"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?" - Albert Camus
"How was it?" Morgan asked, slipping onto the sofa next to his pregnant husband.
"Actually it wasn't that bad." He gestured at the shopping bags nearby. "Garcia did the hard work, I just had to say yes or no."
"How much did you buy?" Derek lifted Spencer's feet into his lap, pulling off his mismatched socks and setting them aside before he quickly got to work massaging the other's feet.
"Ten shirts, four pairs of slacks, a waistcoat," he listed, sighing contentedly, resting back into the sofa and unbuttoning the top of his trousers, which were too tight around his growing belly, "two cardigans, some socks-"
"Of course." Morgan commented below his breath.
"-and two undershirts."
"Undershirts?"
"For after I give birth. They're to stop looser clothing irritating my chest."
"Good thinking." Derek nodded, thumbing the arches of his husband's feet. In the four days since they'd returned from Vegas, they'd done more to plan for the eventual birth than they had for five and a half months; Morgan had done one coat of light apple green paint in the nursery, they'd ordered a changing table and carpet for the room, and Reid had booked them into several antenatal classes. There were still times when Derek thought Spencer was uncomfortable about the whole thing, but he reasoned that it would be worse if they were underprepared.
"We need to set the alarm, since we're going to that class before work tomorrow." Reid said absently, wiggling his toes. "It might help-"
He was interrupted by the telephone ringing, and with an apologetic look Morgan extracted himself from under Reid's feet.
"Hi mamma." He heard from the kitchen. "Yeah, we're fine. I know, we work." Morgan came back in, tailed by Clooney and planted himself back on the sofa, smiling to himself as Reid braced a hand on the front of his belly as he pushed himself straighter. It was moved a second later, but Morgan had been noticing the touches more and more since he'd told his lover he knew he'd been unconsciously touching the growing proof of is pregnancy. "We're both here, I'm gonna put you on speaker, okay?"
"Spencer?" Came the voice through the phone as Morgan set it on the coffee table.
"Hello Fran." Reid's fingers twitched against his thigh as though he'd thought to wave. "How are you?"
Clooney gave a little bark.
"Hi there Clooney!" she said. "I'm fine, dear. Derek I'm sorry I missed your call, and you know I love that you call so often, but you never do it at the same times, so I can't always be home."
"I know mamma, it's okay."
"Yes, but you told me to ring back, and usually you don't leave a message, you just call again." she sounded a little worried. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, everything's fine." he looked to Spencer, who nodded. He knew this conversation had been a long time coming, and he could only be grateful Morgan had delayed while he was a-typical about their situation. "Just that we have some news."
"You're coming to see me?" she asked hopefully.
"I think so," Morgan went on, grinning, "but that's not the news."
He cast his eyes to Spencer again, who smiled at him, and when he noticed the man's fingers gently drumming against the swell of his belly near his thigh he felt warmth rise in his chest.
"Mamma, Spencer's pregnant."
The sound Fran Morgan made down the phone was somewhere between a joyous yell, a surprised yelp, a sob and an animalistic fierce growl, and it left both men grinning.
"Oh my god! Derek! Spencer! I'm so happy for you!" she cooed. "Oh my god, my baby is having a baby! Oh wow! Has it sunk in yet? Are you still in shock?"
"Mom, wait, don't be angry," Morgan said calmly, "but we've known for a while."
"Oh?" she didn't quite manage to hide the note of disappointment in her voice. "How pregnant are you?"
"Twenty three weeks, Fran." Spencer said.
"That's-" a pause on the line, "that's almost six months!"
"I'm sorry, mom, but we had to adjust."
"You could have told your mom, Derek." She chided. "You need your family at a big time like this, and Spencer doesn't have a mom that can help him through a-sorry, Spencer. I don't mean anything by it, I know if she could Diana would-"
"It's fine." Reid said kindly.
"So, anyway," she went on, trying to cover the awkwardness, "when are you coming to see me?"
"We don't know, mom, with work-"
"Come for Thanksgiving." She said. "That's a month away, you can get two days off work for that, right?"
"Hopefully."
