still tearful though, slightly overwhelmed and purely exhausted.

"Sleep?" he asked smiling at her dozy expression.

"Sounds wonderful" she said lying her head on his shoulder and falling asleep instantly. He smiled again at her gentle snoring. Then he heard a rustle from the trees nearby and panicked that it wasn't really over, only to find the bird from the other day sitting on a branch watching them. He looked a little lonely without his companion, and he found himself feeling sorry for the fact that he had lost his friend, if he had lost Carter and was left here alone he definitely would not like it. Suddenly a second bird bird appeared, its feathers looked slightly ruffled and it looked like it had gone though a lot but it was healthy, and sat next to its friend and both chirped with delight at their reunion before taking taking off and Jack watched them fly away together.

"Nice" he said rapping his arms around Carter, and then he too joined her in sleep as the birds took to the sky

Hope you like, tell me your opinions. Finding it hard to find time to update but trying my best. Reviews really make it worth while though so would love to hear what you think (minus flamers please)