"We can." Reid piped up, giving Morgan a significant look.
"Good! Sarah and Malcolm will bring the kids, Des and her girls, it'll be a lovely family celebration. Speaking of your sisters, are you going to tell them?"
"I'll call them after this." Derek said.
"Good. Is he eating right? Are you eating right, Spencer?"
"Yes."
"Are you having cravings?"
"Ice cream, mostly." Spencer said.
"Well you'll have to let me know if there's anything unusual you want a few days before you come. When I was pregnant with Derek I had such cravings for carrots, but I had to dip them in peanut butter. I'm surprised he didn't come out orange."
"Mom..."
"Oh come on, as far as pregnancy stories go that is tame."
"Yeah, well. We're hungry here, so I'm gonna take the phone into the kitchen while I rustle up dinner."
"Oh okay. Bye Spencer! Keep hydrated, keep rested, and I'll see you soon!"
"Thank you Fran. Looking forward to Thanksgiving."
"Give me a sec, mom." Derek said, and hit the mute button as he scooped up the phone. "You are hungry, right?"
"Starving."
"Good. You relax, you've been on your feet too much today."
He hadn't been on his feet any longer than a day at work, but he just smiled as Morgan put a kiss on his forehead and headed into the kitchen where he could hear him resuming conversation with his mother. Telling Fran somehow felt like the last big step they had to take; everyone of note in their lives knew now, there was no hiding or denying what was impending. Of course there were also all the physical symptoms; a swollen abdomen, a sore chest, a uterus filling up space where his other organs usually were, making him need to pee more often and making breathing a little more laborious than usual. He was still worried about the risks of pregnancy, but he thought about them with a certain surrender now; all he could do was make sure he did everything he could to reduce his risks, and prepare to the almost entire inevitability of parenthood.
+o+
Derek didn't think he'd ever seen Spencer so at ease with Clooney as he had been during his pregnancy. When the dog got overexcited Reid still sometimes got a little jumpy around him, but the canine had been considerably calmer in the past months. It had even reached the point when he'd rather sit by Spencer's feet than follow Morgan out into the garden to play. He was still surprised when he crossed the living room to Spencer in his armchair, reading a book, and at three feet away was growled at.
"Hey!" he chided as Reid looked up from his book. He moved again and Clooney growled, again, sitting up in front of Reid's feet. "What's gotten into you, boy?" he said a disbelieving laugh, but when he tried to move around the side of the chair Clooney started to bark at him. "Clooney." His tone had switched to firm, but Clooney continued to bark. When Morgan looked like he'd had quite enough dissent from his canine and lean down to shove him out of the way, he flinched when Clooney snapped at his hand. It was threatening more than outright aggression, but Morgan had never experienced it directed at him.
"Clooney..." Reid chose then to pipe up, his voice soft. The change was immediate; Clooney turned, ears up, tail wagging and focused on Spencer.
"What..." Morgan started, shaking his head in confusion. "When did you get all protective?"
Spencer got up, Clooney right by his heel as he moved to the sofa and resettled. The dog put his head in the man's lap and snuffled his snout against the curve of his belly. Spencer met Derek's eyes pointedly, and titled his head to the space next to him. As strange as he found having to almost ask permission to be close to his husband while Clooney was there, he joined him. Reid put his hand up, pushing the dog's nose away further down his thigh, placating him with a scratch behind his ears.
"Is he challenging my status as top of the pack?" Morgan wondered aloud.
"I think he's just being protective." Reid said, noticing his husband's curious eyes as he pulled his cardigan up to above the curve of his torso. "Our pack dynamic isn't typical, anyway. I'm not sure if he sees me as the beta male or the alpha female."
"Baby, what are you doing?" Derek asked as he watched Reid unbuttoning a few buttons at the bottom of his shirt, push his slacks - with their elasticised panel in the front to compensate for his growth – down under his stomach, and push his shirt aside to reveal the skin of his swollen belly. He reached out and took Morgan by the wrist, and pulled his hand against the exposed flesh.
"What are you-" And then he felt it; against his fingertips, a tiny little blip of pressure.
"Can you feel that?" Spencer asked.
"Yeah." A smile pulled across his mouth as he moved his hand across the flesh, until he could feel the tiny movements against his palm. "My god, Spencer, I can feel it. Wow. How long have you-?"
"Just today."
"Wow." Morgan shifted, lowering himself along the sofa so his face was closer to Reid's belly too. He hesitated, lifting his eyes to meet his husbands, and was surprised when Reid smiled and there was no discomfort in the emotion. He rested his cheek against the soft curve as he followed the sensation of the movement with his hand.
"I know you've been waiting for this." Spencer said knowingly, stroking his hand over the back of Derek's head.
"Am I that obvious?"
"Yes and no."
"Does it freak you out, feeling movement?"
"It did at first." Reid said honestly. "But I've been experiencing movement for weeks now, I'm used to it."
"Wow." Morgan breathed. "It's amazing."
"Didn't you ever feel Des or Sarah's fetuses moving when we visited when they were pregnant?"
"We're not very good at seeing each other as often as we talk to each other. We were never there when there was movement." He reasoned. "So this is the first time I've felt a baby kick. Future baby. Fetus."
"Derek..." Spencer breathed at his husband's self-correction, knowing it was because of him.
"Our little fetus." Derek settled on finally, a meeting of technical and affectionate, as his hand continued following the feeling of its movements pressing lightly against Spencer's skin.
"I find it difficult to believe I'm going to keep getting bigger." Spencer commented idly, his own hand coming up beside Morgan's and sweeping over the side of his belly.
"You're not that big." Derek put a soft kiss on the exposed flesh, a little disappointed when he moved his hand to find the movement again and it seemed to have stopped. "Has little fetus stopped moving?"
"No." He brushed his thumb over the back of the man's neck as he used his other hand to guide Morgan's touch to where the fetus was still moving. "You should... talk to it."
"What?" Derek answered with the good sense not to sound as surprised as he felt.
"Audio stimulation in the womb is beneficial to the fetus." Reid explained. "It acclimatises it to its future environment. So even Clooney barking probably won't disturb it when it's born, because it will have grown accustom to the sound in-utero. Also," he paused, and Morgan suspected he was reaching the main point, "it has been shown to facilitate successful parental attachment."
"Makes sense." He said diplomatically. Reid just blinked down at him eyebrows twitching upwards. "What do I say?" Morgan chuckled.
"I don't think it matters, it can't understand." Spencer said. "It's just the sound of your voice that it'll learn to recognise."
"Okay. Hello little fetus." He said, drumming his fingers against Reid's stomach in greeting as both men got a little more comfortable with Morgan's head against the pregnant swell. "You're now twenty three weeks and two days old. That's - erm, a lot of days old. One hundred and sixty three. Don't worry, your other parent is much quicker at math."
Reid knew that no matter what he did, how he handled the pregnancy, that Morgan was more emotionally invested every day and nothing he could do would be able to stop it. The prospect of something going wrong was still very real to him, and the reality that if it did he might very well lose his husband and his best friend to the grief weighed heavily on his mind. But listening to Derek talk nonsense to his belly about the day they'd had was captivating; he exuded a warm energy that Spencer recognised, an affection he witnessed with young victims, with his nieces, and even with adults when they needed that warmth.
"The dog is sat right here." Derek continued talking to Spencer's belly. "He's protective of you. I think he thinks there are gonna be puppies soon, or something. It's kind of sweet," he reached out to scratch the top of the dog's head, "but if he think he can usurp me as top dog he's mistaken."
Spencer gave a contented hum, feeling the sensation of movement slowly decreasing. He briefly wondered if Derek's voice was sending the fetus to sleep.
The risks of pregnancy and childbirth may have been worrying him, but each passing day made him less worried about the part that came after, about the parenting. Morgan already loved what was growing in him, and he knew he would be a wonderful parent. He wasn't as unattached as he'd believed, and wasn't worried about his own ability to care and provide for a child.
He smiled and ran his hand over Morgan's shoulder as his husband pressed his lips to Reid's warm belly.
"Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open." - Rose Lane